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Name: Lisa
[ Original Post ]
Although we haven't been "diagnosed" with ODD, I've spent the last 2 hours the computer trying to find out what could be wrong with my 8 yr old son. Things can be all happy-go-lucky then just as quickly turn into a raging nightmare. Just tonight, he was playing with a friend from down the street - all of sudden, he wanted to call someone else over to play. When we said "no, dinner is in 15 minutes and you have another friend here" all hell broke loose. He started screaming, crying and stamping his feet - all this while his friend was in the other room. I felt so embarrassed for him and wanted him to stop acting out before this kid who was 2 years older than him - told everyone he knows how my son was crying like an absolute lunatic. How do you handle a situation like this? Until I read a couple articles, I seriously thought it was my husbands fault for giving into our son everytime he started one of these fits. I'm at a loss - I know we can't give into the tantrum but short of locking him in a closet until he calms down, what do we do. I'm at the end of my rope. I've tried taking away sports, toys and games, sending to his room and still nothing stops this. In fact, in the last week it's been almost every day. If anyone out there has dealt with thi, I can sure use your advise. Thanks!
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Name: Sandy | Date: Jan 17th, 2006 3:32 AM
Dear Lisa,
I have an 6 and a half year old who has been diagonosed with ODD. I can totally relate to you. She can be as sweet as can be one minute and throwing the biggest tempertantrum the next. I have yet to find anything that works with her. From our initial visits with psychiatrist and psychologist, it is extremely rare for kids to have ODD without having a biological reason for it such as ADHD, anxiety etc. I would recommend seeking help thru a psychiatrist and also doing a full neurological work up to rule out anything physical. We are doing this next week. If you find out anything that works, please let me know. Also there are two books I would recommend: 123 Magic and Your Defiant Child.


Name: steff | Date: Jan 17th, 2006 11:46 PM
you could be over using the word "no" 

Name: jina | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 3:19 AM
my god, you are living my nightmare. try to keep your sense of humor if you have one. i love my son, i have four sons, but there are days i want to send him away. i have been at my wits end, he was diagnosed when he was 4 and its been almost 4 years now. every morning is like world war 3 in my house, i cant wait till he leaves in the morning for school and i just pray when he gets home that its gonna be a good day. although, it could be odd, look into bi-polar, the symptoms can look alot alike. i dont know what to do, except just dont kill him. there are times that i just have to walk away and let him scream because i am afraid i would hurt him. its a never ending struggle and although there is a medication for adhd, there is not for odd, specifically, but i am seeing a specialist soon to see if my son has a behavior disorder for which he may need to take an anti-psychotic medication. he likes candles, because he is intrigued by fire. how many 7 year olds ask for candles for christmas? im not kidding unfortunately. i will keep you in my thoughts and maybe we can chat here back and forth. 

Name: stu | Date: Feb 1st, 2006 5:26 AM
i may be on the other side, but it's my girlfriend's son. he's 4 but from what you are talking about, he acts the same way. sometimes, i'm afraid to let him around my 7 yr old daughter, or 3 yr old nephew for fear he may hurt them. he's driving his mother nuts, and i've finally had it. i came home from work tonight, and she was just laying in bed. she does that when he has a bad day. it must take a huge toll on her and i don't know what to do. i've been researching this all night now because i can't take it anymore. a few days ago, he bit, kicked, and punched his teacher at daycare, and now, today, he threw a huge fit at the dentist's office and over her mother's house. he screamed and cried and locked himself in the bathroom where he proceeded to kick, punch, and scream at the door. i don't know what to do. i think she's finally giving up, tho, and is thinking about taking him to get some sort of help. if any of you hear anything, please let me know. i just read some article about a new therapy, which seems a little barbaric, but if nothing else works....it's a bbc special called taming the problem child, or something like that. it entails taking everything away from them and keeping them very close to the parent. then, if they won't listen or, throw a tantrum, i guess it says you hold them down on the floor until they give up. seems kind of vulgar, but again, i'm at the end of my rope--as is she. if any of you hear anything, please let me know. i'd leave my email address, but i don't know if that's allowed. i guess i'll just have to check back here. thnx. 

Name: Stephanie | Date: Feb 1st, 2006 5:04 PM
I have a 6 year old son that acts the same way. We just has the school do some testing because they are seeing it as well and it is affecting his academics. We are implementing an IEP(Individual Educatin Plan) and have signed him up for an anger management class provided by the school. We haven't decided if medication is needed yet but it is nice to know to what extent the problem is these test can help by telling you if it is clinically significant in which case you need help right now aand whether he is high risk which can help by starting to put by gathering the help you feel he needs as well as the school helping you with options other than medication. 

Name: shay | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 2:54 PM
I have a 9 yr old son whom i believe to have odd. my advice to you is to get him diagnosed asap before your situation gets as bad as mine. almost every night my son hits me in the face, throws furniture and other objects at me, calls me all the names under the sun, and hits me until i have to call his grandparents to collect him before i hurt him. school is a no go zone most of the time, and his little brother who has asd is deprived of any home therapies i may be able to provide him with as im too busy dealing with my other son. diagnosis has been very hard for me to obtain as he is as sweet as sugar whenever we are outside of the home. get help now while your son is still young enough to manage. you will kick yourself if you dont. 

Name: shema | Date: Feb 6th, 2006 4:25 PM
I have a 7yr old foster child who has been diagnosed with adhd/odd. He is driving me and the school system crazy. I would say at 2-3x's a week he throws tantrams like a 3yr old. He is a happy and sweet boy until he can not have his way. I was going to consider adopting him but I am now having second thoughts. His biological father is 29 yrs old. He has been in and out of jail for defiant behavior. The doctor started my foster son on 5mg of focalin. I'm hoping between our prayers and focalin we see a change in his defiant behavior. 

Name: Tiffany | Date: Feb 23rd, 2006 10:26 PM
I feel for you. We've been going through the same type situations and more. Lets just say his door is hanging on by its hinges and the knob doesnt work anymore. My son, who will be eight in two weeks, was just diagnosed with ODD. He is the most loving, enjoyable child! He just has no fuse. Our pediatrician told us that he has an "oppositional problem". We, just like you, have been on the computer many times and already suspected this. He does not pose the signs of ADD or ADHD, only oppositional. And reading the articles out there, it gets scary! We were thinking (for a few years) that he may outgrow this. But after jumping a middle school kid on the bus punching, kicking and hitting with his bookbag, we gave him the benefit until we found out the whole story. The bus video tape showed my son started it and the other kid did not fight back, only to have the principal ask him to get off the bus, at which point my son told him he didn't have to do anything he said and would not do anything he said. When we got the call from the school that my 2nd grader was trying to hit and kick the principal, we knew we couldn't wait it out anymore. We were also informed that had he actually hit the principal, the Sherriffs department would have been called and we would have been going to the youth detention center to TRY to pick him up. We have just been told by our pediatrician that we need to take him to a psyciatrist. That scares me in itself. I don't know if you have learned any more or have done anything yet, but if you have any advice or places to go for more information, I'd appreciate it. By the way, this is my middle child of three (all boys) and the other two are very calm children. We have had no major trauma in our family, my husband and I have been married for almost 19 years and are closer than ever, our job situations have become more relaxed in the past few years to where the kids are always taken to school by us and here when they get off the bus. We always try to make things the best we can for our kids, but it's never enough for him. I'm just scared for my son because it doesn't seem like he is learning how to handle life. 

Name: kirsty | Date: Feb 24th, 2006 3:53 PM
hiya i am kirsty n i am 15 years old i havehad ADHD since the ages of 4 and i have not grown out of it yet when i go off on one my mum just walks away from me and goes out of the room and just ignores me all the time x 

Name: shema | Date: Feb 24th, 2006 9:04 PM
Tiffany the faculin is working great for my foster son. he has been very calm and the teacher has been sending good notes home from school. 

Name: Jo | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 5:43 AM
I have a daughter that was diagnosed at 15 with odd. From a very early age she had problems. She 1st was extremely mean to her younger brother. She bit, hit, and knocked him down when he was 4-6 mo old. She was thrown out of 4 daycares by age 4, for "malicious acts". She also started having night terrors about the same time. She had physcological work-ups, EEG's, testing of all kinds with no diagnosis. By the time she was 6 she stabbed her brother with forks, yes plural, pushed him through a plate glass window and was mean to animals. She got mad at my mother at 5 and put her oxygen cord under the leg of a chair(cutting of the oxygen), then blamed it on her brother. She saw a councelor from age 4 until 11. At age 13 she was skipping school and having to go to court. By 15 she was sent to TYC for 9mo. That 9mo sentence lasted 2 1/2 years because she refused to do anything. She was put on Wellbutrin during the last few months and anything that was accomplished was done during that time. She is now 22, has 2 well behaved children but still has problems. She is much better though. I now have custody of my husband's 12 year old nephew. He was diagnosed at 4 with a learning disablility, Adhd. We have had him a little over a year and I see signs of ODD with him. He has had a complete neurological work up with inconclusive results. An EEG with inconculsive results. Now he has also been diagnosed with high blood pressure, low cholesterol and a failure to thrive. I have tried several doctors to attempt to tie all of the symptoms together and am not getting anywhere. Even with all the knowlege I gained with my daughter, I am still finding it very difficult to deal with my nephew. He will not listen, does what he wants when he wants. He has lit fires in my house. Talked my 7 year old in to playing cops and robbers on the ROOF. Sword fighting with my sharp knifes(7 year old was cut). The school is a a loss. He refuses to do any work at school. We just completed a marathon 7 days of catching his work up. 2 hours every weeknight and 20 hours last week end. He is on adderal and clonidine daily. I am hoping that puberty will help some of this get better because I am at a loss. Im real glad to hear some other people dealing with this kid of child also. Im not alone Thanks for reading. 

Name: Debbie | Date: Mar 29th, 2006 1:33 PM
"Welcome to my nightmare, welcome to MY life" yada yada. Been there done that - you'll only get your sympathy from those of us who have lived what you are living. Bottom line - GET HELP! ODD seems to begin around age 8, as it did for my son. I tried everything until at age 11, 5 holes in my doors etc, I realized I needed help. Read the book Magic 123 and FOLLOW IT! Get your son to a psychologist. He is now on Elavil (our 3rd drug) and MY SON IS ALMOST BACK TO ME. As devastating as it is to slowly "loose" your precious little guy - I can't describe the feeling of seeing him come back to you. I am not pro drugs, by any means, I fought this. He's been in therapy now for only about 6 months. He now plays,laughs, hugs, ASKS for people to turn sounds down (ODD patients tend to be sound sensitive). I got my boy back and you will too - good luck 

Name: Cyn | Date: Mar 29th, 2006 2:05 PM
Hi Lisa,
I have a 8 yr old daughter...she does not freak, but can be very destructive. She has recently been trying to start fires, she steals, fights at home and at school, and is extremely intellengent. We have been to 3 psychiatrists, too may therapists to count. Have you experienced any of these symptoms with your son? 

Name: Cyn | Date: Mar 29th, 2006 2:09 PM
Have you experienced any stealing, fighting with sibs or peers, fascination with fire? 

Name: Crystal | Date: Mar 30th, 2006 12:27 AM
Hi Lisa
I also have an 8 yr. old son. He was diagnosed about one and a half years ago with O.D.D and A.D.H.D. His symptoms started when he was just 2. He was very loveable one min. and then very angry the next. He was also very destrustive and fought with his older brother physically all the time. My older son is the complete opposite. My husband and I did everything to figure out then what was going on. We started by bringing him to his ped. doctor, we were told that there was nothing wrong and he was just a normal 2 year old acting out. We of course didn't believe this being that we had our older son and have been around many 2 year olds in our families. Our son also went mute when he was 2 for a full year. We had his hearing tested and everything to see why that was and we might never figure out why. As he got older he got worse. I was afraid of him at times and no mother should be afraid of her own child. We went to parenting classes to help us learn how to deal with his fits of rage and try to get him to express his anger in other ways. He has a counsler coming to the home for almost 2 years and we were and are very active in his schooling. Lucky for us he has a great school that is also doing everyting to help him move forward. We did not want to medicate our son, but we ended up having no choice. I am still not happy about the meds, but he is doing a little better, he has made friends this year and that wasn't possible before. I could go on and on as to what he has done and what I have learned through out the years that we've delt with this. And believe me nothing about this is easy. There are more downs than ups at times, and you balme yourself wondereing what you did wrong. This is someting I still have trouble with. You feel hopeless and you worry about what your child will be as an adult. If any one has any questions for me please e-mail me @ [email protected] 

Name: topcttam | Date: Aug 8th, 2006 7:49 PM
my son has odd adhd+torrets he is very hard work at times so i understand wot you mean,the only thing weve found we can do is wait till hes calm enough 2 talk 2 and try 2 explain why hes been sent to his room+try to get him to think abowt what+why hes doing it,he never nos but the thinking takes his mind off the behaviur+helps him calm down.itdoesnt always work but its worth a try. 

Name: dantenh | Date: Aug 15th, 2006 10:49 PM
We beleive that my 4 year old girl has adhd/odd. We have a dr appt next week to confirm or deny. We call her our sour patch kid. I don't know if anyone has seen that commercial, Its the one where the candy shaped like a kid kicks the boy, thanhugs him...first their sour,,,,,then their sweet. My 4 year old TERRORIZES her 10 year old sister, she screams and t hrows tantrums for things as minute as her glass being half empty (no pun intended). when you pullup lists of symptoms of odd you can go down the list and say "check" on almost every item. I made her pick up her crayons one day, and it took about 10 times to get her to do it after threatening to take them away. She picked them up and went to her room... I thought "cool I won for a change" and five minutes later she comes out of her room and says "you can't take them away from me ha ha cause I broke them". we're at our wits end. we don't go places ust because of not being able to control her. I feel your pain. I was always against medication first, I felt other methods to be tried first. so we tried behavior modification, diet change (helped a little, we're still trying it) but i'm to the point where i'm begging for her to be medicated and I hate it. I feel like a failure. I would rather go to the doctor and have them tell me that i'm a bad mother rather than she is confirmed adhd/odd. At least I can changed being a bad parent, she can't change something neurological. 

Name: KathyK | Date: Aug 17th, 2006 8:39 PM
It is so nice to be able to find other people who are going through the same things that my husband and I are going through. Our son is 5 and has been diagnosed with ODD. He is very aggresive, (especially when he doesn't get his way)and he lashes out at me and my 7 year old daughter. He hits us, kicks us, screams at us, and throws things when he is angry. He also can be as sweet as pie one minute and then completely out of control the next.
I don't worry about him when he is at school, as he has been in preschool for 2 years and has never given the teacher any sort of problems. As a matter of fact when I told the teacher that he has been diagnosed with ODD, she can't believe it.
His doctor now has him on Geodon 3x a day and although I am not happy about giving my son medicine, I feel like I don't have much of a choice. The entire family is in counseling, and we are getting help with mobile therapists and tss workers. They try to teach him how to better handle his anger. His tss worker actually bought him a punching bag for his birthday hoping he would start hitting that instead of us. So far he doesn't use it that much.
It is such a relief to have people who understand and "get it". Most of our friends and family don't get it or just don't want to be bothered. We (my husband and I)have actually been told that if we calm down that our son will calm down. They don't have a clue. They think this is our fault.
He is going to kindergarten this year and I am hoping he will be interested in some kind of sport so that he will be able to channel his anger into something possitive.
Look forward to reading other stories so that I feel like I am not alone with this situation. 

Name: friendcher | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 7:44 PM
I think my 6 yr old has O.D.D. too. He is always picking on his older 13 yr old brother, spits on and calls other children names, blames all the trouble he causes on everyone else. And gets very upset if his behaviour doesnt get the reaction he is hoping for.
He is very hyper, and talks non-stop. 

Name: KathyK | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 10:33 PM
I would really like to know if there is anyone out there who is as exhausted as I am dealing with my 5 year old son with ODD. He makes me sooo tired I can't keep up with him. He wakes up before 6:30 every morning, no matter what time I put him to bed and is wired and ready to go for the rest of the day. He wants us to play with him every second of the day and does not understand when we are busy and cannot entertain him every minute of the day. I am interested in what other mom's or dad's do to keep going like exercise, or lot's of caffeine, or what. I try to work out so that I can be fit enough to deal with him, but that is not even enough.
Any advise anyone has would be greatly appreciated. 

Name: connie | Date: Jan 1st, 2008 5:12 PM
I have read these stories, and I have come to the conclusion that the fits. tantrums, and aggressiveness.is how a ODD child reacts to a parent trying to teach the child with ODD to do the right thing. My nephew has ODD he is 14 now and we are so worried that he will hurt someone one day. His mother never tried to teach him to do right , so there were never any tantrums to witness, only sly looks. He has had this disorder since he was 2. We had no idea what we were dealing with. He would get out of their , apartment , go through the doorlock and padlock and try to get into another apartment at 2 years old .You see my sister slept through most of these things . and denied the rest.. As he got older, she got better at getting him out of trouble, so the trouble he got into got more serious. He was always rewarded by his mother and he was always told by her it was just because everyone didn't like him thats why he got in trouble. He has got away with hurting and killing animals, breaking all the windows out of a school bus, stealing everywhere he goes, guns , money, vidioes, ect. ,breaking into new construction and distroying property, he was video taped doing this. You see he never had to throw a tantrum he knew he would get away with what ever he did. The stories I have read are kids that have a chance to overcome this disorder. You all are parents that are not in denial, and want to find a cure for there child. My hat is off to you all . The one thing I would like to share is that what ever you tell him not to do he will wait for you to leave the room to do it. He will be so sweet and pittyfull you just have to believe his story . Oh and one last thing there has not been a school that will let him in since he 8. Even schools for these disorders can;t keep him , because he tried to get two other boys to help him rape a young man that was fraile.I hope I have not scared anyone with this story. It's just our story. You guys are on top of things, thats the first step to the cure. When my family realized the problem was when they moved back to our home town because the town were they were living well they had to leave. Good luck to you all and my prayers are with you. I thank you for being the parents that you are. 

Name: tj2728 | Date: Jan 2nd, 2008 12:10 AM
Hi Lisa, i have a 14 yr old who has recently been diagnosed with adhd suspected aspergers and 3 other conditions which run along side adhd one of which is a defiant disorder. I totaly understand how your feeling bcos we have experienced these behaviours for years without being diagnosed, i have been to parenting classes spoken to numerous professionals and is apparrent that every child reacts differently to different stratagies. We tend to avoid all situations that are likely to start him off, i know this isnt the answer but sometimes is easier, also we tend to let him think he is making the decisions when in fact we have. Keep on at your doctor to get him seen by a professional and dont feel you are alone your not. Good Luck! 

Name: Chuck | Date: Feb 8th, 2008 4:36 PM
A belt on the butt does wonders for fit throwing children. I know I have one. 

Name: kim | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 2:12 AM
There is a video you can purchase called 123 magic look online for it. I used it 10 years ago with my two boys who were born 13 months apart. my oldest who is now 16 responed well to this program even though he had severe ADHD.Try it along with a doctors help.but dont forget about your mental health too you cant help him unless you are well. 

Name: Amanda | Date: Jul 18th, 2008 10:51 PM
Is there anything that we (as parents) can do to help our children besides pushing pills in them? I would like to know what we can do, not what some psychiatrist or doctor can prescribe. I have a five year old who shows signs of ODD. It seems it is just around family. He is great at school and with other friends who keep him from time to time. 

Name: anothermom | Date: Aug 16th, 2008 5:02 PM
Hello everyone. I'm new to this forum. I belive that my 7 yr old daughter may have ODD. She has these cycles, every month and a half to two months, where she is extremely defiant and nothing will do for her until she has provoked a major scene in the home. My question is, where do we go for a complete neurological work up? Can anyone answer this? What do I look for when I'm looking for a doctor who does this? Will they use a PET scan, or just ask questions, or take blood, or what? In other words, what can I expect from them to make sure that we are truly getting the diagnostic help that we need?

Thank you -- I appreciate any info that you can provide. 

Name: Christine | Date: Sep 24th, 2008 12:01 PM
My son is 4 and 1/2, he was originally diagnosed Autism Spectrum but it doesn't fit, it's his temper and behaviour that is the problem. You are all describing my life, we walk on egg shells, he has been known to through furniture, objects and hurts his siblings. Sometimes he even hurts himself, his favourite his biting!! On a week long rampage my house is trashed. I have tried 3 different parenting courses, including 123 magic, nothing has worked. This caught my attention when looking for something new to try. 

Name: worried mum | Date: Nov 15th, 2008 8:42 PM
Hi there my 5year old is the most loving caring and helpful little boy until something snaps he has been in and out of hospital since 22mths for accidents his had from playing and not paying attention he has horrific tantrums he chases the mail man if he doesnt leave any mail an hour after we droped him at day care I got a phone call to go and get him as he was clawing the teachers and trying to escape, I'm exhausted as it takes about 90percent of my day trying to keep him calm and entertained we have two other children 4 and 6 they are nothing like our 5year old he is also extremly strong we've had him at physcoligist no one will diagnoise before school she has just put it down to not enough attention no one seems to understand the nightmare we are living so if any one can advise us on what we can do to help our little man it would be great 

Name: joe | Date: Nov 16th, 2008 7:01 AM
Iam new to this chat room as well. My son is 5 years as was just diagnosed with ADHD and ODD.. ARE there any herbal supplements anyone could recommend?

thank you 

Name: Amy | Date: May 16th, 2009 4:34 PM
Our 6 year old has ODD, and therapist said to lock him in a small room. We use the bathroom, with the water shut off, and it works better than anything else. 

Name: kim | Date: Jun 2nd, 2009 3:19 AM
This is the first time I have viewed this site, after looking for something that may fit the description of what my husband and I are going through with our niece and nephews. As of one year ago, we took custody of our 2 nephews and niece since since their parents showed no possible signs of any attempt at parenting these children. Their ages are 6, 4 and 3. We are experiencing many problems as you could possibly imagine. For starters, we have no children of our own after 16 years of marriage, so we are learning how to parent 3 children overnight. Of course, the reason we have these children is because their parents weren't responsible enough to do this, so we also are dealing with their emotional stresses of loosing their home and parents. But, our biggest obstacle now seems to be the middle child who seems to be experiencing these same symptoms of what i have been reading with you all. Our biggest fear is of course, like all of you I'm sure, is that we could be doing more harm than good. I have things in place and will be setting the appointment tomorrow for him to be evaluated by the Physichiatrist. I am comforted to know that we are not alone in the knowledge that we are not really loosing our minds, and that there may be help for us yet. After all, the whole reason we have custody is so that we can give these 3 beautiful children a chance at a happy healthy life. 

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