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Name: mtene5
[ Original Post ]
My autistic children are still very young. They are three and a half and two and a half. I think the hardest part about raising my children is the fact that I have no idea what their functioning level will be when they are older. I worry they may never be able to get married and raise children of their own because I feel like raising my children is the greatest joy in the world and I don't want my children to miss out on the experience. My husband never worries about these things and he actually never worries about the children's delays, he has no doubt in his mind that they will talk eventually. When I talk to other parents about this worry they kind of think I am crazy so I wanted to ask other parents of autistic children if they worry about these same things like me. I am starting to get more comfortable writing on this forum and I have gotten the courage to ask a question. Do any other parents of toddler autistic children stay awake at night upset because you don't know if your children will ever talk or call you mommy. Do you sit up at night wondering if your children wil have children. How old will my children get before I can be confident whether they will use speech or not? I would really like to know what other parents of autistic toddlers worry about.
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Name: gemmdenn | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 6:40 AM
Hi when I read your question I felt like I was reading it directly from my own thoughts! My son is autistic,he is two and a half also and I worry about the exact same thing,I also worry about whether my son is going to need constant or care or if he will live independently.It breaks my heart to think that he may never get to experience all the things that kids growing up should experience eg, girlfriends,sleep overs,first kiss,travelling with friends.I too wonder when or if if he ever will talk as he is just not interested in trying to copy sounds.The majority of the time he is in his own little world but he is happy so can I complain? I don't think so.
I also have a typical 5 yr old daughter and I worry that they won't have the brother-sister bond as he either ignores her or hurts her. I try not to worry about whether I will hear him say mum or I love you because I know with the things that he does he loves me and doesn't need to verbally tell me.
I think at some point all parents of autistic children must have the same worries, it wouldn't be normal not to.The only advice I can give you is try not to worry (I know easier said than done) because it will only stress you out more,just take each day as it comes. 

Name: rachtwins | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 9:58 AM
I think we all think the say thing, its like I wrote it myself. I have 2.5 year old twins who are autistic and I too worry about the future. I think its only natural as a mother to feel this way, when a sad song comes on the radio I always think of them and cry. I wish I had a crystal ball to see what the future holds.

All I can say is EARLY INTERVENTION is the answer the earlier the better. I have mine in this year twice a week 6 hrs a day, it will break my heart to leave them but I know I have too, I burst into tears thinking about it.

Do any of you live in Melbourne, Australia? 

Name: mtene5 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 4:45 AM
I am happy to hear the responses and that other parents worry about the same things I do. I know my children love me even though they can't say it but my daughter will not hug kiss or be cuddled by anyone including me and that is difficult. I have trouble taking things a day at a time because even when I was pregnant I always thought of the future with my children. I still think of the future and hope that things will get easier, which I have heard from many moms that the toddler years with autism are the most difficult. My son is in preschool disabled and my daughter is in Early Intervention 15 hrs weekly, 3 hours daily. I have had many problems with early intervention and it took nine months of fighting to finally get the services I thought my daughter needed even with a diagnoses from a developmental pediatrician. I also wonder if my children will be able to live independently when they are older or will they need constant care. I would always care for my children and make plans for them after my death but I really hope that they become functioning adults and can have all the same joys in life as I have experienced especially with bringing them into this world. My son is very affectionate and sensitive and he is always happy so when I see how happy he is it makes me feel better but my daughter is distant and her smiles and laughs seem only like imitated behaviors, like she is just copying the people in the room. I rarely see real excitement in her eyes and that is heart breaking. She does not show many different emotions other then anger when she does not get what she wants and content when she gets what she wants. She does not like us to tickle or touch her and she gets upset if we overstimulate her, since we have a lot of children it is very easy for her to become overstimulated. Sometimes I cry just because she seems so unhappy and shows no interest in things that are supposed to be fun. She is my first daugher and my beautiful little princess and I really hope she knows how much I love her 

Name: mtene5 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 4:45 AM
P.S. I live far away from Australia!!! In the U.S. 

Name: jennmom1 | Date: Jan 10th, 2007 9:38 AM
mtene5: You must really have your hands full. I have a 4yr. old son with Autism and a 2 yr. old who is in preventative therapy (so we can keep a close on him) I too had the same worries that you have expressed. I think most of have those feelings; you are not alone :) I started a website that kind of goes into more detail about that subject actually @ www.northerncaliforniaautism.wetpaint.com I know exactly what you are going thru, but, eventually you will find a place to settle peacefully on the topic and it won't cause you pain anymore. I'm sure you've stayed awake at nights crying before...I know I did. But....you know what? I don't anymore. Now, I look at my children, especially my 4yr. old, and I think, "He may live with me forever, he may never get married, he may never have children, he may never hold a job on his own but.....he will always love me, if he has to live with me he will always be closely in my life, he will always help those around him learn more about acceptance, tolerance and the beauty of diversity, and he will always have a bond with me that nobody else has. He is such a magnificent child that even if I could take his autism away I wouldn't , because then it wouldn't be him and he and I would have missed out on so many struggles that brought us closer together. You will find that peace one day; I hope it's sooner than later. Good luck to you and your little ones! 

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