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Name: wifey2
[ Original Post ]
Just wanting to hear some other people's opinions on my situation. My husband and I have been married 2 years. Dated for 6 before marrying. He was newly divorced & they share a son. Now 9 years old. So, I have been around the boy for about 6 years or so. Couldn't be happier in my new life....that is, when she's not involved. I like to think I'm a good step-mom. Don't have any children of my own, so even though all this is new to me, I still feel like when SS is in my home he is treated as if he were mine. I buy gifts for ex-wife "from stepson" for everything: Christmas, birthday, mother's day, etc.... I try to live by the "kill them with kindness" mindset, and try not to speak any harsh words about ex at all, try to be the bigger person, etc...., but it seems that is becoming my demise. Granted, she could be way worse towards me than she is, but she has not always been the easiest or nicest person to me. Little of what I give in regards to her is reciprocated. Even though, she has acknowledged that her son loves & cares for me, and that he senses and is appreciative for the way I act towards him and her.

My current delima is with my in-laws & their relationship with her.... They know very little of the ugly detials of my husbands divorce from her, because my husband is a very private person. Their relationship and demeanor with her would be very different if they knew what I know. They are also afraid of ex keeping them from seeing grandson. The ex claims "she has no one"...and she uses their friendliness and her "having noone" situation to her full advantage. Not only do I have to deal with her already being in my life because of the fact that she and my husband share a son, she is at many of HIS family functions....Christmas, graduations, funerals, birthday parties, etc.... Granted not always when my husband and I are there (sometimes they plan separate get-to-gethers just for that reason) but she seems to still be just as much a part of the "family" as she was when they were married. This is becoming very troublesome for me. I am a new wife...never been married, no children of my own.... being married in itself is new to me, much less being a 2nd wife and step-mom..... I'm trying to handle all this with maturity and compassion, but it's becoming harder.
My husband doesn't like her being involved any more than I do, and has politely mentioned this to both his parents....with no results.
It's gotten to the point where he is willing to miss out on HIS family functions just to avoid having to be around her....anymore than we already do with the son's activities.
I'm tired of feeling like I have to share even more of my life with her.....don't feel like I should.

Any advice??
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Name: momangel | Date: May 23rd, 2008 2:09 AM
Yes, thanks everyone here ! You'v changed my life a lot. I think I should share some good things with you all . I just found a very interesting dating site called www.singleparentloving.com which you can do a lot of thing there. Such as instant chat , blog, and searching the one you like in you area etc. It's really interesting. 

Name: becatory | Date: Aug 6th, 2008 6:17 PM
I completely understand what you are going through (wifey2). I am going trough the exact same thing but my husband and I have a child together.Just today I went to his parents house to get something for my dad and they brought her name and she had what I needed boy was I pissed. My husband was like I'm sorry honey but I can't control my (his) ex and my family. He kept on telling me that he loves me and he would do anything for me. All I can say is that he is with you not her. Just be happy infront of her and show her that it doesn't bother you cuz if you show her that it bothers you then she wins. And she will keep on doing it until she pushed you over the edge. Trust me I know. 

Name: lisasing | Date: Aug 7th, 2008 1:33 AM
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Name: koppsmb1 | Date: Oct 9th, 2008 3:27 AM
I understand what you are going through. My husband of 1 and a half years has been some what hell. His ex is totally brown nosing with his family. She calls my husband a couple times a day. She is the one who filed for divorce and thought she could do it all without him. You see, they have two children one is teen other is pre teen and is down syndrome and autistic. (Dual Diagnosis.) He pays his child support and does his visitation. When we first were married we didn't have his down syndrome/austistic child spend the night because we tried it and he didn't adjust well with it. So we would have day visits on his weekends. Now it is me having a hard time with it. He spends the night and he wakes up very early in the morning and totally comes in the room and rolls on our bed and I am totally out of blankets and he yells and wants his dad to get up. If he doesn't get up then he would wonder the home. He breaks things and swears and yells and makes lots of noise. It has gotten to the point that when it is visitation weekend I just go and hide in my room all weekend even though we have two other children who come visit too. Which, one is mine. Those two get put on the back burner along with me for the fact that my husbands son requires 110% attention or he gets himself into trouble or he will get hurt. Now let me say that what he is doing to us is what his ex had done to him. She put thier daughter and him on the back burner because of her son. Now she expects me to beable to handle this. I am having a very hard time with this. No one to talk to about it. I went to counseling and it just didn't help even for the both of us.

His family went and bought her a van and gives her money all the time. We had to buy a house in a rural area to beable to buy a house because of her. I just feel like I am ready to flip. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. He is very obsessed with his son but I feel bad for the other two. I believe this is going to ruin our marriage.

I am depressed and on meds and there is no medication that will help this. My husband just doesn't get it. I have talked to him and he just says that I am immature and acting like a child. I do not know what to do... I was married to a narcssist in the past and demeaned me to death and now this... the marriage councelor said that he is a very opinionated person and that I will not beable
to change that.

The ex wife looks at me like I am in the way. I have a say of what goes on in my house too? I don't know what to do.? The screaming and yelling, accident in pants and swearing and the noises are driving me nuts. Along with watching the other two children go without attention from the man of the house. And I not knowing what to do??? 

Name: ann | Date: Oct 9th, 2008 5:38 PM
I agree she is the EX but it should be your husband that goes to his parents with the details of his divorce and tells them it is hurting both of you. I am sure they are just trying to keep a good relationship so they can see their grandson when they like but they are not taking your feelings into consideration at all! If they are older they might not understand. They grew up in a time when divorce was not accpetable. But if you complain it will just make you look jealous and petty but if your husband does it and explains the reason it hurts HIM they might look at it different. My husband and my family both HATE both of our ex's with good reason....but we all try to be civil as possible. In fact when hubby's gmother died his ex drove all the way here so his daughter could come to the funeral (only nice thing she has EVER done in 7 years) but I invited her to come in because at one point her life she cared alot about his family. She was actually polite though...and I did send her a thank you card for bringing his daughter here. We also paid for the gas money. Good luck and let me know if I can do anything to help...u are entitled to feel hurt. 

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