Another morning and another negative test.  I know as the days pass the likelyhood that i'm not pregnant increases.  I wonder why I feel so awful.  I got a little queasy and the gag reflex in the car after lunch and I find myself eating throughout the day now which I never do I'm not a grazer.   I've got I think 2 tests and two days and then we will know either way.  I am terribly emotional but I think overall it's just so much on my plate. 

Our son had his first swim lesson yesterday and he was phenominal.  He was the fastest swimmer in his class and the rest of the kids have been in the class for multiple sessions. 

Today my husband has been working on our new interior doors  and I planted some vegies not where I wanted them but I couldn't uproot my raspberry bushes by myself and transplant them too so I planted them in a different spot which is atypical for me.

Totally forgot I did something that my husband said jinxed us. Yesterday I found cute baby shower invitations at acmoore. I'm usually picky and with our son i had special ones made and these aren't fancy or expensive at all just plain, simple but caught my eye and yes i bought them.  They're purple and the have a small yellow duck with a green ribbon on the neck and it says you're invited.  I got 12 invites for 50 cents.  I couldn't pass that up being they were regularly 5.59.  I know cart before the horse but money matters and Ispent 2.50 not almost $28 how can you go wrong and if I did jinx us the world isn't going to stop haveing babies and I'm sure someone would love to get them.  I also picked up some tule in lavendar for my parents's 40th anniversary party next year. A sale is a sale.  I think I paid 1.50 for 25 pieces.  So yes I picked up some lavendar yellow and green to math the showe rinvites that I got just in case.  I really want to baby shop but know that's just crazy.  The woman at the register said" having a party" and I said no "you're having a sale"  "Ya never know when you 'll need it and why pay full price when you can get it on sale.

i told my husband maybe we shouldn't try next month so it wouldn't conflict with our sons bday and my husband says we should keep trying and it will all work out.  I was a little concerned financially when it's most prudent for us to have a baby and he siad it always works out and we should not be concerned about this anymore.

I have been waiting and waiting and waiting and usually the pain i get i thought comes after ovulation and since I had that pain last night and took the test to see no surge still I thought we missed everything. However, this morning I took my usual test even though things weren't so happy around here to find the two lines similiar not identical but 100% different than ever before.  i even showed my husband and he agrees he thinks today is the day.  He's sick though and we're both angry at each other so go figure the happiest day we should have is one of the worst. I will edit as the day goes on to see our progress and if we get our head in the game for the overall goal or if we're just petty and missing an opportunity of a lifetime.  Even though angry and sad I am so excited and want to take this chance and not waste it.

Edit.

It's midday and I am now overheated and exhausted and have severe pain in my neck shoulder area.  Simply put a little MS flair up but it makes it so I really can't drive or use my left arm without pain.  I've called my mom to see if he could sleep over on their floor in his thomas tent but she isn't home so that's probably out. Tonight there's a bird walk at 715 but if I go I need to get the pass before 5.  I think we'll put our anger aside to work on making our baby tonight and hopefully we won't miss the mark and it works.  There's a lot going on between us and the big picture is to move forward because the little stuff will get worked out. My husband really wants to move forward and he sees a new addition as that fresh start to move forward.  I have started to boost my folic acid today more than others. I eat alot of green leafy vegies but I'm just adding in quite a few orange juices today to boos things.

So a surge on a stick, extra folic acid and hopefully a positive attitude will get us our baby this month.  maybe by mothers day I'll be able to tell great news wouldn't that be perfect.

Edit

So we opened the camper this afternoon....actually my husband did.  Well being baby making day and trying to spice things up and thankfully do to our neighbor taking the kids for a while we worked on making our baby right there.  Isn't that awful  in a oh so naughty way.  Well, I can tell you how our son was concieved so number two should have the same.  I tried to laydown for a bit after but the kids came back over so only had a few minutes to let things work.  With our son, i didn't even laydown for a while at all.  So maybe this is the day that we made our baby but in the same token maybe it's not. I don't want to get too excited because the disappointent will be great. 

Of course we will try in the morning too i don't think either of us has the energy for this evening again.

I took another test today and still no surge but my bady is definitely giving signs that I may ovulate soon. I'm actually surprised I didn't today. Emotionally, I am happier when my husband isn't home.....as in absense makes the heart grow fonder. Today he just seems like he has a chip on his shoulder and is talking rudely and his body language is cold. I not on ly felt that he was this way to me but also a little to our son but a lot towards his mom....so it's definitely not me feeling picked on and being whiny.  We had the day to ourselves but nobaby making; the mood just wasn't right.  I find I am happier when I have things to do. I like having plans. I think Saturday we will go on a bird walk since it's supposed to beautiful and tommorow we're taking our son to the carnival.  i want my cornice but I need to pay the bills first and then maybe I can get it. My husband though I wanted him to build it but I think I'd rather just buy it since I saw one I liked at lowe's.  It was like $100 though since the window is so large.  Maybe a project for Sunday.

I'm just insecure today which is bad timing if we're going to ovulate soon but I'll try to make it through and think of all the positives. I tend to be too much of a realist and see the glass half empty.