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Name: JESSE
[ Original Post ]
Does anybody know how to stop a vindictive ex wife's games. I am tired of getting stuck with bills, attitude, inconvenience, you name it. If we had custody, most of the problem would go away, but a custody battle can be hard on a child and it's hard to wait until child old enough to decide where they want to live. It sounds as though most of us here have been dealing with an ex wife who likes to use the children as pawns. That is what I am dealing with. Does anybody have any suggestions on how to stop these people? I could ignore the comments, but you can't ignore when it costs you time and money.
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Name: Lory | Date: May 20th, 2007 4:40 AM
Hi JESSE!
OMG...I've played the game so long....where to begin? It seems you have to attempt to stay "one step ahead" of these types. ALWAYS! b/c if there's been a way to "screw us" in the wallet amoung other things....she has, and continues to try! I know the old saying....kill 'em with kindness.Yeah, right. Easier said than done. She is the Energizer Bunny...keeps going, and going, You get the picture! It's real easy to do when your not paying the bills! It seems this is all she has to do with her time. Plot & ploy her next move...let the screwing begin!
Honestly, we have waited until the children were old enough to make their own decisions. It hasn't been easy, especially when you have children to care for also. Now, the kids can make their own decisions. In our case they now do. (except for my step-son who still lives with her) It's been nice to not have the "middle person" to have to see or be with the kids! I wish I had the answers for you....I'm still looking for them myself...after 13yrs. And...the courts don't help us much either! I wish I could be more positive on this....she makes it hard to do so. But, I can say this...just continue to be there for your step child/children...love them, support them, and try to do the right thing for them always. Put them first. Eventually, the kids come around...then, what the x does or says...does not matter in your home. I'm sure there are people here who can offer more positive advice to you. I for one have become bitter myself to the continuous, neverending crap. But, I keep hangin in there for all involved. I hope you can also. Good Luck to you! Hang in there, better days ahead. 

Name: Tammy | Date: Jun 14th, 2007 3:30 AM
Hi Jesse,
I can relate with you 100%. I have the same issues with my new husband to be's exwife. The important thing to always remember and I have to remind myself that thekids come first. It is very sad when they have a mother who is money hungry for support and puts what the childrens needs are after that. I believe that when the ex uses the children like pawns it is because they are jealous that you are in not only there fathers life now but in the childrens as well. What the two of you need to do is only what you are assigned by the courts to do and of course what you feel the children need. Try not to talk or converse of play any of her games. Ignore her and focus on the children. It sounds like it is time for her to look in the mirror and take her own inventory instead of yours. I know it is sickening that there are selfish vindictive people out there that care only about themselves and lose sight on what is important. My response is to not respond to her negativity anymore. By doing this you and your spouse and the children will be much happier. I am currently dealing with a very vindictive women who is never happy. she gets above and beyond what she could be getting in child support but yet does not provide properly for the children and is always looking at us to do things for her when she has a problem. The problem is that she needs to deal with her own problems on her own. If it is a problem with one of the children then we are right there and always will be. She is jealous that we are happy and in Love and that the children Love being with us. I would think that knowing how happy and cared for the children are that thats what matters. Well not her. She had moved the kids away 45 minutes from my husband to be to follow a man she had met. The kids did not want to move or leave the town they grew up in or had friends in - but she did it anyway out of selfishness. The man eventually dumped her and she said she was going to move back to our area and the same school district. Well thats wonderful we could not be happier but the kids are again struggling after making new friends and liveing away for a year. We had them every other weekend at the time. Before she had moved and I had met my husband she was getting full support and he worked nights - She would drop the kids off by him every morning and he would drop them off at school in the a.m. and watch the youngest and bring her to afternoon pre-school on his way to work. She then up and sold the house he gave her and moved for a man she met. Anyway when she suggested letting us have half placement by future husband there father was thrilled. He misses the kids so much. This was brought up about 3 months ago. My future husband the childrens father is currently working from 2:00 in the afternoon until 1:00 in the morning. He does not get home until usually 2:00a.m. He was promised that the first day shift position that comes available that he will get it. We also have been trying to sell the home we live in because it is his home and all he could afford after the divorce - it is really small and we are all on top of each other on the week ends the way it is. Well so we have been trying to look for a bigger home along with sell theone we currently are living in. The point I am getting to is she sold her house right away and moved back to the are the first week in June when the kids were out of school. She wants to start the 50/50 placement right now. My future husband to be told her that he wants to be on days and in a bigger home. The main reason for doing the every other week placement is for him to be able to be a father again after she took them away in the first place. He feels it would be unfair to the kids to have to be basically compacted into this small space and have him gone all afternoon and night working and then he needs to get his rest and can't get up to early and still be able to function at work at night. He wants to be able to everything right for the kids. We are currently having the kids friday through Monday and two other days during the week every other week so he can see the kids more. This apparently is not enough because now she is saying that because we are not able and ready to take the every other week right now that she does'nt want to do it anymore and suggesting that once he changes his personal life down the road that could change. We are not going to let her get to us. We know and the kids Know how much we love them and that we are working hard on making things right. She is very jealous that we are happy together. She is the one who chose to cheat on him in there marriage not him. He does not owe her any explanations on why he is happy or any thing else. Our business is our business and as much as she tries we won't let her affect our Love and the Love of the children. I believe this attitude is what helps us on a daily basis and I hope you can apply it somewhat to your situation. The only way a person can get to you is if you let them. His ex can threaten anything she wants but we know better. she is a sad excuse for a mother not only in my eyes but alot of people but that does not mean she will change. So let her try she won't win with us. The bottom line is whats best for the kids and always will be. I know I have went on and on. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and to tell you to be strong and put her out of your mind or else if you let her she will consume your whole life with negativity and thrive off of it. That does not sound like a good time to me. Good Luck and I will pray for you and all involved. 

Name: barbie | Date: Jun 15th, 2007 6:07 PM
Call her bluff my ex husband was doing that and being mean I got a protective order mad it stick, he thought that I woukd never do that. If you know that you are a better parent than her find her unfit and get primary care of your children, and give her the visitation rights cause most the time all kids need both their parents in their life. 

Name: Lory | Date: Jun 16th, 2007 6:45 AM
These days it's not so easy to be able to find the irresponsible parent unfit....especially if your stuck w/an unreasonable amount of support. Where do you find the "extra" $ to pay for court?! You gotta live too! Hmmm....as far as calling whomever's bluff....some bio parents don't care as to whether their using the children as tools and hurting them.
With all due respect barbie...I'm glad things worked out for you. I only wish it were that "simple" in our situation. 

Name: Tammy | Date: Jun 19th, 2007 4:11 AM
It sounds like there are so many wonderful stepparents out there that only want to live there life without all the games. I have come to the conclusion that I was put on this earth to not please everyone else. Well and basically as the saying goes opinions are like ( you know what) and everyone has one. If someone does not like the way I live my life they can basically kiss my (you know what) and look the other way. I am done worrying about what others think. I am going to focus on the best interest of myself and my family. If I don't take care of myself then I am no good to those around me. That goes for if I am not confident in my decisions then what good are they. I know in my heart when I go to bed every night that I am a good person, mother, friend and soon to be spouse of the man I Love. We are living our life for us and ours not the way others feel fit. So as far as all of this game playing I do not have the time for such immatureity and I certainly won't play along. I believe people that manipulate and use situations such as divorce or children as pawns will get what is coming to them down the road. I think alot of our problems we get to emotionaly involved in. We all need to stop that and be confident in our relationships and parenting skills. When an ex tries to cause trouble ignore it. Just like we tell our kids about bullies at school - if they know they can't get to you or get a reaction they will eventually stop. I believe if the situation is unfair and out of control then if at all possible get legal representation.
Start documenting dates and times of episodes that you know are not right or unsafe for the children. Good Luck to all! 

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