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Name: javaj9 | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 7:40 PM
I have been in my step-sons life since he was 1 1/2. He is now a little over 3. My husband has his son about 75% of the time, and we both work from home. We have always referred to me by my first name. About 8 months ago, when we pick him up from his moms he would start saying 'you're my babysitter' we explained no, i am you're stepmommy. every week, he would get in the car and repeat the same montra, 'you're not my stepmommy you're my babysitter'. We would just keep telling him no, i'm your stepmother. About 3 months ago, completely on his own and out of the blue, he started calling me mommy. We still refer to me by my first name, and have explained who mommy is and i'm stepmommy. But he still calls me mommy. This has infuriated his mother. She spends every weekend pounding into him that i'm not his mother, i'm just J**** or the babysitter, but it's not working. She now is telling me 'I need to work on him harder on not calling me mommy'. As a human being I understand she struggles with this, but as his stepmother I want him to have the freedom to express his feelings and not have to 'worry' what to say or not say in our house. Every bit of research we've done, every counsler we've talked to, says the same thing, Let the child choose. It's a very difficult situation to say the least.... 

Name: newStepDad | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 12:09 AM
I hear you, very difficult situation indeed! I have asked friends and family for advice on this one and the consensus is to go by the name of “DAD”. This will without doubt drive the bio dad crazy, but it’s what fits well for my step son. It doesn’t help that I have the same first name as the father so he can’t say “Daddy mike” for example. So I think I will start by going by Dad and if at any time my step son wants to change the name he can within reason o course ;-) Play it by ear, as we say over the pond from you lovely Americans :-) 

Name: momof3 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 1:29 AM
Good for you. Do what feels right. Good Luck! 

Name: Eric | Date: Aug 8th, 2006 4:54 PM
My step daughter calls me Mr. Eric 

Name: jaque | Date: Aug 26th, 2006 9:05 PM
what should my stepson call me besides mom 

Name: tony | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 1:54 AM

Name: Cayce | Date: Sep 12th, 2006 9:25 PM
I am a stepmom of a 3.5 yr old darling boy with red hair and freckles (my red-headed step child!). His dad and I got married before he was 2 and we began dating well before his first birthday. His mom is a junkie loser that never sees the light of day, much less her child, but HER mom (the maternal Grandmother... evil, controlling...) exercises custody rights (we had this written into our custody agreement because it was the only way we could get the mother to grant us full custody without a lengthy battle). She went as far as taking us to court because my step-son was calling me CayceMommy! It is illegal in our state to *encourage* a child to call their step-parent Mom or dad or any derivitave of mom or dad. Our attorney told us to have him stop calling me CayceMommy immediately, or the maternal gramdmother (I will refer to her as MG) would have a decent shot at taking custody from us! He reccommended we PUNISH him if he continued to use the name!

I was aghast!

Not only did I do everything that a mother would do for thois boy for several years, but I quit my job and began working out of my home to stay with him on Tuesdays and Thursdays so he could get into a prestigious Pre-School. I spend more time with him than anyone, as my husband works both a 40-hr week and plays in a band on the weekend nights. MG doesn't offer us any support financially... but she sure takes the kid any time she can by exercising the mother's time sharing rights and sends him back in stained ugly clothes all hopped up on donuts and chocolate milk...

I digress...

So at least your step kids have the "legal" choice to call you whatever they would like to. They aren't bound by the law, so I would let them have their own choice. I would also reccommend to any step parent that you DEMAND respect from your step kids. Get your partner on board for some royal punishment if the kids want to be ninnies. I was evil to my stepmom when I was in highschool, and we have become the best of friends because she drew a line in the sand and treated me as her friend. It took us 12 years, but I cherish our relationship now! 

Name: joe | Date: Sep 26th, 2006 10:17 PM
Which state has these laws and where can I get more info? 

Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 27th, 2006 2:17 AM
My step children call me by my first name, and my daughter calls my hubby-her step dad, by his name 

Name: connie | Date: Sep 28th, 2006 4:23 AM
our situation is a little diffrent, my partner and i each came into our relationship with two children and we have since adopted a baby together. our older two boys age 9 and 5 are hers biologicly and call her mom or mommy 100% of the time, my biological daughter is 7 and calls me mommy 100% of the time, the rest of it is all dependent on whos around, and what the situation is. when we are at home and its just the family we are both pretty much called mom all the time by all the kids... the 5 year old sometimes calls me nene, from Connie. the only time im ever called by my first name is when our 9 year old introduces me to someone, or is pointing me out to someone its always "this is my stepmom, connie" and then will call me connie in front of that person for a while, but then agian he is also the only one old enough to begian to undersand the implications of introducing his mom, and his other mom to his pals from soccer... 

Name: zoeee | Date: Oct 3rd, 2006 11:24 AM
My boyfriend has a 14 month daughter and I have been around since the early days of her life. I often get referred to as her mother but as she is learning to speak I make sure I correct her and she knows I am Zoe and not mum. I have actually been critisised for this but as far as I see it her Mum is somebody she cannot replace and I don't want to disrespect her mother in any way. Haha might be a different story if she was one of those rude exes with your partners child but my boyfriends daughter's mother is fantastic- has even been offering me advice during my pregnancy and making sure I'm doing fine 

Name: marija | Date: Oct 8th, 2006 6:09 AM
hi i have 2 stepkids both call me by my first name and when there in a fun mood its step-mummy they are now 24 and 21 i have raised them as a mother since they were 13 and 10 old enough to know i wasnt their real mother and young enough to learn respect for my authority. i too brought 2 kids to our relationship they were 4 and 3 they have no contact with their real father so they have called their step-father, Dad almost all their life. They do know that he is not their biological dad and call their real father Bio-Man. to me a mum and dad are the ones who raise you no matter if you are biologically attached or not. 

Name: jxn480 | Date: Dec 3rd, 2006 4:31 AM
first, how old are they? and second if they are old enough to understand the differance between their real mom and you "the step parent" i think its ok, but if you are training the kid to call you mom, when the mom wishes you not to. i think a good hinny whooping is in order for you. i'm a mom to a two year old and my ex is training my kid to call his new girlfriend mommy. i hate it. but in the end think of this KARMA KARMA KARMA 

Name: sezzybaby | Date: Dec 14th, 2006 2:29 AM
i have two stepsons that stay with us 40percent of the time and we have just welcome our own daughter into the world, my stepkids call me sarah and i would be devestated if my daughter grew up to learn to call me sarah instead of mum 

Name: BioDavid | Date: Dec 14th, 2006 8:23 AM
My 3yr old son has lived with his mother and stepfather since birth. She and her husband have been married for 14 years and have three boys 12-11-9. I know its weird but it gets worse. When mom was pregnant and began showing she moved half way across the country to save her husband embarrassment. Three months later he followed and the following month the baby was born. Since the birth, I have made the 1500 mile trip fifty times. Each time I would stay for 4-5 days and always have been the primary caregiver whenever present. He has flown home with me for 4 weeks, 3 months, 7 weeks, 2 weeks, and 6 months. The mother has promoted her husband as his father, only recognizing him as a step when forced to. I recently discovered his name is listed as the father on everything except the birth certificate. I was never comfortable with us both being called "Daddy" . Recently my son has told me I'm not the real dad. I might be a little more understanding if I had dropped the ball somewhere along the past 4 years, but I have done everything I could to be a father to my son. I would suggest to everyone, attempt to find a mutual understanding and make sure the child knows who his daddy is. 

Name: girli_bird | Date: Jan 16th, 2007 5:32 AM
i have 3 step children and one of my own. His call me by my name and mine calls him by his name. His youngest was pretty young when we got together so he doesn't remember when his parents were together, so we had to teach him not to call me by mom and to call me by my name. I thinkit is realy playing with matches when you have them call you mom. It is hard enough for a women to reilize that another women is going to be a big part of her childs life. If you respect the bio mom it will be much easier to get respect from her. And after all it is just a name, you are still their family even if they don't call you mom. Also you don't want to get to the point that you are so stern about what is going to happen at your house that it is more about being right or respected by the bio parent then it is ondoing whats best for the child.I realy understand that it can be hard in dealing with the bio mom, beleive me, but i think you just have to pick your battles carefully. 

Name: tanya1982 | Date: Jan 31st, 2007 12:22 PM
well my step daughter is 17 so she calls me by my name and her mom mom my kids call my husband daddy or pop and they call their real dad Jason(they havent seen him in a year and dont want to see him) 

Name: Serina S | Date: May 17th, 2007 3:53 PM

Name: Pinkbutterfly | Date: May 23rd, 2007 10:01 AM
I have a stepdaughter who is now 8 and I have been there ever since she was born. She has always called me by my first name and thats the way I like it. Whether her mother is the best mother she is still her mother and you do only ever have one mum. I lost my mum from breast cancer when I was only 13 years of age and even though I have some fantasic women in my life there is definately only one mum. 

Name: playmate09 | Date: May 24th, 2007 1:34 PM
my future step daughter calls me mema 

Name: riki | Date: May 27th, 2007 1:36 AM
wait is ur kid adopted or what, i dont get it 

Name: Natalya | Date: Oct 7th, 2007 5:00 PM

Name: wessiepooh12 | Date: Oct 8th, 2007 8:11 PM
they call you what they are comfortable with
*remember they just went through a whole family swap
let them call you watever =]] 

Name: brenda71 | Date: Oct 11th, 2007 7:19 PM
my father had a step mother growing up but his mom died at 19 and the father married the other woman when he was 20. he didnt call her anything. everytime he called his dad he asked to speak to his father. she tried to tell me i was her granddaughter and i was like bull crap i am. i know who my real grandma was and she was dead. 

Name: rebecca | Date: Nov 21st, 2007 7:23 AM
enyone ona talk in a bit 

Name: rebecca | Date: Nov 21st, 2007 7:26 AM
do you now i so have a crush on a boy called owen 

Name: fotr | Date: Nov 21st, 2007 7:32 AM

Name: dolly veronica | Date: Nov 25th, 2007 6:33 PM
can any one tell me my socall aunt who I have known for some fifty years is now according to other family members not my aunt. My grand mother remarried, my father used his mother new husband name of Doe and for about 11 years he was known by that. But in school they made him used the name on his birth certificate, the army did the same. Now growing up his mother had another baby a girl. Now we do not have the same father only mother, are birth certificates show different fathes, so now is she my legal aunt or should I just call her that out of courtesty? 

Name: josh olson | Date: Dec 1st, 2007 9:26 PM
hi can u josh doctor with me 

Name: Jane | Date: Dec 21st, 2007 5:55 PM
I am not a step parent yet but I have been raising my boyfriends daughter for the past year and a half. We got full custody of her not long after she was born and she is now 21months old and calls me mama. Right now we are in a custody suit with the mother and now there has been a court order that we are not allowed to refer to me as mom, mommy, mama or anything along those lines. On top of that we need to start correcting the little ones speech. I am trying to find some laws on calling a step parent mom or dad. If anyone has any information that would help me that would be fantastic. 

Name: April | Date: Jan 8th, 2008 12:33 AM
I just got married in October and my husband has a 4 yr old son whom I've known since he was 2. I'm struggling with what he should call me now that we are married. The bio mother is not in the picture. However, the son calls his grandmother (my husband's mother) Momma. Where do I stand? 

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