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My husband and I have been together for 2 years, married for 4 months. He has three children and I have three children (none together). His two oldest are from his first marriage but their mother released her parental rights when they were very small. His second wife adopted them and then they had one of their own. After they divorced the two oldest lived with my husband and went to see the ex every other weekned. For the youngest in the divorce it was set up that she would be with each parent every other week until she started school. Logistically after she started school my husband would only be able to get her every other weekend. About a month after I came into the picture the ex CHOOSE to no longer have a relationship with the two oldest children. However she needs to control every aspect of the youngest child. Because she moved before my step-daughter started school we were able to work out getting her back and forth everyday so there was a verbal agreement to keep on the week on/week off schedule. I have a couple of problems with this. The arrangement is only verbal so when the ex gets pissed off, she threatens my husband that she will make him go by the divorce papers and only see his daughter every other weekend. This has happened at least three times in the last two years. I believe she is bi-polar and I know that she does take some type of medication but I'm not sure if it is for bi-polar so something similar. I hope this doesn't sound materialistic but my other issue is financial. Because she adopted the two older children and they live with him, that balances out the custody of the three, therefore there is no child support. On the weeks that my step-daughter is with us we take care of the before and after school care expense, her lunches, we buy school clothes for our house, we cover her medical and dental insurance. We have the same if not more expenses than the ex. We have her at least 50% of the time, the ex likes us to keep her extended times if she has something she wants to do. None of this I have a problem with. The ex claims my step-daughter every year on her taxes and I think that is unfair. My opinion is that my husband takes on have the financial responsibility that he should be able to claim her every other year. I asked my husband to talk to the ex about this and she said that because her 1st husband claims her two oldest daughters (which she gave up to him and doesn't help him raise) and my husband claims his two oldest (that we raise) then she is claiming their youngest because she wants to claim someone. He dropped it at that. My opinion to my husband is that if she wants to continue claiming their daughter every year, then she should be responsible for the before and after school each week and her school expenses other than her clothes at our has at the least. He said told me that he will not bring this up to her because he doesn't want to make her mad. He will just continue with it the way that it is. I have tried to convince him to take her back to court and have the papers modified to protect him from her using the child as leverage. I don't care about the additional expenses, I just don't think that its o.k. to be so lopsided. I also have a major issue with the fact that my husband will let her walk all over him. I don't do it and I don't want anyone else to either. I want him to protect himself and he says the risk is too great. I believe that if he would call her bluff, she would cave because I don't think she has what it takes to be a full time Mom. She has already given up four kids, she likes to go out and play too much. Am I being irrational? I'm I getting into something that is none of my business, that is how he makes me feel? Should I back off and stay out of it? If so, what should I do when he asks me for help with this situation that I don't believe should be happening? His daughter will be going to school by my office so the only way he will be able to continue to see her every other week is if I take her and pick her up from her before and after school. Looking for any advice, even if it against me. ↓
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| Name: pj754 | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 12:50 PM |
| No, your not being irrational, you only want whats fair but if your husband doesn't pay any child support for the youngest child, he wouldn't be able to claim her on his taxes. However, if she is willing to not follow the divorce papers in letting your husband have more visitation time with his youngest that's a good thing. I wouldn't want to create any waves in that regard. Yet, not having something in writing might create problems down the road. As far as the before and after school expenses, unless it's written in the court papers that each parent has to pay half, I really don't think you can do much about it. Of course, you don't want your husband walked all over but it sounds like he's afraid of losing the extra time he gets with his youngest. I have 3 children with my ex and he is suppose to pay child support. On his taxes, one year he claims two and the next year he claims one. In my case, one parent should always be allowed to claim one child. However, the sneaky jerk claims all three. I haven't got that completely worked that out just yet because I'm a stay at home mom and don't have an income for myself. Although, that will soon change when I get married this summer. As far as the after school, medical and dental expenses, we have to split 50/50. I'm sorry if I couldn't offer much help. I just know on my circumstances, unless I have it in writing, there isn't much I can do about it. As a suggestion, keep a calendar journal and write down everything you can. Even if she gives up some of her visitation time, etc... This way, if you all do go back to court, you are able to refer back to what has happened. ↑ |
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