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Name: nicole jones
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Name: April | Date: Jan 8th, 2008 12:33 AM
I just got married in October and my husband has a 4 yr old son whom I've known since he was 2. I'm struggling with what he should call me now that we are married. The bio mother is not in the picture. However, the son calls his grandmother (my husband's mother) Momma. Where do I stand? 

Name: mummycharmzy | Date: Jan 9th, 2008 4:46 AM
my stepson calls me by my name, he lives with us nearly fulltime but as he still sees his mother its not appropriate for me to be known as anything other than my name. My son, who is not my husbands biologically calls my husband 'daddy' as we have been together since my son was 9 weeks old and he has absolutely no contact with his biological father. 

Name: kim | Date: Feb 3rd, 2008 4:25 AM
Jane sweetie , there are no laws that will allow you to be called mom, mommy, mother or whatever! Mom is Mom and Dad is Dad, period. I don't give a crap about you and te boyfriend having full custody, you are not this childs mother, get over it! 

Name: Celeste | Date: Feb 3rd, 2008 4:27 AM
Jane sweetie , there are no laws that will allow you to be called mom, mommy, mother or whatever! Mom is Mom and Dad is Dad, period. I don't give a crap about you and te boyfriend having full custody, you are not this childs mother, get over it! 

Name: jesse | Date: Apr 6th, 2008 11:46 PM
i like call some peoloe 

Name: Maya | Date: May 1st, 2008 4:34 AM
If you are hot call me at 718-874-1596 

Name: mari4him | Date: May 9th, 2008 12:48 AM
When my ex-husband and I got together, his daughter from a previous marriage was only 6 months old. As she began to talk she began to call me "mama". We never forced anything on her. Not to call me that, and not to not call me that. My ex and I were together until she was 14. All throughout she called me "mama" and her mother "mommy". The ex was not thrilled with this at first but didn't make an issue about it either. As time went by she just became accustomed to it and was actually appreciative of how I treated her daughter as my own. In fact she and I would talk far more than she and my ex would.

Right now I am about to marry my fiance who has custody of his 3 children. (mom has every other weekend visits). I have custody of my 2 kids myself. My kids call me mom, as expected. With regards to his kids, we are not going to impose anything on them but rather let them choose on their own. Right now we are not living together but will be after the marriage 6/14/08. For now all three of his kids (15, 4, and 3) call me by my name. I am not really expecting this to change, but if it does, so be it as well. Like I said, nothing will be imposed, nor discouraged when it comes to this. Kids in a divorce situation need to be allowed to build relationships with their step's as they feel comfortable. Certain titles are also earned and not demanded. That is how I see it. 

Name: Raising3kids | Date: May 25th, 2008 11:32 PM
No forcing it apon the kids that is for sure. Honestly I feel no Mother would ever feel comfortable letting another woman be called her title. Not even the best of best. But its not about what she feels its about the children and about how they feel. Mine started out with calling me by my name and then slowly that became Mommy on their own part. I have been in their lives for a long time and they live with us. They do not call her Mom they call her by her name or put her name with mom. My children are older and to them they know she is Bio Mom and that I am not taking over from that. I am a totally different Mom and the one that is there for them and raising them up. 

Name: Raising your kid | Date: May 25th, 2008 11:35 PM
You can not say there is only one Mom. Children that come from abusive parents where they never really had a Mom or Dad should be able to connect and call the person what they want too 

Name: wife #2 | Date: May 29th, 2008 7:32 PM
I married a man with a 7 almost 8 year old daughter. At first she was confused as to what to call me.....she asked me one day when about 9 1/2. I asked her....what do YOU want to call me. She said I want to call you mom...but my mom says if I do that I have to call my step dad (thier now divorcing) dad...and I am NOT calling him dad. I said to her....you have called me (insert name here) since I first met you....and I'm ok with that. If you want to call me mom secreatly and not tell your mom, i will keep your secreat. BUT...if you want to just leave it like it is that is ok too. She said ...well If I accidentaly say it in front of my mom...I will get in BIG trouble...so I think (my name) is best....that way i wont get mixed up and in trouble. I told her I was proud of her for making a very grown up decsion...and that I loved her very much. We have never discussed it since. If she dosent call you mommie (similar names) does that make you any less of a mother TO her. NO it dosent. .....let her/him find thier own path with you. FORCING them is not going to get you anywhere. You can lead a horse to water, and yes you can shove his nose in the water...but it is up to him if he swallows or not 

Name: secondwife | Date: Jun 2nd, 2008 2:35 PM
I have a 11 year old step daughter
I am faced with the crap on both sides. My SD's mother hates me...no problem...found MOST ways out of negative situations (mostly i just stay polite but distant of her...and THAT seems to do the trick...most times). And when we arent dealing with that....on OUR side there is my husbands parents which despite numerous family meetings, heart to hearts and even a few flat out BLUNT resquests....STILL beat a path to our door anytime that child is NEAR us. and if they cant get her/see her....they go to BM...and she hands her right over. So they play both sides of the fence to get what they want SD.....and they are thourugly convinced that we are IMAGINING this obession i do mean OBSESSION with the kid. They think they are behaving like NORMAL grandparents. Trust me ...I HAD NORMAL grandparents...THIS is not normal. and whats worse...been here for four years now. Kid see's me as OTHER MOM....husband see's me as wife, and MOM....the rest of the world....is like that dinosaur show....the little baby dino sitting on dad's shoulders hitting him with a pan saying "not the mama, not the mama". THAT is what I feel like the world is saying to me. YET I AM A MOTHER "TO" her.....and no one besides the child and the hubby SEE IT[ respect it, or WANT it. 

Name: MM | Date: Jun 30th, 2008 4:57 PM
I have a problem with my 10 year old daughter calling her step mom Mom. With good reason, she isn't. My daughter's Father and wife of two years asked my daughter to call her step mom , Mom. They told her it would make her feel good. My daughter objected and said she knows it would hurt my feeling and she wasn't comfortable with that. They kept correcting my daughter everytime she called her step mom by her first name, which is what she originally was told to call her. Now they came up with Ma'. My daughter has told her Dad that she doesn't want to do this and he convinces her after telling her how bad it would make her step mom feel. Is it just me or are they being unfair to a 10 year old. Honestly, I am not comfortable with her being called Mom or Ma, she doesn't act like one. She works 50+ hours a week and puts her daughter and baby on the way in day care for my ex to drop off and pick up. She has never learned or asked to learn how to give my daughter a required injection at night. She doesn't take care of her when she is sick and when my daughter had a serious head trauma, all her step mom did was pull my ex away from the hospital because she was uncomfortable with him spending so much time with me at the hospital.Are you kidding! I am happily married with 2 other children. 

Name: Diana | Date: Jul 11th, 2008 7:50 PM
anyone have adult step children? 

Name: dragonangel | Date: Jul 14th, 2008 8:05 PM
I let my step-daughters (13 & 18) call me mom when they felt comfortable doing so. My daughter (13) calls her step mother momma, or mom too and i think that is great. The fact that she feels loved and such an important part of their family to refer to her step mother as such means a lot to me. (although i personally cannot stand her) As women we need to be secure in our own motherly abilities. Despite how we are called. 

Name: Cheri | Date: Aug 1st, 2008 1:37 AM
my stepchildren (3) 15, 18, 19 - since they were 11, 13, 14 - were taught by their father (and they abide by it) call me Ms. Cheri - they have always spoken to me respectfully. I have found that if you DESERVE and EXPECT respect, you will receive it. I hope this helps. 

Name: Sarah | Date: Jan 8th, 2009 5:06 PM
My step kids 8 and 10 have been living with my husband and I for four years. They have very little contact with their flaky bio mom. They call me by my first name. Until recently it has not bothered me. However, lately I feel it is disrespectful. I am their mom. I do all the mom stuff for them. When they talk to bio mom on the phone once a month, they call her mommy and put her up on pedestal while I feel like they put me on the same level with them. I do not like the fact that our 2 year old daughter has been calling me Sarah because of it. I am her mommy. I wish the kids were comfortable with calling me mommy or mom but I think they feel it would betray their bio mom. It is a difficult situation. We are going to a counselor as a family to see what he thinks about our situation. 

Name: sara | Date: Mar 20th, 2009 11:48 AM
what is this i thought this was a chhat room this some kind of babby stuff 

Name: Josh | Date: May 21st, 2009 8:16 PM
Like so many others I believe it should be completely up to the child. If it makes them feel like more of a normal family, I believe that is better for their mental health overall. They should know who their biological parent is, and you should never force them to call you mom/dad. On the other hand I don't believe any court order to keep them from calling you mom/dad would ever stand up if challenged in another court. My exact words to the Judge would be along the lines of, "if you're so good at making children do as their told, then you go right ahead." 

Name: Real mom | Date: Jul 25th, 2009 2:03 AM
I am in a situation now, where I am the real mother I have full custody of my 9 year old. His father has remarried and she has been around for 5 years, up unitll recently he has always called her by name. In the past few months (after an argument about her forcing him to cut his hair, and her saying that he has no rights...) they have now demanded that he calls her mom...... and when he slips and calls her by her name he gets chastised. He has told me he doesnt feel right calling her that but that daddy gets mad if he doesnt. I questioned his father on this, only to get the response of its a rule in their house and its respect. How ignorent are some of you ppl to think that having a child call you a name such as mom or dad is showing respect???????????? yes you do things like parents do, but them respecting you isnt calling you a certain name to make YOU feel in control and better. respecting you is following the house rules and respecting you as a person in the way they talk to you and treat you, helping clean or other duties around the house. To make it a rule to be called mom or dad is wrong! it is an endearment and when they choose to they will call you something that they feel is right. I find it horribly wrong because they have made it a rule and if he doesnt follow it he is no longer welcome in their home..... Please tell me where the logic in this is. ITS A CONTROL FACTOR NOT A RESPECT FACTOR... that these step parents are demanding these children to call them that. You should be ashamed, this is something that is up to the child to create a endearing name for you, not a demand by you. 

Name: coldali | Date: Aug 14th, 2009 8:38 PM
My children call there step mum mummy kelly.My children dad died in acar crash n kelly is someone woh helps them so I dont mind this. They call my boyfriend by his name as they wont ever call anyone else dad. This is all up to them im happy if there happy 

Name: Monica | Date: Sep 28th, 2009 2:15 PM

My soon to be stepchildren call me Aunt Monica.

They are destroying my realtionship with my fiance. I have house rules and standards,that they disobey when I am not around.There is no respect for our things in our house, and absolutely no manners or respect for me. They talk to me, in front of their father, as they wish. Their father takes their side and says I am too strict and should just give them love
what do I do? 

Name: Jessica | Date: Nov 14th, 2009 6:21 PM
I call my stepfather by his first name anything else would have felt wrong to me.

Name: GUESS | Date: Dec 23rd, 2009 4:51 AM
I HAVE BEEN GOING OUT WITH MY GIRlFRIEND FOR OVER A YEAR.. NOW IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.. She has 2 kids.They havent met me yet and they dont know about me.. But i may get to meet them soon. But the daughter wants her mommy and daddy back together and I feel like I'm going to have to win the kids over for it to work out with me and my girlfriend.. im scared that if they dont like me she will leave me and go back to her ex so him and her kids can be back together and make the kids happy??. I doint have any kids of my own but I can understand u wanting your kids to be happy.. But what if it interferes with u being happy yourself?? Does anyone have any suggestions??? 

Name: nick | Date: Dec 30th, 2009 4:09 AM
sup guy 

Name: Kimmy | Date: Apr 18th, 2010 10:38 PM
I kind of have a different issue. I have been with my girlfriend for a little while now. While she was in her previous relationship there were children involved who ended up calling her mommy. Well, now the children are used against her as though they are pawns. She is only permitted to see them as long as he is around and when she calls to talk to them on the phone he ends up taking the phone from them and talking to her about his relationship for a good hour or two.. but I don't want to come between her and the boys. What do I do about this? Is there any way to ease my feelings on it? 

Name: tommy | Date: May 24th, 2010 3:38 AM
what do u do when your step son call u daddy ,but when he gets in trouble and u discipline him he wants his daddy but the daddy in jail . 

Name: amster | Date: May 27th, 2010 6:35 PM
I have 2 step daughters, twins. they are currently 6 years old and I have been involved in their lives since they were 3. They have a mother in their life that we share custody with. The kids call me by my first name right now. I would like to change that. Not to mom, mommy, mother, or anything jsut to a more maternal or "titled" name. I am very involved with their lives (more than the bio mom) and it is hard for them to even introduce me to firneds at school. At their last field trip (I chaperoned because their bio didnt want to), they had to introduce me as this is my...uh, "FIRST NAME." Their father and I are trying to have more children now and I would feel terrible if they ever felt left out because I am the future childs mommy and not theirs. They treat me like a second mom and their mother and I have a love/hate relationship. The longer we go, the better our relationship becomes. She even told me happy mothers day recently. What do you think about talking to them about calling me something other than my first name? 

Name: Marilyn | Date: Aug 23rd, 2010 10:50 PM
I married a man with 3 children 7 years ago. His wife, the kids' Mom died about 3 years prior. So, I have been their full time Mom since they were 11, 13, and 15. I quit a successful career as corporate executive in order to be good full time (step)mom for them. I supported them financially, went to every parent-teacher conference, every school play, every sports event, every band concert, was a parent volunteer, hosted their friends at our home, taken care of them when they were sick, etc. They are now 19, 21, and 23. They have always called me by my first name. I have told them it would mean so much to me for them to call me mom. They won't and we never tried to force them. I did ask them if I could adopt them several years ago. They didn't want that. Didn't think they needed a mom, but they took everything I gave them (emotional and financial) for granted. I have read through this blog hoping to find a similar situation. I empathize so much with those who wrote they wished for a name that would show more love and respect than use of their first name. At this point, I emotionally cringe every time I hear them call me by my first name. I continue to act in love, but yearn for the day it will be reciprocated. 

Name: KY | Date: Sep 1st, 2010 5:43 PM
The oldest calls me by my first name all the time, the younger two alternate between Mom/Mama/Mommy and my first name. I was introduced by my first name, and when asked what to call me, I told them they could call my anything they wanted... within reason. I have never told or asked them to call me Mom, the younger two just started one day around mothers day, when they told me that even though I was not their real Mommy, I was just like a Mommy to them. 

Name: CATHErine | Date: Sep 22nd, 2010 10:48 PM
what is this 

Name: MiniMe | Date: Oct 1st, 2010 3:26 PM
I have an 11 year old step daughter and have been in her life since she was 7 (4 years). He mom is absent 98% of the time. She lives with my husband and I . I am the Secretary of her school's PTSA. I pay for her to play extracurricular sports (not cheap at all). I have not missed a single one of her basketball games since she started playig 3 years ago. I take her to and from practice. I help with the homework. Her dad and I have agreed that I'm the smart one and he's the althetic one so I do school and he trains her in sports. Nonetheless, I am the only true maternal figure she has. She chose to call me mom during our first year of dating, mainly because she and I had a great relationship and she wanted to fill that void. recently she went to visit her mom for the day. The second time this year she's seen her mom. When she returned home she was calling by my first name, but I could tell it was uncomfortable to her. I asked her why she was calling by my first name and she said her mom told her too. I was upset although i did not let her know. I feel like you don't have to be the biological mother to be a "mom" . Her doesn't pay child support or anything. My daughter graduated from elementary school in June and her bio mom didn't even come and she lives really close. i don't even think she deserves to be called mom, but yet she for bid "my daughter" to call me mom....I don't know what to do. I cringe everytime she calls me by my first name.. 

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