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Name: crybaby2
[ Original Post ]
My Husband has know that he was ADHD since he was a child. We've been together for 7 years now and I find that his mood swings and temper are getting out of control. He gets so angry at the drop of a hat. I don't know what to do anymore, I have two toddlers and I don't want them to see this. What do I do?
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Name: teresa | Date: Sep 29th, 2006 12:02 PM
My husband is also ADHD and I had the exact same problems as you. You can give him two choices, he goes to the doctor and gets medicated or you can do like I did, and threaten to leave him if he doesn't change his attitude. I had just had enough of my husband's mood swings and told him that we either get counseling or I was going to leave him. We did end up going through marriage counseling for about six months, and in all reality, I don't think it was the counseling that changed him, it was he knew I was dead serious about leaving if things didn't change. If he can cange his attitude, your husband can too. I believe if they really want to control their behavior they can with a little effort on their part. 

Name: momOFthree | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 7:14 PM
We have a 5 year old daughter with ADHD and I have realized that my husband is also ADHD from reading your letter below and from my own observations. I have done the exact same thing a few weeks ago - given him an ulitmatum because his temper was out of control and I was so tired and depressed from being yelled at all the time and sworn at. He said he'd change and go to counselling but now he is doing it again and hasn't gone to counselling. What should I do? I really love him and don't want him to leave us but I can't live like this anymore. 

Name: crybaby2 | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 1:54 AM
I would love to threaten him with leaving but he's always the one threatening to leave. We have these crazy blow out fights and then like two hours later he's always sorry and he's going to change. I'm just at my wits end because I love him sooo much and want things to just be ok instead of feeling like I'm walking on eggshells ALL the time! 

Name: jamberrt | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 3:29 AM
I wouldn't be surprised if my husband is ADHD. My daughter is and they just clash. I feel like I'm always stuck in the middle...exhausting! 

Name: teresa | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 12:25 PM
I know that you love your husbands and don't want to end the marriage, but is it worth it? Personnally, I don't think so. Between my husband and my daughter, I just couldn't take it anymore and since I would never leave me daughter, if my husband hadn't changed his attitude, I would have been gone. You just have to determine if you want to live like that for the rest of you life. Your husbands are grown men and they can control themselves with some effort on their part even if they are ADHD. I say, stand firm, demand counseling, and don't give them the opportunity to back out or follow through on your threat. I know this can be hard to do, but you have to really make the decision to act on your threats and they have to know under no uncertain terms that you are DEAD SERIOUS. Good luck ladies. 

Name: Kit | Date: Oct 17th, 2006 9:30 AM
Please help..anyone!
My boyfriend has adhd,I don't mind the cross between a little boy and a puppy or the hyperactivity and impulsiveness but when I found out he is sleeping with another woman it was the last straw,,he doesn't seem to understand why I won't accept this. Is this typical of men with adhd?

Name: teresa | Date: Oct 17th, 2006 12:20 PM
hey Kit, I don't believe this is typical behavior for adult ADHD. My husband (to my knowledge) has never cheated. How old is your boyfriend? If the man can't understand why this is unacceptable, you need to get out before it's to late. You're not married so why put up with this abuse, find a man who will treat you right. It's the least you deserve. 

Name: malki | Date: Oct 19th, 2006 7:41 PM
well i have had suspetions that my husband has ADHD and he thinks so aswell. and it so happens that my doctore said i have it aswell (what are the odds) anyway i am willing to try medication and go to tharapy but he on the other hand wont hear of nither and he always says he will change or try to be a better husband but nothing really ever changes and we are always fighting because of it. he doesnt help me around the house. he doesnt help me with out little girl. he is a complete controll freak. he ignores me when i talk. he leaves everything to the very last minute even real emportant things and he has these moos swings. one minuts he is cold mean and distand and the next he is goofy and hyper and he gets real wild but good wild like funny. although sometime i do have to tell him to take it down a notch and calm down so anyway can anyone relate to that? and do you know of anything i can do that i havnt tried already? (the threatening doesnt really work cause he just says he will change or try or whatever and the next week its back to usuall) 

Name: aktopsnax | Date: Apr 11th, 2007 8:49 PM
my old man is in denial that he has adhd in fact he wont even admit it exists weve been togather 10 yrs i have to try and ignore him and concentrate on my 7 yr old daughter diag adhd aug 06 the problem is as ive learnt more about it ive realised ive got it too hopefully i can get sorted and start making sense of my life.
ive found you can never satisfy or please a adhd man so its easier not to try. 

Name: danniiw | Date: Apr 22nd, 2007 1:58 AM
I have a husband with ADHD and we have been together for about 8 years so i could probably understand where your coming from. My husband was the same, bad really bad mood swings and temper aswell but the problem was it did get out of control and i gave him an option to help himself or there was going to be more trouble than it's worth. let him have time to himself and suggest going and seeing a doctor about it and see what it is they could do for him. my husband is now on a medication and he is a totally different person. But occassionally slips by missing one but he is happier taking it then not as he suffers a bit of depression as well. I hope i am helpful. 

Name: ADDGIRL | Date: May 28th, 2007 2:50 AM
One book I suggest for all of you dealing with spouses with ADD/ADHD is Delivered from Distraction. My husband and I both have ADD. I have ADHD. It makes life interesting there is no doubt about it. There are some things that WE can't help....it's difficult enough having ADHD and being hard on yourself, not being with someone who can support you and help you with it makes having ADD even worse.
I'm not saying you let him/her off the hook, i'm saying you have to understand how our minds work. There are support groups, through CHADD - that are free, which we have found helpful. I suggest reading the books Delivered from Distraction and Driven to Distraction - the latter is for us with ADD/ADHD.

You have to understand that we will never be "normal" or "have our S*&t together...this is as together as it gets. This is normal for us, running around feeling out of control, cranky, happy, distracted and zoned out....this is our normal everyday. If you could be in our minds for 10 minutes you'd run the other way. 

Name: Lorna | Date: Jul 12th, 2007 4:50 AM
If you cannot get him to go to an adhd specialist, I think you should do so yourself. Someone specializing in this serious disorder might be able to help you cope and in turn help your husband. 

Name: mar22 | Date: Jul 13th, 2007 2:48 AM
malki , it sounds as though there may be more going on than adhd, do some resaerch on manic depression, it seems to me by the desription that this could be a possibility, good luck. Remember our kids come first, they are watching and learning that this is appropriate behaviour and then do it themselves. A child learnes most of their sociallization by the age of five, after that its harder to change. we cant change our husbands the only person we can change is ourselves, start there and he may foloow as he sees change in you. hope you work things out. 

Name: george | Date: Jul 13th, 2007 7:02 AM
kill him 

Name: Kim | Date: Aug 11th, 2007 2:53 PM
Jambert...I have a situation exactly the same as you described in your post on 10/05/06. Please feel free to email me personally, I could use advice on this situation. 

Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Aug 17th, 2007 11:24 PM
My husband is 30 and was a poster child for adhd, he still has it and is still medicated, if he was acting like your partner I wouldn't tolerate it, but if it did happen I would know that it wasn't his adhd, that it was an indication of something else. And I commend you in recognizing that this isn't the behaviour that children should be exposed to. He needs to see someone about this, perhaps even a counsellor to see what the problem is and then work from there. Good luck. 

Name: kirsten bee | Date: Aug 23rd, 2007 3:31 PM
try not to stress them oot to much
get the toddlers oot the way if he starts his moods in frount of them
and just sit the 2 of yooh 

Name: tigsnay | Date: Aug 29th, 2007 3:53 PM
hi there im a 27 year old who have adhd, im the same i get in moods and stuff the doctors took me of my meds and that as made things worse 

Name: LM | Date: Sep 6th, 2007 3:17 AM
Dear Wife of HDAD, in my opinion there are no excuses even for the person with adhd without anger management. Some tough love might be in order for your husband to get the counseling and med. he needs. Is there a center in your area you could both go to? 

Name: Gem | Date: May 1st, 2008 1:04 PM
My boyfriend has ADHD and we have been together for 2 years and he doesn't take his tablets as he doesn't like to think they control him. but recently he seems to have got worse - he never listens to me, walks out and leaves me for a couple of hours when we have had a argument, when i was upset he also thought sex was the answer for me to stop cryin rather then comfort me. Also ive had a miscarriage recently and on the way out in his car he stopped and told me to get out and then drove off leavin me in the middle of no where at 11:00pm. i was really sacred and he came back half an hour later. but to me that is not good enough as he should have never left me. please help. what should i do? 

Name: Anita | Date: Jul 11th, 2008 8:47 PM
get him into counciling, he probably thinks your the problem and not him, which is typical of ADHD hubbies. He needs to learn how to control his anger before he hurts the kids. also watch for the same symptoms in your kids, as I'm sure that one or both of the kids have inherited ADHD from daddy. Whenever he goes into a rage take the kids and leave for a few hours maybe this will show him that you are not going to put up with his crap, that's what I do.....and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS stick up for your kids DO NOT let him manipulate you into thinking the kids have caused whatever his latest problem is. they are jerks when they're in a rage don't put up with it, just walk away so they have no one to argue with..... 

Name: Marg.m | Date: Sep 17th, 2008 9:00 AM
Hi all, Well I thought I was realy losing it and on my own till I found this chat room. My husband has ADD and is 61 years old and regressing back to his childhood.. He has been on and off for about 15 years but now that the kids have left home (6) in all 1 with ADHD diognosed as a child. 1 with ADD diognosed as adult and am sure another 1 has it but wont look into it and another that is maybe. after dealing with them all over the years it is time to sit back and enjoy the peace and be able to do a bit of what we want to do... Right....WRONG. H has all the same problems as you guys but the thing that is sending me insane is that when we go away, anywhere but usually to one of our married childrens places..or to friends..or even if we have people stay at our house. He always finds an excuse to stop talking to me and sulks. no matter what approach I take he will still not start talking for maybe 2 days to a week sometimes on and off for a few months..when I finally crack and try to make him see what he is doing and the need to control and talk through what is worring him he says that I should be gratefull that he is at home, doesnt drink , smoke etc. But like Gem he always wants sex to smooth things over and usually I just give in and go along with it to keep the peace and get him back on track. Its like a ritual no talkies the lets have sex.. and the last thing i feel like is falling into his loving arms after I have been ignored for a week or more. I have tried different strategies but non seem to work.. I work. am tired, and just want some adult conversation . He does not have a violent temper. but my son in law who recently saw him in full tantrum mode said that I was being emotionally abused and that is how I feel in a nut shell. at the moment I have stood my ground and refused to give into him till he sits down and talks to me. SO now he is letting me know what a bad husband he could be by leaving the house a mess, not putting the bins out shaving his beard and leaving the hair all over the floor and in the sink, food all over the kitchen, lights left on, doors unlocked,Clothes everywhere etc. A 12 story balcony sure is looking good to me right now. I am a nervous wreck. I have left home in the past and that worked for a couple of years but now he is getting worse than ever.. Do you think I should ring our family doctor and see if he can help. He is already on anti depressants. Has diabeties and been told by our doctor that he is in denial about this..but he is in denial that he has this problem Its all me!!!!! HELP


Name: sad and frustrated | Date: Feb 13th, 2009 9:30 PM
I've been married for almost 23 years to an ADHD husband. I just found this site and it sounds like my life. He was just diagnosed a few months ago and has started strattera-but I don't feel very hopeful at the moment. When our kids were little he would freak out at the smallest thing (like a broken guitar string, for example) and yet when they needed discipline he would ignore them. Sooo frustrating. Now they virtually cannot stand him and he can't understand why not. The only memories we have with him are bad. I did my best to take my children on vacations/outings without him They are now 16 & 19. He was physically abusive at times and I was always walking on eggshells waiting for the next blow-up. I left on 2 different occasions. The first he didn't seem to take seriously and the second (about 5 years ago) he did. Because after that he hasn't had almost any blow ups. So I agree with the others that they can control their temper if they want to.s But his problems now seem to be internal. He is always sad and depressed. And says no one loves him... All these issues on top of forgetting his keys, wallet...everyday. I refuse to look for his things anymore. If he is standing at the front door with his shoes on and can't find his keys I am not running upstairs to look, he knows now he has to take off his shoes and go find them himself. He doesn't like it but he does it. And the wallet? I used to panic everytime he said he lost his wallet. Now I just say "Oh well...I'm sure you'll find it." Living with an ADHD affected partner is exhausting, frustrating and toxic for everyone involved. 

Name: amy | Date: Feb 24th, 2009 7:32 PM
im not married hes just my boyfriend but i still fell like hes can talk to me cuz he is a very private person 

Name: lolly | Date: Feb 24th, 2009 7:36 PM
well amy u should enjoy the time with ur boyfriend if he can talk to u 

Name: Lynn | Date: Mar 3rd, 2009 2:17 PM
I came here looking for others who have husbands just like me with ADHD.My husband is 58 years old next month.I have been married for nearly 6 years to him.I was married to someone else for 27 years and we had a great marriage until his brother died and it was tuning him into someone i didn't know.He and I had one daughter who is now 22,she is a great person and so much like me.
We divorced and I met this man I am married to now.All went well until the day we married,the cruelty started.I have to say I saw some flags here and there but I attributed it to the fact he was still having issues with the 3rd divorce he went through.After being married 3 times he was running a track record.It bothered him.
He was running around telling me I had to run to the front door and throw my arms around him and be excited he was home.I am now 53,don't ya think at 53 your somewhat to the matured side of life and for me when my husband comes home he knows where to find me,in the kitchen where else!For me I rather; like my grandmother before me,come to me and kiss me on the cheek and say how was your day and vise versa.I am so traditional it isn't funny.This always seeming like he has to be in a movie is what was really getting me.He wanted that movie theme.He would make ugly comments too that I wasn't a good wife.I didn't run to him yelling to him I am so in-love with you.He started beating me up if I didn't respond to him in his way he wanted me too.He was married to the second wife who is bipolar.He has a son by her.He had already had two other kids who are now in their 40's,then now he has this 17 year old son.I have been dealing with all her phone calls to my husband with every kind of goofy thing you can possible think of,she would also buy her sons Christmas gifts and have him bring them here to give to us.The ones she'd actually buy and say he bought them were digging type of gifts.I said to my husband this was not her place to do these things it was really his place to see his son does these things,he was really assisting her in the degrading ideas.That stopped two years ago when i finally said this was enough.Now my husband doesn't take his son out at all to shop for me and at Christmas his son has no gift for his step mother but I have spent about 100.00 on his son.This is the kind of thing that goes on here.it is always always about him getting his son over here and what they are going to be doing.He has come in the home and gets dressed as fast as he can and runs out the door without saying a word to me gets in his old car and goes to a car show with his son in tow.I am standing there wondering what is going on.I have no clue why he is doing what he is doing.One time he did this and my daughter called while he was in the shower and on her way over she wanted to do something sweet and go to dinner,all of us.he gets out of the shower and he is making hast to get out fast.I tell him my daughter was coming over.He said well I am going to the car show.Key word I am going to the car show,not we are going to the car show.I said right after that well then you go ahead and I will go with my daughter to dinner.Instead of him saying lets all go together and hit two birds with one stone he left without telling me.I looked for him and called his cell,he was at the car show.I looked at my daughter and said lets go and get dinner.I made the comment that he needs to stop this silly thing he is doing.Runs out the door like I said something to him so wrong.
I know he and his ex with this teen son get into fights over the phone and he comes in here and mistreats me like I did something to him and I was the one who said ugly tings to him when the ex gets controlling over her son.As soon as that ex does something to him he does something to me.That really gets me.
He is on medication 2 prescriptions for depression but not a mood stablizer which he does need.His moods swing like a yoyo.It wears me out watching him do this.
I have gotten to the point that I just don't care anymore.I used to let him hurt my feelings because I wouldn't do the thing she has chosen to do and things he says to me.they are out of context for one thing,out of line and out of control.I often wonder if I really hate him now than love him.He made a remark to me once that I had to love him without conditions.I told him right off he isn't my child he is a grown man and there are conditions we all live by "rules".We either stay together for love or we part due to dislike which then becomes the conditions for which we live by.As a "rule" we treat each other with respect period.That seems to not be something he can grasp it is out of his realm of thought.I have seen him come in a play act.He has from the begining of our marriage taped my telephone for nearly 2 years.He would do things outragious and I would call my mother or sisters to get advice and tell them what was going on at the time.He literally had his nose in everything about me.One time he said he loved me so much he wanted to crawl up inside of me.That scared me! His son is ADD diagnosed 5 years ago and has been on strattera since I have known him.My husband came home one day after meeting with a doctor about his son and said he needed to lock up all the guns in the home.he never once endulged in the fact he had a meeting with this doctor,i find it out like I have to do everything around here.My husband for some reason likes secrets.His older brother told me he is like this and has been all his life,everything about him is a secret.Personally he is not up to par and her knows it so he thinks he is one up on everyone if he thinks like he does.Whacky to me!
I don't know how long I can stay in this marriage.he has hit a new record with being married for 5 1/2 years to me.All the other relationships ended before they really got started.Not more than 2 years,all three of them.Although now he has calmed the last year he still has episodes where he is in a combustion.I don't say a word to him anymore I keep my cool and do my thing as if it didn't phase me.I come from a christian up bringing.I have my opinion on what he does.I lean on Christ.My husband is not anywhere near that understanding at all.Seems he defies everything.If it isn't about him it isn't worth anything.
My life has been very different with this man.It isn't what I would call a my home. 

Name: Autumn | Date: Mar 8th, 2009 9:43 PM
I am 35 years old and my ADHD husband is 30.We have been married for 5 years.The first year was great! Then we moved to my hometown and things changed.He has been fired or quit 6 jobs in the last 3 years.He has gone as long as 11 months without a job,not for lack of employment but because he just doesnt think thery are right for him.He is so moody the kids and I are affraid to speak to him half the time.HE makes my 11 year old daughter and I feel like because we are female we are not as worthy as males.He is forever calling all of us names,if we don't respond to him the minute he speaks to us he flies off the handel and starts a huge fight which is always told to me is my fault.Which brings me to another point,he can NOT take responsabilty for anything he does its always someone elses fault.I don't know how much longer I can take this I have seriously tried eveything I can think of.there has to be something that we can do to help the men we love.WHERE DO WE FIND IT?!?!?!?! 

Name: sana | Date: May 28th, 2009 10:29 AM
accept the reality that neither he is angry with your action nor with you. He gets upset easily and needs help. You have patience. Give extreme care to your toddlers. Reduce ur burdon of cooking and household chores. Take help .Take your kids outtside for park play sand play etc 

Name: flaminjo | Date: May 29th, 2009 6:44 AM
I have found one more such case where a sister has shared her experiences of dealing with his autistic brother and that too 42 years old.
She is facing worse situation than you with your husband.
Kindly visit this link:http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedconten

Stable Diet,My Nutrition:

Name: yohunne | Date: Jun 8th, 2009 6:56 PM
my best friend has adhd and he has the same problem i n his life he hates having add but he cant change that i love him so very much so don't leave your husband he really can't help his mood swings they just come and go its not your fault hun so dont get upset he really needs u the most and your kids just give him space thats all u can do :( 

Name: Felicia Tucker | Date: Jul 9th, 2009 8:34 PM
Hello there. I too have a husband with ADHD. He has known since he was 6 that he has it. At times he is hard to deal with and does get mad easily, however, we don't have any children yet. I don't suggest threatening him with divorce, because that may make it worse and besides is divorce what you really want? if its not then don't threaten it. My husband doesnt take medication because when he did it only made him into a zombie. He didn't talk or get active. He only wanted to sit on the couch and do nothing. I would suggest changing his diet or telling him to go to a dr. to see what else besides medication he can do to help his condition. For instance, changing his diet or being really active has helped my husband. good luck! 

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