Hi,
I hope that someone here can help. My son is 7 and has Aspergers (or so he has been diagnosed). He lives with me and my second huband. I have joint custody with his Dad who is recently remarried (I have residential custody). My husband has MS and as a result functions as a "Mr Mom" while I work outside the home for financial reasons full time. My son acts, well it's kind of like, he's spoiled to the extreme. To give you an example: I got my hair cut and he screamed for two hours about how he wanted it back the way it was when he found out. We just started family counseling this past Thursday. My son screamed when we got there. My husband had to pick him up out of the car and carry him to the therapist's building, he was kicking and hitting my husband all along the way. He refused to go up the stairs into the office. We actually wound up having the session on the porch of the building, my son screaming for the entire session (almost an hour) during this time, the therapist who works part time as he is recently retired having worked for the state for over 30 years sometimes in institutions said that my son is the worst case he has ever seen. He aluded to the fact that he may need to be institutionalized if he doesn't improve. (I can't tell you for sure exactly what he said because I was so stressed out and in shock at my son's behaviour - these type of incidents have occured before but are not exactly common nor have they ever been this severe). After the session, as we were leaving the porch, my son purposefully, vomited, walking around from place to place on purpose. It took my husband and I almost twenty minutes to clean it up. Needless to say I"m rattled and scared. I'm not sure what to do. I DO NOT want my son taken out of my home. I anyone can. Please help.
Thank you,
Jannine ↓
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| Name: rain | Date: Jun 17th, 2006 8:21 PM |
Fist thing you need to do is get a new family counselor. Sorry, but this was really bad advice. He witnessed a child having a melt down; this does not call for him to be locked up. I read another post that was right, go to your regular doctor and get a referral for your son. Not a family counselor, but one who can diagnose him. Do this right away. A doctor for your son only not the family. You could try to request going by yourself first, so that you can describe the problems to the doctor privately, so your son does not have to hear what you are saying. Then you can get advice on the best way to bring your son. Was the other doctor saying he should be locked away in front of your son? This should never happen. And by the way I have seen and heard of much worse, and no one suggested locking the child away. You do need help right away. It does not have to be this way. I am sorry you had such a bad experience. That is awful. But you can do this; you are stronger than you think. First you need a diognosis, then you will get the right help from there.
Good luck
Rain ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Jun 17th, 2006 8:45 PM |
O.K. Sorry, I see you do have a diagnosis of as asperger's. Your son is not spoiled if he cannot take the change of a hair cut. That would be caused by the condition. Did the doctor who diagnosed him give you information on this condition? Did they tell you where to go from here? You need to speak with that doctor. Was he a specialist? These behaviors can get better sweetie. There are many types of therapy that parents use. Try to get some advice from a therapist who has experience in this condition. If you can’t find one, then ask the school. Now sometimes they can’t help either. So then you find parents in your area who have children with asperger’s or autism. They know all about the resources in your area. That is where you will most likely get the most information. Also here, and if you read down the post’s you will see other site’s you can visit.
Thinking of you
Rain ↑ |
| Name: Ev | Date: Jul 7th, 2006 4:20 PM |
| I have worked a little with asperger children and I know they really show anxiety and resistance at and to any event they have not been prepared for. For example, I think it wasn't the haircut that bothered your son, it was they way your appearance changed to your son. He was unprepared for that. It was unpredictable. I just know that every time we do something that affects the children's structure to daily life and predictablity we have to spend time preparing them for it. We tell them as soon as we know there is going to be a change. We role play what might happen once the change has taken place and we discusses with them how they might feel. Asperger children that I work with love structure and being prepared for change. I''m sorry you had such a rough time with your son. ↑ |
| Name: Christine | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 5:22 AM |
| My son is six and also has Asperger's and I believe that it is the hardest type of ASD. I have experienced many of the experiences that you have and believe me they go in stages once you figure out the trigger's. That really hard to do. As for being really upset naturally you would be. If I can help you in anyway E-Mail me. Do you have ABA therapy for him? Don't give up on him o.k ↑ |
| Name: Liz Roti | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 6:22 PM |
I won't give up on your son, I think putting him in an institution won't help anything,
it's obivous that he doesn't like change & the more you can regulate his home life the better it will be.
~when he acts out like that it's his way of tell you that he is not comfortable with something regarding it. ~never give up never~ ↑ |
| Name: Jannine | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 1:10 AM |
Thanks for your support. Due to schedules, we go back to the counselor this week. Funny but Francis got his own hair cut so my husband and I tried to turn the tables, saying "you got your hair cut, I want it back" . . . ."we want it back" I think he sort of realized what we were getting at. He doesn't like change but I think is, in a very slight way, beginning to realize that his behaviours have reprecussions. I know that this isn't any easy road we all have and I'm quite greatful to have found this community. Thanks again for your support.
Jannine ↑ |
| Name: Onlinelizzy | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 2:31 AM |
| Dear Janine Your son is not being naughty or badly disciplined. Like all the others have mentioned here children on the autism spectrum including aspergers need a lot of routine in their lives to make sense of what is happening and to cope.Going to new places can be very difficult. The lights, noises,smells and people can be very overwhelming. Your son was terrified. I would vomit too if I heard someone say I was going to be taken away from my family. Or the vomiting may be a result about being so stressed out about the whole visit. My son can get so anxious sometimes if he is forced to do something that really stresses him out that he gets a spontaneous blood nose. You don't sound very convinced that your son does have aspergers..."my son is 7 and has aspergers( or so he has been diagnosed)". If your not convinced ?and not getting any intervetion for him you need to get another opinion. your not doing him any favours if you are in denial. Or do you think he is more affected than this? We were originally told at nearly 3 my son had aspergers and by 4 it was apparent it was autism.. The therapist is an idiot and completely unproffessional. I would be complaining and definitely not returning. ↑ |
| Name: Jannine | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 10:55 AM |
Hi Onlinelizzy,
No, I believe that Francis is a classic Aspie. And yes, my husband and I have discussed (actually, last night) whether this counselor might not be the right one for our family particulary with the hospital comment. I guess one of my questions (and not just to lizzy but to anyone willing to answer-provide input) is does the Asperger diagnosis cover all of the behaviours that the child has? For example: Could other conditions such as forms of mental illness be involved. Fran is definately obsessive compulsive. When we research and address these issues both ourselves and to seek resources (child study team etc) do I treat them as seperate issues? Any ideas? As for his behaviour, well, I am trying to be a little tougher with both him and myself. I'm forcing myself to keep the structure he needs at home (to an almost anal retentive level) while also reminding him that if the TV program that he "must watch" is on at 8 pm then he has to get ready and have shower time completed by then so we must stop what were doing now. So in a sense the whole family is learning a new discipline. Thanks again for your help and input.
Jannine ↑ |
| Name: Onlinedizzy | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 12:59 AM |
| Hi Fran, all the behaviors in your original post can be a result of Aspergers. Its not uncommon for children and adults with aspergers (or autism) to have obseesions and compulsions. You may find that some of these obsessions change as he gets older and is exposed to other interests. What kind of obsessesive compulsive behavior does you son have(if its ok me asking?). My little boy loves Holden cars and has to touch them, also he is obsessed with switching things on and off and we keep the t.v and dvd player locked behind a screen, Microwave locked....You may find he talks endlessly about his favourite subject which can get a little tiring. My two kids have autism rather than aspergers, though Liam seems to be "high functioning". I think a brother of mine might be an aspie though, and he just loves to tell you abut his favourite interests(Napoleonic history)! All the best , Liz ↑ |
| Name: Rin | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 4:21 AM |
| I think that you should try to prepare him for things that you know are going to change, like a hair cut. Maybe you can sit down and look at pictures of different hairstyles, and have him help you pick out one. It seems like your son has a hard time adjusting to sudden change, so if there's a way to gradually help him adjust to something that would be the way to go. Is there any way you would be able to find a therapist who would be willing to visit your home or another place where your son would be comfortable? I think the therapist you went to needs to be ditched, pronto. Institutionalizing your son isn't going to help him. ↑ |
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