Hello, guest
Name: Aggravated
[ Original Post ]
How do I get my husband to see that his ex wife is turning his daughters against him? This may sound a bit weird, but they get along with me very well,, but they seem to really hate him! I am geting fed up with them knocking him down all the time. I read on of their myspace forums a few months back that they pretty much just use him because he has the money, and their Mom doesn't. It also hurt's me, as well as my husband that they absolutely love the Mom's boyfriend. And supposedly they can talk to him much better then their father. He has tried many times to talk to them, but they shut down. There are so many big secrets going on between their Mom and the girls right now. Why does everything have to be a secret? Funny thing is they can write in forums, but they won't talk to us. Do you know that the Mom has had a b/f for over two years, and they never once mentioned his name? We had found out through the grapevine. Finally brought it up one day to them and it wasn't denied. But they never talk about anything from that other house at all. What they do do is talk about our house all the time to the Mom. I am just so frazzled over all of this. I don't understand why our whole weekend with them is talked over with Mom, and scrutinized. And then we get phone calls from her saying stop saying this or that! I need some quick advice on this. Please help!
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Name: pj754 | Date: Aug 8th, 2006 6:09 PM
Since you discovered the bit on myspace show it to your husband. He has to see what they write about him for himself. Secrets between divorced families goes on a lot. However, don't let it get under your skin. When the daughters are with you on the weekend, keep your conversations and moods very positive. Show in front of them how much you and your husband love each other and how happy you love being around each other. In a sense give them something to report back to mom about. I'm not talking about being overly affectionate but show that happiness you two have. As might as you two may want to disagree about something, try to keep that part private between you two. Perhaps their mom is coaxing the girls what to do and how to do it. You have to try to be one step ahead of their game. Kill them with kindness. As for them using their dad for money, I would discuss this with your husband. Yes, he has a full obligation to support them but if they don't return any kind of appreication for things above and beyond, then I would have your husband stop giving. It sounds like their mom has said something terrible to the girls about their father for them to treat him that way. If nothing elses, have your husband praise them on wonderful the boyfriend is treating them. Have him explain that he sounds like a swell guy. No matter how much it may make his blood boil, turn things around. The girls will be puzzled by it. They are using the fella too to get under their father's skin---a master step from their mom. If they want to go back to mom and talk about everything that goes on in your house, then look at it as a compliement. Sounds like they all may be jealous. Be careful not to belittle or make any nasty comments. If the mom says stop saying this or that, just tell her yeah, whatever! It's your house and you can do what she wants. I doubt she will fuss too much because she is the one getting the child support, right??? As long as your husband is upholding his responsibilities, there is nothing she can do. She can't tell you what to do. You are intitled to your own opinions. That's what makes us all different individuals. Sorry if my suggestions hasn't helped but keep us posted. 

Name: Nsary | Date: Aug 21st, 2006 6:09 PM
One Intelligent woman saiad "no data, no resaerch then no right to speak"
some one with a problem must be helped only when he/she has recognised hus/her problem.
Take a pace for a while, investigate enough so as to show the real situation to some one else.
Take a tender heart, be wise, find a close friend of yours, share what you have investigeted, Discuss what to do but not as a punishment but as a Guidence and Coinselling.
However God is able, if you ask him He can/will help not only youself but also others too.
Be blessed. 

Name: JESSE | Date: Aug 22nd, 2006 2:30 AM
sounds like the ex-wife is manipulating them. it is a shame because it is going to really mess thier heads up. my mother did something similar to me. i was smart enough to realize that she was wrong. have you confronted the mother? if she can tell you to stop saying this or that, you should be able to do the same. i am not saying to stoop to her level, but maybe she needs to know that it is hurting the kids more than anything, they just don't realize it. 

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