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Name: vera
[ Original Post ]
My parents are having a really difficult time accepting our adopted child into the family. We adopted from China and my parents were upset that we didn't adopt "one of our own". I think this is an awful way to feel, because this little child needs our love, and is now a part of us. Has anyone else had this experience? How can you overcome it, without having to cut ties to anyone?
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Name: bigdaddy | Date: Sep 19th, 2005 11:12 PM
I notice that no one dared attempt a reply. Racism is very scary, but, in most cases, is based on ignorance (speaking from my own evolving transformation from a sheltered childhood). A gentle but confrontational comment might help--"Oh dad, when you say that, I'm afraid Joey might take it wrong and grow up to think you're a racist." (or prejudiced, or that you don't like him, etc.) It helps to have another supportive person in the room to mitigate the reaction and keep the tone light. I am sure that your parents will evolve. In the meantime, do not hesitate to adopt surrogate grandparents. For example, my dad is at a lovely retirement facility. When people with babies and young children visit a relative for meal, the old folks LOVE IT when the kid gets driven around all the tables for a pat on the head and an occasional sweet. Swing by and be friendly with old folks at the zoo, adopt an understanding member of your extended family as a stand-in. And, as an aside, don't forget to do what you can to keep your kid connected to his/her culture of origin. 

Name: lilly | Date: Nov 25th, 2005 5:59 PM
I dont think it sounds like a race issue. I agree with your parents why couldnt you adopt a child from your own country? There are so many children in the U.S. (if thats where you are from) They need homes too. It seems like everyone just wants to adopt babies when there are so many older children that are out there feeling unloved and unwanted. I dont get it. Just my opinion. Which I am allowed to voice freely. Thank you. 

Name: to vera | Date: Jan 18th, 2006 12:31 AM
I dont think it matters where you adopt a child from. There are childern here and there that need familys and love. I think its wonderfull that you adopted a baby from China, congradulations on your new addition and good luck with your family, im sure with time they will come around. 

Name: Sick | Date: Jan 24th, 2006 1:33 PM
I think it's really sick how some people are so racist! If a child needs a good home and loving parents then thats all that matters - not what race they are. Tell your parents to "grow up" and be more mature. 

Name: bigdaddy | Date: Feb 18th, 2006 11:14 PM
A friendly reminder to Lilly that for some of us it is next to impossible to adopt in this country, especially in the less tolerant states. There is good reason to adopt from a foreign country beyond the humanitarian (ie. Girls in China face a rough life, if at all).

: - ) 

Name: Heather | Date: May 21st, 2006 1:06 PM
That is really a shame. I dont know what to really do for sure, but my reaction would be finding a network of friends and other "adoptive" family. My kids are mixed and some of my family does not agree or want allot to do with them because of it. I ignore it, and we have allot of elective family memebrs. are your parents out of state? If so, this will be easier. They may come around. They may not, the imortant thing is to make your child feel secure. If making your child feel secure inolves not having much contact with your parents, then im afraid it may have to come to that. 


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