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Name: Gunju
[ Original Post ]
I met my boyfriend 3 years ago and he basically lied that he wasnt married. Some months later he said he is married with 2 kids. Unfortunately I was so in love that it didnt matter. He did get a divorce and now sees his kids every second weekend when they stay with us, plus some evenings in the week.
I feel difficulties with dealing with the situation. I am sometimes too nasty with him when the kids are around and I dont like myself then. I know the kids have nothing to do with the situation and I did have a choice of leaving him when i found out the truth, but I didnt. Now I have this feeling that i will never get over his lying and the fact that he has "the history". Has it been so difficult for you too or is it just me? How can i get over it?? I really love him (you might say that obviously not enough) and he is a very nice man...
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Name: pj754 | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 12:56 PM
Wow, your boyfriend shouldn't have lied to you about being divorced with two children. Yet, I can understand why he did it but I can't understand the lie he commited. He was probably afraid that if he had told you in the beginning of your relationship, it would have scared you away. On the same token, he was wanting to continue building a relationship with you by telling you months later. I, too, experienced lies from my fiance in the beginning of our relationship with the exception of him having children. However, I was up front and honest with him about my three children. I felt I had too because in my right mind no man would want to be with a woman, who has three children. When I discovered my fiance's lies, I was angry and upset. I didn't lie to him so why did he lie to me? Over time, we talked about it and eventually, he explained to me why he did it. I still felt it was unacceptable. At first, I left him and told him there was no way I could spend my time with someone, who lies to me, even if he felt there were little white lies. In my mind, I felt there was no such things as little white lies, they are still lies. After I broke the relationship off, my heart ached. It hurt worse from being away from him than the lies he told. My head was telling me I was doing the right thing, but my heart was telling me something different. I was in love with him and felt miserable without him. I never felt like that before. So, that's when I decided to give the relationship another try. I loved the way he had respect for me and how he treated me. We have a lot of fun together. It took me sometime to get over the way I felt but I knew in my heart he was a good man. To this date, we have grown closer together. So, you need to evaluate just how much you love him. Is he treating you they way you want to be treated? Has he explained to you why he didn't tell you in the beginning? Getting over this is very hard and it's not a quick fix. Focus on the fun times you do have together. Does he communicate with you like your his best friend? Does he tell you everyday several times a day that he loves you dearly? Does he go out of his way to make you happy? Does he treat you better than himself? These are questions you have to ask yourself. Perhaps you have already done so. By what you wrote, you want your love for him to help you get past your hurt. It will but it takes time. Sure, you will doubt him for awhile and probably check up on him without him knowing. That's ok. I feel there is nothing wrong with it. You want to be 100% sure about him. Let me know how things go are going. I hope this info has helped. 

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