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Name: gemmdenn
[ Original Post ]
I have a 5 yr old typical daughter and a 3 yr old autistic son, i want to have another child but don't know if it's for the right reasons .I want another child so that my daughter doesn't have to feel all the burden of having an autistic sibling,when they grow older I don't know how much care my son will need and is it fair to expect my daughter to take all responsibility if we can't? what if she needs someone close to talk to and we may not be there and her brother may not be capable of giving her the same support as a typical child, I want her to have another sibling to talk to about things.are my reasons selfish? I am an only child and missed terribly not having a sibling to dicuss things with and in some ways my daughter must also feel like an only child because her and her brother do not have a connection,they don;t even play together.I would like to hear what other peoples views are on this.
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Name: Ollys Mum | Date: Sep 24th, 2007 9:57 AM
Hi there,
Deciding to have a child is a big decision for anyone.
I have twin boys aged nearly 4 and one who has moderate-sever autism.

I have decided not to have any more children simply because they both need all the love and support I can give and although I have sometimes thinkit must be so nice to be in a position to sit and hold your baby instead of having to put them down and start feeding, winding changing thing with the second baby, i dont think I could manage with another autistic child. Josh and Olly have started to interact more, josh will join in rough and tumble with olly and the cna laugh together about that. I try to make sure Josh underatnds that people are all differenct and olly if different to him, even though they look identical. I also make sure that he is surronding by a loving family, granparents, cousins autie and uncles as much as possible and take him to sunday school so he can understand that he is special too and loved very much. Hopefully as he grows older I have brought him up with enough confiednece and support to feel he can share any worries with any of us.

We also try to do things with Josh and friends of his so he has an opprtunity to feel like a little boy, not just Oliver's brother.

hope this helps.

XXXX Melanie 

Name: kairos_mom | Date: Sep 25th, 2007 7:33 PM
Hi gemmdenn,
My name is Heidi and I have a four year old with pdd and I am also contemplating our second pregnancy. While reading your post I was just thinking, it is a nice thought for your daughter to have another sibling for support, but im guessing this is just one of the reasons you would like to have another child. First and foremost you should really have the desire to love, care for and raise another child and have the energy and resources to do so. You must also be willing to accept the possibility of having another child with autism. Of course it is only right to weigh the negative and positive affects for all family members when it comes to bringing a new life into it. It is not selfish of you to be thinking of what the future may hold for your daughter as an only sibling of someone with autism. As we have thought about having another child we have also considered how this may affect our son. In the end we have decided to go forward knowing that having a sibling will give Kairo many good life experiences, this is just icing on the cake though as we both have a strong desire to have another child and are willing to take on the responsibilities. 

Name: Cadesmom | Date: Sep 28th, 2007 3:17 AM
You aren't being selfish, you are contemplating the future for you, your special son, and your daughter. You know the risks, and the possibility of having another autistic child is greater if you already have one. That being said, my husband and I did not have another child after my son was diagnosed and today we regret it very much. It's too late for me, as my son is 15 and I'm 50. If your thinking about it that much....do it, I wish we would have! 

Name: wallflower | Date: Sep 30th, 2007 5:32 PM
Hi Gem,
I have a 14 yr old typical son and 3 other sons with autism. Yes there is 3. I know what you are feeling. In my case the autism is genetic, I didn't realize that when I have my kids very close together. I try to spend all my time finding individual time for all my boys especially my typical child. I know he feels alone and neglected at times. Almost like he is the different one in the family bcause he doesn't have autism. I make sure he is in counceling, ask him how he is doing, take him to the movies and make sure he knows we love him and we do the best we can. I feel I have cheated him and the others because I choose to have more children that require more special needs. This is only my experience. Taking cae of the needs of my kids is my first priority, however, where do I fit in that mix ? This experience will make my son a responsible and strong person.


Name: kissablyme | Date: Oct 1st, 2007 9:29 PM
i feel the same way you do i have a 4 yr old that has Asperger's syndrome and i have 2 younger daughters. i always wanted a little boy, but my son is like no other little boy. after my second i wanted to have a little boy so that i could see him play with cars and interact with his sister, so we tried again and got another girl. we have decided to postpone trying to have more for a couple years. i say go for it have another baby my son is very loving to his younger sisters ur son will also love a new baby 

Name: gemmdenn | Date: Oct 8th, 2007 4:11 AM
thanks 2 everyone 4 your comments we appreciate them if anyone else has anything to say i'd be grateful to hear that too. 

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