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Explain to me if you will the children you help. What is you do and some of there issues. Thanku ↓
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| Name: rain | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 1:42 AM |
| Autism,Add, Adhd,Downs,Delays, MR, There is a big range, right now I have a little one they have not dx'ed as of yet. He has speech delays, and we work on speech three times a week. He is only three. My autistic student is 10, and he is high with savant tendencies. I work on what ever their issues are. This can be a wide range of things. Depends on age, dx, and if they have certain issues. My main focus is to teach, behavior and social along with catching them up on scholastic problems. I work in close arrangements with parents. Some people who do what I do, come to your house and work just with the children. I work exclusively alongside the parents. I teach them everything I know, and try to make them the focus of our achievements. At the end of the day, they are left with the problems, and I work hard to give them the tools to have a successful happy life with their children. Normally there are behavior problems that we work on together. I am stern, loving, and always have high expectations of all the children I work with. I hope this answers your question; it is hard to define some of it, as something new is always popping up. If you have a question about any certain issues, I would be glad to answer to the best of my abilities. You sometimes have some of the best answers here. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 2:12 AM |
Im having a situation where my kids are having problems with lieing and honesty. Doing things after being told several times not to. Some are simple and others are semi serious.
An example I gave Michael a 1.00 to take to the offering at Bible school and he took the 1.00 to the store and bought candy. Ive told him im disapointed and all the talks like this is dishonest but then temtation gets him again and he will fall off the wagon to speak. I guess my concern is he is adhd and impalsive (sp) maybe this would be a lesson better met by someone other then myself.
There is a real issue in this town and our youth stealing also. so it is difficult to find good ifluenses. We are starting church sunday thats why they stared Bible school this week . By the way they love it. They are so eager to go. Its at the Methodist church and they love it. ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 2:39 AM |
I am so happy Layne, that they liked it. I want to think on this, and get back to you; sounds like you need big guns and reinforcements. LOL.
Also what are your childrens ages again? ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 3:30 AM |
| Kate is 9 and mike is 11 ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 9:13 AM |
One thing I found was it was most often best to speak to my children separately. They can feel demeaned and get defensive if they are together. But I don’t keep it secret that we are having a talk. I would call in my son, knowing my daughter is sweating outside the door. Crack the harder nut last. Then he came out, and she came in. This is an action consequences issue. For every action you face a consequence. The actions are dishonesty and theft, consequences are loss of trust. Trust being your core lesson. The true punishment would be the actions they caused by loosing your trust. It is important that when our children disappoint us, we give them the means in which to make it up to us. So in the end they are left with pride.
Make a list of the dishonesty. This is mainly so you remember what they are. Don’t let them see your list, keep it verbal.
Have a quick meeting with the kids together; explain to them that they have both made some seriously bad choices lately, and you will be discussing this with them. Tell them to go to their rooms, and you will be right in to talk. This gives them time to contemplate what you are about to say. They will sit, and sweat over what they have done. This is a great tactic, because they are terrified over things you don’t even know about. They are wishing they had never done that thing, they think they are in trouble for, plus they are worried about what you do know about. You see this way, they feel guilt, and are punishing themselves for things you didn’t catch. Give them about eight minutes; go into one of the rooms. Take a paper and pencil. Explain the problem is dishonesty. Then tell that child to make a list of 5 things they have been dishonest about. Then leave the room, and do the same for the other one. Don’t expect anything to be on that paper when you go back to the first room. Now they will need examples. So remind them of things they should put on the list. Then let them finish them. Don’t do over 5. A huge list of everything they have done lately will break self esteem. Now when you have your list. Explain that this behavior is over, I will not tolerate it, and you will not behave this way! Explain that this has broken trust. If I can’t trust you, then you can’t, _________. or___________ or___________. Now ask them to write beside each dishonesty they listed, a different action for each, they could do to earn back your trust. Make sure they are all not easy, or something they could do in an hour.
I would ground them for one or two weeks. I would then offer them the second week end off, if they have done a great job earning back your trust. You have to stand firm on the grounding or it will not work to discourage the behavior you want changed. If you don’t want to ground them, then remove, games, TV’s toys, phones, what ever will get the point across. If they are working hard to earn back your trust, sit them down, give a big, hug, and tell them how proud you are of them, how much better they are doing. Praise them as often as you can, for what ever they are doing to earn back the trust. When the punishment is over, they must each write you a letter of apology, for the behavior, they must list what they have learned, and why they won’t do it again.
This may sound harsh, but if you are really tough, they will not want to revisit this situation again. LOL. Now if, they fib, a little or slip a little, after the punishment, they can go write you another letter. If it happened badly, make them do the whole thing again.
I often found, that If I punished them hard enough in one weekend, or week, it was all I needed. I took the games, the computer and the phone. I would allow some TV in their room, because mine is also adhd, and you could drive her nuts with no outlet. They had to stay in their rooms. I would go in and visit them, and discuss how things could be better. When it is over, let them know they did a great job, you are proud of them for the way they made it up to you. Tell them they have a clean slate now, only they decide what goes on it. All kids are different. So let me know if you don’t like this approach, or if you need any help to better alter it to fit your sweeties. You have great kids Layne, they just slipped in the ice a little, and need a hand up. Mine have definitely been stinkers before. Big Hug! ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 3:24 PM |
| Thanks rain...It sound great. I truely feel blessed to have found you. Its a terrific plan. This is something Ive already fussed with them about. So in there minds its over. should I still take them one on one and explain the situation or wait till they slip up again? well I guess thats not true mike did with the Bible school money. This is really about trust. I cant now and havent been able to. I applied for a job and Im really afraid to leave them alone because of the trust they've broken. We live in a amall town and I would like to leave them after school but am worried to loose the control at home. Ive always been here with the control. Oh how I wish I would win the Loto and I could stay home and not worry about working. ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 5:45 PM |
| Can you get a job at the school, or any school, so you have the same hours they do. This can help with that stress. You can sit them down and tell them from now on there will be serious consequences for certain behaviors. So if you break the rules, you will be punished. This sometimes works well, and sometimes they test you out. Just remember Layne, you have to stick to your guns. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 7:51 PM |
| I know it. Thats where alot of us fail. Its easy to let it go because were tired or busy with something else. they'll try and break ya too. But once you make it through the rain you have it made. Its the thunderstorms that get us. LOL! But really thanks rain these are things I already know but sometimes cant see for my own life. Why is it we do this. I think If we had this answer. I wouldnt have to go to work. HA! ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 9:13 PM |
| We all do and, and we hate for our kids to be mad at us. I tell mine, I love you so much, I am willing to take you being mad. Thats life. But I dont like it either. ↑ |
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