Hello, guest
Name: so tired of fighting!
[ Original Post ]
ok please be honest here. I need some advice and an outsiders point of view.
Im nine months pregnant and me and my husband have been fighting like crazy lately! I know I am grouchy sometimes and I take blame in a lot of the fights but this time I really dont think it's my fault. I feel so stressed and so tired of fighting and I can't figure out what Im doing wrong!! anyways heres are latest fight:
I like I said am almost at the end of my pregnany and I told my husband that I had a terrible day yesterday. Back hurting from working all day, I couldn't eat luch until 3 because I was by my self..just a really bad day. So I get home around ten last night with our other two children (his step children really) and he had been home since around 6 that night. well i could tell as soon as i walked in he had done nothing but sit on the sofa and watch tv since he got home. there were dishes needing to be put away, chores to be done. anyways when i get home early all I do is take care of the kids and do chores, i feel like when he comes home ealry all he does is sit on his butt. He knew that I had a really bad day you would think he would clean up when he got home, and then when I do walk in he still doesn't get off the sofa and offer to help me with the kids..so I get a little huffy and start bitching at him i guess you could say and instead of being understanding he just starts yelling and fighting with me that he worked hard all day blah blah blah...so i just went to bed and didn't even talk to him anymore. this morning i tried calling him and he was so nasty on the phone and hung up on me! I dont get it sometimes he is so sweet and helpful and other times I feel like he could care less that Im going through a lot of stress now. I keep trying to tell him I need him now more then ever that Im almost ready to give birth to his baby and Im still working and I have the kids to take care off..so am I over reacting here or what???
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Name: Kortney | Date: Nov 30th, 2005 3:01 PM
i definetly understand what your going through i'm due jan 9th and sometimes my partner isn't real supportive either. by the way when are you due? stay strong sweetie and i'm here for you 

Name: author | Date: Nov 30th, 2005 5:37 PM
thank you Kortney!! Im also due in Jan. 

Name: Kortney | Date: Nov 30th, 2005 5:39 PM
Is this your first? 

Name: author | Date: Nov 30th, 2005 6:09 PM
no we have two already 

Name: Kortney | Date: Nov 30th, 2005 6:14 PM
what do you have boys or girls? 

Name: Desirae | Date: Feb 27th, 2006 2:37 PM
your singing my song sister! but you know honestly my fellings of resentment went away with the pregnancy. i hope yours do too! i'm by far saying these feelings are your fault but pregnancy does exagerate alot of feelings. you know what i did? i simply ignored some things like dishes, laundry, and told him the only way the kids where ever going to bed is if he put them there. and to this day, it is still his responsibality to put them down, and our new son is 8 months olsd. good luck! 

Name: abi | Date: Apr 25th, 2006 11:37 PM
dont worry 

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Name: Lynne n | Date: May 12th, 2006 9:15 PM
Your not overeacting at all,he needs to listen to you more after all you are heavley pregnant with his child.Maybe you should go on strike and just put your feet up on the sofa,i know it will drive you crazy to start with but it will be worth it the end.
Or you could say that you are not doing any of his meals and washing and ironing anymore!!!!!! 

Name: charlotte | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 11:35 AM
i think hes a pig!!! im 14 weeks pregnant and struggling i feel sorry for you, maybe you should think bout giving him an ultimatum coz when you have had the baby your going to need him more than ever coz u aint going to be able to do all thast swhen you have had your baby, i know how you feel coz my partner is like it but he does tend to help out even though we fight a lot, maybe hes jealous coz he thinks he might not get the attention he gets when the baby is born, but i hate to imagine how your coping with working and looking after his children, maybe he should step back and have a look what hes actually doing to you because if he thinks your going to be doing this when your bundle is here then hes got another thing coming you are so going to need him more than ever when you've had the baby. sorry if am being a bit to bitchy!!!! 

Name: bladerunnerx16 | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 7:06 PM
I hear the same thing from my dad about how he worked all day there ain't no excuse. You need to get him to help, it is hard to raise kids on your own and pit up with a lazy husband like my mom did./ 

Name: Deathbunny | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 4:52 AM
Couple of things:

1. Hormones - The cocktail of hormones running through your system right now has a major effect on your temperament, especially if you're carrying a boy. Androgen levels (testosterone) increases sexual interest and aggression. You'll continue to see this through into post-partum and through breast feeding.

2. You probably have feelings of dissatisfaction. This is a common occurence especially if there is any doubt in your mind about loyalty or any concerns financially. These may not even be concious...

3. He probably feels disconnected right now. Everything revolves around you, he's got this fatherhood thing hanging over his head, you may or may not be rational most of the time. Any sort of hostility from you probably does nothing to reconnect him.

4. He is also highly stressed and, if this is his first (regardless of stepkids), he's gonna' have some insecurity and possibly dread about what's going on... especially in the bedroom. Depending on what he does for a living, he may actually be wiped out.

You catch more bees with honey rather than vinegar.

You need to want him to want to play nice.

What you might want to do is "bribe him" with positive attentions or perhaps the oppurtunity, guilt free, to do something he really wants to and has been putting aside recently. Engage him personally and make him feel less like a functionary and more like a partner,

You may also need to avoid being confrontational or making him feel like he is compelled, by you, to do things. Give him incentive and work together... 

Name: Sage | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 10:02 AM
Oh wow i thought it was just me who had to put up with things like that! honestly males dont get it at all, well it makes me feel a little better knowing other wemon go through this with their partners too, dont worry my partner says every time i open my mouth i whinge and im a huffy bitch! honestly no you are not over reacting you have every right to be upset, and gee like they {males} have it so hard its not their bodies that are going through all these changes carring around and growing another life inside them and if we wanna be huffy bitches then we should have every right to be huffy bitches without them saying any thing, im due in three months, my parnter says he cant wait and that he just hopes that i go back to my old self! i really dont think males have any rason what so ever to complain or fight with us! its just another added stress on our shoulders anyway good luck with every thing! 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 27th, 2006 8:02 PM
When it's time to have the baby tell him you can go by yourself since you seem to have to do everything else on your own anyway. Tell him to kick back and watch some t.v. and when the baby arrives you'll call him to let him know the details but there's really no need for him to get up and be helpful. 

Name: JESSE | Date: Aug 25th, 2006 8:48 PM
No, you are not overreacting. I don't know what it is with men. My fiance was a total jerk from my 4th month of pregnancy until about 2 weeks before our son was born. I won't go into detail, but if I had the money to leave, I would have disappeared. Is he going through a rough patch at work? Is he having anxiety about the new baby? Trouble disciplining the kids? Not that any of these is an excuse for that type of behavior. If it is all the time then I would say that you have a problem. If this is something that happens on occasion, then maybe you could talk to him about it. Relax. You don't need to be getting upset, and you should not be working either. My son is almost 5 months old now, from time to time, I still resent him for the way he treated me during my pregnancy. I would love to see when go through it, I bet they would change their tune. 

Name: Tonya | Date: Aug 31st, 2006 1:01 AM
That's good that you stood up to him and told him how you felt. A lot of men are like that. It needs to be fair in the relationship. He's not being fair. You should sit him down one day and calmly ask him to help you out a little and tell him how hard it is doing it by yourself and then maybe he'll understand and help you out. 

Name: Been there,worked through that | Date: Oct 20th, 2006 7:07 AM
Definately not. You tell him that if he wants his family then there is more to it then working all day. Your job doesn't end at five, why should his. Some asvice for you. Ther are underlying issues with your husband, his emotions. Find a way to break down the barrier and discuss whats really bothering him, I know its sounds like I'm asking you to sacrifice, but men are big babies that need a lot of attention, and if you give that to him, youll get what you ned from him. I suggest reading how to properly care for and feed your husband. It saved my marriage. The book is discouraging at first, but it really works. 

Name: loveis hard | Date: Oct 20th, 2006 7:09 AM
To deathbunny- your comment hits right on the money. Good advice. 

Name: Jennifer | Date: Oct 20th, 2006 6:34 PM
I had this problem too. What you need to do from now on is don't do SQUAT!!! You are about to give birth, and stress could cause early-onset or even complications with the birth. If you have to, go stay with friends. Relax and kick back. This is not the time to be worrying about having the house clean. If your husband cares about a clean house, then he will do it on his own. The kids are his responsibility too, so whenever the kids need something, send them to him. Tell him you are absolutely NOT going to do any work for at least a month, so you can have your baby stress-free, and recover before having to cater to his sorry ass. this worked for me. 

Name: Claire | Date: Jun 13th, 2007 10:45 AM
No way are you over reacting!!!!!!! You need his support more than ever and when the baby is born you will need him to help in every way possible. You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel and what you need. This is a special time for you, and you should enjoy it. 

Name: braceface | Date: Jun 19th, 2007 10:12 PM
Your husband may be looking at the way your acting in a totally different way. I'm not saying hes right(as i believe you doing the right thing by getting mad) but i think that he's unexperienced. I'm sorry to say that men or boys don't understnad women or what we have to go through. I bet he doesnt even consider that your carring a 8-9 pound baby in your STOMACH! and i takes away nutrients from you and your hormones rage. Anyway try to put up with him until your baby is born.....your doing the right thing but he just doesnt get it. 

Name: Natasha1 | Date: Aug 10th, 2007 1:23 PM
U need to tel him to support you and get up off his lazy arse!!! Mayb he feels that he need affection as well as the new baby men can be like kids sometimes show him some affection and share the joy of your new baby together 

Name: cjsims | Date: Jan 16th, 2008 7:06 PM
Sounds like he needs a large foot put up his ass! The day I told my hubby I was pregnant, he started doing more around the house than he usually does, cause he knows I'm chasing an extremely active sixteen month old all day. Tell him you'd quit bitching less if he'd start helpin more. It is a win win. 

Name: Kim Gerwick | Date: Nov 29th, 2008 7:14 AM
You can Email me at [email protected] if oyu want to chat with someone that is expecting a baby to ok. 

Name: zezo | Date: Apr 5th, 2010 6:09 PM

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