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Name: MiniMe | Date: Oct 1st, 2010 3:26 PM
I have an 11 year old step daughter and have been in her life since she was 7 (4 years). He mom is absent 98% of the time. She lives with my husband and I . I am the Secretary of her school's PTSA. I pay for her to play extracurricular sports (not cheap at all). I have not missed a single one of her basketball games since she started playig 3 years ago. I take her to and from practice. I help with the homework. Her dad and I have agreed that I'm the smart one and he's the althetic one so I do school and he trains her in sports. Nonetheless, I am the only true maternal figure she has. She chose to call me mom during our first year of dating, mainly because she and I had a great relationship and she wanted to fill that void. recently she went to visit her mom for the day. The second time this year she's seen her mom. When she returned home she was calling by my first name, but I could tell it was uncomfortable to her. I asked her why she was calling by my first name and she said her mom told her too. I was upset although i did not let her know. I feel like you don't have to be the biological mother to be a "mom" . Her doesn't pay child support or anything. My daughter graduated from elementary school in June and her bio mom didn't even come and she lives really close. i don't even think she deserves to be called mom, but yet she for bid "my daughter" to call me mom....I don't know what to do. I cringe everytime she calls me by my first name.. 

Name: sally s | Date: Nov 20th, 2010 6:31 PM
she calls me mommy 

Name: Mommyof2 | Date: Apr 23rd, 2011 6:59 PM
I am a step Mother and my stepchildren call me Mimi, that was their choice and I would never have agreed to them calling me otherwise. I don't want them calling me Mommy because I would not want my children calling anyone else by that name, so its unfair to have someone else's children do that to their Mother. Because I sleep with their Father? Teaching children to disobey their bio Mom's wishes does not sound like very good morals. Telling a child something like " it doesn't matter what she thinks" means that you expect children to disobey their Mother, not because she is telling them to do something wrong, but just because because you think that it is ok for them to disobey her. Why would you want these children to hurt their Mom? Just because you married their father doesn't make you their Mother... I don't get what all the hang up is... and the bio Mom does still have some control over those children when they are in your house. I think its ridiculous for you to think that you and the bio Mom have equal rights when it comes to those children... your hushand has those rights... not you. chances are that this Mother carried this child and put in work before you came along and YOU should respect that. Your husband has joint custody with their Mother, YOU don't have joint custody. I find some of these posts laughable. 

Name: Amanda | Date: May 9th, 2011 2:47 AM
I am in the same situation. I have been in my step son's life since he was two (now 8) and now my husband has sole custody. My step son calls me by my name and it actually upsets me but I let him call me what he wants. 

Name: Wendy | Date: May 19th, 2011 1:30 AM
I don't want my step children to all me mom. My husband helped them with a cutsie nick name "Wen Wen" I have been in the pic over 4 years and walk on glass with my step daughter but my stepson melts my heart. Their mom has a drug problem, anger issues, hates me and her x, has brain washed her daughter and taught her how to be promiscuous on probation for stealing from her job (felony) I dont care what anyone thinks about the fact that she is mommy, I would never cross that line nor have I 1 x mentioned her named in front of them. My point: he asked me today if he could call me mom???? I don't know why and would love to know what is going on up there. But what his mom thinks is not my concern.. I love him and would never hurt him or bad mouth his mom in his presence. No shame on his dad either, he wants him to love and be loved. He thinks it s cute. I wanted the same for my daughter, her stepmom and I had a great relationship 1 point in time and I was ecstatic that I "thought" she was good for my daughter. Turns out she was abusing her! Moral of the story is every situation is different and there is no 1 standard to go by. The court order states that the kids are not to call any one by mom or dad.. That alone should tell you to handle it the best way you know how to. The courts are awful when it comes to this stuff. 

Name: Jo Aidams | Date: Jun 12th, 2011 2:15 PM
I met my bf almost exactly 3 years ago, when his wife was 4 mos pregnant (NOT his child, she'd cheated on him) and he already had a 6 year old son - now 9. His son called me "Jo" at first, but now calls me "Jojo Mum", or when talking to his friends, just calls me "mum" or "steppie" (lol i find that so funny!) Well his wife dumped the baby on my bf after HER boyfriend dumped her. The baby was i think 10 months old. He's now almost 4 and he calls me "Mummy". Both kids visit their mum at the w/end and she insists they call her Mummy/Mum so our 3 year old calls me "Poppa Mum" (proper mum) infront of her. She gets soooo mad at me & him, once we had to take the kids away because she was so angry. I've tried to explain to him not to call me 'poppa mum' but he can call me Jojo Mum, etc he's only 3 though so he doesn't understand and he does think of me as his mum. 

Name: Jo Aidams | Date: Jun 12th, 2011 2:21 PM
Sorry, I shouldn't have said dumping the baby on us I love babba so much 

Name: Frustrated Mom | Date: Jun 21st, 2011 9:34 PM
I am a stepmom of 1 1/2 years and am expecting my first child. My stepson is 7 and has expressed many times that he does not want to call me by my first name he wants to have a special name for me. His mother on the other hand has expressed that I am only a stepmom and should be refered to by my first name and only my first name which I find to be disrespectful and her not respecting her sons wishes. My husband and I agree that he should be able to refer to me with whatever name he chooses, and we want him to always feel included and welcome when he is at home, like he is a real active part of our family. I guess what I am saying is that when his brother arrives I don't want him to feel differant because his brother has the privelage of calling me mom and he has to call me by my first name. 

Name: Samual | Date: Sep 20th, 2011 4:05 AM

Name: theMRS | Date: Nov 3rd, 2011 5:22 PM
When I married my husband he had an 8 month old and a 6 year old. The baby who is now 2 calls me mom or my nickname. I use to try to coerce her into just calling me my nickname but all of our family says to let her call me what she wants. I've been around all her life. The eldest calls me by my first name. I think it's disrespectful though and we are trying to come up with something else for them to call me. It doesn't have to be mom but I definitely think that it should be up to the kids (within reason). When you marry someone the two of you become ONE so if there are previous children then they now are YOUR children too and you are to be respected as a parent. However, that doesn't mean make them call you mom or dad. They do have to follow your rules and maybe a talk with the bio dad and mom is needed so that everyone is on the same page. Even if you all agree to disagree. 

Name: Madd13 | Date: Nov 25th, 2011 11:55 AM
I have a step son who is 2 soon. I've been in his life since he was about a year and a half and I feel we have a pretty close bond. We've taught him to call me Maddie but I'm not sure I'm totally comfortable with this. His Dad and I do want more children one day and what are we going to do then? Have one call me mummy and one call me my name?! I don't want to step on his bio mums toes but I do also feel like I deserve more respect than that. His nanny (my partners mum) always calls me mammy in front of the little one so its a lil different to mummy. Should I start saying I'm mammy in front of him or what? :S 

Name: Felicia | Date: Nov 26th, 2011 5:02 AM
Does anyone have any ideas for what I should have my stepdaughter call me? She calls me fefe right now but I don't want her to call me that when I have my own kids. I have been in her life since she was 1. She has called me mom before but we would always correct her so we wouldn't have to deal with her mother. Now that I have been in her life for so long I'm hoping I can find a name she can call me so it doesn't feel so weird when she addresses her dad & I. I'm hoping I can find a name she can call me that shows a familial relationship, I don't really care if she calls me mom or not i just don't want the drama I could get from it. Any ideas? 

Name: Johnson | Date: Nov 29th, 2011 3:33 PM

Name: Tammy | Date: Jan 4th, 2012 3:50 PM
We are having this issue with my gf's daughter. Last night, she asked me to feel her hair and said, "Its stiff 'cause my mommy put hairspray in it." Her mommy did not. Her stepmother, however, did.

We had a talk with her and told her she only has one mommy and it is not acceptable to call her stepmother that, just like she only has one daddy and she shouldn't call anyone else that. She also told us that they told her to call her stepmother mommy.

When we first got together, she called me mama once, and I corrected her. She came up with lil' Tammy as my nickname and that is fine.

The question is, why on earth would they try to purposely confuse her like that? My guess is that they are getting ready to start a custody battle and want her acclimated so she doesn't feel the loss of her true mommy if they were to win. They are that dilusional. I hate dealing with them with a passion. 

Name: Angry Dad, | Date: Feb 11th, 2012 7:58 PM
I do not want my daughters to have anything to do with my soon to be ex wife’s new boy friend, I have informed my girls that they must make a choice me or him. My wife has informed me that the new man will be going to my daughter’s graduation in May. I informed my daughter that if he is there I will not be. This man should have nothing to do with my children or future grandchildren for that matter. I will never share my daughter’s affection with anyone but their husbands or children. They have one father and one father only. You people that think you have some right to this need to go out and get your own family. 

Name: Ro | Date: Feb 26th, 2012 11:55 PM
My boyfriend has a son that is 3 months old. I have been with him since the day after he got the mom pregnant. I know that at the moment it doesnt really matter but when the time comes what should his son call me? By the time he is old enough to call me mom or anything my boyfriend and I will be married. So i was just wondering what thoughts were on this. 

Name: Pam | Date: Jun 3rd, 2012 12:21 PM
I've went through all of this is the 1980's. My children's father was abusive and hateful to me. However, I KNEW instinctively how badly my boys would need to feel loved by their real dad, no matter how good or involved their stepdad may be. So I did everything in my power to maintain the natural connection between my boys and their natural dad. Of course, I set boundaries for my ex-husband for the safety of my children and strictly enforced, them, but that was between adults. My children's stepfather was always called by a first name, and my boys were required to treat and respect him as an adult, but there was NEVER any emotional conflict for them about who their dad was. My boys are now 30 and 28. They are fond of their stepdad and have a healthy understanding of family. Much of that springs from my respect for parenthood, regardless of actions or being counted "worthy" of the role. Please folks, don't force your children to call their stepparent mom or dad, unless it is agreed upon by all parties, including the kids. Respect is so much more than a name, and the kids need to be respected, too. 

Name: Susan | Date: Jun 15th, 2012 12:39 AM
I wish you had married my ex. : ) 

Name: Susan | Date: Jun 15th, 2012 12:44 AM
Mommyof2 (Mimi).

Very respectable and thoughtful! 

Name: Janice | Date: Jul 4th, 2012 5:17 AM
I have been very interested to read the dif opinion on here everybody seems to have a dif one.. this is something I've been struggling with a lot lately I have 3 step children 9, 7, and 5 and no.bio children. I've been in there lives for over two years and been married for a little over one We have full custody of all 3 children their mom sees them about 1 weekend a month sometimes two. She left when the youngest was 1 and my husband has had full custody since she first left. I'm not gonna say shes a "bad" mom bc I don't feel its my place to judge and actually she and I get along well. Only bc of the kids and I feel its important for them for all of their parents to get along (they have a step dad as well) I'm a "stay at home mom" I'm the one that takes them to school, dance, karate, baseball and everything else that being a mom entails and I love them and treat them just like they were my own. So is it wrong for me to want them to call me mom? In all technical terms I am their mom just not biologically. I was introduced to them by my name from the get go and they still call me that (their mom says the two youngest normally call her by my name as well) just out of habit and sometimes they call me mama just not regularly I would never make them call me anything but would like to talk to them about it being their choice if they wanted to call me something else that I would like that but I don't know what the "right" thing would be. Any suggestions would be great!! 

Name: Rickey Dean | Date: Aug 7th, 2012 8:56 AM
This is an issue that I'm dealing with at this very moment and it is causing some very serious problems. my son is 3 yrs old and I have been in his life since is birth. My son's mother got married 2 yrs ago and decided she was going to have my son call her husband daddy and refer to me as Daddy Rickey.... I am not only offended I am out raged and have repeatedly asked her to re-frame from this. Of course my request has fallen on deaf ears....No matter how a step-parent my feel about their step-child it is not your child!!!!! It shows an out right disrespect for the other parent and causes major issues. At this present moment I nor my son's mom communicate with each other which I understand is not in our child's best interest but Im not going to let somebody bully me over my god giving right! 

Name: Cinthia | Date: Nov 21st, 2012 1:55 AM
My sweet stepdaughter calls me by my name; however she was calling me mom for a little while before and stopped. I'm not sure why she stopped but I decided to talk to her about it. I told her I loved her and cared for her very much and really loved when she called me mom. I told her I would love it if she called me mom, but only if she was comfortable doing so. I made it clear my feelings would not be hurt if she chose to continue to refer to me by my first name. She smiled and said "ok mom." It was such a sweet and emotional moment for me. I am not trying to replace her mother but I wanted her to know I was honored she called me mom when she did and that I love her as if she were my own. My husband and I have a baby girl of our own and honestly I don't understand what the big deal is about stepchildren calling stepparents mom or dad. I mean I would feel so good to know my child is so love and cared for that she felt comfortable enough to refer to another woman as her mom. More times than not the stepparent segregates the stepchild from their own and typically never shows the child the love he or she should be shown. I love that little girl so much and I'm so honored to be a part of her life. 

Name: crystal | Date: Feb 11th, 2013 12:23 PM
i have been in my stepsons life since he was 3 now hes 5. he calls me crist or "his quister" he picked the nick names so i just roll with it lol 

Name: KN | Date: Feb 13th, 2013 1:48 AM
My step daughter asked me if she was supposed to call me mom, and I told her well no you can call me by my first name or whatever you feel comfortable with and since then she's called me mommy.. Iam aware her bio mother doesn't like it when she calls me mom because when she talks about me around her real mom she has to call me by my first name.. Which is understandble because I also have a child with someone else and don't know how I'd feel about my daughter calling her mom.. But isn't it a bit hypocritical of her since she calls her stepdad daddy, but can't call me mommy? 

Name: John | Date: Apr 8th, 2013 12:18 AM
My son called me daddy 

Name: val | Date: Jun 19th, 2013 10:29 PM
my husband has custody of his three year old the mom has her on the weekend so she is takeing my husband back to court because the child call me mom so stupid she had a affair with him i took her child in i treat her like she mine and now she going to court because she call me mommy 

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