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Name: Sonia75
[ Original Post ]
Is there anyone out there who is having to deal with their child stealing from them? My son is 12 and was diagnosed with ASD and Aspergers last year. He has sensory problems to. I have to deal with angry outbursts about anything on a daily basis. He has no friends. He goes round insulting people that confront his behaviour. i am really finding it hard to cope. i am still coming to terms with what i have been told. That my son does not care for no one but him self and can not show any empathy. Everyday is a battle he is horrid to all that are around him. also have a big problem with his volume he shouts when he talks. i have asked him over and over not to. Is lying and stealing anything to do with being austisic. He has no need to steal its not like he goes without. Anyone out there got any advice. I feel like giving up on him. Help.
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Name: mamakeene | Date: Sep 10th, 2008 11:06 PM
I have a son with an ASD but he is only 3. I don't have much knowledge on this but I just wanted to offer support because I do know what it's like to feel like defeated and just worn down by these sometimes overwhelming circumstances. I want to say don't give up, hang in there. I feel like that at times, but then we get these little victories that can seem so far and in between but it's always worth all the struggle. It's always an uphill battle just to make a small amount of progress but when it comes and it will, you will be proud of him and yourself for hanging tough. On days like these make a list of the positive things in your life that you are grateful for, try to focus on the good. At times it's easy to be overwhelmed by the struggle. Hang in there, there is always a light, it will come. You are a good mom! 

Name: Sonia75 | Date: Sep 15th, 2008 1:29 PM
Thanks mamakeene for your support. i know some days are darker and then you see a bit of light on other days. your right about thinking about the positive things in my life that i am grateful for and i am. it just makes me cry everytime i talk about my son or think that he will never understand how other people feel and how his behaviour is effecting everyone. i know the more stressed out i get about it does no good has it effects my health where even my hair fell out a few years back and that taught me to chill a little and focus on something else in my life rather then my son who makes mine and his 14 year old brothers life hell everyday. what also hurts is i can never believe anything my 12 year old says cos he tells lies and it has been going on for a long time now. the stealing
to which is very hard to deal with. I feel angry at him being dianosed so late. surely the teachers at his junior school should have seen how differrent this child was. 

Name: Vangie | Date: Jan 27th, 2009 8:44 PM
I don't have advice, but I understand about the lying and stealing. I think my daughter has aspergers, or something similar but she's going through the neurological testing to find out for sure.

She is very sweet most of the time, and very loving, but then she'll steal and lie....for no obvious reason! She'll steal from me, her siblings, the store, her teachers. Sometimes things she doesn't even want, often things she doesn't need. Often if she would have just asked, the item would have been given to her.

There could be a link between the Aspergers and stealing and lying, but I'll let you know if I find out anything else. My doctor says no, it's not related, btw. But doctors don't know everything. Especially when it comes to Autism! 

Name: violetpato | Date: Feb 12th, 2009 10:10 PM
Hi, I have just joined and have never been to any sort of chat or otherwise online and came straight to your question?? I am a parent of 3 children with autism related problems, I have had this problem with my second child and can but feel for you, lying steeling aggression, he too started these problems at age 12, by the way he is diagnosed aspergers, my children hav no want for anything material and am loved with all my heart but he is now 16 and i feel i have just got back from hell, i am not going to go too much into detail but am speaking from a lot of experience where autism is concerned and plead with you to take a long hard look at his peers, our children are so vunerable at this age into seeking friendships and learning independance like other children that they will do anything that is asked of them from other children or copy behaviour which they are seeing other children do at there homes, i strongly suggest that you take this matter firmly to psychologist and nip it in the bud now as i would not wish my worst enemy the nightmare i have just come through, it is not your fault and dont let anyone tell you otherwise, it is his age and development stage which is being influenced from negative influences, i hope this helps . I never give up on my son and i never will,trust me change his influences aspergers children only learn what they live. 

Name: Sunshine007 | Date: Feb 14th, 2009 4:14 AM
Thank you violetpato for you reply. This is really helpful to me, with my son who is 9. 

Name: txaussie | Date: Apr 24th, 2009 4:28 AM
I can really understand where you are right now. our son is 14 and half and has had risky behavior for many years. In the last year he has stolen money from my wallet for thing that we would have given him if he had just asked. Now this week he took money again because he said he needed to buy lunch even though we provide that he packs every day himself. so he like what is in it. We are mistyfied by him and his actions most of the time he is a sweet perfect boy. He does have outburst of loud voice when it comes to his brothers. We also have three boys two have asd for sure. Keep your chin up 


Name: flaminjo | Date: May 14th, 2009 7:08 AM
It is highly advised that your son is given proper behavioral therapies to some what sort out his angry outbursts.

He is very near his teens there would be peer pressure.you have deal with him in a calm and matured way. 

Name: uniquefairy | Date: Dec 10th, 2009 5:39 PM
I have a 14 year old son that has aspergers and he has been lying and stealing alot lately. Even if he is caught doing either one he acts like he doesnt care and continues to do these things. We have punished him by taking things away that he really likes and he will throw a fit but then the next day he acts like nothing has happened and continues with this behavior. I am worried he is going to get in very serious trouble that I am not going to be able to get him out of. He also screams at his younger sister who is 8 and younger brother who is getting ready to be 5. He screams at me too and when I tell him to do things he says ok and just sits where he is and doesnt budge. He has the same routine for school every moring and bed every night but he still has to be reminded many times to do things. I know how you feel and if anyone has any ideas on how to handle things differently with my son I would appreciate it. 

Name: mhi | Date: Dec 27th, 2009 2:51 AM
I have 4 children , all within the autism spectrum although 1 has not received that exact diagnosis . All 4 children have many variations of comormid conditions (all including aspergers , pdd nos , autism ) most also including ...tourettes syndrome, braintumor or cyst , learning disabilities (only 1 ) , oppositional defiant disorder , obsessive compulsive disorder , severe anxiety , depression , etc... It is what it is .. I still can't figure it all out . My oldest is a 19 yr. old who stands 6ft. 4 1/2 in. tall . He was struck by a car 3 mos. ago because he sneaks off (being an 'adult' ) and NEVER looks before crossing any street . We didn't realize his condition until he was around 11-13 yrs. old (too late ?) . He was always an intelligent, quiet, loner child..until one day everything began slowly .. then..dramatically .Now NOONE in the family can be in the same room with him for more than 5 mins. He is very agressive verbally and sometimes physically . He refuses to grow up . He has been caught steeling from a store 3 times within 6 yrs. each time saying it was the only time ...each time stealing an item of his recent fixation such as a pair of earbuds to add to his other 15 pair etc.., each time I 'saved ' him. What will happen though now that he is a (very big) adult ? He has lied and stolen obviously since early childhood (no solution yet ) ; I didn't realize most of it because his sister is SO much worse ..She is severely learning disabled/tourettes/scoliosis...so you see we never even pursued the autism diagnosis until her younger brothers doc brought it to our attention . She is now 17 1/2 . She is a terribly compulsive liar (with yrs. of experience ) and she has in the past even stolen our bill money (very large amounts ) , and much more ! I do believe that these things have something to do with autism but I believe that they are also largely a reflection of other comormid conditions possibly still undiagnosed (because many docs believe that once a child has received an ASD diagnosis that is 'enough' ) . I have searched and searched for years to find the secret anctidot to bring peace to my home . My 2 oldest are now 'adults' with no plans of moving out , paying bills, doing even 1 chore , etc.., My 8 yr. old struggles on a daily basis with not only his autism but also severe OCD/anxiety/???....and my baby follows all their examples . I have almost every book ever written on autism and all related disorders and have tried almost everything literally in the past . Does anyone out there have an older child or adult child with aspergers who shows complete disregard for feelings and needs of others and who refuses to grow up/pull a little of his own weight ? 

Name: frazzledmom831 | Date: Nov 22nd, 2010 12:08 AM
Wow! It sounded like you were talking about my son....everything is the same but I have ont more thing to add...he's fighting in school. So now they want to send him to the alternative school. I agree its hard to deal with them but you can't give up because they need us. Remember God only gives us what we can handle...even tho its hard to understand trust me I know. Do you have any support from your Dr. or anyone at school? 

Name: ASDDAD | Date: Nov 28th, 2010 5:16 PM
Hi--don't know if I am too late to participate in this. I have a 15 yo son--same thing--stealing especially from home, planful, no remorse or empathy; no available consequences, just anger at havin things progressively taken away, behavioral mod doees not work, etc., etc.

I suggest a full blown neuropsych assessment. My bet is you'll find a lot of other things going on--bipolar] ADHD? heading toward conduct disorder? Too many parents and therapists stop at ASD or PDDNOS or Asperger's and do not get a total picture. With a total picture, you can make more informed therapeutic decisions, and not worry so mych about whether children with ASD do or do not lie. My guess with regard to the extreme cases described above is that more than ASD is going on; just looking at Autism alone will not help your child. I am in exactly the same situation. 

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