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Name: Nicolaaa
[ Original Post ]
Does anyone have any tips they would like to share when they are going for full custody of their kids?
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Name: tb4 | Date: Apr 12th, 2007 1:01 PM
Hi Nicolaaa----I'm unsure if I can offer any tips but I believe it depends on the state you live in. Most judges do try to push for joint custody. However, if you can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the other parent is emotionally, mentally or physically abusing your child/children, then you may have a strong case. Keep a journal calendar of all specific details....dates/times/incidences regarding the well being of your child. Does the other parent drink or do drugs frequently in front of your child?Does the other parent put your child in danger when he/she gets behind the wheel of a car? Does the other parent not feed or clothe the child properly? I suppose these are question you need to ask your attorney. All I can say is my ex tried to get full custody of our children but the judge wouldn't allow it. Yet, he got more visitation time b/c when I didn't have a custody arrangement in writing, I was a afraid he would leave the state or country with the children. The judge punished me for not allowing contact between the children and their father until I had something in writting.....therefore, he got move visitation time to re-establish their relationship. Even though, I follow court orders of our divorce agreement/custody arrangement.....he still gets away with doing whatever he wants. It's very frustrating and it makes for a long drawn out battle. Yet, if it's in the best interest of the child......it's worth every effort you make. I'm still battling but not back in court just yet. Just keep your wits about you....don't let him provoke you. Keep your head up high and trust your heart when you know your doing the best that you can do. The mental mind games never stop. It just comes at you in different manners. My ex knows that my kids are the most important things in my life and yet, he always tries to get inside their heads to twist things around. He runs around with them like he's Disneyland Dad but there will come a day when it comes back to bite him right in the butt!!! Stick to your rules and keep things as a routine structure. My ex is forever trying to change the visitation schedule and I use to give in but not anymore. Don't let your guard down thinking that he's being nice and cooperative when he's actually trying to get you to conform to his way of thinking in order to win the battle. Keep in mind what one judge may pass down, another one may change it. Also stay focused on the positve things and keep all your energy for your children. As long as you are providing the best care, no one will ever fault you for that. I'm a stickler for following rules and structure but my ex is the complete opposite. He does what he wants and there is no telling him otherwise......including a judge. I do hope things will go well for you. I wish you great success with this issue. It's not going to be easy and it will take sometime getting through it all but in the long run.....it will be best. 

Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Apr 12th, 2007 1:44 PM
thanks alot. Iv printed that off if ya dont mind.

i have twins almost aged 20 months and Im trying to get full custody of them. and its showing signs of becomng a battle.
Im in the UK btw. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Apr 12th, 2007 5:43 PM
Hey Nicola who DOES have custody of your kids? I always thought YOU did! 

Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Apr 13th, 2007 10:42 AM
lizzi, i tried to get your email addy from some people i had on my ocntact list. No one had it. I posted that if you wanted to know, email me as I didnt want to post the story yet. I am not ready. i have an email that iv sent and have been sending to people who want to know and that i trust will not abuse it.

[email protected]

email me lizzi and im happy to tell you, so long as you promise not to share it with anyone else. in time i will post about it, just not yet. 

Name: atomicsnowflake | Date: Apr 13th, 2007 12:47 PM
The term 'custody' is not used in the UK. 

Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Apr 13th, 2007 12:48 PM
i just used it atomic. 

Name: atomicsnowflake | Date: Apr 13th, 2007 12:50 PM
It's not known or referred to as 'custody' though is it? It's called something else. 

Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Apr 15th, 2007 7:44 PM
b u m p for lizzi 

Name: M | Date: May 7th, 2007 7:27 PM
What is it called atomic if they do not use the term custody? 

Name: M | Date: May 7th, 2007 7:28 PM
How did you lose custody in the first place? 

Name: atomicsnowflake | Date: May 7th, 2007 10:42 PM
The term is 'Residence'. A parent can either have full residence or shared residence.

The concept of 'custody' in the old sense no longer exists. 

Name: Nicolaaa | Date: May 12th, 2007 5:24 PM
M you dumb bitch im not discussing that...iv made that CLEAR.

Atomic---is your argument against me, that because I used the wrong word I am a liar? Not all of us are professionals or have been brought up around this system. I use whatever term I like, and so do several people around me. The word custody DOES still exist, maybe not used professionaly, but it is used by service users etc like me. 

Name: atomicsnowflake | Date: May 12th, 2007 8:43 PM

Perhaps you should learn the correct terminology because they will consider you to be naive and uneducated and will dismiss everything you tell them. 

Name: atomicsnowflake | Date: May 12th, 2007 8:53 PM
You also need to understand that they changed the terms to reflect the fact that nobody in effect 'owns' a child - which the term 'custody' implies.

The term 'residence' was adopted to reflect the changes which have taken place to ensure fathers have an equal role in parenting their children. Most lone mothers do not have a Residence Order - the child may live with them, but they are still not referred to as having 'custody'. This is a difficult concept for many people to understand, but the terminology was altered in order to facilitate a better understanding and a change in attitude, which is aimed mainly towards hostile mothers and also to placate irate fathers who feel that their parental rights have been ignored for too long. 

Name: Pam | Date: Jun 4th, 2008 3:00 PM
What if the kid is 17 years old and doesnt want to live with the parent she his with anymore doesnt she have the right to choose. What about if he hit her? 

Name: dave | Date: Jul 29th, 2008 6:36 PM

Name: lisasing | Date: Jul 30th, 2008 5:54 AM
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Name: ann | Date: Jul 30th, 2008 9:25 PM
Pam in KY even if the child is older they cannot choose like I thought. My 13 yr old and 7yr old would prefer to never see their dad or his family after all they have done but even the 13 yr old is forced to go to his house....If I don't make them go I go to jail!! What a bunch of garbage. If he was a DAD and spent time with them and did not dump them off on anyone and everyone, and not scream and cuss and hit things when they were there..not to mention telling me he is gonna kill be and his brother and him both coming at me ALL in front of my kids!!! But in KY he is still "daddy dearest"!! 

Name: micheal!?! | Date: Sep 22nd, 2008 9:14 PM
i been looking and searching online for tips on getting custody of my 6 months old daughter..
Im a married man with a child from my wife, but trynna get custody of my other child from a random girl..it was just a one night stand, and she as be on child support, i do not mind paying child support but what i am afriad of is my money not going on my daughter but her mother,her mother is still young..*WHAT SHOULD I DO? 

Name: Amanda | Date: Feb 6th, 2009 6:18 PM
My brother isnt married and he has a three month old son. If his girlfriend decided to leave and said he couldnt see his son does she have the right to do that. 

Name: Tina M1234 | Date: Mar 19th, 2009 1:15 PM
I am watching over so to speak a child i feel i might deep in my heart want to get custody of.The dads in Jail for drugs and other stuff till Aug and has been in and out of jail since age 16.He also has gun charges his mother has told me about that could give him 25yrs in another state FL.The mother of the child had 3 other children from a different father other children she had abandoned in the past she is on her 6th child now ages i dont know for the first 3 and 2yrs 6months and she preganet the mother is 23.The child im talking about would be her 4th child 2yrs old.She had ss called on her and was told shed lose the kids.The mother to the father of the child took the 6 moth old .The mother of the father asked me if i would be willing to have custody of the 2yr old.That the mother sluggs on her children and doesnt come see them with limited visitation rights.That she has dropped him off on 12 other people in the past that are trying to get custody too.The mother signed papers over to the sister of the father of the child im wanting to get custody of the 2yr old.She go rid of them and went to court lying that he had just came down here and was only visiting.The child just started eating in front of people and opening up.I feel there was abuse and neglect where he came from badly.We called the mother to ask where the papers were before court.She said she had no money or way to take care of him till the dad was out of jail and that she was glad we took him.She said because The baby was sleeping shed call and talk to him the next day.She never called at all.She wasnt concerned with the child its self.Only to tell us that she didnt abuse him and he had proper clothesWhich was her say and wasn't true.He came down with a suit case that was it.The weird thing is the clothes had fresh tags on them like she just went to buy them some how.He had no socks and two sip cups that smelled spoiled when my husband opened it he had smelled.He has been at my house for over a month and they plan on him staying here possibly for 5 months. I also dont have any medical insurance card or id if per say something happened to the poor child.I had talked to the grandmother and found out the 6month old is behind on shots big time and the baby will go to her when it is born imediately.Now what i am trying to do is give this child a loving home stable and worry free.I just want him to know people love him and want to take care of him forever.To see him go to college and have the things he needs.I am unsure what i have to do i can't afford a lawer to get papers drawn up.Im just :( stuck !I want to get custody of him my husband and children do to.He has come along way since we had him.The dad plans on marrying the mother when he gets out.Even though ss says she has to give up the kids he can get custody of them.I am stuck Please help.I love this child and Me & my husband always wanted another child anyway.I can't have another one i found out .These doors had opened and i care alot about this child even though i tried to not get to atached to him.It happened.Now what can i do!where do i go from here?Im in nc and use to reside in ny 12yrs ago...The child came down from ny 1 month and a half ago. 

Name: martin harrison | Date: Apr 28th, 2009 7:33 PM
my daughters mother abondoned her over a year ago. whenb do I get full custody 

Name: martin harrison | Date: Apr 28th, 2009 7:35 PM
my daughters mother abondoned her over a year ago. when do I get full custody and when can I change her last name to mine. I am her real father. 

Name: timmy | Date: Jul 4th, 2009 11:54 PM
need custody help 

Name: Desperatefor answers | Date: Aug 11th, 2009 5:28 AM
Hello I have some questions for a friend who is from a different country, we live in wyoming, she went to court for her divorce today and her ex husband gained full custody because the judge ruled she was a flight risk since she doesn't have her citizenship here... I was wondering how she could appeal this decision??? 

Name: kris409 | Date: Aug 12th, 2009 8:45 AM
me and my husband were 2gether 4 6yrs. he got sent to jail we got married oct.08 im a american citizin and we have two kids together born in tx to.he was in jail 4 1yr. and couple of months got deported dec.08 to mexico i left my family and job to move up there with him and b a fam. again was very diff. life style i came back to tx. left my daughter with him cause she was enrolled in school so i came back with my son 4 months later i sent my son to him so that i can get 2jobs and try to get my own place for me and my kids. i got my own place and car i called last wk to let him know that i was going to go pick my kids up b4 school starts down here but he said that if i go im not gonna take them that he has sum paper stateing that i left the household and abonded my family and if i go things might get ugly.so im scared and i dont know wat to do next??? can sum one help me out.i dont got money for a lawyer and i stuck and need help.. 

Name: Lish | Date: Aug 26th, 2009 5:43 AM
Im trying to divorce my husband but I'm worried about child custody. Can anyone help? I don't know much about him now since we separated. Before we separated he was an alcoholic Pott user a smoker and has a prior domestic violence with someone else file by court. At our house he was also violent it was mostly anger management issues. When we separated he has been diagnosed with MS and a rumor runs that he was also diagnosed with Dementia not too long ago. He text me and calls about us and to threaten me about what happen between us but doesn't ask about his daughter. The last time I forced him to see her because she asked was in march he went crazy on my car in April and I filed a report on him. When he got out of the hospital he gave power of attorney to his sister and cleaned out our joint bank account left me with nothing had to move from that place and when I got my own place he got us evicted from the second place he doesn't provide for her or seems to have interest until I say I'm taking you to court for divorce and child custody and then he wants 100% custody his permanently disable with MS and can't work so the state pays him. My daughter doesn't disorve a father that doesn't care about her. Pls help me any advice 

Name: Christina | Date: Sep 7th, 2009 9:42 AM
my partner has full custody but went to jail on contempt what do we need to pick him up th eday she is released? 

Name: sam | Date: Sep 16th, 2009 8:22 PM
i have full custody how do I STOPmy sonsmother from showing up at everything she should only see him everyother weekend,? 

Name: mary | Date: Sep 18th, 2009 9:52 AM
Hello my question is if i go to school full time and work full time can i lose joint custody of my kids? my day is like this school from 7-10:30 m-f work is 12-9 m-s with thursday off. i have try to spend time with my kids and my ex tells me there always busy school is for nursing and only in when the kids are in i have the summer off what do i do????? 

Name: lisa | Date: Sep 19th, 2009 10:34 AM
yes i need ask ask a question, my friend has 4 kids and his wife walk out about 2 yrs now and she wants full custody of our kids she never wanted them to untill now we going get desviore , they alway live with him and he always took care of them can he win to have all the rights of children. 

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