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Name: TANYA
[ Original Post ]
I don't know how to say how much it hurt me to find out my family thinks my son is just a bad kid.I try to tell them that he at this moment is being tested.I'm getting to the point were I don't want to put up with it anymore. Does anyone have an idea what I should do about this? p.s He's 5 and he knows.
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Name: skilark | Date: Aug 4th, 2005 9:51 PM
I know what you are going through, my son is 11 yrs old now and it seems that I have to defend him constantly with my family. He was diganiost with adhd when he was only 4, but I didn't put him on meds until he was 6. The meds help alot but my family still shuns him alot because of his behavior. He's asks me why no-one want to play with him, and I don't know what to tell either. So if someone is out there and can send some advice are way I know I would be greatful, because I am to the point of just saying away from my family. 

Name: Tanya | Date: Aug 4th, 2005 10:39 PM
Dear,skilark
Thank you for letting me know that you have this problem also.I was starting to think my family were just being hateful.I'm just so sick of defendinghim, That I don't care anymore the way I see it he's part of this family to and they will just have to deal with it.Thanks for letting me vent.. 

Name: Lynn | Date: Aug 5th, 2005 4:43 AM
Tanya....I can relate more than you can imagine. Actually, it's not really my whole family, just mostly my brother. He says the most hateful things about my 11 year old ADHD son and never even thinks about how it makes me feel. As a result of his negativity towards my son, my son will now aggravate him purposely, and I think it's because he wants attention from him and since he only gets negative attention, then he doesn't even try to be nice to him. Love my brother and love my son, but I just hate being in the middle. 

Name: Tanya | Date: Aug 5th, 2005 5:01 AM
Lynn...Thank you for your support.My brother does the same thing.my son doesn't go near him. 

Name: Chris | Date: Aug 14th, 2005 4:09 AM
My son is 8 and is often left out of family activities. But here's the oddest part. My sister who allows her son to do this has an ADHD child herself. Her so called normal child is the one who dislikes my son. The hardest part is my son knows that his cousin doesnt' really like him. What I do is let him know that there's all kinds of people in this world and were all here for a reason. Some of these people are going to like us and others will not. But the only thing he can do is be himself and to have confidence in that. Now if he is doing something that he shouldn't be doing I explain to him what the inappropriate behaiver is and I give him some examples of other ways to behaive. This doesn't always work but I try. But I always assure him that the only thing that matters is his Family (Mom, Dad and his baby sister) love him very much and we will always be there for him and that's all that counts. But trust me sometimes family has to deal with there own issue's. My brother would often make comments about my son. Why does he yell so much, he's too hyper etc. Now that he has two ADHD boys who have they same issues we don't always get the why questions anymore. 

Name: Ruth | Date: Sep 13th, 2005 4:08 PM
Tanya i know how you feel, i moved 1,689 miles away from my family because of it, now im having trouble with my husband (Step-father), he calls him stupid and dumb and tells him hes a bad kid and it cause probmles. If you would like to talk more please email me at [email protected] 


Name: tammie | Date: Oct 10th, 2005 6:53 AM
my son is twenty years old now,yor storyies sound like mine 10 years ago.I regret not making my son respect others. 

Name: Walking | Date: Oct 10th, 2005 5:55 PM
Skilark, your not the only one with a child who family want to be away from. Children who do not fit in are hard to be around and family just has to learn to love and respect them. 

Name: Ronda | Date: Oct 12th, 2005 3:37 PM
Tammie - PLEASE ADD TO MORE COMMENTS! I'm a step mom of a great kid (8 yo) with ADHD. I may be way off but feel we are not helping him my limited our disapline to time out because my husband uses his disability as a reason not to fully disapline him as he would any other child. I tell him I think he's making a mistake. I see behaviors escalating. He shows no remorse when he hurts someone (this week he threw a rock at a little girl who required stitches.....and he left her there and didn't seem to feel badly about hurting her). His therpist has told our husband he shouldn't spank - so he stopped. Since then (just months ago) we've had 2-3 instances of worse behavior. I understand he has a disability....but he still needs to grow up and fit into society and a workforce that won't tolerate that type of behavior. I feel (and maybe I'm wrong) that he needs both types of disapline (mainly talking, time out, and sometimes a spanking is warranted). Do you agree? What would you have done differently with your child if you could turn back time. 

Name: Amber | Date: Nov 12th, 2005 6:35 PM
My son is 6 years old, he has been through tremendous changes in his life. He seems to always be mad, screeming , yelling, saying mean things to loved ones, he chooses not to listen, he throws things and hits him self. I've been trying to be loving and fair with him, but most of the time he drives me so crazy I want to send him off to his father. I don't know how else to deal with him, we live in a happy home and he seems to always be the one to bring us down. What can I do? 

Name: tracy | Date: Nov 12th, 2005 8:52 PM
To Amber i know exactly the way you feel my little girl is doing the same things as your son she is 6 as wel. i really feel like leaving, every day is the same. im going to try my daughter back on medication its the only thing left, ive tryed every thing, Her stress is coming from school and i get things thrown at me every day she kicks, hits me and is always shouting and screaming its a living nightmare, im sorry i cant give you any advice as im going threw it as wel maybe it might help and comfort you knowing i feel the same we need to be strong these children need us! i hope things get better for you 

Name: Julie | Date: Nov 13th, 2005 9:11 AM
My son is 12 and was diagnosed with ADHD several years ago. His biggest problem is that he is angry all the time. He has been this way since he was a baby and has only gotten worse as he's gotten older. When he's mad/upset he says he hates his life, and wishes he had a different mother/father, and that he doesn't want to live. I can physically feel the aching in my heart when he gets this way. I don't think he would ever kill himself simply because he is afraid of things like being left alone, sleeping by himself, and always afraid of having a car accident. He's very destructive. He's recently broken a mirror, glass picture with his fist, and put his fist through several walls. His behavior has affected every aspect of my life and I don' know what more I can do for him. I think his anger comes from not having a male figure in his life who is positive and supports him. Both his father and step-father are bad influences on him, are always negative with him, and verbally abusive towards him (when he doesn't behave as they would like). He needs a good male role model. 

Name: tarcy | Date: Nov 13th, 2005 5:53 PM
For JUlie- your son sounds exactly like my son, he is now in patient treatment for bipolar disorder and ADHD. they say when a child is treated for adhd and they actually are bipolar or both that the adhd meds can make the bipolar disorder worse, you should have him reavaluted, just to be safe, even though you dont think he will hurt himself now because of his fears doesnt mean it cant happen its scary thing. my son has only been in the hospital a few days but it was a wonderful feeling to see him smile and hear him talk about positive things instead of hearing him say he hates me and wants to dead. Also my son had no positive male role model so i got him a mentor, and my son idolizes him. I will keep you in my prayers 

Name: Mayra figueroa | Date: Nov 13th, 2005 6:07 PM
I know what you mean and are going thru my son is 13yo and my whole world is falling apart my husband can't understand why he is like this it has cause my family to not want to visit us and if they do they visit for short periods because my son is always doing something distructive and making the kids cry. I really need to talk to others about this. can you email me sometimes thank you

Mayra

[email protected] 

Name: vbarr | Date: Nov 17th, 2005 2:31 PM
I have a 6 year old and my family feels the same way. Noone, except my sister will watch her for me. I am noticing as I stand back and try to look outside the picture-It's not that they don't like her-they don't know how to handle her because to them it is not ADHD because they don't understand ADHD to them she is just a really naughty little girl. I don't ask anyone in my famliy to take her except my sister. My brother and his wife have soo many times told me when refering to my daughter that "they wouldn't have that in their house". Ya know what, what comes around goes around-they now have a 3 year old worse than my daughter ever dreamed of being- but, they are sitting back blaming it on being around my daughter so much. My advice as much as it hurts don't keep hurting you son by subjecting him to it. We have moved about 1/2 hour away from my family-who all used to live within a mile from each other- When Grandma takes all of the grandkids except mine to a movie I have to pick up the slack and treat them to something more special then Grandmas adventure. 

Name: judy | Date: Nov 26th, 2005 10:30 PM
tanya, you're going to have to realize that your #1 priority is to your son. He does not ask to be place on this earth nor did he ask to have this disorder. in a letter, write a letter to your family when you're not angry and tell them that your son has expressed feelings of not being loved by them and for them to step back and look at the situation from his point of view. For god's sakes, he is 5 yrs old!!! Would they treat him this way if he had asthma, diabetes, or any other disorder. You also need to control your emotions when you know that you're going into a situation where he would not be liked. He feels your stress and it makes the problem worse. 

Name: rebecca | Date: Dec 22nd, 2005 7:58 PM
just too talk on line too my family just too say HELLO 

Name: Mary | Date: Dec 23rd, 2005 11:00 AM
I have the same problem, my parents are great with my son, but my brother who only lives downt the road, and has two daughters, we have only seen about twice in the last 7 months, since I moved closer. I had promised my son before our move that he would get to see his cousins and uncle much more often and he was delighted with this, and now he keeps asking 'why he can't see his cousins', it's very hurtfull and damaging to such an already vunerable child. I have no solutions for you, but I do understand. 

Name: lee | Date: Jan 4th, 2006 1:58 AM
our children are created by us weather every 1 gives up on them make sure you dont and he will see that 

Name: irene | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 4:26 AM
give him things to do bring coloring books different activitys that could have him focused 

Name: miranda | Date: Jan 23rd, 2006 8:17 PM
I cant believe there are so many of you in the same situation i'm in with my daughter. I think the worst part for me is that my mother gossips about it extensively to everyone and anyone and has even gone to the extent of ringing my daughters school, denying her medical attention when she broke her leg, ringing my employers and my friends, saying that it is my fault.
She has really created some major problems for me with employers and schools and other government agencies let alone with other people.
Things have gotten ridiculous recently though, because in the last few weeks she has now decided she feels sorry for my daughter and has taken a dislike to my 3 year old son who is completely normal.
I have had to decide that it is probably better for my children and my own sanity to move far away from her so that she can't interfere any more. 

Name: Allyson | Date: Feb 4th, 2006 1:21 AM
Personally, I would avoid being around your family at the moment. You should not subject your son to being around people who treat him or think badly of him. This is not good for his self esteem. I would wait until he is done being tested and you have a diagnosis. When that comes through, I would sit with the family members (without your son present) and educate them about his problem. Give them articles to read etc... 

Name: Eileen | Date: Feb 8th, 2006 5:59 PM
I would tell your son it's not his fault. Tell your family to say sorry to him and to you and pass out information on adhd so that they have a better understanding. Family "s should support you and your son. I went threw the same thing and that's what I did. now they have a better understanding . Plus if they had kid that had a disorder how would they like it. It's a shame that this world has to point people out for what they call normal, Most famous people have adhd like Albert Einstien , So some day your son will make a difference besides he behavior now. So just keep your chin up and love your son and you will be fine. 

Name: Theresa | Date: Feb 9th, 2006 5:53 AM
Your catching it at the right age. It's better to catch it early. I could tell a night and day difference in my son after he began medication. Even his hand writing and self esteem improved. The first medication he was on was Aderall but It didn't seem to work for long before he needed a dose increase so the Dr. put him on Concerta instead and it's been a few years now and he's only had one increase over a very long period of time. It works really well for him and everyone including the teachers can tell a difference if he hasn't had it. Don't give up and don't let anyone make you feel guilty. I spoke to three seperate child Pchsycologist before medicating him and they all told me that children with ADHD who are not treated with medication early on are more likely to self medicate when they get older e.g. drug use etc. 

Name: katelyn | Date: Feb 24th, 2006 4:23 PM
I dont have my own kids but I work at a daycare full of five year olds that have problems listening to us. I would probably take your son to a doctor and ask if theres anything you could do to seddle him down. 

Name: Colette | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 11:51 PM
Honey, nip it in the bud. There were people who saw and said my son was a bad seed when he was younger and it seems I did every thing wrong which made all of them right. He thinks only about himself and would like nothing more than for me to keep my mouth shut and my wallet open. I made excuses for his bad behaviour when he was younger. Had him tested to no avail. He's fine. Just a selfish, angry young man. He's 20 now and still putting me through hell. My advice. Stop babying him, and making excuses for him. You'll suffer for it in the long run. Make sure when you give him ultimatums you stick to what you say. No going back on your word. That, is most important! 

Name: trisha | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 11:42 PM
I know what you are going through and I went through the same especially my parents. They are old and I am a grandmother taking care of my grandson. yes he also knew and that made matters worse. I would get so frustrated and leave and try to act as if it was nothing. But my grandson was still active. and I would yell even more at him knowing that he couldn't help it and i just didn't understand any of it. But finally i just didn't go around them as much and if i did i would try to keep him close by me and leave within a short time. I didn't want people to hurt him or his feelings. It would get to the point that they would take his little sister everywhere and leave him behind. I would be so dissappointed in this and try to treat him more. but it made it worse i believe. Anyways i finally got treatment for him with the use of remeron a depressant i believe they say it is and it has done a great turn around on him. I give it at 6 at night and at 830 he is asleep and is so much better during the day. he can focus and do tasks he even helps me without even being told! I wish i had known about this pill before. He may not have to stay on it for very long just 6 months but time will tell its only been 3 weeks. good luck 

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