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Name: IreneJ
[ Original Post ]
Recently my daughter moved to Europe and was unable to take her two children with her. I am now looking after my grandchildren (a girl and a boy) on my own. I am 75 years old and used to staying at home pretty much all of the time. I'm not sure i'll be able to manage these rambunctious kids! I don't even know what kids like these days! I just wanted to know if anyone has any ideas about how this arrangement could go smoothly.
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Name: Krys | Date: Aug 2nd, 2005 6:52 PM
Children are alot different these days. But discipline is really the only thing to keep them on the right track. Sometimes people are afraid to yell or spank (NOT BEAT) their children, but they are better off in the long run and will appareciate you for it in the end. Stand your ground. Kids like different things than in the past. Computers, cell phones, with the new technology, they're all alittke smarter. Don't OVER give them things becuase they need to learn the importance of appreciation! Good luck! 

Name: bigdaddy | Date: Nov 6th, 2005 7:50 PM
Hi Irene- You posted this a while ago--how are things goig? If it is any consolation, the grandparent parents I work with really do an excellent job. It is important to make each of the children feel responsible for what goes on in your home. Make them a part of even the simplest decisonmaking, and you will find that they will take over and make your household work. If the dishes need to be done, sit down with them and say, "Listen, the dishes need to be done. I have to finish the laundry and can do them after you all go to bed. But it would would be a huge help to me if you could figure out how to get some of them done so I don't have to do that." They are smart enough to know that you are old, and not Supergirl. If they had no one to raise them, they would figure something out. The fact that they have you is a super bonus and they don't want to lose you.

And pick your battles. If they won't brush their teeth, just say, "Well, you may grow up with rotten teeth. I suppose you can get them drilled out later." Concentrate on the crucial issues, like getting to school (on time? That's their responsibility.) If they stink in school, someone will set them straight, the power of peer pressure to your advantage.

You are all partners in your mutual success. Hang in there. 

Name: laurevere | Date: Jul 29th, 2006 1:06 AM
Save up your money and your daughter money and send her children to her. I made that same mistake when my grandson was 3 days old, now he is 16 yrs old. The children need their mother and you need to enjoy the rest of your life. Kids these days are nothing like the kids of our generaton! TRUST ME!! Help her financially from a distance to keep her kids with her. Take your life back NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Name: CHRIS | Date: Aug 16th, 2006 6:00 AM

Name: to Irene | Date: Aug 19th, 2006 12:11 PM
Any mother that leave her children to go to europe can't be much of a mother do the kids a favor and keep them I know its hard but try the kids will never forget and will love you forever 

Name: Debbie | Date: Oct 20th, 2006 12:59 AM
I must say that if I was 75-- my daughter would have to take the kids with her! 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 20th, 2006 9:47 PM
How old are these children?That's kind of rude for your daughter to dump them off on you like that,has she no respect for you? I would insist she give up Europe and come back and be a mother to her children! You could go to the wel-fare department and get foodstamps and a medical card for the kids.Your daughter should at least be sending you money though i hope?! What kind of mother leaves her children like that? What was so important in Europe that she had to leave her kids behind? what kids aren't allowed in Europe or what? 

Name: to lizzi | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 2:22 AM
theres a man over there and he does not know she has children 

Name: marija | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 2:45 AM
At 75, how old ar e your grandchildren?
If theyre young i dont think there is anything that is going tyo make it easy! Get the mother back, Unless she is in Europe having a medical emergency or she is only there for a short holiday/work committment 2-3 weeks she SHOULD be the one looking after them!
If theyre older teens then make sure they respect the rules of the house and your daily routine, then they will pretty much look after themselves.
Good luck 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 12:59 AM
Oh then by all means she should put the man first! UH-NOT!!!!! 

Name: Chris Ramey | Date: Oct 26th, 2006 2:05 AM
These kids willl keep you busy. It depends on how old they are. and how active you are.Do you have a church to help??Can you afford a day care-once or twice a week-if their young, a youth center if their older for games & activities, books to read, computer games @ the library if you dont have a computer. The library has dvd's (movies)to take out, if you have a card. check with a youth organion in your area for charity help 

Name: Alfreda Washington | Date: Jul 6th, 2007 7:55 AM
Am new grandmom again and I am hurting and i need to talk to someone 

Name: young2007 | Date: Jul 22nd, 2007 5:02 PM

Name: Julie | Date: Jul 25th, 2007 3:52 AM
man that is too bad your daughter couldn't take them I watch my grandkids but hope they are not to young that would be hard to take care of. 

Name: Eileen White | Date: Oct 27th, 2007 4:48 AM
HI Irene my name is Eileen I took in my 2 Grandchildren last Dec. after going to court to get them ,aboy 2 and a girl 5 .Both my kids have Autism .Idid not think Icould do it but hang in there and have a smile on your fase because it is worth it. 

Name: liz | Date: Dec 27th, 2007 1:42 AM
grandkids are of joy of fun .tell me how old are your grandkids. 

Name: Grandmaof5 | Date: Jan 20th, 2008 11:02 PM
I admire you for taking on this responsibility! All children need parameters. Inside this space they feel safe. If they cross outside the "line" they need correction. If you love them, love them, and care enough to correct them - they'll be fine and you'll be a Saint! 

Name: Jayne | Date: Mar 24th, 2008 3:09 AM
How old are the kids. At 74 years I am currently taking care of a boy of 1 and half and his sister who is 2 and a half. It's very tiring but the love and affection I get more than makes up for it. 

Name: sue z | Date: Apr 30th, 2008 2:03 PM
i am watching a 2 and 4 year old grandsons-it isn't easy-i'm tired and i have no time for myself,after working full-time for years i;m busier than ever. I try to keep our day structured with play time, outside time, meal time , and a rest period for all of
us,be consistant 

Name: Meetoo | Date: Jun 22nd, 2008 6:12 AM
I can't believe that your daughter 'moved to Europe and couldn't take the kids with her.' Does she help with the expenses? You should hire a housekeeper and charge her with the expense and also she should pay for all of the kids needs. However, i don't think she really cares.
i took care of my two grandchildren, a girl 8 and boy 6 for a year and a half while our daughter served in Iraq. She joined the military when she was a single mom with both kids. It was a given that she would go to Iraq.
Those kids exhausted me, and I was only 61 at the time they came. I felt 75 when they left.
I did have someone do the heavy cleaning once a week. But, I was totally exhausted all the time. These kids were so needy. They were out of control, but were a little better when they left. Last year she re-enlisted and I told her I couldn't take the kids again if she was deployed.
She re-enlisted anyway. She said she could make more money and her new job would be non-deployable (that's what she said the last time).
As soon as the kids left, our other daughter moved in with her little girl. The little girl is four and easy, but the daughter is a spoiled brat and my husband refuses to make her do anything. I have to pick up after her if I want to have a clean house. I do all the housework. My husband does do some of the cleanup after our daughter and her dau. I get mad that the patio is a filthy mess and my husband says he will clean it up. If I don't put my dau's stuff away right, she gets mad. Actually i just throw her stuff into a pile in the garage. I do put her important papers away in a nice pile because I get yelled at by her and my husband if I just throw her papers into the pile. She gets mad if she can't find anything. I don't know how she would find her 'important' papers or anything if it was up to her, because the house would be a total mess.
Now I am 64 and this daughter is almost 30., She only works five hours in the early morning, but she is just too tired to throw away any of the trash she generates or pick up her own stuff. I am just about to leave home.
Sorry, Irene, I just vented and didn't give you any suggestions. I do agree with bigdaddy's ideas. Except the not brushing their teeth suggestion. Have you taken kids to the dentist lately? It is so much fun, the kids would quit brushing so they could go more often. There isn't any pain involved and the kids get to pick their own prizes and stickers. They get to watch videos while they wait. They actually look forward to their visits to the dentist. 

Name: Meetoo | Date: Jun 22nd, 2008 6:23 AM
Another thing -- while raising those two wild indians, when my other grandchildren came over I was exhausted to begin with. I couldn't appreciate the grandchildren who didn't live with me. There were actually times when our other kids asked me to babysit their (better-behaved) children and I was less than thrilled. That made 4 or 5 kids to take care of. I had a heart attack about eight years ago before all these kids needed a (grand)mother. 

Name: kubanito | Date: Jun 28th, 2008 2:47 AM

Name: betty | Date: Jul 23rd, 2008 6:58 PM
Wow you have taken on a lot. I am 74 and could no way do that. I am going to ask around in my lunch bunch for some ideas. First of all I suggest discipline. It's for their good. 

Name: lisa | Date: Aug 16th, 2008 2:29 AM
i am 57 and my husband is 60. we have our 4 year old grandson which we have had since he was 2. i am a teacher and my husband works for the school system also. our grandson is a handful. we love him very much but we are not young anymore and when we get home from work we are wore out. the parents said they are working on getting him back. they were always good to him but both of them were addicted to pain meds that the doctors kept giving to them and my husband and i took it in our hands to go to a lawyer and get custody. we have no one to help us. it would be nice to fine a sitter we could trust. he does not do very well we go out .he really shows himself. no matter if my husband takes him out and spanks him nothing helps.our health has gone down since we have been raising him and money is getting to be an issue now. his doctor has recommened him seeing a counsleor. if anyone can help with advice please do . am afraid our marriage is going to break under the stress. 

Name: Dealing with Step-Grandmom | Date: Aug 31st, 2008 5:33 AM
Any one else have this problem????? 

Name: lynn | Date: Oct 18th, 2008 8:22 PM
i am a grandma at the age of 42 .but i tell you it is tough sometime.are they teenagers?look into getting them a mentor.putting them in after school activites .i am taking them here, there and every where i am happy to know i am not along.. 

Name: Rhonda | Date: Nov 14th, 2008 1:11 AM
My son and my grandchildren live with me belive it or not they would be better off with out eather parent. They both have a lot of growing up to do. We are heading into a coust battle. 

Name: pamiee65 | Date: Jun 5th, 2009 8:12 PM
is there any chat rooms for new grandmothers 

Name: carol | Date: Jul 29th, 2009 2:20 AM
My mother is now 97, she took her greatgrand son in when she was in her 70s. He was only 3 weeks old at that time, now he is a growm man of 24 and also a proud marine serviing our country. Mon is still going strong. She tells us that Kris, her greatgrand son keep her young and going strong. P.S. She raised him all on her on. Good luck to you 

Name: milly | Date: Sep 3rd, 2009 10:19 AM
how old are the grandchildren 

Name: Brenda | Date: Nov 4th, 2009 8:09 PM
Irene, I have had my 5 year old grandson since he was 11 months old. It's a rough job for me and I'm only 50 years old. He has ADHD so I am always looking after him and it really wears me out. Of course I wouldn't give him up now unless I knew his parents could take good care of him but at 75, I hope you still have alot of energy in you since you are taking on 2 children. 

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