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Name: JBumgardner
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My son is 4 and recently diagnosed with autism. He has behavior problems but mainly at home. He is pretty reserved when he is at his special classes 3 days a week. At home if he even hears the word no or is given instructions, he loses control. He will trash his room, throw things and even spit at me. Does anyone have any advice for his mother and I. We try to distract him with other things. We are trying VERY hard not to give in and let him do whatever he wants just to avoid a tantrum. I want to treat him as much like a normal child as I can. Any input out there??
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Name: kallen | Date: Mar 18th, 2008 7:31 PM
I'm looking for advice also for my mother who adopted a boy that we now know is autistic. I do know that giving in does not work either. My mother gives in most of the time and now even trys to bribe him and/or distract him with food/toys/promises of going to the park or to the movies. He still has fits when he doesn't get his way and is becoming more violent when she does try to stand her ground. Don't give up! You are not alone:-) 

Name: bethmarie | Date: Mar 18th, 2008 8:19 PM
hello,i have a 2 and a half year old child who is waiting an autism asessment,and i no how you feel.Beth,no matter how much you say no will just not listen and have major tantrums at everything i dont let her do.

Its so difficult to manage,at times i just pretend i havnt seen her doing what she does,as all i seem to do all day is say "no"and she never listens.

Would like to give some advice,but im struggling too!

Marie x 

Name: BlakesMom | Date: Mar 19th, 2008 12:44 AM
Hello! I am not sure if my input will help or not.... My son was diagnosed at the young age of 18 months.....he recently turned 3. At the time of diagnosis, he was EXTREMELY self abusive - banging his head and mouth into anything and everything. He was non verbal and had no means to communicate his wants and needs. We began Early Intervention Svcs.... Occup. Therapy, Speech, Behavioral Therapy and Developmental Therapy. We soon realized that his issues revolved around sensory issues..... Simply squeezing his head very hard or squeezing his hands, spinning him very fast in a swing, calmed him tremendously. However, he began to resort to aggressive behaviors.......up to 300x daily. Finally, after trying everything we could think of.....(GF/CG Diet, a strict sensory diet, etc) we tried Risperdol (med). It is not right for every child, but has been a miracle for mine. He is now only aggressive 2-8 times per week. This is not the only thing that has helped.....Consistency when dealing with behaviors plays a MAJOR role (as with any child....not just those with autism). I would be happy to chat more in depth to you or your other respondents if you choose. I am always looking for other parents to collaborate with as NOONE understands what we go through except other parents of children with autism. Hang in there! My email is [email protected] Sincerely, Cindy 

Name: JBumgardner | Date: Mar 19th, 2008 3:16 AM
Thanks for the input. I also feel like all I ever say to him is no, but I also know I have to. I have gotten better at picking my battles though. He is going to mess with the TV. Why? Because he is 4. He is not scared of anything which makes for the occasional near heart attack....thats when I have to say no mostly. I have found that I can end his fits by making him laugh or asking him about something totally unrelated. Not sure how healthy that is but it works most of the time. I know raising my voice only throws gas on the fire. Spanking throws C4 on the fire. I am slowly learning to deal with the fits but what I don't understand is that he doesn't do it at his school or at the daycare. He only does it at home. Does a 4 year old have the ability to restrain his emotions until he gets home in the afternoon because he knows at home its behind closed doors?? I don't know what to make of it. 

Name: kat26 | Date: Apr 5th, 2008 5:27 AM
hi, my son is 3 yrs old and was just diagosed mild to moderate autistic..he too has a really bad temper at times, and it doesnt matter where he is...he will throw a big tandrum.!
i've learned that when my son throws tandrums at home, just leaving him alone in his room helps him calm down faster,(at first he does throw toys in his room, while screaming and throwing a fit) but then he calms himself down....
and thats something his specialist recommended "he needs to learn to calm himself down because you wont always be there to calm him down"
my son also hates the word "no" one thing that really works for him is instead of always saying no, i use the "if and then" his specialist suggested that if i could teach him the meaning of those words things would be better for me and him...and boy was she right!
anyways, good luck with your son... 

Name: mi brother | Date: Apr 9th, 2008 5:25 PM
first you have to realize that a 4 year old will act that way its just n there blood treat him as if hes at skool wen he does something good reward him wen he doesnt than do not instill in him that he cant have his way and make every experience a learning one also children with austim cant have thing with high fructuose corn syurup make sure limited that out of his diet 

Name: ryans mom | Date: Apr 18th, 2008 4:54 AM
I wonder what kind of special classes these are he could go to a behvior threapist my son has gone for 3 years and it helped it took a while but it helped. Also we had to take him 5 days a week 2 hours a day and really that was mild. Also if he isen't talking then, that could be the reason for the behavior imagine how frustrating it would be not to be able to say what you wanted to. 

Name: jojojohnson | Date: May 10th, 2008 6:49 AM
no matter how hard it is,,,dont give in,. they are very smart people...always demand the same behaviour... I went through years of bad tantrums,,,and when I stopped giving in, the behavious stoppedd. 

Name: tgreen | Date: May 16th, 2008 4:04 PM
Hey, I just wanted to say hang in there. My son is almost 4 and he was diagnosed at 2 with autism, he also has a behavior issue. At 18 months he grabbed my hair from behind and it took 2 adults to get him off he ripped out my hair and I was bleeding from my forehead. With time and therapy he has gotten much better. There is a program called aba (applied behavior analysis) that sometimes help you should be able to find a provider through Internet or your current school case supervisor or developmental specialist pediatrician. 

Name: I know | Date: Jun 1st, 2008 6:04 PM
Hi there I have a great idea but for it to work you have to REALLY perservere!
It's called a visual aid. You get very very simple symbols- not too much colour etc. You could make your own- we did.
You have a piece of card with a cross through it which is no. This isn't as confrontational as saying no and I find that after afew weeks as long as you stick to it they accept it. I found that my son hated the word rather than what it meant and using the card avoided this. I would say instead "NOT THIS TIME" which avoided the stress.
I got very simple pictures and glued velcro on the back on all of the things that he was expected to do e.g a picture of glass= drink. Then I would have a piece of card in the room that we stayed in the most with a strip of velcro on the middle of it and put the pictures in order of what was expected. This way no surprises and less stress.
Then after we did the task put the pictures in a plastic pouch. This way he could also bring the pictures out to communicate his needs without getting frustrated.
We found that this eventually led to our child being much calmer, so all the best and keep faith. It's not easy but sometimes it's worth perservering with. 

Name: fivebucks | Date: Feb 5th, 2010 1:24 AM
There is something called a ACTIVE LISTENINGIam a mon of 5 children I have a a four year old son also with autism Ive been using a technique called ACTIVE LISTENING its a special way to communicate with your child I also have picture signs all over the eat, drink get dressed bedtime ect. so he got the hang of communicating by giving me the picture cards that I have placed where the should be drink picture is on the fridge ....I recieved the info on active listening through a specialist who comes to my house but maybe you can search the net and get this information I will say I instantly give him bear hugs and rubs right after I talk to him the way explained in the active listening print out because these children dont know how to come back as we do from emotions as quickly so the bearhugs and deep pressure helps calm him more quickly I hope this helps my son still tantrums but not as long and not as often the biting has stopped most of the kicking but rolling around screaming and throwing things will still happen but at least I have a way to handle it now. feel free to email me even if its just to vent! [email protected] 

Name: Jean Taylor | Date: Mar 10th, 2010 6:37 PM
I have a daughter who's now 12 and getting more and more aggressive, i understand its hard for her but she seems to hate me at times, i try my best but the more i try and make her feel better the more angry she gets, i never know how to approach it without interfering with her space too much ... 

Name: honey | Date: Mar 19th, 2010 11:36 PM
Wish I knew about this forum earlier, stumbled across it. I have 3 children, 2 with special needs. The older one has agressive outbursts. My husband also has learning difficulties. had another eventful night, let them watch some of sport relief but then what a nightmare I've had hitting, pinching, shouting, screaming. If it was just tonight you would be saying glad its over, start afresh tomorrow but no its every night. My daughter who is only 8 has had to grow up very quickly she helps me alot but as her brother will not allow strangers in the house she finds it difficult to retain friends. I feel sorry for her at times. I love all my children but I do like tonight when it has been particularly bad I start to grieve for what might have been. Its hard when I see my nephew who is the same age and what he is achieving. My son who is 12 came home the other day from school and read to me a repetitive book of 8 pages with the word 'look in here'. I was so over the moon with the achievement and was so proud. My other son who is 10 has learning difficulties, although not quite so academically behind to his peers, is still incontinent of bowels everyday - he does not seem to care and would be happy to sit and play on the xbox denying the fact when it is quite plan he needs sorting out. Wow, what a speal, in one way its good to read other messages it makes you feel you are not alone 

Name: cdenham | Date: Mar 21st, 2010 2:49 AM
I just joined this forum and the first thing I see is a desperate parent just like me. I can't tell you how identical your story is to ours. Your son like my daughter is very smart. They know how to push our buttons. The word no is a trigger for our daughter to go insane. I try to keep my no's to a minimum, and when I do use them I try to make sure to use a very calm voice. Redirection is the key. Try redirected him to something he really loves. Allie loves Elmo and Baby Einstein. I have often jumped up and down screaming and making funny faces just to get her attention. Try other toys, books, or even outside, before the tantrum gets out of control. I know it can be so easy to lose control, but always stay calm. It will minimize the damage. Children with autism are so different, and we are told not to reward our children when they misbehave, but our lives are a whole different ball game. A favorite snack always seems to calm Allie. A favorite toy, or even a sucker. What ever works do it. 

Name: jengar | Date: Mar 30th, 2010 5:14 PM
My son is 7, diagnosed when he was 4, sensory can be an issue, to much of it can cause meltdowns, lots of noises can be a nerve grinder, to much going on in the house can also be mentally chaotic for them, diet is important-try a gf/cf , most kids will see a behavior change of some kind with it. I have my son "take a break" to calm down, i know how hard it is to bring them back once they have had an emotional meltdown. also, when giving instructions, try one instruction at a time with a visual cue to go with the verbal, example: go put this in the sink- point to the sink and make sure he is watching where u point, the more successes he has the better he will respond i the future. encourage words. i tell my son " i cant help you unless you use your words". even if its 1 or 2 words, ask lots of questions, chances are the behavior is the manifestation of an unrelated issue. Of course the age will have something to do with it all by its self . good luck 

Name: leeann | Date: Apr 5th, 2010 7:03 PM
Im looking for some advice my Son is 6, he was diagonosed when he was 4, he is so agressive if i ever dare to say no to him, i get spat at punched kicked even bitten. I have 2 other children who also get hit quite alot, i have heard that some parents put there child on medication but did not know if this was the way to go. I just want the violence to stop. 

Name: fivebucks | Date: Apr 12th, 2010 4:17 AM
THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO IS ALWAYS GIVE IN!!!! There are no two "autistic children the same" but I do know depending on what type of intervention you have or what type of communication techniques you are using, "giving in to aviod a tantrum is only going to cause bigger issues in the long run and they will be physically bigger & stronger so we all need to hang in there and find the strength to gain control of these situations NOW! If exhaustion and stress is this severe now..with toddllers ....think a few years from now how youll be able to handle your child if you give in all the time with a toddler! WE LOVE OUR CHILDREN and we want the best for them so stay strong dont avoid negative rages, try to help your child learn a "calm down" technique, you know your child better than anyone use the tools youve been provided there is no quick fix! Its all about patience and constant repetition! The tools we are provided with are not like tylenol for a headache it may take months to see any type of progression! JUST DONT THROW IN THE TOWEL BY GIVING YOUR CHILD EVERYTHING THEY DEMAND! ITS ONLY SLOWING DOWN THERE ACCOMPLISHMENTS! 

Name: dominic1 | Date: Apr 14th, 2010 2:02 PM
hi my name is Bailie, i have two autistic boys one age4 and one 5, both mine are worse at home and have been told that when at school the tend to keep it all in and when home feel safe enough to release it, my eldest is the worst smashes my house curses me very violent at times the told me just to ignore it completly and not show them that i am bothered with it, which can be difficult when not only your home is being smashed but they hurt themselves, but i will admit it does work after a while. 

Name: stuffle7 | Date: Apr 20th, 2010 12:08 AM
Hello Jbaumgardner I read your post and believe me I sympathize. My son John is now 12(diagnosed at 4 also) and he is great at home but seems to act out more at school. Recently we had to put him on medicine for petit mal seizures and it calmed him down a little. what we do for John when he does act out is the Temple Grandin method. We trap him in a hug and within a few minutes he has calmed down. Believe me it does work 

Name: Jerry-Lee | Date: Apr 26th, 2010 6:24 PM
tantrums are terrible because you can see your child lost and there is nothing you can do. When the ABA therapists told us to sit on the child, I thought that they did not know what to do either. I wnet on line and found this website www.tantrum911.com
it is pretty amazing to watch videos of kids with tantrum just calming down smelling strawberry. I tried with a candle I had and sure enough my kid just calmed down, then I could hold him and cuddle him. try it, it is so much better than drugs

Name: JDCOOL | Date: Apr 27th, 2010 2:39 AM
ok I am going to be a bit different to every one else I suggest using what his particular obsession is in my child is numbers he has to do things by a slow count of 3. I getsweared at things get banged but they get done because he loves numbers and they have to be done by 3 hope this helps. 

Name: Martha | Date: May 13th, 2010 2:22 AM
My son was diagnosed when he was 3 yrs old.now he is 7 He has always had behavior issues but just recently he was becoming really aggresive so they did another OT evaluation and found that he had alot of sensory needs. Now at home and school he gets alot of deep pressure massages that my husband and i do before we want him to do something or stop when he's throwing a tantrum,We even do that when we go to the store or somewhere we know a tantrum will happen .pressure/weighted vest, swing activities also help. we use firm pressure to touch or pressure in his shoulder or back everytime we ask him to do something.Also Auditory he needs quiet time and we keep our lights dim in the house it seems to help. He is non verbal so you might imagine how difficult it is to make him stop or do something. We Were communicating through Picture exchange communication system since he was 3 but he stopped using them so now he's learning sign language and is doing really great, communicating more now makes him less aggresive. Hope this helps 

Name: tasha1011 | Date: Jul 21st, 2010 3:06 PM
With my son, I have used the "time out" method as a way of helping my son to control his anger/frustration/outburst. Remove your child from his toys, playthings, etc.. Give him a moment where he thinks about his behavior while also trying to calm himself down. The goal is to stop the unbearable behavior. Afterwards, what I did was talk to my son about the behavior that I did not condone and the behavior that was expected. I was also trying to help develop his speech besides teaching him how to control his anger. Hopefully this helps.

I started writing about my experiences at http://raisingsucautistic.blogspot.com/

Read it and tell me what you think. There might be some tips to help. Good luck! 

Name: Robert Herbert | Date: Aug 6th, 2010 4:00 PM
My son was diagnosed severely autistic when he was 2. My son eliminated all of his symptoms and learning disabilities through a series of non-invasive, completely natural treatments that I did with him. He is now 13 years old and he is completely mainstream. His recovery was only because of the various cutting edge therapies that he did. I have put everything that I have learned in 11 years about healing autism into an ebook that can change your child's life forever. I urge you to go howtocureautismnaturally.com and start healing your child today. I know it may sound too good to be true but every child will benifit from the therapies described in my book. Just because the medical community doesn't have a pill to cure autism they say it is incurable. That is not the case and my son is living proof. When he was diagnosed the doctor told my I would have to take care of him his entire life. I refused to accept that fate for my son and you don't have to accept it for your child either. Please read my book and start healing your child today. 

Name: tasha1011 | Date: Aug 20th, 2010 5:11 PM
I have posted an article on controlling temper tantrums (anger outbursts). You can read it at http://www.associatedcontent.com/

gives tips and suggestions to parents (like myself) who have children on the spectrum. Read it and tell me what you think. 

Name: michelDAB | Date: Oct 16th, 2010 1:16 AM
My son was diagnosed with Autism when he was 2 yrs old. He also has a negative reaction to NO and it has actually triggered a lot of meltdowns mostly in school than at home. I have gotten to the point where I dreaded saying NO to him and get all tense bracing myself for the outburst. What I have learned is that I can refuse him without saying the word NO. I've learned to use the FIRST-THEN combo. If he wanted something that he couldn't have right at that moment, I will tell him FIRST we do this THEN you can do/have that. I discovered that NO for him meant that he will never have what he wanted. By using the FIRST-THEN, he knew that he would still get what he wanted just not at that moment. I hope this helps. 

Name: dolphinlover | Date: Aug 6th, 2011 5:55 PM
Just keep up the good work and do not give in show him you guys are the parents and over time it should work out we have beeen working with a thing called wrap-around which is people who come in and help you learn to deal with it and they help you teach your child right from wrong 

Name: sunflowerlily85 | Date: Oct 5th, 2011 9:58 PM
I just found out that my 3 yr old lil girl has autisum. She throws fits and screams all the time. Anyone have any ideas on what to do ? 

Name: quiltermom | Date: Oct 6th, 2011 3:33 AM
My son is two years old. We just got the diagnosis of ASD PDD. This is all new to me. I also have a 15 year old (used to have ADHD and suffers from depression) and a 10 year old who is the most indifferent child there can be. The autism diagnosis has me in a whirl and I am just finding it so hard - a really tough pill to swallow. What is the best advice you can give to a mom (who also suffers from depression) who is just learning about having a child with autism? Thank you and God bless you and yours. 

Name: Edwardliu | Date: Oct 6th, 2011 1:26 PM
When my son was two years and four month, he couldn't play anything. He couldn't speak anything. One day, he felt he needed me help, but he had no idea how to express, he screamed. He didn't liked to be touched by anyone except me. So if my daughter went to touch him, he screamed. He didn't like messy play such as play dough. I think he didn't like his hand becomes messy. He wanted me to help him clean his cloth even it had a little bit dirty. He didn't like a lot of food because he didn't like that messy food in his mouth. He scared a lot of noise. That why he cried. He couldn't wait each time when we need to pay our money. He just didn't understand the simple rule. He liked to stare at water or the sky for a long time and make you feel so sad. If it rains, his cloth get a little bit wet, he want you to change, he scream. He put the things in the certain place, if you didn't understand his rule, he screamed. Also when he was too excited, he screamed. It was very hard time. And I couldn't have any rest and any hope.

Then I saw DAN doctor, ST, OT. I remember my first appointment with OT. Look like he can't do anything except crying. I bought bumble bee baby DVD and flash card to teach him. " more than words " is very good book to teach our kid language. We tries a lot of messy play with him. The basic idea is keeping ourselves calm down. Let them practice more and get used to everything they thought "trouble". Messy play, water play, peekaboo, ready set go, counting, color, so on. Everyday I spoke to him and show him the real thing and the picture. We do gluten and diary free for him. And he started to eat a lot of food than before. He got high mercury in his hair test. DAN doctor let him eat some medicine. He started to speak his first word, then letter and number, then call me mum. Then one day I found him suddenly know 300 bumble bee words. I taught for him every day and didn't think he would get it. He started to notice the environment. Then he screamed because he didn't notice before. We taught him how to point the object so we knew what he wanted. We were happy with him. But he still couldn't be touched by anyone except me. We tried OT brush, he didn't like it. I tried a lot of times. Still not work. We worried so much. Then my first daughter bought the puppy to play. My son screamed but he liked it very much. He played and screamed for about two months. Then he could be touched by my husband, my daughter and everyone now.
When my son could speak his first sentence when he was three years old. We were very happy. Then about three and a half years old, he could tell me about his feeling. His sore tummy. His itchy skin. The noise. Stop, don't touch. I don't want to be wet. Where was my xxx? It was very hard for us and it was very hard for him too.
Scare noise do sound therapy helps. Also a lot of practice too.

My experience is bio-medical is the most important thing to do. Then ST and OT, sound therapy. Also mum's teaching everyday is important. Lucky my second daughter is nearly the same age as my son. They only apart one year. She taught him a lot of things now. But before it needed a lot of practice too ( a lot of scream) .
Now my son is four years and ten months. Good at reading book. Math is just OK. Know how to do plus and minus. But not really understand before. When I say before the number 9, he needs to remember before means "take away one" to do it. Not bad and I am very happy with it. He is not scared any noise any more. He can be touched by anyone. He didn't scream any more. He smiles most of time. Sometimes he still can be a little bit upset. But he can hear your reason and ask for why. We do more social training for him. He got four friends in pre school. Start to report what happens at school. I treat him like normal kid.
Still I am not sure, when he is tired, he walks like a drunk man. Not balance well. I was not sure how to improve that.
Most of time, he walks well.

I remember my first assignment 

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