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Name: Mr. Mister
[ Original Post ]
I am not attracted to my wife. I’m 30 and she’s 33. We have been married for 4 years and have 3 kids. She has gained a lot of weight but that is not the reason for my lack of attraction. In fact I know 2 very, very sexy full figured girls. My wife is not as big as either of them but I find that I wish she were more like them. I am not 18 anymore I understand that sexy is much more that big boobs and a small waist. But I do like for a woman to wear nice clothes, like dresses and skirts. She ALWAYS wears pants and a pullover shirt. No heels or sandals. I have asked her to buy things that I would like to see her in, I have bought lingerie, but she won’t wear it. If I suggest going out she’s never enthusiastic. It’s always I don’t care, or it doesn’t matter. I’ve tried to spice things up by running her candlelit bubble baths, making romantic dinners, and trying to do different thing in bed, but sex remains very boring and predictable. If I make her feel too good, then she makes me stop.
I was very romantic at first, but she complained a lot too that my romantic gestures were not quite enough. She complained about me incessantly for 2 years despite the fact that I am the only one who cooks, or grocery shops. I change diapers, support her career goals, and work full time myself. I have never complained about the things that she does or doesn’t do, and I’ve never commented on her weight. She just never seems happy, and sometimes seems angry that I am. The constant complaining has definitely had a negative effect on my feelings for her. Now the complained have turned into argument with very personal attacks and vile name calling.
I want more out of my life. I feel like I should be having fun instead of laboring through this thing. I want to be able to go out and have my woman act like she’s glad to be with me. I want her to give me that look that burns me up inside, but I don’t want to leave my kids. What do I do?
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Name: cjsims | Date: May 19th, 2008 12:32 AM
Well, I think I know a few honies that may like to join your house...Sans the complaining wife of course. I think you should suggest marriage counseling, and bring up with the counselor what you are going through, then try to have her explain her side. Sounds to me like she may've had some bad relationships in the past, and now she doesn't know how to handle being treated good. Like maybe she doens't believe she deserves someone as good as you, so she is subconsiously being negative and distant so you will want to leave. That is just my opinion, cause I don't know her or what her past or childhood were like, but it sounded like a good theory. Good luck. You sound like an awesome hubby. 

Name: momangel | Date: May 20th, 2008 9:23 AM
Sorry I can not give any suggestion on this matter. But why not try dating online? Many of my friends found their dream lover on a dating site called www.singleparentloving.com. You may have a try. Then forget the unhappy things. 

Name: cjsims | Date: May 20th, 2008 12:41 PM
Don't date online till AFTER you have finalized the divorce, if that is what you decide to do. Cheating will only add to your problems. 

Name: Trying2cope | Date: May 22nd, 2008 3:45 PM
I commend you for looking for ways to fix your marriage first rather than simply cheating on your wife which I fear most men would probably do. I think maybe she feels so unatttractive, she just covers herself in the pullovers to avoid seeing her figure flaws. Our post baby bodies can be very hard for us to get used to and can make us depressed. I think the suggestion of marriage counseling was good, especially if you all are to the point where you can no longer talk and it turns to arguing. Maybe also try asking her what she needs you to do to help. I know you are already doing a ton of stuff (helping with the kids, cooking, etc.), but sometimes we ladies want simple things that the men in our lives may miss. Best of luck to you; and again, kudos for trying to stick it out. Be true to your marriage vows until you've exhausted all options and you are legally divorced. 

Name: sasha_o | Date: Sep 19th, 2008 7:57 PM
OK, first, not being attracted to your wife is not grounds for divorce. You are unattracted to her because of a) appearance, b) attitude. She seems to not have great self-esteem, and also not put enough time/effort into her appearance. This is because she is busy!! Give her so many compliments, until she starts believing them.
Another comment bothered me: "if I make her feel too good, then she makes me stop." Huh?? Maybe she's uncomfortable being a complete receiver. Many women who like to be in control have a hard time 100% receiving, even when it feels GOOD. Tell her that she is worth it, tell her that this is a way that you are trying to tell her you love her- because you are being 100% giving.
And third, of course romance fades over time. We get comfortable with our mate and don't feel that constant need to "put up a good front". Its good (in a way) that we feel able to let our guard down. Its not good when people measure their relationship on romantic gestures. Maybe you are trying to tell her you love her through romantic gifts, or gifts of your time. But maybe she receives love through physical attention or words of affection.
My advice? Go see a counselor to get a third party opinion. Having an unbiased listener is often a lifesaver. Talk with another couple close to you- I"m sure they've gone through similar situations. And also, sit down and have a talk together after the kids are in bed, with no distractions. Then, be completely honest- tell her you've been unhappy enough to imagine divorce, but haven't taken any steps yet. Tell her you love her and are committed to her enough to try a fresh approach towards your marriage before seeking those alternatives. And that's what EVERY woman wants to hear. 

Name: 19yroldmomwhoneedshelp | Date: Sep 24th, 2008 6:22 PM
if you arent happy then try talking to her about it . if that dosnt work and it stays the same or gets worse then leave. just bc you leave her dosnt mean you are leaveing your kids 


Name: sunshine08 | Date: Sep 27th, 2008 2:25 AM
Being a single parent is not easy. Sometimes we need others understanding and help. But where is the good place for us ? www.singleparentloving.com is the largest community for single parent. There are Blogs, Forums, Live chats, and lots of hot photo galleries ! Free join! 

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