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Name: step mom | Date: Mar 26th, 2009 11:11 PM
my step son is destroying my marriage he lies, cheats and totally hates me 

Name: kendall | Date: Apr 8th, 2009 4:50 AM
i am upset because his ex is trying to come after everything. When we have them more then she dose, and she gets the child tax and more. Its week on week off. On her weeks she brings them here and he drives them to school and picks them up. she has it so good. Trying to say that he could be making more money then he is now. 

Name: Meems | Date: Apr 13th, 2009 5:20 PM
I have a 14 yr old stepson who is very disrespectful and defiant. It is having a toll on my marriage. My husband tries with him too, but he still wants to control the household. I really dread when he comes over. I am afraid that it is going to rub off on my 2 yr old who get highly upset when he is acting out and carrying on like he is 2. Any advice how I can not keep from kicking him out of the house for good, or until he can learn to treat us with respect. 

Name: Joanna | Date: Jul 4th, 2009 5:09 PM
I am having my first son with my husband and I also have a 2 year old stepson. I feel like a monster because I don't get excited at all when my stepson comes over for his weekend with us. My husband and his ex-wife had a baby because they thought it was the next step, even though he wasn't in love with her. Sometimes I just resent the fact that his ex gave him his first child and I won't. I grew up in a split family and hated it and I told myself I would never marry into one, yet here I am. I knew what I was getting into, but it still hurts when I think about my husband maybe favoring his son over ours because of guilt. I also hate the fact that his ex will always be a part of our lives as long as we live. It makes me so angry that I sometimes ignore my husband and don't do too much with him and his son when we have him. Maybe I'll feel differently after my son is born (end of this month). He also makes a lot of money and pays a crazy amount in child support which makes me sick. ANyways, I needed to vent before I exploded...I hate these darn hormones! 

Name: Jennifer | Date: Jul 16th, 2009 12:58 AM
I am so frustrated with the way I am feeling. I realized today that I am jealous of my 16 yr old stepson. The one thing my husband and I did without children wsa golf. He took his son golfing tonight while I stayed home. I have 3 children and he has the 1. Golfing was all we had that did not invovle children and now his son is involved. I am so angry for feeling this way. I am so angry that he would take this from me. Any suggestions??? 

Name: lesley | Date: Jul 16th, 2009 11:49 PM
k i am having a really hard time dealing with my fiances children. we both have a boy and a girl the same age... they are totally different. i feel guilty but i compare them constantly. i expect kids to behave, mine do and his are horrible! the dress sloppy and have no manners. this is very shallow of me, but today his daughter came home with the most horrible hair cut... she looks awful, and my daughter is so pretty and well kept. i wish i didnt think these things, but i do... and it is going to drive me insane. 


Name: Pam | Date: Aug 21st, 2009 6:51 PM
I married my current husband 4 years ago and along with him came two daughters. Their mother died of cirhosis of the liver at 36. The youngest daughter was 4 and the othe 9. I stepped in and starting raising these girls along with my 11 year old son. Their father was soon deployed to Iraq and I was left by myself to put together the pieces. I love these girls with my entire heart. The youngest calls me mom becaue she dose not know her mother, but I make sure she does know she has another mother in heaven. Tne oldest now 14, I think is starting to take what was a wonderfule relationship and...well I can't figure it out. I am guessing that she is not old enough to realize that her mother is not coming back and I am what is left. I feel that she is taking it out on me with her anger, disrepsect, etc. I send both girls to comfort zone camp to help them deal with the issues. I am only good if she needs money or needs to do something. Does anyone have any suggestions as I know I am not her real mom and would bring her real mother back if I could. I gave up my single free life with my son but I gained a wonderful family. Just need help with the oldest!!!! Thanks. 

Name: Teresa 7 | Date: Sep 13th, 2009 12:25 AM
I am a step mom of what I thought were 2 great well behaved girls (9,10). I have 2 kids of my own and understand that children need alone time with all parents involved. Recently my husbands(we are recently separated and working on things), his oldest daughter was telling her mom and his family lies about me and we worked together and got to the bottom of that. But most recently I went to pick him and his kids up and as soon as I got there his oldest started crying saying she didn't want to go, she admitted to him that she was jealous because all she wants is alone time with him and doesn't want to share.He has allowed this behavior and I had to turn around (45 mins) drive to come back home alone. I see this as manipulative behavior and am trying to work with him on this issue. When the kids are here we all do stuff as a family and have fun. But he claims that is a front his kids were putting on.I feel like if I walk away from him then I will appear to be selfish, but I honestly don't know what to do.We have been together for 2 years and this behavior just started in the last 6 months. I've explained to him that jealous behavior is normal but shutting me out will not help the situation it will only show the kids that it's okay to do this and they always get what they want.Any advice? 

Name: Laura | Date: Sep 17th, 2009 6:31 AM
Omg I am so frustrated and all I want right now is some advice from someone who has actually been in similiar shoes. 

Name: Laura | Date: Sep 17th, 2009 6:41 AM
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years, we have known eachother since junior high. He has two daughters one is 16 and the other is 20, I have three kids two boys and a girl. My kids absolutly adore him and the idea of us. His kids are new to his parents being divorced and I am the first women he has dated since the divorce. We have had some pretty major ups and downs with his two girls. The oldest is getting ready to have a baby and unfortunately her and I just cant get along. We both tolerate eachother but that is about it. His other daughter is very wishy washy with her feelings. One minute she treats me like I am the best and she loves me to death then the next she is rude short and basically cant stand to be around me. I am not too worried about the oldest cause she is venturing out into the world. But the youngest I am just so upset over. I have been so bonded and close to her and then its the complete opposits. I am really getting tired of trying over and over again, but I dont want to give up, but I amso close to doing so after being burned over and over again. Anyone have any advice? 

Name: Laura M | Date: Sep 17th, 2009 6:51 AM
I really need some help regarding my boyfriends two daughters. Anyone available to help? 

Name: Amber | Date: Sep 28th, 2009 11:43 PM
Hello 

Name: Confused Stepmom | Date: Oct 6th, 2009 9:09 PM
Is there a chat room for us confused stepmoms? 

Name: K | Date: Oct 20th, 2009 2:20 AM
I have raised my husbands kids for 7 years. My step-daughter was a compulsive liar from age 12 on. She would make up el aborate lies about the police being called on us. (We are boring non-drinking types). Her mother would give her secret money and cell phones. Allowed drinking, smoking and god knows what else. Flash forward- she 18 in college and is always manipulating her family out of money. She and her father have reconciled and she is apparently coming home for the weekend. I don't trust her and don't want her in my house unsupervised at all EVER. What should I do? 

Name: BabyLovin | Date: Nov 11th, 2009 12:27 AM
So I am a step mother to a wonderful little boy, and I do not find it offensive at all that someone else's kid starts calling the step mother "mom". My stepson calls me moma nd I call him my son, because if we come to reality here, the word "STEP" is a very ugly word in my opinion, nothing good has come iwth that word. I believe that if the kids choice is to call you mom or dad when you are not, they should be able to. Now if you or your partner are teaching this kid to call you mom or dad out of despite to the other partner, then I completely agree that is completely wrong.....

My stepson started by callin me by my name and little by little started switching it up. And ended up callin me by mami. and completely changed it to mom. I always told him, no its not mom, its "my name" but he wouldn't want to call me that, he told me he wanted to call me mom, and when anyone else referred to me by my name he would tell them, no that its mom. So if someone told him, go take this to "my name" he would be like no that's mommy. So after months of fighting with him, I decided if he wants to call me mom, then that's his choice, not me forcing him. because i do love him oh very much like if he were my own. His real mother was bothered by it at first but when she noticed it was the baby that wanted to call me that, she had no choice but to adjust to it, because again, that was his choice, and he would not change his mind. He has grown so much in my heart. that i consider him my baby too. So to all the step mothers out there, that love their step kids as much as I love mine, don't change, or feel guilty for anything, because you are too his/her mother as well, because you will care for him, just like you would your own kids.

But the kids mothers... that's another issue, always drama. But you know what... just let it be, and live your life with you man/girl and be happy.
God BLess! 

Name: BabyLovin | Date: Nov 11th, 2009 12:39 AM
Woman with problems with their step children....


BE PATIENT.... jealousy will not solve anything, you have come and think about how to deal with them. If you're kids are going with their father and his girlfriend, how would you like their "step mom" to treat them??? You want her to judge them and compare them to her own kids, saying her kids are better, at everything... NO! You dont want that for your own kids, so why do it to your partners kids? You ar ewith him because you love him, so you have to love him with the whole package!!! & that includes the kids, the kids are not at fault that the parents are not together. So its our duty as stepmoms to try to make the time with their dad the most enjoyable time, because they wanna be with their dad, but they have to learn that the dad has a woman in his life, so you treating them good will let them know that they also wanna be around you, not just the dad....

YES THE KIDS SHOULD ALSO HAVE ALONE TIME WITH THEIR DAD, EVEN IF THAT INCLUDES GOING GOLFING !!! dont take that away from them either!!! Don't give them a reason to dislike you. Yes it is harder twhen the kids are older, but find something you might have in common with them and try to bond with them that way....

because you getting along with the kids, makes your relationship with your partner even closer and stronger...

just my opinion... GOOOOOOOD LUCK!!! 

Name: marvella | Date: Nov 15th, 2009 6:08 AM
I want to love my step daughter more and more every day. 

Name: marvella | Date: Nov 15th, 2009 6:11 AM
step kids are the greatest we have to remmember that. 

Name: Sue | Date: Nov 21st, 2009 8:35 PM
I really don't know what to do. I am at my breaking point. 

Name: Danielle | Date: Jan 4th, 2010 6:57 PM
i have two step daughters. One is four and the other is 15 months. I feel like I may be getting "too" attached to liv, the 15 month old.
I want my own baby now. I'm so tired dealing with these other women, I know they will be around for ever but I'm tired of sharing something that isn't mine to begin with. I want my own babies
fyi-I'm very new at this 10 months in so any advice will help 

Name: Danielle | Date: Jan 4th, 2010 7:04 PM
Sue-
it's been about 2 weeks did you break? tell me what happened, maybe we can work things out together and you can give me adivice too 

Name: struggling | Date: Jan 5th, 2010 8:55 PM
im 24 and have 3 step kids @ the age of 5, 14, & 17. its so hard but dont get me wrong, they're great kids, but i feel a little jealous that i have to share my husband. he puts most of his attn on the 5 yr. old and i spend most of my time with the 17 yr old. but lately, ive been so annoyed b/c my things will borrowed and rtned damaged w/o a word. and the kids always go thru me for things b/c they know ill say yes. ive been married for 4 yrs now i love my husband truely, but i can never express myself to my husband i tried once n he exploded. hes very protective when it comes to his kids. i need to find a way to handle all of this, help anyone? 

Name: struggling | Date: Jan 7th, 2010 7:28 PM
So i've decided that i will talk to my step daughter in a nice way, asking more than talking on why there are stains on my clothes that she borrows, then ill make a joke out of it.... but yesterday was that day and i just couldnt do it. i guess u can say i dont like confrontations. shes 17 and we get along great, but recently, im just so annoyed b/c i cant tell her what i really think and im more like a friend than step mom. she already has a mother but doest come around, only on xmas thru out the yr. she doesnt have to worry about her kids, its just me and my husband, and the kids. but back to the point, i just dont know how to tell her, shes the only girl out of the 3 and shes some what spoiled. but its odd b/c shes a lil diff. when her father is around b/c hes strict, but when shes around me, which is most of the time, shes diff. i guess its bc shes more comfy. w/me or either she knows she can get away w/things. shes a very sweet person but there are just times when she thinks shes a princess. i need to find a way to speak w/her re: these things or either just suck it up. well lets see if i can express myself to her. 

Name: christena | Date: Jan 21st, 2010 2:58 AM
I am 21 and have two stepkids a girl and boy the girl is 4 and the boy is 3 and I have a hard time because me and my husband just had our son in july and his kids just moved in our house and they stress me out I don't know how to raise someone elses kids they are so disrespectful that at times I want to give them back to their mother but I know they are better off with us any advice 

Name: Melissa | Date: Jan 24th, 2010 5:26 AM
My step son is 21 yrs. old. His dad and I marriade when he was 2. Now he has a little boy and it like everything is in reverse. He won't let his precious little boy have anything to do with me. And to top it all off, the step son I living in my home!! I feel like I'm just living in his and his dads world!! 

Name: jo | Date: Apr 1st, 2010 12:02 PM
Stamping your authority when not actually a child's mother is something that is a hard talent to master. You are the adult and they are the children and should be reminded of this when they step out of line. You have not chosen to be in this situation so never feel bad if you ever feel resentment to the children. I spend hours thinking about what I could be doing instead of looking after children that are in no way related to me. I used to be afraid of sounding selfish but that is not the case. I am 26 and have no children of my own. Fathers need to realise that the love a step mother feels for their step children is built up over time and not immediate. Step mothers out there stand up for yourselves and don't take any rubbish!!!! 

Name: Tanya | Date: Apr 14th, 2010 1:58 AM
Nicole
I have been in your situation. The best things that you can do is let your step son call you what ever HE feels comfortable calling you. If he feels like he wants to call you mommy well its his choice. If your friends get offended 1. Its none of their business and 2. all you need to say is you let your step son call you what he wants. Ask your husband how he feels about it if he feels uncomfortable well then maybe you should sit down as a family to dicuss the situation. Hopefully that is some help to you..Keep up the good work obviously he loves you enough and feels that maturnal connection to you to call you mommy. You obviously care a great deal about him. 

Name: KB | Date: Jul 7th, 2010 8:46 PM
Hello my name is Krisanna!! I have been married to my husband for 4 years and been together for 6 years. When we started dating his daughter was 12 and his son was 16. Needless to say they were pretty much grown. My husband stayed married to his ex wife for 18 years so that his daughter would have the right to choose where she wanted to live. My husband's ex-wife is bipolar, pharmaceutical addicted, alcoholic who has never had any ambition in life but to have someone take care of her.
So on to my frustration. My step daughter started running away at the ripe ol age of 12. I am sure it had part to do with getting daddy's attention since I came in the picture and she was no longer the center and the other part is she wants to run her life her way and not the way of the house. So I came back from deployment to find out a bunch of crap that happened and during this time my son (child with my ex husband) had to stay with my present husband for my ex was deployed as well.There were things that went on when while I was gone which led me to put my foot down and tell him that I was not going to make him choose his daughter over me but i could no longer live the way we were living. 4 days after I got home she disappeared for two weeks. So we sent her to Freona Texas, in the middle of no where. My husband was scheduled to deploy 5 months after I got home but got canceled. So he went to Freona and got her then he got orders again. So I had her, well during this time she started running with a gang, not coming home when she was supposed to and took naked pictures of herself (16) and her looser boy friend (19). So I sent her to her mothers to live.
While there she dropped out of school, got her GED, got pregnant and had a baby. STo make a long story really short. She is now living with us and is such a waste of space and time. She is lazy, got herself pregnant again and I can't stand to be in the same room with her. I try to not voice my frustrations to my husband because it is his daughter but i feel myself going crazy. I told her three days ago to take her dang cloths out of the dryer and I told her yesterday again and told her to clean of the steps of her crap. What does she do, she puts the cloths in a basket and piles all the crap in it and then sets it at the bottom of the steps. UUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.
I hate being in my house. The only time she is nice is when she wants something. She is supposed to be working but decided hasn't worked in two weeks for one excuse or another. She drives my husband's truck, we pay the insurance the roof over head and all the utilities plus she eats. She does have WIC and Food Stamps for herself and the baby but she blows it on her my baby's daddy.
Her aunt sent her 100.00 to help get a procedure done and didn't get the check cashed in time so we gave her a 100.00 with the agreement that she would cash it on her way back from her appointment. Did she? No, so she came home went to sleep until 5 then every where that could have cashed it was closed. So her dad told her to get her butt out of bed today before 9am and get it cashed. It is 3:38 pm and it is still not cashed.

That is another thing he has told her repeatedly to get her butt out of bed before 9am everyday and what does she do she completely disrespects him and sleeps till when ever she wants and that is usually until 1pm. I get so frustrated because he allows it and I watch it. I feel like if I say anything all I am doing is being @#$%$. Then when i say how I feel and it doesn't come out nice then he tells me that sheis sensitive and that she thinks I am being mean and that he does not think I am being mean but he was just telling me.

I love my husband more than I can express but there does come days where i can't handle this life anymore. She sucks the life out of anyone and everyone. I know she enjoys it when people are unhappy because of her. It makes her feel self righteous. I try really hard to not allow her to get hold of me but there are days I feel like I have no control over anything in my house.

I am so frustrated, angry, sad, depressed and want to cry!! 

Name: stepmomof3 | Date: Jul 15th, 2010 10:25 PM
I have 3 stepkids....ages 16,13,and 12....I have two biological sons....my youngest is 11 but my oldest recently died...in January. I am married to someone that is very difficult and thinks it is OK for his kids to steal and lie to me and him....omg mine such a long twisted story,ugh ...To make it short. We fight constantly!! over his kids and of course I find myself getting so angry that I call his kids little hoodlams to his face. And now im percieved as a aweful step mom. When I first married my DH he was constantly fighting with his ex about visitation and at one point he had no clue were they were....k my son was young and in diapers and he calls don dad wich im ok with since his dad was not in the picture. I use to work all the time and pay for gas for him to go see his kids just to get a door slammed in his face and I even had a heart and cryed for him cause it sadened me.Now we have the kids...3 years ago or so his ex left her husband whom was evedentally abusive and put these kids through hell.Well the oldest SS was diagnosed with diabetes at age 7 or 8 and she would never keep the dr appt for his doctor. and everytime we did get them for a weekend his blood sugar would be in the 3 and 4 hundreds!! Son one time I took that kid into there myself and said someone needs to see him asap....well they ended up having to admit him into the childrens hospital cause his over all bloodsugar ran way too high! Well they got on the ball called dcfs and she came down talked to us and she went and removed the other 2 kids as well from this womans home due to lack of going to school....the dcfs worker asks me .... would there be a problem if we temporarily place all the kids with you at this point. cause he drives a truck and is gone alllll the time .....I said sure np and I was excited that finally my DH gets to be with his kids and we can be a happy family....boy was I more wrong! His daughter gets into my purse and steals, his son smokes,has sex,steals and conives, and his other son has told me to go f myself if I ground him ugh...I call the DH and geuss what? So whats the problem is all I get from him he cowards down to the little brats and then to top the cake...ugh my real son gets ganged up on and they are so biased with eachother ...he has NOONE cept me to defend him....my DH's oldest son one day doubled his fist and punched my 10 year old in the back....well 15 yo boy hitting a 10 yo boy thats not kool at all...I tell DH and nothing gets done at all....Ok today that DH's son has 3 lighters and I have one ....he stole my green lighter so I had no way to light the stove to feed DH'S other two kids plus mine...I just lost my oldest teen a few months ago and I cant do this anymore I am to the point to were something has to give!! I love DH I left him and find myself missing him....I miss our old relationship before his kids came along...and he thinks im this mean person tht shld suck it up and put up with it...not fare!! any advice please?????? crys... 

Name: Michele | Date: Jul 31st, 2010 9:45 PM
Life as a stepmom is miserable. I have 2 step daughters with 2 different mothers. The oldest is 12 and her mother is great the youngest is 5 and her mother is hell. She Left my husband a year before I ever came in the picture and tried to take her daughter from my husband. My husband and I won custody and both the girls live with us fulltime. The youngest mom is crazy. She killed her daughters cat to prove her love to her now boyfriend and told her daughter that the cat ran away. She made her daughter a photo album of the two of them and then put in a picture of my husband and her and her daughter and said see this is our family, she told me she takes her by the places that my husband and her used to take their daughter when she was an infant and tells her this is where her and her daddy used to take her but not anymore, she told her yesterday that she loved her daughters daddy. Now my stepdaughter cries all the time and doesn't want me around. I don't know how much longer I can take being around and being treated like this. I really feel sorry for my 5 year old step daughter becuase her mom is messing with her mind. I can understand the photo album but why the family picture? Our 5 year old doesn't understand why her parents aren't together and this is just confusing her more and making her dislike me. I know her mom is a manipulative person but she is hurting her own daughter in the process.

I would love to hear any advice that anyone has to offer. I am at the end of my rope with the crazy ex wife.

Thanks! 

Name: Alanaxx | Date: Aug 20th, 2010 6:28 PM
HI i have 2 step children that r 11 and 14 and have lived with me for 9 years i also have 3children of my own. It as been as testing 9years with my step children and still very hard now i never no if im coming or going with them one min they talk to me the next they dont. Its been a lot hard sicne there mum started to do more for them and be there more which as only been the last year b4 then she was never really there so now all she says to them is that they need there mum which i will say they have need her for the last 9year not now that all the hard work as been done so now thing are harder then ever. The older one can say some really hurtfully thing like she done not need me and dose no want me and on. I do understand why she is say and doing the thing she doing she dose not want to lose her mum again and she think if she is seen wanting me or caring in any way for me her mum mite trun her away again so i so on that side i do understand. I always tell her that no matter what i will alway be there for her all she as to do is ask and ill be here in a shot like i alway have been. I just hope one day she will see that i love her with all my heat and that i was just caring for her in a way that mums do and i love her as my own. 

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