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Name: misund.
[ Original Post ]
My sister recently married who lesbian partner of three years. I am totally against this marriage, though sometimes i am not sure why. They are adopting a young girl from china and I am afraid of how much change one girl can take. How will she get along with two mothers, she's probably never even experienced that before. What can I do?
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Name: Wendy | Date: Jul 13th, 2005 7:38 PM
There is nothing you can do except offer support and understanding, I know its hard to accept and you don't have to accept it but this is your sister and she needs to know that you love her regardless. I think you should also help your sister and her mate to understand the time and energy it takes to raise children, they need to establish roles so the child gets proper love and care and discipline. Good luck. 

Name: bigdaddy | Date: Sep 19th, 2005 10:52 PM
Your mission, should you choose to accept (it is, after all, ALWAYS a choice) is to be the best damn auntie (oh, or are you an uncle?--I can't tell from your post) the world has ever experienced. And, yes, you are the envy of many of us, you lucky schmuck! 

Name: izzy | Date: Oct 10th, 2005 3:48 PM
The girl will be an infant or toddler, and will not arrive preequipped with homophobic prejudices. It takes years to train that kind of small-mindedness into a kid.

If your sister and her partner are loving parents, their new daughter will accept them as that, and almost certainly find the situation a good deal less traumatic than the orphanage or overburdened foster care situation she's in now.

What you can do, assuming you actually care about the kid and are not just asking the question in hopes of seeing your personal disapproval reinforced in a public forum, is love and support the whole family. Few things will make a child resent you more than "Well, of course I love YOU, but oh, your parents are horrid," mind games. 

Name: beebopmama | Date: Oct 29th, 2005 5:01 AM
I say read some books on gay parenting to educate yourself and know how to act around your sister and her family. All you have to do is love your sister and everything else will fall into place. She is an adult and made those choices for herself (and trust me they were not cheap choices).

stay positive! 

Name: Kimberly | Date: Feb 2nd, 2006 12:14 AM
Your concern is how will the child handle having 2 mothers, I'm sure she will love them and accept them like any other kid would accept their parents. She will be able to feel how much that they love her and she will be the happiest child because she has all the love and support that she needs from them. As for me I hid in the closet about my sexuality and did like what you are suppose to do get married and have kids with a male. Well I have been married twice both times to a male and I never was happy we fought all the time he never helped with the kids, I was basically a single parent. Well I came out of the closet and realized this is who I am and always was, I left my huband and met up with this beautiful person that I LOVE SO MUCH, she makes me so happy. I have a 7 and 3 year old and I was not too sure how they would react to this new relationship, not just a new relationship but a relationship with a WOMEN. Well guess what, I had no problems, they love and ADORE her because they know that she GENUINELY loves them and accepts them as her own kids. Having her in my life is such a blessing for me and my kids they have adjusted very well to the whole new situation. My family at first was not too sure how to react but they know now that she is the best thing that has ever happen to us, because they see such a difference in my kids from before, they are more loving and respectful, and now they support our relationship. I think you just need time to get adjusted to this but once you see them all together and see how much love they have in their family I think you will be happy for your sister and her wifey. 

Name: Agnes | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 2:37 AM
Actually, if she's been living in an orphanage, she probably has at least 3 "mothers", one for each shift at the orphanage. The only man she's probably been exposed to is the doctor who comes to visit. I think she'll be fine. 


Name: rye | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 1:34 AM
support her. your her sister, her family.
my partener and i are adopting right now...and i dont have some of my family's support...its like there is a huge black whole in my heart because of it! just imagine how you would feel if someone very close to you just completely closed their mind and their heart and hated something you loved.
just imagine.... 

Name: to misund | Date: Apr 5th, 2006 5:23 PM
It's not a marriage! It's a play fantasy and will wreak havoc on that child's life. 

Name: danan | Date: Jun 26th, 2006 10:29 PM
keep out of it 

Name: danan | Date: Jun 26th, 2006 10:30 PM
its their life not yours im sure they will love that child and give her what she needs better then anyone ealse can and that last person marring saying that that they are not married and just playing well he or she needs to get their life in order 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jun 27th, 2006 1:00 AM
Misund. who walked into your world and said you had the right to tell how other people should live. And it is a marriage in their eyes therefor it does make it a marriage. These two people love each other. It takes more then a piece of paper to say your married. Infact there are alot of heterosexual people who are not legally married but in their eyes they are so therefor they are. Who we to say who someone can love and who they can not love. If we are going to stand here and tell gay couples that under no condition can you have children then we need to stand here and tell ourselves the same thing.

Family does not mean a mother and a father. It take more then that. You can be apart of something but if you can not be loved or get love back your not in a family. Children have showed no signs of having their lives ruined because they are raise by two mom or two dads. It people like you who raise children to believe that this is wrong so they leave their houses and tease those who just might have a different family lifestyle then your own.

You asked what you could do and we gave you our answer which was absolutely nothing. What did you expect to hear when you came to an Alternative Family forum.

I am a heterosexual myself. I have a wonderful 2 year old son with another on the way. And my father is gay.

Sorry but the reality is you have no say in what your sister does. You either accept her for who she and what she is or you don't. But this her life and her wife's life..Not yours. Worry about yourself 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jun 27th, 2006 4:22 AM
I did want to apologize for coming off judgemental. It just one minute you are saying you don't understand why you feel the way you do. And the next minute you off ranting about how your sister is really married that she only living a fantasy and she going to ruin this little girl that she is going to be adopting life.

I'm confused. Do you not understand or do you understand why you feel the way you do? By what you are saying I am going to go ahead and assume you don't have a clue. I have a feeling you feel the way you do because of the fact that you don't understand her lifestyle. Maybe if you sat down and talked to your sister you may become more accepting of her marriage and the fact that her and her wife like any one want to have a family. 

Name: Layne | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 5:57 PM
ZWhy is it anyones plce to understand anothers choice esplecaily when it doesn't concern your choices. god just wants us to except and love one another. (please bible people dont start quoteing scripture.) I believe exceptance is key. everyone. I would be more worried about my own judgmental opinion then my sisters life choice. after all this is really all you can control anyhow. look at our world and all the devorce and mixed messages we give our children. i think with love and understanding that will give the child what they need. the young girl from china will be greatful for a happy, loving, home. this is the key to success. Not judgmental additudes. 

Name: To misunderstood | Date: Jul 29th, 2006 3:09 AM
You can either accept it or refuse to associate with them. 

Name: to misund | Date: Oct 16th, 2006 10:32 AM
there is nothing you can do but stay out of there lives its none of your business, just love your sister and her new baby 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 16th, 2006 3:42 PM
I'm not a fan of gays and lesbians so I probably shouldn't say anything on the subject. 

Name: to lizzi | Date: Oct 16th, 2006 9:34 PM
why do you care how anybody leves their lives it none if your business 

Name: marija | Date: Oct 17th, 2006 12:02 PM
you are probably against the marriage because it goes against the norm..lots of people fear 'different' because they fear they will be judged by association. The baby will probably never have experienced love either but im sure she will thrive. i greew up in a town where there were lesbians around every corner (some with families) to me it was the norm. i had two great aunts (in their fifties) who had lived together as a couple for the past 30years they raised four kids (kids who were unwanted) who in turn married and raised their own families.
Why should you subject yourself to the change? Nobody is asking you to change, if you dont like it move or dont see your sister, your love for her must be thin that you think only about how it feels for you. Your sister may feel hurt and loss at your attitude to her happiness....but no GREAT loss!!
you are not the love of her life ...nor a you the unwanted child whose life will be fulfillment to her and her partners life.
Get over yourself and either accept or move on. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 1:03 AM
I'm just putting in my honest two cents about it ,nothing wrong with that! 

Name: davikdno theres no | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 5:54 AM
no theres nothing wrong with that unless you are a bigot 

Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 4:14 PM
misund,
I will not add my personal opinion on this......
as for what you can do?Really nothing. 

Name: Hiddy | Date: Oct 30th, 2006 8:14 AM
Nothing, stay out of it, its none of your business. Two mothers will do a great job at bringing up a child! 

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