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Name: maryjane4175
[ Original Post ]
My husband and my story is realy like a fairy-tail. We have been together for 7 years, and married for 2. It all started way back in 1986. We where crazy about each other. We where best friends. We where each other's shadow. We went to the same school and rode the same bus. When the bus driver would let him off the bus he would hop on his motorcycle and try to beet the bus to my house. I would jump on the back of his bike and we would ride everywhare. He would take his helmet off and make me where it. He was very protective over me. He never let anyone hurt me.
We where so much in love. That summer he went out of town for a couple of weeks to visit family, and while he was gone my family and I moved away. We never got a chance to say, "good-bye."
Later he met his a woman, they married and had 2 kids right around the same time I met a man married and had 2 kids after I found out I had cancer. A rumor somehow found it's way to him that I had cancer and died. Of course I didn't.
During the 5 years he was married to his ex-wife she was extremly crule to him. She treated him as if she was inferior to him. She killed his spirit, and his self-estem. In short she ruined the him I knew back in 1986. While this was going on with him and his ex, the same was going on the same was going on with me and my ex, but it affected me different than it did him.
After 12 years we finally found our way back to each other again. We moved in with each other, his kids moved in with a month later and in 2005 we finally got married.
My husband is not the same person as he was back then. Because of his ex he is now leery of commitment, and closed off. Since we have gotten married he has gotten better, but I still see it a lot. I sometimes see the old him peeking out from behind the though-man mask. One day he acts as if he hates me, the next day he don't want me out of his site. I sometimes feel he just keepd me there to help him with the kids. His best friend disagrees. If he died tomorrow I would not know if he really loves me. Is this just a guy thing or am I worrying for good reason?
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Name: Lory | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 6:05 PM
Hello! First, that truly is a fairy-tale story! Wow...how amazing to have found each other after all those years! It's great!!!

I don't expect either of you are the same as your were back then. Marriage and kids kinda do that to you! Especially if your marriage wasn't the nicest. When I married my hubby he was "closed-off" also. He had been through some severe things in his marriage. It didn't keep me from seeing how wonderful he was though. From my experience w/hubby..he did the same for the 1st few years. A "guy thing" as you said! Have you tried talking w/him about how your feeling? Just a good ol sitdown w/him. I will tell you after almost 13 yrs. of being together he still has a hard time. The x really did a number on him... even after their divorce. On a more positive note...we do talk more now than we ever have. He now knows I'm in it for the long hual...no matter what! So he does communicate alot more!! We still have our "days" but...I try to get him when he's ready to spill it.
I encourage you to try to talk w/him. I do know my hubby needed time to "trust" that I was going to hang with him. Your hubby may need time. Mine did. I hope I have helped some. If not...there are always wonderful people here to offer more advice. Good Luck to you and your family!! 

Name: Lory | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 10:55 PM
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Name: leemun | Date: Feb 22nd, 2007 12:17 AM
Hi Maryjane, of course he loves you if you found your way back to each other after all these years. His feelings are still there but he doesn't quite know how to get them out. I suggest you do alot of empathizing about his old situation so he know s you agknowledge it and understand where hes been and then show him so much love that he re-learns how to trust and open up. Unfortunataly your going to have to work hard and don't give up. and don't force him to talk & don't ask questions ........just empathize and eventually he will just start talking and opening up, he has to whole heartedly trust you first.
and make sure you plan alone time and if you can away from the house. even a night in a hotel is totally rejuvenating, eating pizzain bed and making love all night can do wonders for you !....lol 

Name: ann | Date: Aug 4th, 2008 4:03 PM
Love is found in a touch...in the way he looks at you, the things he does for you. Little things like reading to your children helping with laundry or dishes. You are looking at a man that has been hurt. My husband and I both come from terrible marriages and we know how blessed we both are. Sometimes we forget to look around and see what is most important. With both of you having two kids I am sure your lives are CRAZY. Make sure to take time and enjoy each other. but also you may be in love with a memory......you need to love him for who he is today. and if he is a good man be sure to let him know the qualities you love in him. It may sound stupid but I write short love notes and hide them in my husbands shop, truck, desk...you name it!!! But it is the easiest, Sweetest thing I can do. I reassure him how wonderful he is because in life we all don't feel to wonderful. In the end if you find out he is not what you thought...you will know you gave it everything you have, and you can learn from it. 

Name: ann | Date: Aug 4th, 2008 4:09 PM
ZADIE....I walked in your shoes for12 years...from 18-30 I wasted my life trying to love and change a man that was so abuse mentally that the physical abuse cannot not even touch the scars he left by the words he choose. For three years I would look in the mirror and hear his voice saying I am a bitch, a whore, fat, ugly, stupid, NO ONE will want you he would say. I believed his lies!!! I look back now at 37 and see how beautiful, and see how lucky he was to SUCKER an idiot like me in. I had a future ahead of me and he didn't...he was a JERK with a bad temper. Now 19 years later and two kids he is still the same jerk...but now I have to share children with him!!! YOU cannot change anyone they can only change themselves...and then it is only a short time til they go back to the same CRAP. I am remarried to my best friend and the LOVE of my life...he would NEVER cuss or yell at me, or make me cry....there are really good men out there you just have to set your priorities and stick with them! 

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