Hi.
I am starting to get myself in a real mess at the minute with worry about my 6 year old boy, Joshua. I am a primary school teacher and picked up from an early age that my son had ASD. I thought that I would be able to handle all the problems easily because I have dealt with children with ASD numerous times in my classrooms. I was wrong :(
I have always had a very close bond with my son, he had colic until he was 6 months and I put the responsibility on myself to always do everything for him to minimise upset. I thought this was the best way to get through it all. I realise now that this forced my fiance to feel left out and means that now their relationship is not what it should have been.
Joshua can be the most sensitive, caring, kind boy you can ever wish to meet. Outwardly, sometimes people would never know that he had any difficulties. In a way, this makes it worse for when his autistic tendencies cause him to struggle. I feel like I am constantly trying to find reasons for why he is behaving in certain ways, both at school and at home, and I worry that people think I am just making excuses for him.
I also have another son who is 3. Since he was born, Joshua has struggled to accept his presence and share our attention. He struggles to understand that people need personal space and this is most evident with his brother. He often shoves him over or hits him with toys for no apparent reason but will then have a 'meltdown' when he is told off for these behaviours, often blaming his brother even if he knows that I have witnessed the whole incident.
I am currently under the doctor for stress and have high blood pressure. There are many factors that are causing me to feel panicked but the main one is that I feel powerless to control Joshua's behaviours at the minute. He has friends at school that tell tales and Joshua has picked up on this. He thinks that he is always to blame and this frustrates him, he also has low confidence. If I try to confront him about any bad behaviours, he will shout, scream, kick, smack and shout 'liar' at me until I have to leave him in his room to calm down. Though I know I should be stronger, this often leaves me shaken and upset and due to my stress, I feel completely useless to deal with the situation.
I am hoping that by chatting to other parents, I may begin to gain some confidence through sharing ideas and tips.
I would appreciate any ideas as at the minute I feel powerless and useless.
Thanks. ↓
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| Name: kklmathieu | Date: Jul 25th, 2011 6:08 AM |
| I totally understand what you are going through. My son, Luke, is almost 5. We are currently going through the autism evaluation process. Though, I too, knew at a young age what was going on. I felt in almost denial about it though. Since he was my first child I often caught myself making excuses even to myself about it. Blaming it on the age, phase, etc. I recall before Luke was even 2, becoming OVERLY protective of him. Even with my husband and other family I went above and beyond even a protective parent. Like you said, I constantly made excuses to others for his awkward behaviors and what I call his "quirks". Looking back I see now that it was a motherly instinct. Though Luke has not be diagnosed yet, I already know what the outcome will be. I believe it is Aspergers. Luke can be so sweet, gentle, and kind. And in a second can be someone almost completely different. Something that I see as no big deal, will mess up his entire day. The food situation is exhausting... he lives on a total of 5-6 different foods, will not EVER try anything new. His senses are sooo strong, he smells everything before he eats it. He started this new behavior while we are out to eat... he looks at others plates and doesn't like the way it looks and starts to gag- he has even brought himself to vomit twice now. I can go on and on with his symptoms. I would love to talk as well. This transition process and relearning the correct way to parent a child with ASD is so stressful. I feel like I could break out in tears just by looking at my precious baby these days... only because I want to HELP him and not sure how. My email is [email protected]. I would love to share any tips etc! ↑ |
| Name: Edwardliu | Date: Jul 30th, 2011 4:05 PM |
Hi saralc,
If your son had ASD in early age, you should be very proud of yourself and your son. I understand your son's jealous with his little brother because he losed the attention he got before. All the children want mum's all attention. Tell Joshua he is the best boy in the world. And mum always love him. Let him become a teacher to teach his little brother. Give him award when he does something good. They are very sensitive. Specially tell him he is the cleverest boy in mum's heart.
Give him a good pretend friend and a bad pretend friend. Ask him to join whose group. Let him to teach the bad pretend child.
The most important thing is being relax by yourself. Don't think your son is ASD. He just has a little difference from other children. He needs more care, attention. He just more sensitive. He just needs love. Love him make you happy.
Calm down. Be his best friend. You can focus his good behavior and make yourself happy.
Emily ↑ |
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