This one is confusing...
I have been married 4 years to a wonderful man. I have a good marriage with him, had the fairy tale wedding, honeymoon and we now have 2 kids.
Prior to my husband I was in a relationship with someone that I was madly in love with.
The only problem was he broke my heart by cheating and lying to me. I was able to get over him and move on, however I never stopped loving him.
When I met my husband I thought it would be easy to get over the last guy. It was, then it got serious and things started to move fast. Within 2 years of dating my husband proposed to me. Offered me the world, a wedding, honeymoon, the works. Eight years pass and my ex-boyfriend pops in my life to say that he is sorry for hurting me. He then adds that he still loves me. Okay, now my feelings are back for my ex-boyfriend.
My marriage is okay, lacks a few things here and there, but overall, I thought it was great. Now, I'm starting to have second thoughts that I rushed into a relationship to try to get over the first relationship and missed some key factors in my current relationship with my husband. Key factors like intimacy and how I feel when I'm with him.
My ex-boyfriend that I deeply loved is asking for a second chance. How the hell do I explain this to my kids not to mention, my husband! I'm soooo confused. ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 12:01 AM |
| This ex broke your heart and now has reappeared wanting you to love him again and you are feeling like you may be able to rekindle something special...........DON"T DO IT!!!!!!!!! What you do is tell your ex boyfriend that he is several years too late and that you are happily married to a wonderful man with whom you have two beautiful children with and that you are very sorry but he will have to search for love elsewhere.And then you must close that door forever and never look back! I'm kind of surprised that after all these years,this decision isn't clear to you. Don't throw your family away for a roll in the hay with an old lover,it isn't woth it! ↑ |
| Name: Tena | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 3:42 PM |
| Lizzi, telling the ex to take a hike was my very first reaction. Then I started thinking about the past and wanting to talk to him. I'm looking to him what I'm kind of missing from my husband. Affection, someone to talk to, etc. But it doesn't make sense to leave something good and try to make something great with someone that hurt me so much. However, the ex seems to believe I'm the one for him and so now I'm starting to have doubts about the man that I married. This is so confusing to me. ↑ |
| Name: momof3 | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 5:14 PM |
| Tena, I was in a similar situation, but he popped back in right before my wedding. He was also getting married and wanted the 2 of us to leave our fiances and get married to each other. It really freaked me out, he was the love of my life, I did everything he wanted, and he cheated on me and lied about it. I went back to him, (before I met my husband) and he cheated on me again, this time moving the girl in with him. Anyway, I was still not over him when I met my husband, but my husband is the most wonderful person, is he perfect no, but he is great to me, and we now have 2 girls. But when my ex called, it made me think. I thought about it and thought about it and came to the conclusion that he was not worth it. I had a man that gives me everything, and me ex was a person that took and noever gave. I have NEVER regreted staying with my husband and have heard through the grapevine that him and his wife are having problems, and he is cheating on her, surprise surprise. My theory is once a cheat always a cheat, but I also am a firm believer in second chance. You need to think about you kids. You would be throwing away a good marrage, for someone that would probably hurt you again. Plus what kind of person would ask you to leave your family to be with him. A very selfish person is who. I wish you the best of luck. ↑ |
| Name: Tena | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 5:44 PM |
| momof3, I'm finally talking to someone with a similar situation! He's (the ex) not exactly asking me to do anything. He's simply stating that he would consider certain things. He is married as well -to the girl he cheated on me with. He made it clear that he was not happy. I knew he wouldn't. He says he has the perfect life, but his wife is someone else with another man. I thought the same thing, this guy is so very selfish to even reappear in my life. But the thing that made me think is he would drop everything now to be with the woman he was meant to be with -me. Yeah, I know, it's a little too late. I'm pretty happy with the marriage I have, we have our ups and downs, but overall it's pretty good. I am missing the affection though. Sometimes I think my husband may have chosen the wrong girl to marry too and may just be sticking around because he feels guilty leaving. See, there are separate issues here. I need help. I appreciate the feedback though. At least I feel I'm not in this alone. Trust me, the first thing I think about is my kids. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 7:47 PM |
| First question you need to ask yourself. Did your ex boyfriend treat you better than himself? No, he didn't if he lied and cheated on you. Just because he's unhappy in his marriage does not constitute that he's still in love with you even though he says he does. Right now, he's going to be affectionate to you and tell you things that you want to hear for his own personal benefit. It's all for you to drop everything to run back to him. Perhaps he's testing to see if you do still have the same feelings that you had for him a long time ago. It's kind of an ego thing. I, too, had a old boyfriend, who lied and cheated on me but he kept popping up into my life. Oh, sure, my feelings that I once had came rushing back into my head but I realized they were old feelings. I had moved on and felt if he couldn't treat me right the first time around then why should I give him a second chance? There's a saying, "Shame on you for hurting me once, shame on me for hurting twice!" I try not to let the second time happen. A leopard doesn't change it's spots!!! You really need to think of this situation wisely. The grass may not be so green on the other side of the fence once you get there. For a long time, I always wondered if I made the right decision by letting my old boyfriend go. After several years gone by, I realize I had. Perhaps you get together with your boyfriend and things don't work out. What then? You've lost a good marriage that you now have for someone that wasn't really worth the effort. Ask yourself, why did he cheat on you in the first place? What is his excuse? Beware, because he could be telling you something sympathetic for you to believe only to find out it's a lie. He says he's having problems in his marriage now. Keep in mind there are two sides to every story and you are only getting his version. My advice to you is, if he couldn't make it work with you a long time ago and now he's having trouble with the girl he cheated on you with, there is a flaw in him somewhere. You just haven't discovered it yet. Plus, if your husband isn't giving you the attention that you are looking for, then talk with him about it. A wise old man told me, you will know if someone truly loves you if he treats you better than himself. That's involves everything in your life. Finances, marriage, love, communication, raising children, all the simple appreciations you deserve. I'm sorry if I offended you but I was down a similar road. My head was telling me one thing but my heart was telling me another. When my ex kept popping up over the years of my life, my heart still didn't trust him. Do you want to start a life with this man having a doubt of mistrust? The mistrust will always be in the back of your mind. Personally, he shouldn't be stepping in your life now that you are married and have children. That's somewhat disrespectful to you and your children, not to mention, your husband. It isn't fair to any of you. Yet, if you feel in heart that you will be 100% happy with him, then you have a serious decision to think about. I wish you the best in whatever you do decide. ↑ |
| Name: Tena | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 8:45 PM |
| to: pj754, I've thought about this all. I appreciate your feedback and insight. You haven't offended me at all. Yes, I do think I'd be making a huge mistake to leave my husband for him. Trust me, I thought about it all. It is pretty selfish of him to pop into my life like that. I always give in though. I'm not going to ruin what I have for him, that's for sure. I'm so glad there's someone out there that has been in this situation! There's probably a lot of people. ↑ |
| Name: momof3 | Date: Oct 10th, 2006 3:31 AM |
| Oh Tena I wasn't suggesting that you don't put your children first!!! I just know how hard it must be. I went through that without kids, I couldn't imagine it with kids. I wish you all the luck in the world. My husband isn't overly affectinate either, He used to be he just isn't as much. When have been married for 4 years. What if you talk to your husband about the affection. Maybe if he knows that it bothers you he will make an effert. Good Luck!!! ↑ |
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