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Name: katie
[ Original Post ]
My partner and I have been together for six years now. We have been planning on having a child so that we can extend our happy family and enrich our lives. Recently though, I've been a little nervous about the idea. Being lesbian parents seems like it could cause more problems than its worth. I don't want my child to grow up being teased because she has two moms. I'd love to hear from others who are going through the same thing...
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Name: Proud Mom | Date: Jun 15th, 2005 8:45 PM
I think it all depends on where you live and the values of your city/state/province/country. My partner and I live in Canada. She has a daughter from a previous marriage who is now in grade 5. I don't know if it is because she does technically have a father, but she has never really mentioned anything to us about being teased. She has two moms and one dad that's just the way it is, everyone accepts it. If you live some where where the idea of same sex couples/marriage/families is generally accepted, I don't think it should be much of an issue. On the other hand, if you feel that your neighbours are a little too, ahem, close minded for your tastes, you may want to consider moving to a more accepting environment. It may seem like a hassle but if you really think your daughter will be teased and discriminated against for the next 18 years of her life, a move may be an easier solution. 

Name: key mom | Date: Jul 26th, 2005 1:05 AM
My best gay man friend is a sperm doner for our lesbian friends and, they said that he is the day and will be part of the babys life as a day figure but the baby will have two moms and a dad, and learn that life is always ging to be different and hard any way you look at it but if a baby is what you want and then have a baby because your love is what the baby needs the most not what people think. 

Name: me | Date: Aug 9th, 2005 6:53 AM
My sister in law and her partner have 2 children. Sure, at times it is hard(being a parent is) but we all enjoy it. We always get together as a family and the kids have a wonderful time. The 6yr old thinks it is neat that she has two moms. The 18mo old doesn't really care at this point. My 8yr old asks why his cousin has two moms and we all tell him that is just how her family is, and they love each other very much. I know they are heavily involved in rainbow families and have lots of activities and support there.... besides us. 

Name: RK | Date: Sep 28th, 2005 4:43 AM
Please, enjoy those children already in your lives such as neices, nephews, neighbors, etc. I'm an elementary teacher and love children. My heart breaks for those who have been innocently born into situations as you're now contemplating. They do get teased, and have a rough road ahead before it even starts. Kids, including their future classmates/neighbors/ aquaintances, are born with clean, pure consciences and don't worry about being PC. Maybe that's a good thing... I live in Canada as Proud Mom does, and sorry but no, not everyone here has respect for lesbian "parents." I am encouraged that you're seeking opinions and thinking hard about this MAJOR decision. Best wishes... 

Name: bigdaddy | Date: Oct 4th, 2005 8:21 AM
Gosh, it sure looks like RK, who considers herself a "teacher," has been letting the teachable moment pass with her intolerant students. If she really loved children, as she claims, she would intervene to protect the oppressed and instruct the perpetrators. My heart breaks for children born into all kinds of situations far worse than having two loving parents of the same gender, including one in which teachers foster hatred. Teach the children well. 

Name: Izzy | Date: Oct 10th, 2005 3:26 PM
I was raised by two women who kept the nature of their relationship very private, and I can tell you that we were teased far more for our second-hand clothes, bad haircuts, and big vocabularies than for having lesbian parents.

It's a fact of life that kids get teased, no matter what their family looks like. There's really nothing you can do to about it beyond raising a strong, confident kid who understands what's really important. I would echo what others have said, though: think carefully about your community and your support network. The biggest trial for my sister and I was not the teasing, but that we didn't know any others in the same situation, and had the burden of keeping a "family secret". That was partly due to the times--in the early seventies, we had a good chance of getting taken out of our mother's custody if word got out. Hopefully things are better now where you are (as they are in most places, at least in urban areas).

If you are open about your relationship and have other same-sex couples with kids (or even loving, accepting traditional families who are openly supportive of you) in your social circle, I wouldn't worry about it. Provided you're in a relatively enlightened town and aren't likely to be physically harassed, that community support will more than outweigh whatever teasing your kids might have to deal with. 


Name: Kortney | Date: Oct 11th, 2005 7:57 PM
Hi Katie i'm a lesbian and am pregnant. It's been difficult physically and emotionally. Not to mention no real support from my family. I'm trying to stay positive and my partner is great for support . So stay strong sweetie. 

Name: beebopmama | Date: Nov 22nd, 2005 7:13 AM
Growing up otherthan (white priviledged) in the western world, especially in America, makes life a bit more interesting. Is this a reason not to live - No!

One cannot change their sex, color or race. But we can realize that life is full of joy' as well as, suffering. Much can be overcome with love and understanding. We have to and deal with difficulties everyday, but we had to realize we are both minorities in this country - as women, lesbians and people of color; therefore we are forced into situations in ourlives that "is" life - whether it's "good or difficult".

My teachings tell me that that is life (difficult and joyous), yet it is still precious and wonderful and worth living. Hopefully we will teach our children love and compassion through struggle.

Good luck to you! 

Name: Malissa | Date: Nov 28th, 2005 3:12 AM
this is to RK..

What I feel more necessary to be thankful for is the fact that you arent teaching my children...I send you a stone..whenever you feel you are sin-free, please.. feel free to cast it.. 

Name: J | Date: Dec 1st, 2005 6:40 PM
Friends of mine are a lesbian couple with a son. many times they just introduce themselves as mother and live-in nanny. Then as they become closer to people they gradually are known as a very loving two mom family. I can understand why they keep thier lives somewhat private. 

Name: Amy | Date: Jan 4th, 2006 6:34 PM
If you think there is any trouble possible that is not worth the reward of having a child than you answered your own question. 

Name: Heather | Date: Jan 9th, 2006 10:18 PM
If you are worried that the child will be teased... and you want to spare him/her that.... then don't have any children. Aren't there children in your families that you can be close to? 

Name: no | Date: Jan 11th, 2006 2:06 PM
i'd say no baby. Spare the poor child a life if ridicule because of your lifestyle. 

Name: Mom1 and Mom2 | Date: Jan 25th, 2006 2:40 PM
We have been together for 8 years, and we have 2 children. We have explained to our 10 year old about this, and she understands. Don't worry, if they are teased, just explain how to get away from teasing. (When they are old enough.) 

Name: Shaquaylin | Date: Feb 6th, 2006 10:49 PM
I'm 14 yrs old and i want a baby so bad i sex since i was 12 yrs old that was my first time then i started doing again i had sex with 20 yrs old to 23 yrs old and now i think i'm pregnant because i carry this fake doll around every where i mean every where that mean i'm ready for one 

Name: Destiny | Date: Feb 6th, 2006 10:55 PM
Hi my name is destiny and i'm 18 yrs old with two kids i had a baby since i was 15 yrs old.it fun to have them but it really hard work trying to to take care of two kids at a young age the father is helping m with them now so i'm a proud mother now and me my kids daddy and them has lots of fun. 

Name: lisa | Date: Feb 9th, 2006 10:11 PM
ive been a lesbian for quite a few years , im pregnant at the moment and due to have my second child i live with my girlfriend and we are very happy but we are in two minds what to call each other when our daughter is able to talk , my first child is 13 tommrow and he has had a good up bringing no different if it was with a mother and farther realationship , so there fore i say go for it 

Name: Kortney | Date: Feb 9th, 2006 10:53 PM
So lisa when are you due? 

Name: lisa | Date: Feb 10th, 2006 11:45 AM
well courtney in about ten weeks but they have said it could be any day my first child was 4 weeks early so ive got my legs crossed lol 

Name: Kortney | Date: Feb 10th, 2006 2:43 PM
so where do you and your partner live? My partner and i live in california. 

Name: lisa | Date: Feb 10th, 2006 3:40 PM
we live in derbyshire england im 33 and my girlfriend is 31 , how about u ? kortney 

Name: Kortney | Date: Feb 10th, 2006 3:46 PM
Well i'm 29 and my gf is 32 

Name: lisa | Date: Feb 10th, 2006 7:43 PM
so have u both got any children at the moment ? or are u thinking of having some or one ? 

Name: To RK | Date: Feb 10th, 2006 7:50 PM
Well said! 

Name: to bigdaddy | Date: Feb 10th, 2006 7:52 PM
How do you teach a kid to tolerant of what their parents find to be intolerable chosen behavior?

Shouldn't you also be tolerant of RK's position? 

Name: Kortney | Date: Feb 10th, 2006 8:09 PM
well i'm pregnant again and i have a two month old. what about you lisa? 

Name: Rosa Bloom | Date: Feb 13th, 2006 7:33 PM
Go for it Katie! 

Name: bigdaddy | Date: Feb 18th, 2006 10:08 PM
Oh, believe me, I've been tolerating RK and others who judge me all my life and continue to do so. The problem is that the negative atmosphere she creates is harmful to MY daughter. And if she ends up in her classroom, it becomes a legal issue. 

Name: porsha | Date: Mar 25th, 2006 6:31 PM
my sister is a lesbian and she has 4 kids and going on her 5th child. 

Name: jo | Date: Mar 25th, 2006 9:48 PM
"I don't want my child to grow up being teased because she has two moms. "

You answered your own question. You love enough not to put a child through a difficult life. 

Name: Rye | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 1:22 AM
Hello!
I have am going through the adoption program right now with twin babies. My partener and I have talked about all these things for the last three years. It's alot to think about but, trust me, when you are looking at your baby; you'll see its all worth it. My parents went through a similar thing, but with race. They are interracial and had to decide how worth it it was to bring interraicial babies into the cruel discriminitive world; especially in the 60's and 70's. But they realized that the only way to create a more openminded world is by bring openminded people into it. I thank my parents for being this way and raising me this way. And I plan to do the same with my twins. I am also a teacher who has had children with gay parents and they end up being very well-rounded and well-adjusted. You shoiuld not worry. Realize you'll be doing a wonderful thing...and never let anyone tell you any different. Smile!
if you ever want to talk -email me anytime [email protected] 

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