Hello, guest
Name: sbrockway
[ Original Post ]
I have read similar posts, but none that fit my situation. I NEED advice!! I have 2 daughters, one is 11 that was from a teen pregnancy and my other is 5 from an abusive marriage. I recently married a wonderful wonderful guy. He is willing to do anything for me and he does. He is an amazing guy with an equally amazing family. My problem, however, is that he is constantly at battle with my daughters. He says he wants to adopt my oldest since her father isn't really in the picture, but I have been hesitant because of his relationship with her. He is quick to judge and discipline happy. She has dystemic depression and ADHD so she does have some issues going into this. She is not 100% innocent, but I don't feel she is the "hethan spoiled brat" that he refers to her as to me. I keep trying to tell him that her "I don't care attitude" is mostly her age talking and her wanting to do her own thing is her trying to establish who she is. She does have a hard time keeping on task and often we find she completely disregarding what we tell her, but she is not doing anything that any other 11 year old wouldn't do. He gets angry when she spends too much time in the bathroom, or when she wants to "do" her hair in the morning before school, or reads past bedtime with a flashlight, gets sidetracked doing chores, etc. Nothing that I think is extreme! Since he gets upset with her over EVERYTHING, she has turned to talking back to him.

Now, here is where my 5 year old comes in. She sees how troublesome the relationship is with my oldest and she starts talking back to him as well. She wants to be like her big sister. He is begining to punish her almost just as much. She was telling me lastnight that she can't stand it at home with me and him and wants to go live with her dad. My ex doesn't help matters much, he is VERY bitter about the divorce and tells my 5 year old that she doesn't have to listen to my new husband and that he isn't her parent. I know she is confused and isn't sure how to handle all this, I know it will get better with her.

But now this morning I received a test from my husband telling me that he is done. He is now going to have the whatever attitude and let them do what ever they want since they dont listen to him anyway. I have tried being on his side to show a united front and all it does it make my relationship worse with my daughters and I have tried taking up their cause because I know he IS be unreasonable on many issues but then is strains our relationship. I don't know what to do anymore! I want everyone to get along but I can't make everyone happy! I want to be with this man for the rest of my life, but if he is unable to have civil relationships with my daughters, I don't know if I can.

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