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Name: ccanul
[ Original Post ]
First I guess I will start with the fact that my son was diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar, and Aspergers when he was 5. I took him to the doctors by myself, I listened to him scream everynight for bed time. I had do drag him to take a bath kicking and screaming. I have watched my son push over the kitchen chairs, and even the table. All my husband could say was it was something I was doing. He wouldn't go with me to the doctor. He wouldn't go to the therapist which we still see every other week, and my son and I drive 38 miles to see her. He thought that it was all in my head. He used to yell every day when he was home. He only has one day off a week. I have tried to set up my sons appointments for when he is home, but he wont go. He is changing now, but I feel that it's to late. I don't love him anymore. I have told him that its over, but he insist that I still love him, and right now I don't know what to do. I can't keep living a lie, but also I don't think that the kids and I can make it on our own. I don't want to stay, but also I'm scared to go. I have three kids my oldest is12, the middle one is 8, and the youngest is 4. Does anyone have any ideas on what I should do?
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Name: michele | Date: Dec 18th, 2006 1:46 AM
My husband and I also fight about the problems associated with adhd. alot of times i feel it is only my problem. very frustrating. we are losing sleep. I also have a 16 and 14 year olds who get very upset that the youngest takes so much time. 

Name: synthiastokes | Date: Dec 18th, 2006 2:28 AM
Hi ccanul, I know the pain you are feeling having to get those who are closest to you try to understand the battle of having a special needs child. While my husband is somewhat supportive, my mother is not. My 5 year old son is ADHD and Bipolar. He is a foster child and we want to adopt. My mother who is a psyc nurse knows my life will be difficult and doesn't think we should move forward with the adoption. We've had him since age 2 and love him like our own. Maybe your husband could read some books on bipolar and adhd to help him understand how he can support you and your son. The Bipolar Child is a great book to help others understand what you're experiencing. Also, there are support groups who can help you cope. The marriage is your decision, but I would suggest you speak to the counselor you are taking your son too. Maybe she can help you with some coping skills that will make it easier for you to make the best decision. My prayers are with you. 

Name: Yawmom | Date: Dec 20th, 2006 12:50 AM
It's hard. My opinion and I'm not in your situation, but if he wants the marriage to work lay the law down. I suggest marriage counseling for starters, he's got to accept somethings wrong with his child. I personally think it's an ego thing, that they can't accept it and take it personally.
I would tell him he's got to go to the doctor with you, you need his support and his child needs him. Tell him if he truly values your relationship and loves his children he would sacrafice his time for the better outcome.
I think it's crappy he wants you to deal with it all, marriage is family and support. Remind him how hard it is on you and you need help...he can choose it or move on.
Sorry if it sounds harsh, but he's got choices your son didn't have a choice being born this way and I"m sure he woudn't have chosen it. HE needs his dad 

Name: madcowmomma | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 2:20 PM
I know the feeling . I have a 12 girl with ADHD and its tearing us apart...ppl wont understand what it is all about and she dont listen welll at all ....but does with others....I thought there was a chat room for this on here ...if there is plz let me knwo 

Name: kidcrazy | Date: Dec 31st, 2006 1:37 AM
Hi. I can certainly relate to your problems. Your story eerily matches that of my son and my husband. I sit here at the kitchen table tonight while he sits upstairs after yelling at me for an hour about my "loser" son and how I do nothing to correct it.....It is certainly tough when you want out but are afraid to leave because of money. I do not have to worry about money and yet I sit here feeling stuck (???). Weird, huh? I have begun to see a counsellor to help me deal with some of my guilt issues and to repair some of the damage all the fighting has caused. It is helping me some. I haven't got the answers but I sure understand (as much as one can understand another). Feel free to reply. 

Name: kelie | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 1:28 AM
hi all y is it that its always us mums that have all the stress and heartache and the men justget on with it and tell us sort them out it your fault i av an 8yr old with adhd and odd and a 12yr old girl we aare avin terrible problems with school they excluded him its so hard with so little help out there for our kids i live in manchester and cant fnd any groups for kids or local support for me if anybody nos any in manchester plz let me no thanks kelie 

Name: Layne | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 1:42 AM
I would ask your therapist about the daytrana patch...It is like a miricle..My son has been on ritilan , straterra, concerta, aderall, oh I cant think of what else. but since the patch its amazing. he comunicates now where before he couldnt. he can manage his own studies. Never before did this happen.when I ask him to do something he does it right away instead of throwing a holy sh*t fit. also he starts a conversation. we are just amazed and so is his therapist. 

Name: RJB | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 4:11 AM
My child is ADD/ADHD and I completely understand your fustrations. If you are unhappy with your marriage how will you be able to have the energy to help your son? Please think of your son. He will struggle at home and he will struggle in school until he get the help he needs. If your husband is unwilling to support him, then he will make it very difficult for you and your son at home, which can harm his already fragile self esteem...think about it. 

Name: KathyK | Date: Feb 7th, 2007 6:59 PM
My son is 5 and was diagnosed with O.D.D. when he was 4. I totally understand how you feel about your husband and your situation. My husband has not been too supportive either. He has alot of trouble spending time with our son and they fight alot. I am left to deal with my son's outbursts and hitting his 7 year old sister and me most of the time. I finally got so frustrated and upset I told my husband that if he didn't start going to counseling with me then he would have to leave. I don't have the money to make it on my own but I can't stand living in a loveless fighting all the time marriage either. After trying to get out of it for a long time he finally gave in and we are both going to counseling. It has helped but we have a long road ahead of us. We have mobile therapists and tss workers who come to the house to work with our son and my husband has been home to see how they deal with him so that has been good too. It took him a while but he finally is starting to accept that our son has problems and he needs his daddy and he gets that he needs to be a part of his son's life. I told him numerous times that if he couldn't handle it then he should go. I need his support not his ignorance. I am not one to give advise either, but if you feel like you can stand up to your husband, maybe you should tell him that he has to make a choice to either go to counseling or he should leave for a while. I know it is hard to think of being alone wih a child like this, but we have to do what is best for our children. We always hope that the father's are what is best for them, but if he is not willing to accept what is going on then he needs to either get help or leave. It is exhausting and frustrating but I wish you luck. 

Name: domboots4 | Date: Feb 11th, 2007 12:46 AM
Me and my Husband Adopted his sisters daughter because his sister has been in and out of jail ! and also does drugs! This is her 6 th child and I felt bad for the baby so I convinced my husband too adopted her . And we did we have had her since she was 3 monthes old! we were so happy too have her especially since she is the only girl in are family! she was A great baby !!! but know she is going on 4years old and she is horrible Iam going out of my mind!!! She is very smart she is loving when she want to be and wants everthing too be her way she doesnt like naps she runs around all day she cant sit still for more than10 min and simply doesnt respond to discipline and when we do try to discipline her she laughs at us! I have taken her to her pediatriacian and he thinks she is fine! oh , yes did I fail to say she was born with meth and other drugs in her system . also I have a 5 year old son with pdd-nos who is non verbal and she does really mean things to him especially because she knows he cant talk . also i have a 17 year old son t she claims he hits her and I know that is a lie because he is at school all day and when he is here he is on the computer were i see him at all times she even claims that the dogs do things too her when its her that abuses my dogs she lies alot ! I would love for anyone to give me advice !!! 

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