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Name: sunnee
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Name: newby | Date: Jul 1st, 2008 11:43 PM
Sunnee I am a different situation, kind of. I am dating a wonderful man, I'm 48 and he is 53, and I now have to deal with his ex-wife. In the two years I have know him, this is the first I am faced with this problem. Why do they have to make our lives so difficult? She is remarried and still tells him she loves him. Hmm I wonder if the new husband knows this? I'm afraid to approach her on this issue thinking it will bring her and my boyfriend closer. They are very civil to each other because they have kids together and thats fine, it's better than them fighting, but let him go so he can find happiness in his life. You're right! What you're going through is total nonsense. Like you, I have a good relationship with his kids, the ones I have met. They are older (in their late 20's and early 30's). He also has some grandkids that I just adore. Why can't these vindictive women see that someone is being good to their kids and grandkids and leave it at that? Sorry Sunnee I'm a little long winded too but I guess some ex-wives need to learn some lessons. Good luck to you and keep posted how things are developing. 

Name: lisasing | Date: Jul 2nd, 2008 4:50 PM
www.singleparentloving.com A single parent personals, dating and marriage site that assists single mothers and single dads to find marriage and long-term relationships. Free join to meet single parents in your area ! 

Name: Jen38 | Date: Jul 8th, 2008 7:06 PM
I know this has been said so many times in this forum, but I am so glad that there are people out there that know what I am going through. I am married to wonderful man. We have been together for seven years. We just got married this year. He has two boys by his ex and I have 3 boys. his youngest is severly autistic and the oldest has aspergers syndrome. Oh, maybe, we have been told that they have had ADHD, epilpsy, heart murmurs, mentigitis, fragile x(younger boy) hearing problems, eye problems, and the list countinous. She left him over 7 years ago, saying that she didn't love him anymore. 2months after their divorce, she remarried. She will not tell him anything to help with youngest child.( 9 years old, can't talk, not potty trained.) She left in such a hurry that I believe she was either seeing this other guy, or she did somthing to the youngest boy, because I have video of him just two months before she left and he was fine. He was almost two at the time. She says that he is responsible for finding this stuff out. Oh yea, when she left she moved over 5 hours away and we only see the children once a month and a week out of the summer. She remarried someone that makes alot of money, but still she says he never pays what he suppose. She changed everything to her state not telling them there was already custody and childsupport in this state. We just had all his taxes taken becuase her state says he hasn't paid, which she eats up, but in our state he has paid over. I just don't get it. She left him, but she doesn't want him happy. She has the oldest boy calling her husband "daddy" and when he comes to our house he is so confused. He is 10. He doesn't understand why he calls my husband "daddy". We try to explain to him that my husband is is daddy and that the person is just his step daddy. I agree with the woman who said that sometimes you have just got to get mad. I have and hav etold the child that I did not want to hear him call the other man daddy in our house. Ladies! We need to do something about our men.Almost everyone here has the problem with the husband of BF not standing up to the ex. Mine says that she's not worth fighting with. I say his children should be. It just makes me soo made that he wont stand up to her. Do men think that they can keep the children away. They can't. If there is court order. Unlike some out there we will ALWAYS have to pay childsupport and deal with her, because the youngest will never be able to live on his own. Both boys have all kinds of problems, the last time they came to visit the oldest told us that the mother said that it was all the fathers fault for the medical con. Saying he has problems. That is just wrong. I just wish that we could get along like I do with my ex. I coulnd't ask for a better stepmother for my children. I talk to her more than I do my ex. And the children are happier because of it. I told my husband ex this and she that should never be that we should never get along. Well, enough. Thanks for letting me vent. There is so much more I could say but this is enough. Unlike some the ex's I have heard about. Our problem is she wont talk to anyone for the childrens benefit.She thinks that since he is not in her life he has no say so in theirs and she doesn't have to let him know anything about the children. Thanks for listening. 

Name: youlover | Date: Jul 9th, 2008 8:09 AM
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Name: meetdavid | Date: Jul 13th, 2008 10:53 AM
My name is David, I am a christain. I divorced my wife because she is really not caring to me and our only daugther Candy. She is always out of the home and comes back late night or sometimes dont come back for two or more day, when i ask her what is wrong, she always say "get a divorce" and now we are divorced eight years ago, three years time when she pleaded to me that she want a family together back, i lost het to a cooking gas explosion, I cried! I am now searching for a Godly partner for a life time relationship. this is my private email: [email protected], you can write me if it touches you to know me from your heart and make up a family again. Thanks you and remain Blessed. God loves you so much.

David 

Name: KEN | Date: Jul 14th, 2008 2:40 PM
I'm dealing with the same situation, all most. I have a 12 year old step son and me and my husband have been together for 5 yrs married 3yrs, and every year since we have been together he has had to go to court every year sometimes twice a year. I think it was a bit of jealousy at first on here end. Then it was she didn't want me involoved with her son at all, not even my family, that treats with like family before me and my husband were even married. I pray for the day that she find someone to help her move on. Husband and I feel that that's what the real issue is. She wanted the divorce, but feels now she made a mistake and wants him back or just me out of the way. The conplants at court are so petty that the courts, just shake their heads and send them to a medator. I don't think that is helping. she was to go medator with any issues and she just took it to court. Judge tells her what she has to do is to move on and make things easy for the son sake. Stop using the son to get at your ex-husband and his new wife. I would like to talk to her face to face, we were not introduced to each other, but we know and have seen each other at son's activities. She doesn't speak to me and I don't to her. Do you think that it's a waste of time, trying to get her to meet with me somewhere in public and talk to her? I want my husband there too. 


Name: sickexs | Date: Jul 23rd, 2008 6:06 PM
Hi,

After reading all of these, I can't help but wonder how many of these women have some sort of mental illness or are just bitter and vindictive. Sounds like lots of these women have Borderline Personality Disorder. Ick!! I wish you, us, the best. This is difficult. What scares me is seeing that even when the kids are grown up, the sick behavior continues. They don't get a life of their own. 

Name: ann | Date: Jul 24th, 2008 8:33 PM
I read a post where one of the step mom's called herself "the other mom"???? I am a mom and a step mom...don't get me wrong I love my husbands daughter but I do NOT call myself her other mom. I am not crazy about her mother but that is none of my business because in a lot of ways she is a good parent. She is not perfect but none of us are. But as a parent I would fall out on the floor if my babies that I spent 9.5 mths being preg with....stayed up night after night while they were sick...coached soccer team after soccer team and chapperoned every church event I could, and was what I believe a good parent...I would probably DIE if I thought they actually felt someone else was their "other mom". Not out of jealousy but if she was their mom she would not mind them coming to her house when they were sick instead of wanting them to stay at home. Just because you marry someone with kids does not make you the parent. Yes, you can contribute to their lives in positive ways. I also know DNA does not make you a parent either because a lot of people do not deserve their kids!!! I just wonder how it is that people think these kids are "theirs" because they married their parent???? Just curious......and if you reply how many of you share kids and understand both sides of things? 

Name: lisasing | Date: Jul 25th, 2008 1:31 AM
Single moms and dads, if you are tired of being single parent and no where to meet the right one . Try our site today! www.singleparentloving.com Blogs, Forums, Live chats, and lots of hot photo galleries! Free to join! Meet your soulmatch in your area ! 

Name: ann | Date: Jul 30th, 2008 9:38 PM
MUM2B if you took her husband LOL it is funny if not it is rude!! Sorry I just tell it like I see it 

Name: The Other Wife | Date: Aug 4th, 2008 4:06 PM
Dear Baby Face;
It is a loosing battle (and I mean battle). Everything I have read I can say, "ditto" to and then add my own crazy stories. I was naive and thought we would be a happy, loving blended family when I met my second husband and his two young daughters nine years ago. HA! I now call it our blender family because everything I try to do gets twisted around and so freakin screwed up by The First Wife (that is one of the ways she signs e-mails to My husband). Honey, trust me. No amount of wishing, hoping, praying, begging, NOTHING will change anything. We nearly lost the youngest girl, now 19, in a tragic car accident last year (three others died). I thought if anything would pull us together and stop the backstabbing insanity that would have done it. WRONG! If anything, it just got worse. YOU have to make a choice. That is why I am at this site today and writing to you. I am about to make a choice. I don't want the rest of my life (I'm 50 now) to be as miserable and hellish as the last nine have been...so, I'm filing for divorce. They can have each other and good riddance to them. I did love my husband but he has sided with his ex against me for the last time. If you stay in, you either live day to day in utter torment until your are ill, or you become hardened and bitter and more of a bitch than shes is. Either way, SHE wins. The only way for your to win is to cut your losses NOW! Sorry to be so blunt but I have wasted my life on men who don't give a damn about me. It's bad enough that my first marriage to a drunk lasted 23 years. Then I jumped into the fire with this marriage. I'll not take the back seat to a woman who threw him out and wrecked his life. The thing that I see in many of these stories is that the "man" was divorced by the wife. Hence, he has not fallen out of love with her and never will (and she is, after all, the "mother" of his children; even if the children have gone hell in a hand basket under her great care). Yes, she too remarried and moved on and we never badmouthed the step-dad to the children. In fact, we like him and they know it. But having her own husband is just not enough for her. Oh, no. She is too much woman for just one man. She even stated to my husband in an e-mail that she knew it was difficult for him being torn between two women he loved and that if Panama (one of the nick names she has for me) would butt out, that they could get their relationship back on track. Signed, Your First Wife. And she has convinced the girls that they should have had a vote in our getting married or not! Now when was the last time they took anyone else's advice about who they should or should not date? Oh, and by the way, I don't work outside the home at this time and therefore, this is not my home. The house belongs to their dad and therefore they can do as they please and I have no say. And since their dad keeps his head stuck up his ass to avoid conflict, they get away with it. This is such a drop in the bucket. The hardcore stuff I cannot get into without writing for days and days. And not a day goes by that I don't suffer from all of this and dread hearing the phone ring or even going to the mail box. Imaging sending your children's school pictures to their father in an envelope addressed to Jack Ass K----? Imagine how glad I was that we lived two states away when I retrieved that from the box. Had I been within striking distance, I would be in prison now. Most of my good years are behind me now. This is the saddest testament of 50 years of living that I never imagined would be my plight. The only good thing out of all this is my own son from my first bad marriage. He is my joy and all I have to live for. So I'll be moving back home to be closer to him and try to have some peace for a change. Hopefully, he will benefit from the abundance of love and nurturing I have to give that was rejected by a selfish, demented mother, two twisted and hateful girls and one confused and clueless man. (I hope they do get back together and are as miserable as possible, they deserve each other!) 

Name: becatory | Date: Aug 5th, 2008 5:01 PM
Hi everyone, I'm new at ths chat room. I'm totally hurting too.I don't even know where to start, i have a lot of issues about my husbands ex wife. It's been 6 years and she's still hung up on him. She still invites herself to his family functions, when she wasn't invited. She still goes camping with his family. My husband and her have 1 daughter together and we have 1 boy together. I have to deal with her because my husbands works a lot during winter hours. She treats me like crap when i have to talk to her about his daughter. I never talk bad about his ex in front of the kids. She calls my father in law to come over to her house and do hard labor work for her. My husbands mother talks about his ex all the time and it drives me crazy, it feels like i have to compete for their attention. I'm totally hurting about all this. What can I do to make things easier, so i'm not dpressed all the time.

I need ehlp, thanks 

Name: coping08 | Date: Aug 7th, 2008 1:07 PM
Hi all. Have just found this site and I never realised just how many screwed up ex's there seem to out there. My story sounds pretty familiar to a few of you.

I've had many a tear and the bickering with my husband (we married this year after knowing each other for 3 yrs). He is such a loving and gentle person but unfortunately for him, myself and apparently previous relationships, he had a real boundary setting problem with his ex wife. She wanted the divorce although didn't want anyone else to get too close too him and actually have a relationship. Narcisistic personalit disorder?? I've heard mental illness brought up here also. I call her downright bad to the bone regardless of what diagnosis may be attached. The ex's behavoiur has been reinforced by the way my husband would respond to her by allowing the behaviour to continue. It was usually with such outright sarcasim, disrespect and criticism or manipulation to get something from him i.e. emotional support due to lonliness because her bruised ego wasn't getting filled by some poor sucker. I've also experienced her humiliating and disrespect along with the outright lies and deception but not to such the vast levels that I've been reading on this post. I really feel for you out there but I will share with you my experience to stop the personal attacks and her presumptious behaviour towards my husband and I, if I can help it.

I have threatened to use the legal processes and social structure in your favour..threaten AVO or lawsuits or going to the authorities. Once raising these avenues with the nutcase, she seemed to personally back off although she used the child support agency process to then try and gain more control back. She just now uses the kids who now attack me to their father who does not buy into the garbage that starts to flow from their mouths. My husband has learned not to engage the ex at all although the oldest will always try and get the two to speak when he makes it clear he wants to speak to the kids.

the ex has poisoned the children's minds against first their father, then me and my two teens with no just cause even more so since we married. The bottom line is, she does no longer have the level of control she has over my husband as she had over the 4 years prior to my husband and I meeting. Knowing what behaviour she required to see from my husband in order from him to see his kids, in reality, kept him imprisoned to a psycho bitch who really was getting her rocks off seeing him sweat and hurt.

I've had to educate him about someone like her and how unless he changes his behaviour towards her, he cannot expect a change in her behaviour. the road has been long as I don't like being therapist in our relationship but it was needed initially given how my husband was relating dysfunctionally in order to see his kids.

My husband's kids live 5 hrs away so it is left for him to try and see them quarterly during school holidays although she managed to brainwash them into thinking they really won't enjoy themselves to come and stay with us hence he hasn't seen his kids now for 10 months. It has been difficult for my husband and I as I feel his pain although I also know my limitations and have made my stance very clear..it has come down to its your kids or me! If you want to have a relationship with your kids, it cannot be at the expense of our relationship because of your feelings of guilt or disempowerment to lay appropriate boundaries with the sick ex wife.

I am not completely sure how life will be for all of us (blended family scenario) but I know my husband and I love, respect and adore one another. We both agree that he will try and maintain verbal contact and in the meantime, try and undue the damage and crap that has been put into their minds slowly - let access go until they feel they can tell their mother - straight to her face, they want to see their father and with their father, comes me and my two kids also. Once they get to that stage, if they ever do which is likely I believe, the ex psycho has really lost her power. It is up to my husband and I to try and be postive role models in the meantime and keep giving the same message that they are loved and that bad behaviour from them is not tolerated.

Stay tuned! 

Name: coping08 | Date: Aug 9th, 2008 9:37 AM
Hi Sunnee. Only you and your kids know what your own tolerance level is in the relationship. I gather, after reading quite a number of other women in our situation, the behavoiur doesn't change on behalf of the ex-wife but it the behavoiur also needs to change from your partner which inevitably, disempowers the ex's and the behaviour may eventually subside, perhaps not completely but enough that your in interference is enough that you and your kids can tolerate.
As I see it, if you don't play the game (your partner), the ex has no one to reinforce the continuation of the game.
Very difficult when he has to deal with logistical issues of access etc but at the end of it all, your partner needs to get real about the situation he is currently in and prioritise you and your kids as you all now one family and virtually, his kids are the guests (unless the situation changed and his kids came to live with you and your family). I think if a partner has baggage from a previous relationship, it should not be dealt with at the expense of his current situation and if the problem originates due to an bitter ex wife, it is HIS problem, not yours and he needs to deal with it approrpraitely.

Your alternative is to lay the ultimatum that you and your kids also need to be a priority as he is now placed in a parental role, whether he likes it or not. what kind of example is he setting for your kids?? do you want your kids to be witness to a father figure who can't lay appropriate boundaries.
Yes, they are his kids but he is not currently in a position to have everything go his way.

Good luck. I empathise with you. 

Name: canuck | Date: Aug 12th, 2008 1:55 AM
I'm not sure when you wrote this, but I totally understand what you are going through. Women are vindictive. It gets easier when the kids are older and can not be used as pawns in the game. No matter what, the husband is always behind the eight ball. I really can't help with advice, as the reason I was on the internet was to look for advice. My husband has an 18 year old starting university. He has to pay for half and he can't get any direct info from the ex on how to pay. She of course wants him to give her the money for the tuition directly. After 10 years of divorce she will not be civil with him - very pathetic, but true. So anyway, I can relate . 

Name: tom | Date: Aug 27th, 2008 2:41 PM
brokel stainless 

Name: Deb | Date: Sep 11th, 2008 12:17 AM
My boyfriend and I are in a very new relationship (2mo). He s a great guy. What if the child is also playing games? 15 yrs old, rude, talks back to & raises voice at dad. He just moved in w/dad & mom does not want to pay child supportn or provide any type of financial assistance. He tells lies about his dad to teachers/councelors at school. Is never happy unless he is getting his way (playing violent games) (states he likes to take out his frustrations w/violence) or dad buys him something. That is the only time he is content or grateful. Mom calls him excessively & he calls mom when he does not like what dad has to say. Mom also calls dad excessively for no reason at all (she's married to someone else). Does not really want to live w/dad but other schools he has been too have kicked him out or for whatever reason can not go to the school in his mom's district. Dad is too nice too mom and can't seem to put his foot down. Mom is lives in the getto but thinks she's better than everyone because she works at Nordstrum? RETAIL? Yea right! Not to insult anyone in retail but come on. She tells her son to tell other kids that he is better than them? Never worked hard in her life, free loads off her mom & current husband's money and bugs the hell out of my boyfriend. Any comments on this? 

Name: Terry | Date: Sep 17th, 2008 7:17 PM
I hear you..my boyfriends ex uses her sons to get to him..he falls for it each time and when he does all it does is effect our relationship..which is her main goal..I love him so much but if he doesnt stand up to her and tell his kids that mommy is just tyring to hurt daddy by saying and doing the horrible things she does..he and I will never have a chance at a happy life together. 

Name: Biscuit Tin | Date: Sep 17th, 2008 9:39 PM
I'm new to this site and see that your post is quite old now although I'm sure that you are still going through the same issues. I hope that you have been able to resolve them to some extent by now.

My partner and I have just been trying to sort out Christmas with regards to us having his children on Christmas Day which is what brought me to this site.

Like you, when his ex-wife isn't in the picture we all get along famously. I find it difficult sometimes to know when to stop putting my 2 cents worth in but one thing I found that works almost everytime is simply telling him to stop picking up the other end of the rope. It takes two to have a tug of war. If he doesn't pick up the other end she has no-one to fight with. Mostly this works. It only took a few times for him to see the results.

However, when it doesn't work I try to suggest to him to remain calm and accept that she is they was she is. Rather than seeing it as bending to her way or "letting her win". We try to take the high ground and not be dragged into her fish wife arguements. It's hard work and we don't always get the result we want but at the end of it my partner and I aren't at each other's throat too!

Good luck. 

Name: Lisa | Date: Sep 26th, 2008 5:39 PM
Three words - Parental Alienation Syndrome 

Name: sunshine08 | Date: Sep 27th, 2008 2:23 AM
Being a single parent is not easy. Sometimes we need others understanding and help. But where is the good place for us ? www.singleparentloving.com is the largest community for single parent. There are Blogs, Forums, Live chats, and lots of hot photo galleries ! Free join! 

Name: Capi | Date: Sep 28th, 2008 3:44 PM
Hello Everyone. I just came across this information. Go ahead and google PAS (Parental Alieniation Syndrome) there is plenty of info on the web. And if you can afford it there are plenty of doctors and lawyers that are willing to help. 

Name: anon | Date: Oct 1st, 2008 6:09 PM
I say from experience...run for your life! There is a reason she is doing this, and probably NOT that she wants him. Did you consider, he may be a jerk? Why is he letting this be your problem??? RUN, run, run...run fast! By the way, I was wife # 2 who should have run...now he's onto #3 

Name: Jen | Date: Nov 19th, 2008 11:04 PM
Hello,,

It was very comforting reading everyone’s comments. Sometimes I feel completely alone in all this, my husband and I have been together 5 years, we have a 2 year old son together, He was married to his ex for 1 only 1 year and together for 4, they have 2 children together and he adopted her son from a married guy that wanted NOTHING to do with her. I will not give you the full history on her because honestly, I did not know her then; I only know what I have been dealing with it…. Well. My husband has been in family court every 6 months for the past 6 years!!!! She collects welfare is remarried and hates the fact that he has moved on to bigger and better things. I am very successful and I have a very lucrative job, so does my husband, she cannot deal with the fact that he has a better life now and is happily remarried with a beautiful son. The charges are always completely ridiculous, every 6 months she brings him back for more $$, she even took him back after we got married because she wanted a portion of MY MONEY!!!! She wants to take holidays away from us, or he was 15 minutes late picking them up, or doesn’t want them on our boat or jet skies, and now the latest she wants to revoke the visitation all together because we live an hour away from her.. (Thank Goodness) and its too much for the children. The children are very happy with us and we have a beautiful safe home and we are good people…. The last court appearance was because he was late brining them home because of traffic, we called and there was nothing we would do about it, it was summer, she doesn’t work and the kids didn’t have anything to do anyhow… So the judge had it with her and ended up extending his visitation time to better meet our needs… if he was a bad father, the judge would not be on his side… So, after the last appearance I thought that was it, but now this latest set of papers…. I just laid in bed last night crying, I just cant take it anymore, I cant believe sometimes what iu have gotten myself into… However, I will not quit, I will stand by my husband and do the right thing for my family… I just wish she would leave us a olone and live her pathetic life… You made your bed and not you can lit in it… She blames the world for her misfortunes, it’s the worlds fault she decided to quit high school, and deiced to lvie a life of drugs and partying instead of building a future for herself… Not fort nothing, I went to school, worked full time and raised my sister on my own!!!! My parents are not around… I just hate weak ass woman, I cannot tolerate all we have to go through… I just wish she would leave us alone… 

Name: hc | Date: Dec 1st, 2008 5:44 AM
Its nice to know that Im not the only one out there. Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years. His ex has been absolutely terrible in every way. She manipulates his two boys, makes them feel guilty for liking me, and plants her thoughts in their heads. She'll say things to them like " you can tell me anything... Do you like (dads girlfriend)" then when they say yes, she gets mad at them. My BF has shared custody of the kids. Even when he doesnt have them, hes the one that takes them to ALL of their sporting events and practices as well as medical and dental appointments. Yet she still manages to get all the holidays by laying guilt trips on them about them not being with their half brother (the product of another of her failed relationships that she exposed the kids to, yes, violence and yelling and new step daddy threatening the kids and my bf) There have been many nights that the older one is upset and crying. He says things like "Why cant she get along with you guys" or "I ask her to stop saying bad things about you and she yells at me". Its alot for an 11 year old to take. Whenever Im at sporting events (if she decides to show up) she wont even look at me or acknowledge my existence, which is ok with me, but still, grow up and get over it. My BF has finally started to stand up to her. She used to rule by bullying everyone, my bf, and the kids. Now the latest is the divorce, or lack thereof. She wont sign the papers. Shes had them 6 months and lied and said they were at the lawyers and it comes out in a fight that shes done nothing with them. He had to take them to her lawyer and pay so she would sign the bloody things! (which sitll hasnt happened but its only been two weeks) I have almost made a 180 in my caring. I didnt care at the beginning, then i cared too much about the bitch, now I think shes so pathetic that its comical. Oh well. What do you do? 

Name: mj | Date: Dec 2nd, 2008 3:33 AM
I have the same problem with my ex wife. She is very controling and manipulative. She will not send any clothes and is always accusing me of things I don't do. I totally dislike reading her emails. 

Name: annoyed&tired | Date: Dec 4th, 2008 7:07 PM
i have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now. he has 2 young kids and a crazy ex as well. we got together right after they separated, so of course, im the reason they divorced..in her eyes anyway. its been 2 years, the kids love me, and we get along great, will marry one day, but this woman has yet to get over him. and put things in the 8 year olds head that are untrue about me, and the little girl is known to just blurt these things out at terrible times. when we have the kids, the daughter is all about me, but the second she goes home her mother is grilling her every second about what we did and where did i sleep, and what did i sleep in.... she was ungodly at the beginning and i can say it has gotten somewhat better, but will she ever give up and realize this man and i are happy and hes not just with me to "make her jealous", like she tells everyone? how do i deal with someone like her? shes not human.... 

Name: steve | Date: Dec 9th, 2008 8:30 PM
help anyone , Ive been divorced 19 months she has tried to put me in jail,I had to pay for a hood on her car she said i damaged $738 ,ripped out my phone lines did $780 dollars damage to my boat harrasses me by phone I tracked her by my phone bills 120 days , she has called and hung up between 2am and 3 am 85 days, tapps on my bedroom windows at 2am trhows nails in my driveway, broke out all my windows in my suv (New 100 miles) cut my tires,. Can anyone help me . Is she crazy or just cant let go [email protected] 

Name: SorrowInside | Date: Dec 14th, 2008 1:13 AM
Hi, i've been in the situation of agony . Now I'm in serious relationship with my BF , planning to het married next year 2009. My BF is a Divorcee and Widower with 2 kids aged 13. He divorced his ex-wife 25 years ago they have 2 child, now their children are matured married adults. Unfortunately his second marriage doesn't last long and his second wife past away due to terminal illness leaving behind two child ( a boy and a girl),

I've no problem with the 2 young children and they are very attached to me.
To keep things short, his ex-wife still comes to our home for overnight stay and treat like her own house. When their daughther and family visits my BF in our home , she follows too. She'll do things as what she pleases and my BF let that happen.
I respected her but why she can't do the same to me ? E xample : Yesterday i received telephone call from my BF mother that's her ex-MIL, asking me not to attend a wedding dinner function with my BF due to reason that it would be very shamefull as all her family members are there. (Ex-wife called her to tel me not to attend the wedding dinner)What the hell she thinks she is to me around. The wedding dinner is an invitation sets out by ex-wife brother to my BF. What should i do now ? The wedding dinner is on Saturday , 20-12-08. 

Name: new2this | Date: Dec 28th, 2008 1:04 AM
Wow, reading all of your stories terrifies me. I've been in a relationship for almost a year with a man I was friends with for four years. Well, he's newly divorced, and I'm of course the reason, in her head anyway. Our big issue is that I'm African American, and my BF is white. She threw a fit, and refuses to allow the kids to be around me or us for that matter. I have a son of my own, and my ex has been amazing. It blows my mind that on top of having his ex just hate me for being his new love, she's also a racist. 

Name: new2this | Date: Dec 28th, 2008 8:26 PM
Thanks for your message Michette. After talking to my BF exhaustively, we determined that we're not going to allow her hatred and ignorance to determine our happiness. Giving her the satisfaction of ruining our relationship is not in the plans. In fact, we have a new rule about how many times we can even discuss her and her pettiness. If you really love this guy, then work it out. He has to figure out how to stand up to her. If he's strong enough to do this, then he's worth it. 

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