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Name: sunnee
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Name: new2this | Date: Dec 28th, 2008 8:26 PM
Thanks for your message Michette. After talking to my BF exhaustively, we determined that we're not going to allow her hatred and ignorance to determine our happiness. Giving her the satisfaction of ruining our relationship is not in the plans. In fact, we have a new rule about how many times we can even discuss her and her pettiness. If you really love this guy, then work it out. He has to figure out how to stand up to her. If he's strong enough to do this, then he's worth it. 

Name: perfect | Date: Jan 10th, 2009 7:54 PM
I have been married 2 a divorced man for almost five years.Now he's spending time ] with his ex kids in their 20s.The happy marriage that we use to be is no longer there.So what should I do? 

Name: Lucillie | Date: Jan 10th, 2009 8:10 PM
I am married to a divorced man too.He's got children from his 1st marriage.His been divorce for 15 years when I met him but now the ex wife calling him to do things 4 the children.I said hang on the kids are in their 20s so whats the problem?she was the one who left him now she ...him.what can I do cos she's married? 

Name: Denise | Date: Jan 19th, 2009 4:31 AM
Hello I do sympathise with you, my partner and I have both been divorced and we have been together for going onto 7 years now. He has two daughters and I have a son and daughter. His ex-partner has re-married to her partner and decided to go over and live in another country to teach English, naturally the eldest daughter didn't want to go, but the youngest did for only six months because my partner didn't want her to stay for a year, the eldest girl is my son's age, they are both 14 yrs old. My partner and I put our lives on hold until she came back to Australia to live and take the girls back into her care. But she has currently told us she is not going to come back and as the girls went over there for a holiday over the Xmas break and new year, they are now coming back to us to live. Well how do you think I would feel, maybe I am selfish but I just don't want the extra workload as I work fulltime and I have to be there for my children emotionally, financially I only support my children because their father doesn't work and is currently diagnosed with terminal cancer. So, I rang her and abused her only because she started to talk to me condesendingly, that is why I was furious as I tried to explain that it is not the girls but my partner and I had plans to get ahead ourselves financially etc. She just didn't want to know and now she has come back to Australia for a month with the girls and before she goes back overseas to live for the year her husband also. He has grown up children, so he doesn't mind it I suppose that way. She has requested to see me and my partner face to face about the situation and I am not happy and don't know whether to go, because I am still very upset with her, but I want to support my partner and his children.

So, yes I understand how hard it is. 

Name: lady in red | Date: Jan 19th, 2009 10:09 PM
Im Maroccain woman , I married to a divorce canadian man too,he got children from his 1st marriage , a doughter 15 years old , a son 12 years old...He's been divorced for 10 years ,when i met him.
When we get married ,his Ex wife sent him an email wishing i will give him a VIH , and why he is marring a stange person from Africa ....Why just dont back to her and his kids.
Before his Ex wife live in another city , and now she moved to the same city he is living in ...me im still waiting for my visa to came to canada.
It's anew situation for me . and Im a soon to be a stepmom.I do not know what role to take? I also want role a stepmom plays .Please help??????? 

Name: raeynah | Date: Jan 24th, 2009 2:18 PM
Hi,

I can identify with everything you are saying only in my case its my husbands new gf that is causing the issues. She stopped my husband calling to say goodnight to our son and stopped him from attending any school activity at all. She told him that they couldn't afford to pay maintenance and I haven't had a penny in five years. He cancels on my son without notice because her child has a birthday party / tantrum / shopping or w/e. Its heartbreaking to see my son sitting with his coat and shoes on and then to tell him his father isn't coming. I've tried nine ways to sunday to make everything easy for them - all i want is for my son to share a little of his fathers time. I dont badmouth anyone. I change my plans to suit them. I even turned down a really good job cos it was 500 miles away. I'm just drained trying to keep father and son together. I give up. 


Name: elle | Date: Jan 25th, 2009 9:41 PM
Ladies-

We have to have a better forum to talk on, to vent on, and to share ideas on. Any suggestions? I think we can all help one another. We all know what it's like. I'm in a situation like many of yours. Any suggestions to where we can talk better? All people hear about are evil step mothers. There is no public awareness about the hardships of being a stepmommie. Let's band together. 

Name: Shelli | Date: Feb 6th, 2009 3:30 AM
Hello Sunnee, yes and I still am dealing with this situation. I married the man with a child and ex girlfriend & 1 to an ex wife! I can get along with the ex wife but the ex girlfriend!!She tells their son daddy divorced her and left her for me. (They never married) Its a very long story but she constantly tries to ruin the childs love for me. We tell him to tell the truth & she tells him to lie to us, like don't tell dad and Shelli that your taking swimming lessons or the bi__tch will show up. etc. Court orders have been expensive but we always win with the court seeing us as the reputable couple. Kids aren't dumb, they, with age, will see where the trouble is. I have tried everything to get along with her. I won't waste another sec. attempting it. She is very troubled & obvi. not happy with who she is with or she wouldn't be so vindictive. You both cannot let it ruin what you have. We have it in the order that ex. cirr. activ. have to be agreed upon by both parents or no dice. Your boyfriend has to see that she is using the children in order to control him. He can't feel guilty about saying no to a situation such as extra curr. activities that pull a family apart, but he should sit down with them & explain that life is too short to have so much time away from them. That the day they were born, he vowed to be a great dad to them and thats hard to do if they don't spend time together & make good (family) memories. It could be their way that the kids can be with friends more too by entering into ex. cirr. act. So why not bring some of their friends home for a fun party with cool things to do for each age group. And if his ex is like this one, she will try to out do the event with something at her house. I always say, whatever it takes to get her to become a better mom, thats fine. Even if its just some board games that are fun, (make it fun). Sit around the fire pit stories of the past or a challenge of making up stories. Allow them each one activitiy that both parents totally agree on (with your input,) because you are a part of their lives and though your not their mom, you now have the role in that home with their dad. Why can't they see that it could be worse, the dad could have found someone that did not love his kids! Dad, don't give mom an answer right away, tell her you need to talk it over with the kids and Sunnee. Let the kids have the pride of saying (I did that !), with an extra cirr. activity but the problem with kids these days is not enough family time. Usually both parents working then too many + ex. cirr. act. makes for a rushed world , stress and arguments. Slow down and say no at times, they will still love both of you if you spend time with them. Dad & you should explain it to them over a hot chocolate nite of fun board games etc. and say see what we would be missing? Go on a special trip. Show them a loving family home and ignore moms conflict. She is trying to buy their love, destroy yours and you two can get their love with actions and family time. Let them hear you praying for their mom to be happy. Don't stop holding hands or kissing just because you know it will make her lash out into another class idiot action. Just never down the mom to them but explain to them at times that she is just very unhappy with the situation & your wishes are that someday you can all be friends. Stay in good spirits in your home life and they will see that it will make them feel very secure and relaxed and happy. They will love you for that. Its constant work but don't allow it to ruin a good thing or consume too much of your family time. Dad cannot jump that very minute on her every whim. He can always say..I'll get back to you on that as soon as I speak to the kids and Sunnee. She will try to argue that Sunnee has no say so but just repeat, I'll let you know soon. She may want to stop hearing that line and quit the game. She wants everyone to be as miserable as she is. That is her goal. Always hold hands, smile , kiss but don't gloat it in front of her just do it normally as if she were not there. She is striving for her ex's attention and the way she is going to get it and be able to hear his voice again on the phone is to cause conflict. Somebody has to tell her that it doesn't have to be that way. I have 2 boys and my husband has 2 boys. They are totally close and loving. It can work but dad needs to see that his dad probably told him no at times and he still loved him. She will try anything to put your happy household in an uproar. Don't go there! 

Name: luci | Date: Mar 2nd, 2009 3:27 AM
ha ha ha ha 

Name: Mushu | Date: Mar 3rd, 2009 6:49 PM
I understand what you are going through. This is only my opinion..... I am divorced, I have one 5 year old girl, and she is the love of my life. But Her mother thinks that I am supposed to keep up both of their life styles. She would call me and tell me that she spend 200 dollars on her for school clothes, and would ask me for half, or the full amount. After growing a pair, and not accepting her guilt trips of being a dead beat dad, I would tell her no, because she is not spending my money, if my daughter needs something, call me and i will get it for her, and bring it when i see her on my weekends. You have to set ground rules/ barriers that cannot be crossed, and that means with money also. I have learned that no matter what kids will always be used as a control device in any situation, so all you can do is do what you can and dont worry about the rest. and to be honest, the kids will see that, and understand. When my daughter comes to my house, we have a great time, and that is why she loves to come see me. My house is her place of relaxation where she can be a kid. I pay a lot in child support, and her mom will still ask for money. My rule now is, If you didnt talk to me about it first, im not paying for it later. You can't control other people's actions, but you can control yours. One day she will need you. Dealing with her should be easy, only talk to her when it deals with the kids. If she enrolled them in football, without consulting you, then she can pay for it. People can only do what you allow them to do. I know you are trying to do whats right, but you cant fight fair when she keeps breaking the rules. 

Name: ANGEL | Date: Mar 18th, 2009 2:23 AM
Yes my husbands ex wife is awful. She left the marriage they were in a very unhappy marriage and relationship for 16 years. She sends messages telling me how different he was before I came along and how close they were and what a wonderful father he was 2 his 3 children and they ll always have a special bond due to the children blah blah blah she has had a boyfriend since they seperated. I have 2 children and now my husband and I have 2 children together. She manipulates the children but claims she is mother of the year we pay massive maintienance but she wants more. She said I only have him because she didn't want him anymore the fact of the matter was that my husband was never going to leave the marriage as bad as it was as he adored hes children. That is not even touching the surface of the things she has done and said. She has me questioning myself. 

Name: BF at breaking point | Date: Mar 19th, 2009 8:45 PM
My BF's ex is a nightmare. She is constantly lying about him to his kids and trying to turn them against him. One example is she told his children that he used to beat her during their marriage. He eventually got her to admit that it was a lie but the damage she is inflicting is so very sad. He refuses to address her lies anymore telling the kids that he's not going to play her games. But she continues to make up terrible stories and they don't know what is true and what is a lie. She doesn't like that I get along with them and makes them feel guilty and disloyal to her for spending time around me. I try to stay away when he has the kids so not to give her further ammunition. His second custody hearing isn't for two months and he is at her mercy to see the children. He is an awesome dad and loves to spend time with his kids. He ideally wanted 50% custody but she won't give it to him b/c she doesn't want child support decreased. He already pays all the bills for her as she doesn't work (he gives 73% of his pay to her - money outside the minimum required by law). He is a strong man and not normally over emotional but she has broken him to tears on many occassions. All he wants is to spend time with his children. He loves his children so much that he stayed in his marriage for 15 years to try to do what is right. Everyone has their breaking point though. I can't believe how selfish and evil a person can be to use the kids to punish an ex. Her only concern has always been money and control over him. He's actually told me that the thought of not having regular contact with his kids has given him thoughts of suicide. I'm scared for him and his ability to be a good dad under these stressful conditions. Any advice??? 

Name: Sasha | Date: Mar 24th, 2009 2:58 PM
I am so aggravated about the situtation my son & I are in. I have a 2 year old son in which his biological father left when he was 1 year old. Now, I have been raising him with my husband now of 6 months. My husband treats us so wonderful & wants to adopt my son. He has 2 other kids, girl age 11 & boy age 8. They are so sweet, we get along great & the kids do as well. OF COURSE, there has to be a problem in this situation, his ex-wife. For example, we scheduled our reception to be on a holiday - knowing that we split holidays with her because it has been going on like that for over 6 years now. Well, after she found out we our reception was that day, she went ahead & bought tickets to go to Disney World with her & the kids....in spite so that we can't have his own kids be at our reception & not see them on Easter. So now we cant say anything to the kids because they are SOO happy to go to disney world. When in reality, my husband is the one who pays for that trip because of the law. Becasue of this situation, that is the only reason I get upset with child support because she uses the money to go to disney world while my husband & I cant even pay rent because we need to give the money to her!!! She never went to college, started working for the first time after they divorced, & also has another son from another man. Why should my husband have to pay her when in fact she is the one who never decided to get a job where she could support the children ? When they were married she told my husband that the reason he married him was to get to his money after they divorce at some point (they married because she got pregnant). I realize he shoudl pay something because she has them 55% of the time, but not as much as he is. I understand the children are both of theirs, but he pays for ALL activities, ALL clothes & if he didnt, they wouldnt have any. The law should be when the kids are with the father-he supports them, when they are with the mother- she supports them. His ex ALWAYS makes a problem & tries to turn the kids against us. HIs ex will have the kids 6 days in a row & will only let the children speak to him once the whole time. She hides the phone from them. So we bought the children a phone & a plan for them to be able to call when they please.....she stole the phone at night, called her friends to rack up the min. & then broke it so that the kids cant ever use it again. Can someone please help me with this situation ? How do I handle it, what is the best thing to do ? 

Name: dave.hug | Date: Mar 28th, 2009 3:02 PM
i am a single dad of 2 children, one of each. my ex-wife is in a relationship but constantly goes off in these insane jealous rages breaking the court order all the time whilst telling me im nothing. i dont know that i can give advise as im at the point where if i need something i go to court and have to get a judge to order it because i know that she will do everything possible to do the opposite of what i ask, to the point that the kids are used as weapons. she tells my children that daddy steals all her money, and i witnessed my girl scream at her younger brother because he asked if mummy might take him to wacky warehouse. 

Name: D.C. | Date: Apr 21st, 2009 12:41 AM
I'm sorry to say it will probably never end. As long as she is focus on her ex-husband she will never be happy. The only way that she live a fufiled life is to take responsibility for her part in the failed relationship. If she is willing to do this, then she will see her life begin to improve. She may in fact find a partner that she can be happy with. Once this happens she will leave you alone. However, if this doesn't your husband may grow tired of the games and give up on his kids as many men do. It's a shame that that the kids end up paying for behavior of a selfish, childish, spitful parent. I'm sorry that this sounds so negative, but I think that you deserve the truth. 

Name: V | Date: May 7th, 2009 10:53 PM
As I read your post, I could feel your pain. I truely understand. My divorce should be final in a week or so. My boyfriend's divorce is final. His ex wife has been the most challenging thing I have ever had to face. She has never seen me but no of me through her children. She has two children. The youngest one (age 7) is my boyfriend's son. The ex-wife is teaching them not to like me. She has told the 7 year old that I am going to be mean to him if I marry his daddy. It has really been hard. Her 12 year old will not speak . He just roll his eyes at me. She is constanly asking for money but never has time for the 7 year old. He spends most days and nights with his day. Out of a month, he may spend 4 or 5 days with her max. She constanly calls his phone and harrass him or text him about money or about having someone around her son. If he doesn't answers the phone, she leave long voice messages and sometimes pop up over his place. I am about to go crazy!!!! 

Name: Lisa | Date: May 20th, 2009 4:12 PM
so familar of a story, met my current boyfriend, he was going through a separation, she had left him for his best friend, I come into the picture and all of a sudden the best friend is abusing her etc etc
I move in with him and she starts her campaign to break us up first sending him a text saying if I give you another chance do you think we could make it work????
after I have given up my home and moved into his, insecurity set it? oh heck yeah
I try to talk to him about it and he tells me he doesnt want her wants me
fine and dandy but then she starts calling him saying that I am calling her current boyfriend (his ex best friend) and whining and crying saying that they are secretly meeting and talking and are going to get back together, to top it off when she finally admitted (a year and a half later) that she was actually in love with his best friend and not just friends she told me that he told her that if she came back to him he would kick me out in the street, not true,. Well anyway these calls kept coming then she called me and told me to stop I informed her that I have way too much on my plate to be playing these high school games and that her boyfriend would be the last person I would call, after this conversation she calls my bf and leaves him a voice mail saying that she had just talked to me and I was guilty! To make matters even worse she kept calling him saying how abusive her boyfriend was after telling me he was the love of her life, time goes by he finally told her he did not believe that I was making the calls, and three days later the sheriff is at our door and she is making accusations about him sexually molesting his sons! I was shocked and angry so was he, he had to leave the house that night because my two sons, 13 and 16 were there, this went on for months, she tried to change the parenting plan, he ended up paying for supervised visits, until her boyfriend killed himself in Jan, and then bam she started calling him (even though there was a restraining order against him) she went as far as to call him up hysterical he went down there and they were so drunk he ended up in bed with her, he confessed to me later, then after he realized that she had used him, he told the GAL what was going on, she went after another one of his best friends and even admitted to him that she wanted to make him jealous, well all it did was drive him further away from her to me. Then all of a sudden she has the boys recant their statements (she was in danger of losing the boys) the restraining order was dropped and now she calls him and texts him daily he is torn because of the kids, last night she was complaining and bitching of missing work because their son ( who isnt his but he took on the responsibilty of him before he was born) and was actually being a bitch She texted him one night and put xoxo after it I was furious, but I dont know what to say or do, she told the boys she doesnt like me and their youngest sons bday is coming up my bf got a text from her saying that he just wanted it to be her and my bf and the kids to go to funtasia, my bf showed it to me and asked me if it was her wanting this or his son, I told him it was her, later that day we picked up the boys and the first thing he said was how it was going to be the four of them, he really wants me there but it would make his mom mad I was furious, his dad said well thats too bad but it is his year to have him and I told him we need to make the plans, his son can pick where he wants to go but he doesnt make the decision as to who is there once again she is trying to cut me out of the picture, we have been together a year now, and its just so frustrating, she is clearly certifiable and the only reason she took the boys is to use them against him he loves his kids more then anything he was so hurt by what they said but I know she made them say it I cant prove it but I know it was her if she cant have him no one can argg
sometimes just need to talk to someone who is touch with my situation too! [email protected] 

Name: happilymarried | Date: Jun 5th, 2009 1:51 AM
My husband has two ex wives and one is great and the other is a nightmare. Even though I do feel as though the 1st wife does still have feelings she does not interfere at all. I call her sometimes for advice. The second "oh my"!!! She does not stalk, does not call all the time, her thing is my husband left her for treating his first child badly. She called him names and did not want him there.(his first born) in thier home. She wanted thier two children to be put first and only..Needless to say she now uses that phobia that he has of someone treating his children badly to her favor. One day she says the kids say that I am mean and treat them badly but comes right out and wants me to babysit so she can run the roads with her newest victim. She will tell my husband that thier son can live with us and then no they can't because I am mean. I love kids, I could never love a man enough to treat his children badly. I am more aggressive than most people. I fire right back. Her latest was to let one child come stay the summer and my husband still pay child support. I have two children who I adore and who have a father who provides them with anything and everything they need or want. She is just like what she was when they were while were married, wants the kids to come first and me and my children to not be here when thier children visit. But don't forget she tells my husband that he left her for being mean to his son he needs to leave me for being mean to thier kids. I ADORE my husband and he takes very good care of me and my two, So just today I emailed her back after telling me I live in a hole which is not true. We have a farm with horses (8 to be exact) with rolling hills and a wonderful enviorment for kids, so I told her that if she put more into a relationship rather than material things, she would be able to keep a man and keep him from cheating. I fire back. Bring it on. My husband works crazy hours and she needs me to keep the kids so that she can travel with her new man. So I will show her I will roll over and take nothing from no one. She can call me a B----- she can call me whatever, my husband will never have to choose between his wife and his children. I love all of our kids...So if she wants to throw down if you back down it will continue. Stay within your legal rights, no death threats and maintain you are a woman and that you will keep your man regardless of what she says or does. Keep it CLASSY. There is one place she can't step in and control. The BEDROOM. It's all about you and him. Just remember she may try to control certain aspects, but she can't control all....Let her know that only one woman will rule your home. Eventually she will tire of you being able to control the father of her children and his money. Enough is enough. I know that it sounds harsh, but my first husband and father of my children had an ex and she was jerking us in and out of court. I don't have the time or energy. I put my foot down after telling him over and over to control it. I did the same to her. I have been pushed to that point now here it is and this is how it will be. I let my current husband try to handle it and the same thing happened. She pushed and pushed and he just took it untill I said ENOUGH. You will find your final straw. When you do stick to it. Mine was she wanted my husband to keep the kids and he had to work and she said that I could do it and I had plans to visit a sick relative and she decided that was something I could reschedule. Well that was it. You can come get them at the scheduled time or you can find them here at around 11 pm and they had school the next day. So she folded. She had to. Wait until they absolutely need you for something and remind her of this and that and that lady you cut your nose off to spite your face. She'll realise that she will need you before you ever need her. Playing nice will come eventually. Now she does not talk to me and she doesn't call me names to my husband because I told him if he allows her to disrespect me he will have another divorce on his hands. I am your wife and I will go down fighting for you and you will do the same or be gone. I love him more than anyone I have ever loved before, I can see me spending the rest of my life with him, so he should gaurd me and my children from her attacks or he is not the man I thought he was. She sent her children here with snack cakes and told them to eat them in front of my 7 and 11 year old and not share. When I found that out and my son said why doesn't she like me momma I never did anything to her. I told my husband not my kids. My kids will not be a part of her sickness and that he should let her know now that if I were a sicko like her I could do that to her children a 100 times a weekend. She backed off. She doesn't have to know that I could NEVER do that to anyone's child, but I planted her biggest fear. You don't know what I am capable of. Ladies if you love your man let him and her know that she will not be a deciding factor in your marriage. You control your marriage not her. You are the one doing what she was not capable of doing. If you let her she will. Lay out your do's and don'ts and contol the situation. My husband will back me on everything. He knows I love his kids and they know it. That's what matters. You can show the kids better than she can tell them. As for the scheduling of activities..my husband goes on his weekends. The other weekends are mine. He tells the kids he will take them on his weekends and that the other weekends he has so much to get done and that it does not mean that he loves them any less. It just means I have to balance. Now she did once almost cause a break up, when we were engaged and she saw the ring, she told me he told her that he still loved her. I gave him the ring back and said no not I never again. He called her and told her that he loved me and was going to marry me if I would have him. Some of the things that he said to her convinced me that she was lying. He has to do his part for you. If you are his wife or will be his wife, he needs to step up to the plate and let it be known that is what he wants. He should scream it from the mountain tops if not he is not as devoted as you. Hang in there. The kids will be old enough one day to not be a pawn. Stand your ground. If she breaks you up she gets what she wants. You get what you want. Just stay within legal bounds. Don't make threats, don't take it out on the kids or your husband. He can't control her, but he can control the situation. 

Name: mad as hell | Date: Jun 23rd, 2009 12:05 AM
im dealing too for almost 3 years. my prblem isn't dealing with her so much as dealing with the crap he takes from her concerning me. all for the sake of whats best for the children.wonder if losing his wife will make him wake up 

Name: step-mom 2 b | Date: Jul 1st, 2009 3:48 PM
My fiance's wife seems to enjoy sending the kids to him in ratty, too small clothes & holey socks. We have been buying new things for them wear the next day (as she never sends them w/ a change of clothes), but they never seem to find their way back to our house. Her response seems to be "Have your father buy you new ones" 

Name: step-mom 2 b | Date: Jul 1st, 2009 4:25 PM
Sorry-typo. She is my finace's EX-WIFE 

Name: Sophie | Date: Jul 8th, 2009 9:55 PM
How do you deal with that lady? 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 20th, 2009 2:15 PM
I totally empathize. I wish i had brilliant words of wisdom - my situation has some parallels but not entirely the same. In some instances where i have had scheduling issues I have put my foot down when it was in the best interest of the children and/or me - ie/ sometimes i had to say this is not fair to the kids, to me or to our family unit and I will give on it most of the time but in these instances I will not and i expect you to support me.

ie/ the ex-wife would be 3 hrs late dropping off the kids or even 1 hr late. After months of this I put my foot down and told my husband this is unacceptable and unfair to me - i rush home from work or change my plans to accommodate the schedule and this is not acceptable. So - we deliver the message and the pattern changes for a bit and what we have taken to doing is ensuring the drop off or timing is actually an hour earlier ie/ if bed is at 8pm we say must be home by 6pm knowing dropped at 7:30pm etc and they are all riled up from cookies and pop so need time to wind down and are to read before bed etc..

Advice needed on my end! Intrusive ex-sister in law ...help ..

My situation. We have two kids 8 and 11 fulltime (mom is alcholic and lost the shared custody 2.5 years ago. no change in her status) . Kids visit mom with supervisor alwasy.

The kids mom and I are actually ok. No real issues there other than her inability to keep a schedule and i dance around that.

My biggest challenge - the exsister in law who feels she is the only one who can properly care for the kids. Competes with her sister (kids mom) and me for kids attention. Phones house everytime kids come home from visit with their mom. Excessive gift giving. Replenishes their wardrobe every 3 months. if i make the mistake of saying to send photos gladly as kids can put in their photo album she goes out and buys them her own photo album and fills it with pictures of her and the kids. If we send kids to visit overnight with the teddy bear the mom gave them she sends them back with a teddy bear she has given them. daughter got her ears piereced= she buys her 2 sets of pearl earrings rather then allowing the mom or dad to do it . she fought the mom to have the kids for march break and finally gave up when i called the kids mom and said these are YOUR kids tell your sister to back off (the mom cried and said she's been dealing with her sisters need to dominate the kids for 12 years now..since she was first pregnant)

My husband doesn't want to fight it. he has tried to tell her it is excessive gifts. he feels he has to make time for everyone . i said the exwife should manage the exposure to her side of the family not him.

help? this ex sister in law is the biggest problem in our family. i fear she had more to do with the break up of his first marriage than my husband knows or admits. And this woman is so intrusive i can't stand it it ruins our family time , holidays , memories.. 

Name: Nicole | Date: Jul 31st, 2009 10:16 PM
I guess i'm not alone in this situation. I have a daughter with my ex but we never have any conflict. However, with my husbands ex, it is always conflict. It is her way or no way. She is the most spiteful, cruelest person i have ever known Very difficult to deal with. She recently asked for more money for their daughters private tennis lessons, which she has never even played before. He wouldn't pay and he's been "punished" ever since. She won't answer the phone when he's supposed to get her and is really rude when she does answer. She acts to their daughter that it's all her dad's fault. His daughter is only 9 and i'm just afraid it's really gonna affect her as an adult in her own relationship. 

Name: leah | Date: Aug 2nd, 2009 2:17 PM
My only advice is: If you have a good relationship with your bf then open honest communication is key! Simply state your feelings being sensitive to the issue and as far as the kids go they will eventually grow up and make there own decisions and develop their own opinion... Basically they will see who the bigger person is and she will ultimately suffer the lack of respect they have for her though they will always love her.


This caught my attention bcuz I am currently dating a man who's stbxw is refusing to let go! I am trying to research the subject to be prepared for future issues so as to discuss them before they affect us directly.... 

Name: Violet | Date: Sep 4th, 2009 1:59 PM
I have the same problem. my bf is divorced for 3 years now. the ex remarried, but she phoned him 2 weeks ago, she's still in love with him and want to know if he really loves me more than he loved her. can you believe the nerve. he told her to move on, because he did, more than 3 years ago.

what should i do, just stand back, or should i confront her 

Name: DOB | Date: Sep 9th, 2009 9:55 AM
please dont feel alone i'm going thru the same thing with my boyfriend and his ex i'm learning to deal with the crazy ex games just like you sometimes it can be hard no to say somthing go of line so i've turned to blogging it really helps get it all out 

Name: Stace | Date: Sep 22nd, 2009 2:02 AM
Hi Sunnee, I think I will soon be in a very similar situation. Me and my fiance have been together for a little over a year. For several reasons we kept our relationship a secret, but we have moved for his job and our secret is about to be out. He has a 3 and a half old son and a mean ex-wife. If she knew that I was in a relationship with her ex-husband than she would keep their child away from him. I don't know how she would accomplish that but believe me, she would. I guess the only advise I have for you is to just keep being supportive of your boyfriend and keep loving the kids. That is what I was told by one of my friends. I don't know if I have helped you any but that is my two cents. Good Luck! 

Name: edith | Date: Oct 10th, 2009 5:35 AM
i can understand what you are going through because iam in the same situtaion. My fiance has an ex-wife that left him for another woman and he still wants to be real good friends with her for the kids. She is a control freak he is always telling me that he can not control her behavior but on the other hand he babys her behavior sometimes. I am reading all the coments that everyone saying and I have had cold feet about getting married to him. I hate all the drama and it makes me feel like it will never end. He has 3 kids and I have one. We agreed not to have anymore. Our counslers tells me that I need to stand by him side and support him. He is the kind of man that wants to make everyone happy.I can write a whole book about the ex but I dont even want to waist my time. I have tried to support him but also set boundaires with her but, I feel like I am in a relantionship with him and her. Please give some good news!!! 

Name: Renee | Date: Oct 28th, 2009 11:32 PM
My name is Renee and I knew I wasn't the only one, but reading all of this really is shocking. I think we should all form a group. My email is [email protected] if anyone wants to talk about all of this. This situation has just about ended our relationship. Its been really trying. Out out all of our issues, this is the worst. My daughter and his daughter are both in wheelchairs, I'm black, he is hispanic and we both struggle financially. That is nothing comparing to every horrible weekend dealing with the EX! 

Name: Elis | Date: Oct 30th, 2009 2:28 AM
I Googled "dealing constructively with a crazy ex wife who will not move on" and I found this post. I'm so sorry this is happening to all of us. I can't imagine why my fiance's ex wife will not go on with her life after they have been separated/divorced almost 7 years? She comes over the the house and screams at my fiance (we've had to call the police but she left before they got there) and I am going to file a restrainng order soon. She has a restraining order against her from every person she's dated after my finance. The funny thing is, she has a degree, is very talented and has a very nice side. However, she can't hold a job and has been fired or quits 6 in the last 3 years. The newest lie is that we think she is spreading rumors that my finance is a sex offender. He just happend to be a 30 yr public servant (fire) with fingerprints on record and never even had a speeding ticket for the last 23 years. We've spoken to his laywer about this because this lie could ruin his career, our business and he could have his children taken away (50/50 custody). I have been to counseling about her and the only thing I can really do is to stop talking about her in the home at all. This gives her more power in the relationship becuase, believe me, she already tries to control us at every turn. I am trying to learn to forgive, but it'll be a long 10 years until his youngest is 18, I'd hate to live with the demons in her head. It must be so self-destrucive to have those demons contantly flying out her mouth. She's refuses counseling and is now trying to turn the kids against him, but we've managed to talk to them enough so that they see through her lies. Wish her peace, because it'll be the only peace she will ever have. I'm not religious, but I try to "pray" (for lack of a better term) for her that she gets on with her life. She never will, but she'll have to live with herself after the children are gone. Good Luck :-) 

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