How to say this....My son, Adam, was diagnosed with autism a little over 2 and a half years ago. He is now 4 yrs old. I remember the day he was diagnosed very clearly. The drive home after his diagnosis was so difficult. I remember glancing at him in the rearview mirror and then crying...all the way home. I knew the diagnosis was coming but nothing could have prepared me for how completely heart broken I would be. I was so worried for his future and I was so sad over what I thought I would miss out on. I did everything in my power to help him and today Adam is a bright sweet 4 yr. old boy. He is literally the light of my life. Of course we have our struggles and we work with him to help him when he needs it. But...who'd have thought 2 and a half years ago that my son would be teaching me things? I never thought that he would teach me so much...a little tiny boy. He's taught me about acceptance, compasion and he's taught me that Adam wouldn't be Adam without autism. Not that I don't wonder sometimes what it would be like if he hadn't been autistic; I think thats natural. But, I think my life is better off because of Adam and his autism. I don't take the little things for granted anymore. I stop and take it all in. The first time he pointed to something, the first time he said mommy was like a full out party in my house, the first time he wanted to share a toy with me, the first time he said, "I love you Mommy" all on his own.....those are moments I will remember forever. Every milestone, even the tiny ones that other parents take for granted and sometimes don't even notice, I cherish. That is such a blessing to me. Because of Adam and his autism I haven't missed a moment of his becoming the little person he is today and that is something to truly be grateful for something that makes me feel blessed.
I visit this site quite often and I know that so many other parents that do as well are still struggling. I understand completely because I was there too; and sometimes I still have bad days, but, I was just wondering if anyone else shared this mentality? If you don't now....I hope you do someday. Good luck to all of you and God Bless your little ones. ↓
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| Name: shanak10 | Date: Dec 10th, 2006 11:04 PM |
Hi Jenmom,
What a touching story, and how happy I am for you and Adam. Keep being happy keep making Adam happy and keep posting here.
Shoshana ↑ |
| Name: mondo | Date: Dec 10th, 2006 11:38 PM |
| So true to the lives of Autistic folks and theri families....it is not what we expected for the rest of our lives but here it is, the grace of God gives us as parents the time of their babyhood to fall in love with them forever and begin a voyage of discovery of the most intrinsic ingredients of our human nature...its a rollercoaster without doubt, but the highs are like Heaven and the lows are just a rainy day with patch of blue on the horizon...:) ↑ |
| Name: jennmom1 | Date: Dec 12th, 2006 8:54 PM |
| Shanak10 & Mondo: Thank you for responding. I am glad that their are other parents that can find joy in their struggles as well. God Bless you and you families. :) ↑ |
| Name: sylvia0366 | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 12:42 AM |
HI Jenmom,
I too had the same reaction when my now, 12yr old was diagnosed with autism, I cried, thinking, why god, why him, he is my first, I would understand if my 2nd one was autistic, but not my first born, then, a few months later, my second son was diagnosed with autism and it was a big blow, as if god was punishing me for even thinking about it, to the day I still feel guilty, when my 3rd child was born and was also diagnosed with autism, I think I just resigned myself and accepted this diagnosis and decided that instead of complaining and feeling sorry for myself, just get the ball rolling and get them the help they needed, they are now 12, 9, & 7 and are doing well, even though they are not perfect, but you are right, some parents don't appreciate the little things in life, same as you when my Jake who is 9 finally said "bye" and waved I cried and called my whole family and told them what he had done, same thing with my 7yr old daughter, the first time she said a word and pointed, I made a huge deal. I too believe that if my kids were not autistic, would they be the same loving kids, even though we have are moments of temper tantrums, and headaches.
It is nice to visit this site and see that there are other parents that think like me.
Thank you,
Sylvia ↑ |
| Name: robinjoud | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 2:04 AM |
| I am very grateful for my little B. He is so affeciationate and sensitive. I love him very much and feel very blessed to have him. I have 3 kids and many times he is the easiest one to deal with. He usually is well behavied and happy. It took years of Tx and many more to go but it is all worth it. I would never want to trade this for anything. He does make me appreciate a the little things, too. He's wonderful and has taught my family a lot about patience, love and acceptance. The most frustrating thing to me, though, is going out in public and the rude people. Normally I don't notice it unless the rude ones go to extremes at being obvious in their disapproval of my parenting skills. I do usually go over and politely (when possible) inform them of my childs special needs, hand them a loving poem about autism, and urge them to educate themselves. I always feel better after doing so. ↑ |
| Name: jennmom1 | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 2:29 AM |
Sylvia: I'm so glad that you are able to be optomistic and positive even with 3 children diagnosed with autism; that had to be so overwhelming for you! Good for you that you didn't sink into a depression and instead did what you had to, to help your children and find the beauty that our autistic kids bring to this world! God bless & Good luck!
robinjoud: My son Adam is extremely affectionate and sensitive too! He is such an awesome kid! I understand your frustration with other parents and their "ignorance" but once again doesn't that bring us back to our children and what they and their autism has given us? You are a more compasionate and less judgemental parent because of it. Those sneeky kids teach us stuff when we aren't even looking!
I'm so glad all of you have responded to this! So glad that other parents find joy in our struggles and have not just sank into a depression but risen to the occasion to love, accept and learn from our beautiful children!! Good luck to all of you and your beautiful and unique children! If anybody wants to comment about the joy they've found in autism or to post a message when they are feeling excited over something new that their child has done...I have created an informal blog at www.erichedbyautism.blogspot.com Please come and share all of the wonderful things your child brings to your life and the new awesome things they accomplish where other parents will share in your joy!! ↑ |
| Name: jennmom1 | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 3:57 AM |
| correction...that site is misspelled above: www.enrichedbyautism.blogspot.com/ ↑ |
| Name: dianna | Date: Dec 14th, 2006 2:17 AM |
| Just never forget what little (or big) blessings these children are. They may grow up to be the brightest there is with these extraordinary talents they possess. And even if they don't... they're ours and nobody will ever understand and love them as we do. And 10-20-30-years from now, that is all that will matter. ↑ |
| Name: dana6 | Date: Dec 15th, 2006 12:24 PM |
We are still in limbo....the doctors do not know what is wrong yet....they said he has a gross motor delay, and a mixed receptive/perceptive language dissorder and sensory issues, and he is always tired.....overly tired, and the neurologist said he was early signs of aspergers, he goes to the ped. today for his 2 year check up, and then back to the neuorlogist on jan. 30th, how long does it talk to get a diagnosis?
yes i do feel blessed i would not trade him for the world. he makes me appreciate all the things i take for granted ↑ |
| Name: rachtwins | Date: Dec 17th, 2006 10:26 AM |
| How wonderful, what an inspiration you are. I adore my autistic twins and I too can't wait for them to say those special word "I love you mummy". Thankyou so much for sharing your feelings with me it really hit me in the heart. I wish there were more people in the world like you. ↑ |
| Name: gongju7 | Date: Dec 18th, 2006 4:00 AM |
Wow, I am amazed at all the mothers' acceptance. It took me some time in getting my son diagnosed. I was pretty sure he had autism at around 18months but didn't get him test until he was about 2yrs2mon. My husband cries periodically and I went through periods of anger and denial. I have finally accepted it and am also looking forward to the day that my son Ian will say "Mommy" and also point to something and give it a name. Thank you everyone for your comments.
Elizabeth ↑ |
| Name: jennmom1 | Date: Dec 19th, 2006 6:33 PM |
| To All: All of your replies have made me realize that I am not alone in my feelings. Thank you all so much. I too experienced a roller coaster of emotions when my son was diagnosed with autism; as do most parents I suspect. Because when your child is born it is assumed they will go to school on time, they will have any career they desire, they will most likely get married and have children....when our children are diagnosed it sends us thru a sort of grieving process. We mourn for the future we thought our children would have. And then comes acceptance and we adapt. We learn that our typical idea of a "happy life" is somewhat skewed. That the expectations that we set for our children at birth may not be whats in store for them and we learn that it's okay. It teaches us that we ALL take different paths in life and one is not more important than another. The path my son is on is very different that most children and the path he will most likely take throughout his life will be different, but, that is the beauty of it. He will live to do what makes him content and happy and not what preconcieved ideas I once had for him. I embrace his differences for those are the things that make our world interesting and beautiful. Thank God for our children. God Bless you all and Good Luck on your journeys! ↑ |
| Name: onlinedizzy | Date: Dec 19th, 2006 11:26 PM |
http://autism.about.com/od/inspi
rationideas/1/whatdoyoulove2.pdf
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| Name: mtene5 | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 4:37 AM |
| I was just going through all the new topics on the site today and reading all the "I think my child is autistic please help me!" I responded to a few trying to tell the mothers to not worry so much things will be fine. I was honestly thinking the same thing as you about being blessed and I had wanted to tell a few of the other mothers that they should feel blessed. I am so happy that someone wrote a message about being blessed with your autistic child instead of "my son won't talk" or "my daugher won't potty train" or "what did you eat when you were pregnant" I am blessed with all my children, autistic and non autistic. My autistic children are so beautiful and innocent that sometimes I just stare at them staring at the ceiling. I can't imagine my autistic children will ever hurt another child's feelings or judge people at first glance. They are sweet and innocent and just desire love. Having to care for autistic children is a blessing and I am soo happy that you pointed it out. Hopefully some of the other moms will read your story and not be so afraid of autism. ↑ |
| Name: mondo | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 3:37 PM |
Hello mtene5,
I am glad you are doing well with your children, it is not easy I know but it certainly is an enlightening gift to be a parent of a special child, no doubt. The reason I posted a question regarding"what you ate when pregnant..." is not that i am finding fault in myself, etc. life is filled with mysteries and without delving into them would be to sit around and not learn anything! I am curious and not2q ↑ |
| Name: mondo | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 3:42 PM |
oops! got cut off by my son...
to finish my sentence:
I am not guilt ridden rather curious at the many wonders of life (and Autistm is one of them)- I have a 19 yr old with this affliction, non verbal but quite self-sufficient although his behavior is his hardship.. the more we know about any ailment or difficulty in this world, the more we can help the next person who comes along with it. God bless you! ↑ |
| Name: jennmom1 | Date: Dec 28th, 2006 2:23 AM |
| What wonderful and loving parents you all are! We are all so lucky to have such wonderful children. I agree...they are quite innocent. I see autism much differently now then I did when my son was diagnosed. If I could go back with what I know now I would tell the past me that crying for my son was completely unecessary and actually quite silly. I blame much of that on our doctors and the way the present us with an autism diagnosis....as though there is no hope and as though it is a tragedy. Perhaps, instead of doctors presenting such a dianosis in that way they should instead be giving the diagnosis while adding "....it is not the end of the world, in fact, you have much to learn from your very special child. You are extremely blessed and with some proper tools we can help you to learn to communicate effectively with your child, form a bond as strong as with any other child, and they can be successful and just as happy as any other person. There is nothing to fear...you have a perfect child who learns differently and who will see the world differently and that is so special." I think if that was the way my son was given a diagnosis two and a half years ago it would not have taken me so long to see how skewed my perception of autism was. Good Luck to all of you and your extra special children! ↑ |
| Name: mondo | Date: Dec 28th, 2006 2:14 PM |
| That is the beauty and hidden blessing of any affliction I think because it is through the helping of one another in any given scenario where one's help can be of great benefit to another where the blessing comes in to place because it is SO TRUE that to give is so much more rewarding than to receive...our special children give us a view of the world around us we might well have missed without them, Autism is not easy on the child nor on the parents-the hard days will come and go, accepting the child as a blessing is key to success for everyone. God works in mysterious ways..:) ↑ |
| Name: mtene5 | Date: Jan 7th, 2007 5:21 AM |
Hello, Mondo. I did not get the right impression from your questions. My family always asks me "what causes autism the doctors don't have a clue?" And they always ask me this question with a very accusing tone which is why i try to tell other parents not to blame themselves because when my family looks at me with those accusing eyes i used to feel aweful. I have since learned to ignore their ignorance but I used to feel horrible when they would try to blame me. They still do blame me but I no longer blame myself and I do not want any other parents to think that their child's autism is their fault because it is a terrible feeling to blame yourself.
I personnally believe that autism has something to do with pollutants and chemicals in the environment. ↑ |
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