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Name: observer
[ Original Post ]
Hi, I am 41 and have been dating a man 53, for a year with a 15 year old daughter. He and her mom split when she was 2.5 and divorced when she was 3. Dad has her 45% of the time and she has had a step dad for the past 12 years. The concern I have is... she calls dad everyday during school break, school lunch, after school, when she gets home from sports practice, before dinner when she is with her mom and before she goes to bed each night. Phew.... And when she is scheduled to be with her mom (every other weekend), she calls us roughly every two hours to see what we are doing. When she is with us she rarely calls her mom. When she is with us she acts like she is 15 going on 11 and when she is with mom she acts like 15 going on 14. Please know that I do not have any children, have never been around kids (zero babysitting) so this is a brand new experience for me. When I ask him to grant us a day of alone time (when she is scheduled to be mom) it always turns into a huge argument. I tried to explain that I never feel like a priority and he says... I see you every day and my daughter only two days in a row (wk 1 2-days; wk 2 4-days; wk 3 2-days, etc). He says that I don't understand cause I've never had kids and that he feels guilty about her current life style (meaning going back and forth) and I said you don't understand where I'm coming from cause your world evolves around her plus you want your cake and eat it too (everything we do is about her... for her or with her and when she is not with us its all about her - taking her calls every few hrs + responding to her text msgs multiple times a day and seeing every game). That said... am I being unrealistic to ask for a Sunday off without having to share him on an unscheduled day with his daughter? Or, is he co-dependent on her and/or feeling guilty about the divorce or is this a no win situation for me? Please help. FYI: (this very thing split up his last 10 years relationship, except in their case the daughter & son (now 24) despised the girlfriend and in our case both of his kids care deeply about me and vise verse - I just want a break from the daughter (son in military) on occasion). Is that too much to ask? Much thanks...
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