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Name: hexagonalsnail
[ Original Post ]
I need help.
Ever since I had my daughter my husband has been acting like an asshole. He treays me like shit telling me that I do nothing around the house and that OUR money is his money. (that was before I went back to work. Although now he just tells me that I don't work as hard as he does and that was I do is meaningless..) I am so tired of feeling down and feeling underappreciated. I take care of our 7 month old during the day then I work evenings and weekends. I don`t bring in as money as he does and because i don`t he feels that i don`t do as much as him. That is only the half of it though. When I was pregnant I gained alot of weigh (most of which I have lost now) and got many stretch marks. He is constantly telling me to go `jump on the scale`` so he can find out how much I weigh and then when my weigh shows he says ``only ___ more pounds to go`` .. this may sound liek a good motivational thing, but to me it is as though he is tellign me that I am not good enough as is so I need to change myself in order to make him happy. As I am already insecure about this new found weigh and my stretch marks it would be nice if I had him tellign me that i look beautiful or tring to touch me even. Oh yeah our sex life = nothing. he holds out on sex as though he is punishing me. I am 22 years old and I have a NEED for sex (I have never EVER strayed) he is 31 so i suppose he feels that he has had his quota. But I am a woman and I have needs and I do not think that it is a bad thing for me to want intimacy with my husband. Please any assistance would be appreciated.
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Name: mich | Date: Dec 21st, 2007 4:26 AM
Hi,

Oh wow I am sorry!!! Sweety he is verbally abusive. If he is 31 he is not gonna change. Sounds like he does expect his woman to be in perfect shape. You are not the one with the problem he is. Our husband are suppose to love and support us no matter what. Of course we all want the perfect body but, reality is once we have babies we do have stretch marks. You may lose all the weight but, as we all get older it gets harder and harder to have that model body we have when we are in our teens and twentys. You don't need someone who is going to make you feel bad about yourself. You need a man that knows your beautiful a man that looks at your stretch marks with love because, he knows those are scars of a woman who brought a beautiful life into this world. If you stay with him you will always be unhappy. Is is always gonna treat you like you are not good enough. The sad thing is if you stay with him one day you are gonna wake up and actually gonna believe his lies. The truth is he is not good enough for you if he can't be loving and supportive no matter what. I would also be worried he would stray being he thinks he needs the perfect body. That probably why he married a younger woman. Do you have family that can help you. I think you should get out of that marriage while you are young and find a man that loves you for you. As far as the work thing he is just an as_. I am a stay at home mom and my husband is a computer programmer. My husband has a great job but, what I do is just as important as what he does same goes for you. You need to move on before he crushes your spirit and your confidence. He has the problem not you. Sorry I know that wasn't the answer you wanted but, I thought you deserved honesty.

Good luck,
Michelle 

Name: hexagonalsnail | Date: Dec 26th, 2007 4:16 AM
I just don't know anymore.

He switches back and forth between this gentle and understanding guy to this evil person and it is hard for me to keep up with all of it. 

Name: cjsims | Date: Jan 24th, 2008 1:52 AM
I agree with Mich, you definitely should leave him. You are 22, and have your whole life ahead of you, why spend it miserable? If you do stay with him, it will probably end anyway, cause you/'ll wake up and realize all the time you've wasted, and how he is sitting around teaching your girl how a woman should be treated, by her watching him talk to you bad and say mean things. That will influence your baby into choosing someone like him for herself. Don't get out just for yourself, do it for your baby too, before she realizes what is going on. Good luck. 

Name: oilybabyman | Date: Feb 8th, 2008 8:54 PM
you should kick him in his face 

Name: sandi4 | Date: Feb 16th, 2008 7:41 PM
try talking to him and telling him how you feel try seeking counselling and try to make the marriage work but if you are not happy sister than i guess you have to raise your girl. she is important now not his childishness 

Name: Danina | Date: Feb 18th, 2008 8:37 PM
I think you are doing an amazing job, keep up the good work! Drop the guy. Get as much as you can from him. He has a big mouth and he is totally selfish, domineering, controlling and a complete insecure, frustrated male. He is probably struggling at work and he cannot tell you. Do not allow him to treat you like this. Be assertive, you are doing more than your share. How was he brought up? Did his mom do everything for the little fellow. Be happy with your accomplishments, you have many but one very big downfall - him. Drop him like a hot potato and be free. Tell him to look in the mirror and work on his appreciation and assets in life, before they become credits.
Be strong. 


Name: sweetballet | Date: Feb 24th, 2008 1:05 PM
I know how you feel, my husband is like this also, I'm 25 and he's 35. It's ok, but when he gets angry it's me that has to deal with it. I know it can be hard to leave and this is hypocritical of me to say this but i think you should leave him if you can. I know it might not be possible. He has all the money in our family, and I just work a eight hours a week as a ballet teacher which doesn't make much. Good luck, adn remember that your child won't thank you if he starts acting the same way to them. 

Name: Christina Reilley | Date: Feb 27th, 2008 3:52 PM
What would you tell your friend or your mother or your sister if she told you what you wrote above? You would tell her to stand tall, be proud of who she is, and have some respect for herself. You need to do this. You need to tell him to LEAVE. Happiness is not always easy, but you can find it. You are unhappy, and he is the root of it. Stand up for yourself and send a clear message that he is not worthy of you the way he is acting.

sidenote: The housewife and stay-at-home-mom is worth $360,000 a year in salary if all the work she does and money she saves the family is calculated. Aren't you the personal shopper, housekeeper, chauffer, laundress, nurse, psychologist, and a whole lot more? Of course, you are. What you do is most likely ten times the work that he does. PLUS, you work outside the home! 

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