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Name: Tammy
[ Original Post ]
I am feeling frustrated and looking for some other points of view. My Fiance has three wonderful children at the ages of 15, 11 and 9 years old. I have an 11 year old son. I have been divorced three years now after being married for 10 to a man who had an anger problem. We actually get along better now than ever and he has straightened himself out for our son. Then my Fiance was married for almost 17 years to his wife who cheated on him with a friend from his work. Ok with that stated I will begin. We are trying to make a loving structured environment for all of the children. We always let them know how loved and important they are and we feel they are very happy. My Fiance's youngest child which is a girl has really taken to me. She calls me all the time from her mothers and wants me to go on all of her field trips and such with her. I think that is great that she feels that way for me. I know this must bother her mother. The thing is though is that her mother chooses not to be there for her and I get caught in the middle when the child calls me complaining about her mother all the time. I will never say anything bad to the children about there mother because I know that is not the right thing to do and would only hurt them. I always say that I am sorry that she is haveing a bad night but her mother Loves her and that she has to follow her mothers rules. There father ( my Fiance), is working nights right now and so I am home to deal with the phone calls. I find out that the 11 year old is babysitting the 9 year old at times and they go down to a local beach and park fishing and walking around in the woods. This makes me sick to my stomache. I have the 9 year old telling me how when they were fishing she was talking to an old man that was helping her and her brother. Who knows what this guys intentions are. The sad thing about it is this is only the least of it. They are left unsupervised quite often and when my Fiance trys to confront her and let her know that the things she is letting the kids do is unsafe or that they should be supervised she gets snotty and says that her rules are her rules at her house and we have ours at our house. She is a very rude person who does most of her parenting yelling at her kids. However if she needs something she calls and is nice as can be if she benefits when it comes to watching the kids. My Fiance gets so upset because the amount of money he is paying for child support should be used for there care when the mother is away. I actually today just started seeing a counselor to better educate myself on what I can and can't do. I guess basically she is the one who chose to cheat on my Fiance when they were married. He found out that she was cheating when he was served with divorce papers. Well he was shocked but had been very unhappily married to her anyway. I feel so bad because he is such a wonderful, loving man and had been treated so poorly and degraded by her throughout there marriage. He basically stayed for the children. After the divorce he gave her the home which she up and sold and moved the kids 45 minutes away from him for a man she was seeing. Now because he broke up with her she has just recently moved back to our town and expects everything and then some. I can't believe the nerve of her. She is very selfish and does'nt realize how she is hurting those kids. She knows the kids want to be with us more and has offered to finally let us have half placement. I think the kids will only thrive with this decision. So right now my fiance is desperately waiting to be put on days at his job and also looking on the side for a day job so we can start this as soon as possible. He has a very well paying job and has been promised a day shift soon. His ex in the mean time expects results now. She thinks of herself and not whats good for the kids. He is working 2p.m. to 2a.m. right now and would hardly see the kids. The purpose of starting this every other week custody is for the kids to get to spend more time with there father since she is finally going to allow it. We are also looking for a bigger home and hoping to move within the next month closer to the kids schools and basically want to make the transition easy and comfortable on the children. I could go on and on about what we deal with. I am so frustrated because I legally am not there parent and even though I want to have the kids all the time we can't. All I can do right now is be there for the children. I hope I have made sense. My fingers are flying on this keyboard as my mind is raceing. I know I can't change her behaviors or feelings but I wish she would look in the mirror and take her own inventory for once and stay out of ours.
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