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Name: roxy | Date: Oct 30th, 2006 8:55 AM
hi lizzi, i know your right about the reaction thing many people have said the same, e.g after i posted this we were due to pick up his son whom we have overnight and he called my cat her cats name, its only a cat he said yes i said but only a past relationship also, it make me angry because he sometimes calls my son her other sons name too. i refused to go with him to pick up his son which must have shocked him because he knows i dont trust him around her with everything thats happened. but i fet like i had won a battle sort of proving that yes u can go there on your own coz i just at this moment dont care, and really i didnt which made me feel really good in myself. what makes me more angry is at easter we bought her other son an easter egg well i did i paid for them and she didnt get his 2 children nothing birthdays are the same not even a card yet he still treats her like shes all that with cream on, now if she was a nice person getting the kids birthday cards easter eggs etc like we do with her other son then i would understand but she makes life difficult everytime she has the chance. yet i'm the one he calls nasty for not allowing her other son to sleep. lol i must be going mad to even put up with this.
wow did i talk then lol anyway tnxs for replying xxx 

Name: Lisaissad | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 3:48 PM
I understand EXACTLY those feelings. i have a step daughter who is able to make the lives of everyone around her miserable. i have tried and tried to help her and it has gotten the family no where. i RESENT the attitude and the utter defiance that she is allowd to portray. the real problem is ME- i accepted it and allowed it and now i will pay the price. i am DIVORCING her father and her also. I hope everyone out there remembers, these step kids are hard as a rock and deviant as sly fox and as talnted as magicians. no where in the rule book did it ever say, i neede to learn how to be played. no thanks, not for me 

Name: Lisaissad | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 3:49 PM
I AGREE JUST SAY NO, step parenting is the most thankless job in the world with bad pay, no benefits and years of heartache. i agree walk away from it, nob etter yet RUN and never look back 

Name: Lisaissad | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 3:53 PM
Hello PAm,
All i can say is it knew we had issues with my stepdaughter, i am now married for 12 weeks and have already left, thses kids get no better, but the situations most certainly can get worse. 

Name: Lisaissad | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 6:49 PM
I have pondered that question also. I do bleieve part of the issue is that DADS have rose colored glasses and would like to wake up and everything be ok. i am sad to say, i have been married for 12 weeks to a wonderful man , unfortunately he has a daughter whom is an awful human being. I think he is afraid to accept what she is for that defines what he wasnt. he allowed to her to rule the house, disrespect people and herself and i frankly am appalled. i have recently left, held my head high and recognized, i love him but i love myself more. These kids are ungrateful, mean spirited and quite deviant. Iwish these men had the guts to stick up for what is right, but i suppose allowing the wrong is easier, just look at my step daughter. 

Name: sonora2007 | Date: Nov 5th, 2006 1:19 AM
Is there anyone here? 

Name: DinkysMom | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 2:39 AM
I am a stepmom desperate for help. I have an eight year old stepdaughter who I have had since she was 2 1/2 years old. Her father has full custody and her mother lives out of state. The problem is, her mother does not want her to live with her and her mother can barely spend time with her during her visitation. Her mother complains that she cannot handle her and has no intention of every having her live with her. However, the child's mother is constantly underminding my husband and I by telling the child that we are mean and that she loves her more than us and ect. I understand my stepdaughter is too young to see what is going on, but it is tearing our family apart. Please help me! 

Name: kaitlynn1835 | Date: Nov 15th, 2006 11:22 PM
Nicole, your stepson can call you whatever he likes. If you are his only mother figure, then why in the world wouldn't he call you mommy? If the bio mother is still in his life, then she may have issues with that, at which point you could suggest he call you mommy nicole. But if she is not in his life, then people should leave you guys alone, because just because someone's egg spawned a child does not make that person a mommy, any more than someone who contributed the sperm can automatically be considered a daddy. 

Name: marija | Date: Nov 16th, 2006 12:24 AM
ditto kaitlyn 

Name: tanya1982 | Date: Jan 31st, 2007 12:36 PM
my 17 year old step daughter went to Florida with her mom for two weeks and between the 2 of them they ran up a 650.00 cell phone bill that me and her father pay for so I took it away and now I am the mean step mother of the north I said she could have it back when they pay us 650.00 but until she does Its now mine 

Name: questionable | Date: Feb 8th, 2007 6:40 AM
No offense to anyone here (I haven't read everyones replies) but, if your getting annoyed with your children and/or stepchildren, the internet is really not the place to say it...Sure I agree that it may feel great to say things to people you don't know very well, because you don't have to see yourself being judged or whatever the reason is, but if your having problems with your kids and/or stepkids...You should talk to someone who knows them AND yourself, go to them for help, it may be harder but you'll get a lot better advice from people who know you intimately (as in well.) 

Name: colbert4 | Date: Feb 13th, 2007 5:35 AM
My husband has 2 children from a previous mariage and so do I. My husbands children are very much spoiled by his ex-wife and his family. His children and his family blame me for his moving an hour away. Now his kids refuse to come staat at our house on his weekends. Then cry about never seeing him. I get so angry becuz he allows his kids an family blame me and I'm the black sheep. He just gives in to his kids never talks openly with them. When I try talking to him about this becuz it is such a issue in our marriage he says he does not want to discuss it with me. I guess I'm suppose to just ignore the problem. Please someone help???? 

Name: rhonda29 | Date: Feb 25th, 2007 8:53 AM
I have a 12 year old stepdaughter and things were going great in my marriage until she moved in with us! She has her father wrapped around her finger and he lets her do and get anything she wants without any concept of "earning" things. She does no household chores and ignores everything I ask her to do! Her father always changes his mind about any kind of priviledge taking, etc! She trys to boss me around and it seems like she has more say in decision making than I do! Help! I have tried to build a relationship with her but she is closed to it! She only interacts with me when she wants to go shopping! 

Name: phoenixpiole | Date: Jun 7th, 2007 1:12 AM
i don't think that stepmoms are up for the task of parenting, no offense, but it seems that all step mother care and is money and their husband and if they have a kid them too, but absolutely no one else, its very rare too me that anything is done to please me or make me happy by mom stepmom, not to mention my dad struggles at times to do so, but thats when my mom comes in, she has been a blessing to me and i don't know what i would do without her, but if i was withouts her at this very momen't the last person i would live with is my stepmom especially concidering i don't want to ruin her royal relationship with my dad 

Name: renwright | Date: Jun 10th, 2007 1:00 PM
RE: SOS with 19yo SD who came to live with us 3 mos ago (she and dad - hubby - were estranged from age 3 until 10, by then mommy and step dad had taught her well how to "get what she could out of us" -- hearing only from her near her b'day and Xmas ....

Previously she wrote how she liked living in the state but HATED living with Dad and me ... The latest: (from my and DH's reading): SD thought living with dad would be better and getting to know the other side of her family would be a good thing but "sometimes not knowing is better" ... "being homeless would be better" (than staying here). As for Uncle Dave and Uncle Laci, she doesn't know them, Aunt Cheri is distant, and Aunt Terri makes her SO mad for example like when she writes her letters, they are something bad on top of something bad. She loves grandma bc she gives good advice even when she doesn't even know that she's being asked for it (i.e. too dumb to realize she's asking for advice) ..... "These are my people - you can't choose who your "people" are but they are not my "family." I show them respect but I don't love them."

"I miss my mom and love her but things weren't working there either." "It's been over a month since someone hugged me and almost five months (out of just over three that she's been here) that dad has hugged me and told me that he loves me" (not true - have personally heard him tell her this often). "All I've heard is how devastated dad was when I was out of his life but now that I'm here and "he's got me, he don't even care."

Comments ???? I am on the verge of a complete breakdown and don't know what to do. I am considering going to go stay with my mom (who lives 2 doors down from me) before I completely melt down. OR I suppose I could start my own journal that I accidentally leave out laying around (she'd read it bc she reads everything else of mine that is out -- like I have any right to say anything about this one!).

Of course she still expects US to haul her butt around at HER convenience .... regardless of whether it interferes with our lives ... Yesterday school was only 1/2 day and I asked her if I was supposed to pick her up, she said she'd try to get a ride home and I asked her if she would please call and let me know asap so that I didnt have to wait around all day not knowing .... well she waited until she was out of class THEN called for an immediate ride. I suppose I also get to haul her butt to work today (2 pm) and daddy can pick her up at 11:15 tonight..... Seems strange to let "these people" who aren't even "family" and she "doesn't love" do these things for her. As for the respect --- I'd like to know of JUST ONE instance that she showed even a morsel of respect to "us people"!

She just about tore the washer knob off after slamming open the basement cafe doors the other day when she was forced to wash the sheets! And time and time again, she leaves USED tissues laying on her floor and bed, instead of putting them in the trash as her dad asked her to do. She wipes her snotty running nose, plays with her feet THEN immediately goes to fix something to eat WITHOUT any thought as to washing her hands. Leaves her bowls, pans, etc. in the sink for ME to take care of bc she's too lazy to unload the dishwasher that me or DH has ran. The lastest, current bowl in the sink WILL stay there until I get tired of looking at it and then I'm gonna throw it and bust it and leave the remains whereever they end up! (yes, i know this is very immature of me) I'm just so darn angry -- I can't stand it anymore!

I can't do this any longer. I've tried VERY hard to be a nice person and hold my tongue but I can take it NO MORE!


OH yeah, I heard she told DH's mom that she didn't cook anything bc she was "afraid she'd tear/mess something up." This is completely UNTRUTHFUL. I showed her HOW to work the stove, where the pans/pots and other stuff are and gave her complete free rein to use as with anything else in the house - whenever she wants to.... she talked about cooking lasagna for several weeks but wanted US to buy the fixings for her ..... DH's mom - I'm sure- buys this poor pitiful story, which only makes me look like a monster when the truth is that she's too LAZY to cook and too LAZY to put away the empty dishes/pans when I DO cook ... I have fussed a lot behind the scenes (as you know) but I have NOT been anything but nice TO her over and over again.

Paid $200 for rx for her and she couldn't even be bothered with filling out the reimbursement form even though I asked her numerous times to do it bc we needed the $ back .... I had to do it myself!

I need help ... desperately... maybe I SHOULD just move in with my mom for a while?????

Maybe the national guard thing (which she has definitely decided to do, except that dad and renetta "don't know I'm doing yet" and when asked about it she says she's just "thinking about it") is her ticket out of this "hell hole" which is so much worse than being HOMELESS!? Sadly, if the info on the website is correct, she doesn't meet the weight guidelines to even be accepted...


Name: wifeypowers | Date: Jun 14th, 2007 1:23 PM
My husband and I were recently this year. He has two children from two different women , a girl alomost 18 that I really don't know and a boy 12 that lives with us during the week and stays his birth mother on the weekends. I have been in this child's life since he was about 7 as a baseball coach, friend and now step mom. For the first few months of marrage I tipped toed around home issues in an attempt to allow my step son time to assimilate to the new family structure. Now that I have been easing the house rules into the daily routine, he feels as though he is being "FORCED" to do things. I spoke with my husband regarding the matter and we all sat down and it turns out that he doesn't mind his dad asking him to do things but when I do it I am forcing him. I always ask him to do things and am the picture of patience. The chores he is being asked to do were discussed between all three of us before we bought our house and got married but now there is a hiccup. I am also pregnant and in my 2nd trimester. I have made it a point to include my new step son in the process since we found out. He is genuinely excited about the up coming baby as long as it's a girl.. no competion. Nevertheless I have gone as far as reading prenatal material with him (the not so graffic stuff) to include him. To make a long story short the dynamics of mine and his relationship has changed and that makes me very depressed. We get along as long as I don't ask him to do his chores. HELP! I would appreciate any advice.

Name: Candy | Date: Jul 3rd, 2007 7:27 AM
anyone there? 

Name: why---not | Date: Jul 11th, 2007 3:39 AM
I am totally frustrated. We cannot conceive children (no reason the doctors can determine), but I am forced to help raise my husband's teenage son whose mother says nothing but horrible things about me. I can't stand it 

Name: penny | Date: Jul 23rd, 2007 10:02 PM
I have read many stories to help me cope with my situation. Your few lines really hit home with me . I would like to chat more about....? 

Name: Momtobe | Date: Jul 28th, 2007 9:00 PM
I am a stepmom of 2 children. One boy (8) and one girl (13). I've been with my husband for over 7 years and we are expecting our first child. I come to realize that its very difficult to raise kids that are not your own because they haven't grown up the way maybe you would have brought them up. The problem i am having right now is that whenever they get upset they go run and tell their mother who hates my guts. It angers me more because the mother is a terrible mother and we got custody of the kids because of her terrible ways. She is the last one who should be criticizing me about how i act. I don't want the kids to hate her but I do feel that if anyone deserves respect it should be my husband and I. We do everything and anything for the kids and when they go and tell their mom things that happen in our home, its makes the relationship with the mom even more strained. We asked the kids not to say anything because the mom usually blows it out of preportion but they have continued to do so. Its come to the point where i have asked them not to share anything with me pertaining to their mom unless its something serious. It appears that they enjoy going back and forth and talking about my husband and I and then talking bad about their mom. Any help in this matter would be greatly appreciated. 

Name: kk | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 2:34 PM
to momtobe, I have been married,for 2 and a half years. My husband has 3 children. 2 daughtres, and a son. Their mother, is a drunk, does nothing for them, except teaching them on how to a bar whore. The daughters are so bad they live with their mom. The son livies with us. I am more like their mom than her. I didn't want it that way, I just do my job as a stepmom. I do everything for the son, and my reward is, when I correct him he runs to mommy and tells her I am mean to him. He is 6'3 weighs 225 and strong like an ox. I lost my baby, 3 weeks ago. I was 10 weaks pregnant The lawn hasn't been mowed, for 2 months. So I worked outside, for 6 hours. My stepson, plays football, and he can't do yard work, because he said he gets tired. He has a horse, he dosen't feed him or take care of it because he forgets. I do it . I know I am the cheif bottel washer maid and yard lady. He never, gets in trouble with his dad. He talks to girlfriend on phone for 6 hours a day. I can take no more. I am thinking, do I want this for the rest of my life. My husbands daughter laughed about our baby dying, and my husband talks to her like nothing happened. It makes me want to vomit. I told my stepson I wish your dad was your dad ,insead, of your friend, then maybe he would start to get after you. At least, your not the heavy, your husband, stands by you. I want to pack my bags, and leave these kids, to be the morons, their expected to be. The bond their mom has can not be broken, no matter how bad the moms are, they will only hate you, because your not their mom. The more you do, and the less the moms do, only make them hate you more. Can't win. 

Name: kk | Date: Sep 12th, 2007 1:28 PM
I want to let you know, that our lives, are much better now. My husband, has become a better father, he dosen't take garbage from his children. The son, is a differnt person. He is doing his chores,now. And keeps saying he is sorry for giving us such a hard time. It is so sad, that a mother can cause such evilness. I thank jesus, for stepping in and showing him the truth. The oldest daughter, we are staying away from, she said we lied, we were never pregnant. And said things, that were so twisted. I am glad, and thankful, I did not leave. Thank you for letting me tell my story. Just keep praying, for stepchildren. kk 

Name: rosie11 | Date: Oct 3rd, 2007 8:10 PM
stepmom in anxiety 

Name: debrajburns | Date: Nov 11th, 2007 10:41 AM
join the club 

Name: angel | Date: Jan 4th, 2008 4:15 AM
i hate my step mom becauce she gets mad at me and im not lie,in 

Name: Jacqui | Date: Jan 5th, 2008 12:39 AM
I, too have felt this way. I just vented in my stepfamily disaster area. As a stepmom, I know how alone it is possible to feel, not wanting to burden anyone and always telling yourself that everyone else is the priority. Please let me be your shoulder if you need it. It would probably be good for both of us. 

Name: kim | Date: Jan 27th, 2008 6:49 PM
Stepmoms have NO BUSINESS allowing their step children to call them mommy. I could care less how much is preached about YOU being a mother figure to the kids. Fact of the matter, MOM is MOM and DAD is DAD regardless if the two BIOLOGICAL parents are together. Keep that attitude up and you will find yourself in a world of trouble in family court, not to mention have a restraining order not allowing to be around the children. The child has two parents, you're just the wife! 

Name: sweetballet | Date: Jan 29th, 2008 7:04 PM
My children have a step dad and I guess we are lucky it has been since they were 18 months which worked well as he is the ONLY daddy they know. 

Name: jshubert | Date: Feb 2nd, 2008 11:42 PM
I could use the support. I agree with everything you said. For such a difficult family dynamics.....no real blended family site. 

Name: jshubert | Date: Feb 2nd, 2008 11:47 PM
"Kim" I cant help but hear your anger. Any secure mother would welcome another women in their childrens life regardless of what they call them. Is it possible you are fortunant enough to have a good stepmom in the picture and you dont appreciate it. All it takes is for you to have the alternative to know....your need to be the "mom" is silly. Feel blessed that someone loves your children in your absence. My children have a stepmom. I support her and I sleep better every night that she is around. Anger solves nothing and breeds imaturity. Good luck. 

Name: jshubert | Date: Feb 2nd, 2008 11:58 PM
"Phoenix" I am sad for you. blending is tough for all. You are one side to a very complicated situation. I am the stepmom. From where I am standing its hard too. I married a man because I loved him...not because I had a child with him. Every women wants to be a focus of her man. When you are older you will realize what most step children see......it is not about taking from the child. Its about trying to be a happy adult. We only have one life time....yours is ahead of you. I am sorry your experience has been tough. I am sure it is due to a lack of coommunication on your parents part....nothing you;ve done less of coarse you intentionally try to create friction between them. Thanks for the other side. Its good reading. Good luck. 

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