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Name: A Mom To Be
[ Original Post ]
Hi,

I was just wanting to chat to women who have husbands/partners with ADHD and have had children. (Sorry not those with children with adhd and no family history).

DH and I are in our second trimester with our first baby. He only wants a girl as he thinks that there will be a lesser chance of it having ADD as from what we have seen and experienced, boys have it more (girls that have it are bad though). Have any of your husbands worried over whether your child will have ADD? I have tried to tell DH that part of his ADD is why I fell in love with him, it is also what I love to hate, it is a part of him, I love him and we can't change it, and that will be the same with our child.

DH was diagnosed when he was around 3-4 yrs old I think. (Born 1976) His parents complained about having a baby (him) that would not settle and was always crying etc, his parents have hundreds of stories.

When we have our baby do we assume it has ADD, or assume it doesn't? Meaning try and keep bub stimulated with things to look at, keep super strict organisation etc People have been telling me that there are program tyoe things parents can follow to help train the childs brain basically out of ADD. I dont want to talk about this with my husband at the moment because he is worried that he will 'give' it to our child (I am not bothered, just want to be organised).

Any advice for me?

Also how have you made your dh feel better?
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Name: Maria | Date: Aug 17th, 2007 11:44 PM
What is a DH? Learn how to spell organize better. (no s)
ADHD is passed on through bloodlines, but isn't a 100% guarantee to be passed on either. Yes, boys have it more than girls, but both sexes can have ADD/ADHD. I really wouldn't give it a second thought; why put so much time and emphasis into something that might not ever come to be ???? Enjoy being pregnant! And.... if you do have an attenion seeking child- you'll deal and cope with it just as you said. Stop worrying! 

Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Aug 18th, 2007 12:43 AM
I am Australian so how dare you tell me to spell better, over here and also for those in the UK we use an 's' so please get over it, and secondly I am an English teacher, so 'back the truck up' and keep your criticism to yourself if you are going to be a bitch.

DH is COMMON chat lingo esp on these boards for DEAR HUSBAND.

Maria, I ignored your advice, my advice to you is pull the bug out of your butt and if your first advice is tell me how to spell go annoy someone else in their post not mine. Your poor husband and kids must get nagged all the time. 

Name: Good 4 u | Date: Aug 18th, 2007 11:36 PM
Hello Mom 2 B
Good for you!! You are 100% correct we are all from different places on the globe, so our spelling and grammer will differ!!We are not on here to correct one another we are here for the same reason Love and Concern. Congrats, on your pregnancy! I cannot relate with the DH thing, but I can relate to the fear of the unknown. ADHD and Tourette's do run in my family so when I was prego with all 3 of my children I was concerned. We have one ADHD child out of 3. We have 1 daughter and 2 boys, it was our youngest son who was diagnosed. Good Luck with the Pregnancy and tell your husband that the fact he is ADD he will be a help for your child should they be ADD. He will understand and be more understanding of what your child is going through. The fact that your both concerned, shows you will be loving and great parents!! 

Name: Jamie | Date: Aug 19th, 2007 2:05 AM
mom to be: I agree with you on the spelling issue, but perhaps you could have been a bit less brutal in your response, especially using profanity. Don't put yourself on other's levels. I do, though I hate to admit it, tend to agree with Maria's advice. Live it up during your pregnancy- it's your first so really dote on yourself and enjoy all the emotions, showers, and changes your body is going through. I wouldn't devote all of my energy to worrying. I do think it is good that it is in the back of your mind and like the other response from good 4 u said, your hubby will be of great help if you do have an ADD child. My oldest son has a very extreme case of ADHD and we have learned , somewhat :) to deal with him- it's an on-going, daily challenge. Maybe you could do some reading / research about this topic so you will be ahead of the game in case you do have one of these special little darlings. And... maybe be a little nicer next time to Maria. Remember, everyone is entitled to their opinion on here. Keep us updated. When are you due ? 

Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Aug 19th, 2007 11:01 AM
I have done some study at university on ADD when I was doing my education degree, I have also done a lot of reading and learned a lot from my mother in law and also my husband.

Jamie, I find it selfish that you suggest that I should focus on baby showers and myself as this is my first pregnancy. Surprisingly it is not all about me, it is about my baby and about being a family. If I am bad for thinking, not stressing about my child and trying to be organised from before day 1 then I guess I am a bad person, perhaps I should indulge in expensive food, manicures, clothing, holidays and perhaps travel expenses to be with my family and my husbands family who vary between 1000 and 2000 kilometers away, I know I wont have a baby shower but I don't care. Life goes on, I am busy with work and I need that to provide for our expensive tastes, our baby has already been blessed with some amazing things in his/her nursery... our focus is on "The best for the bub".

As for Maria, ties are cut, I am not going to be nice because I am not going to engage in conversation with her. Describing and ADD child as "an attention seeking child" I find offensive, there is a difference between an attention seeking child, and one with ADD, sadly there are just so many pathetic parents out there who do not manage their child's behaviour and do not set a good example that they may mistake it for ADD. My dh has ADHD but I would never say that he is or has been attention seeking. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Good 4 u - Oh, I love you. Finally someone who understands what I am on about. Where abouts are you from? 

Name: Good4u | Date: Aug 19th, 2007 7:00 PM
Hi Mom2Be
I am from Canada!! When is your new arrival due?? Does your husband take meds for ADHD? or has he just learned to function with it? Once my hubby read all the info on ADHD and ADD he came to the conclusion that he had alot of the ADD behaviours when he was in school, but back then(1966) you were just a "bad kid" or "too stupid to learn" so they just kept holding him back grades until he matured well by Garde 10 he still was struggling and could not complete assignments, he could explain things but could not get them on paper. So he quit school to become a welder!! Thank goodness there is more help out there and more people to listen and understand what our children need!! Hang in there!! 


Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Aug 20th, 2007 6:04 AM
DH is still medicated. He is 31 in December. He started off on ritalin and is now on dexamphetamine. As a kid he was on Ritailin for 9 years but it was rough on his stomach, so they changed... well I think that was the story anyway. DH is great at maths and computing, has an extended vocabulary, is bright, has a high IQ etc but his down fall is writing and spelling. That said though he has two university degrees, and I am so proud of him.

Baby is due Monday 18th February, 2008. 

Name: Jamie | Date: Aug 27th, 2007 11:14 PM
I didn't say to completely focus on baby showers.... What I said was to stop worrying about whether or not you will have an ADD child and focus on your pregnancy. Focus on your body and the unique changes it goes through and the array of emotions you will feel as you are pregnant. The next nine months, or however many you have left, are very special and I believe in celebrating it rather than wringing my hands over it. What will be will be; focus on the positive and be excited about your baby's arrival :) I'm just one to always look ahead and not harp on what may never come true.

Good luck with your nursery, I'm sure it's beautiful! 

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