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Name: jamie_ogren
[ Original Post ]
i am... very young, and would have been a mother last month. i was in a very confusing situation.. i was, and still am, under age, and was pregnant by a man who was not a minor. his name is Josh. when i told him i was pregnant, he immediately broke up with me, later on, maybe a week or so later, i found out he had been cheating on me, and his "mistress" was also pregnant. by this time, i was already 3 months pregnant. and had known since 2 months. The mistress was only a month at the time. I am completely against abortion, even if it saved my life. my private doctor had diagnosed me as extremely high risk, and i was put on many medications and vitamins, and told not to have sex, stay off my feet, and gain some weight. When i talked to Josh, we decided he would have his parents find me a private doctor, use a different name, and he would take me to the doctor when i needed to go.. in exchange for sex. (what an asshole, right?) so i did it, i was so worried about people finding out, i gave in, not knowing what else to do. my doctor had me come in every week, and when Josh found out how dangerous my pregnancy was he smiled and said "just get an abortion." i refused, and slapped him. He obviously did not want me to have my baby. i was just so upset. at around 4 months, we found out i was gonna have a little boy, Parker, and that the sex was actually helping my body get used to it, but i was still very high risk. of course im still in school and terrified of everyone finding out, so i dont stay on bed rest for at least 8 hours a day. at 5 months i started having contractions that would come and go, but usually at night and we started hearing a heartbeat. Parker was also starting to be a little kicker. Josh not once calls to ask how im doing, or show he cares in any way. At 5 months and 3 weeks, my contractions were too bad, and too painful, and i remember going to the bathroom and looking down, and there was blood running down my legs, and it was really heavy. so i called Josh, and he took me to the hospital. Parkers heart rate was 30 over 80, extremely low, and there was no movement. They gave me a pain medication, and something to try to stop the labor, but it didnt work. my contractions sped up, and Parker's heartbeat was getting lower. My doctor told me there was no hope, but i wouldnt let go, i was texting my current boyfriend, and he was very supportive, but he didnt want to lose me. My doctor told me and Josh that it was me or the baby, and if i did deliver, it wouldnt be vaginally. I started dilating. Josh was so very happy that my son was about to die, and it was so upsetting to me, that i grabbed a handful of needles and threw them at Josh, knowing me, i missed, but it was still the fact.. I dilated some more and they had to do an emergency c-section. and now, i have almost no chance of getting pregnant again... i need help.
tips.
i wanted my son.
and it pains me to know i may never get to feel a baby kick inside me again.
if anyone has any kind of tips, or advice, please help me.


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Name: jamie_ogren | Date: Jul 6th, 2009 6:37 AM
now, my current boyfriend, Jeremy, doesnt know what to do. I upset him alot. I cant take a shower by myself because ill just sit and let the water run on me and just cry because they showed me my dead son, and the fact he was dead, period, and also the fact that i was told i cant get pregnant again.. it hurts so much. 

Name: jamie_ogren | Date: Jul 6th, 2009 6:39 AM
the mistress, Jessica, also miscarried a month ago. 

Name: jamie_ogren | Date: Jul 6th, 2009 6:44 AM
also, this is my first time trying to talk about it.. Jeremy says it might help me out a little bit. I'm a very negative person, so its hard for me to believe someone might be able to actually help me.. 

Name: bally33 | Date: Jul 6th, 2009 11:38 AM
hello jamie. first i just wan to say sowi for everything u have been through it must have been a very difficult time, but u need help what i think you should do first is maybe if u can move in with our mum so she can help you with everyday things like having a shower and other everyday things. also don't worry that you hurt jeremy.. you have too much too going too be worrying abt that right now.. am sure he understands all that, also u need to cut the baby's father's right out of your life.. if u want to move on then he cnt be part of that.. thats why the best place for you is to be with your mum.... or somewhere.. where you can think with a clear head. also go to your dr and am sure he will put you in touch with someone who u can talk too. i hope this has helped you. oh i forgot to say.... i knw u have had a hard time but you must think well try too think positive there are ppl out there who will help you ..... you just have too reach out.... and let them help 

Name: jamie_ogren | Date: Jul 7th, 2009 2:12 AM
bally33 - yes i know that. and he has been out of my life since my miscarriage. its just a very hard thing to deal with, you think that a baby would be an amazing sight, and it would make you happy, but when they pull a baby right out of your tummy, and let him stay in plain view of you, while you watch him just lay there, no movement, no crying. Nothing. It hurts, and not alot of people know that feeling. It hurts even worse when the babys father has a smile on from ear to ear. and then a few hours later hear your doctor tell you "i'm sorry, but you may never be able to concieve again." noone understand that, noone is there for me, not one person who i've talked to understands it. my mom didnt even know i was pregnant, i had never gotten the chance to tell her. she still doesnt know. ive learned that pregnancy is a very gracious thing, and when your doctor advises you to do something, find some way to do it, dont take a chance. you may get bored, and tired, and fed up, but none of that is anything compared to the loss of your son. thank you. you did help some. 

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