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Name: jcab
[ Original Post ]
I'm 21 years old and I am mother to a 3year old and a 4month old. I have been married for 1 1/2 years but we've been together for 4. Lately I have not been feeling any love from him. We don't have sex anymore and now he tells me that if I don't give it to him, he'll find it somewhere else. On the weekends he is constantly getting drunk. A few weeks ago he promised me he wouldn't drink for a month, so we could see if that was the problem. But it didn't last a week. He is not really a good husband, but he is a good father. I just don't feel anything anymore. I want to stay with him for the boys, but I can't let that be the only reason we're together. But even if i do leave, there is no way I could afford a divorce. I don't know if I could make it on my own either. Is there any kind of assistance that can help me?
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Name: saxton_emma | Date: Dec 5th, 2006 10:24 AM
were are you from ? 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Dec 6th, 2006 8:53 PM
There is welfare and subsidized housing. Ther should even be assistance available to you through welfare to help you get your divorce at little or no cost. Call your nearest welfare department and talk to someone. 

Name: M | Date: Dec 7th, 2006 3:55 PM
My guess is that if you get a divorce he will have to pay child support and alimony. That should help some. Why not try getting a job and working for a while. If you still feel the same then maybe you should get a divorce. This way you can leave on your terms and be able to support yourself. By not working he is taking away all your control over your life. If things are really bad and you need to leave now, ask a friend or relative to let you move in until you can get a job and get out on your own. Look in the phone book for a local women's resource center. They help women find a job to support themselves and their children. You are too young to resign yourself to a lifetime of an unhappy marriage. It is not right for your husband to threaten you by saying he will cheat on you. How is he being a good father by treating you this way and drinking all the time? He is teaching your children that women do not deserve respect and that abusing alcohol is okay. I would get out before too much damage is done to your life and your children's lives. If you decided to stay try to find marriage counseling. 

Name: Serina S | Date: Dec 8th, 2006 2:13 AM
Alllllllllllllso they court will apiont you an attorny if you cannot afford one ...Well in the USA they do. 

Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Dec 10th, 2006 6:32 AM
If your husband is drinking all the time that isn't a good environment for any of you. Plus, if you do get a divorce and since your children are boys be prepared for them wanting to live with their dad later on in life. I'm guessing that your husband is around the same age as you which tells me his maturity level hasn't reach the point of full responsibility. You are the one, who is stepping up to the plate in being the responsible adult and your husband is still wanting to live in the social world---party all the time. You are in a tough spot. You have to ask yourself are you willing to wait for him to mature? Are you willing to work through this rocky road or just call it quits? However, if he's not giving you the respect you deserve now, chances are he's not going to give you any respect the longer your relationship goes on. If he tells you that he's going to find sex somewhere else, then tell him to go ahead but your home won't be opened to him when he gets back. Truthfully, he has to be willing to change on his own, you can't change him. Lay it out on the line for him, if he's looking for the single scene, he's going to lose his family that he stood in front of God and everyone else that he committed too. You have to let him know that his irresponsible behavior is not going to be tolerated. If your doing most of the hard work taking care of the children now, you will still be doing it until he realizes he needs to grow up. If he's unwilling to make the necessary changes needed, then perhaps you need to figure out a way to make it on your own. Start looking for a job, keep looking until you find one that will be able to support you and the kids. I will tell you, don't depend solely on him. If you do anything, do it for yourself and your children. You will make it, you just have to work hard at it. He will have to pay you child support but don't depend solely on just that---you will need an income. The sooner you get your foot in the door with a company, the sooner you can move your way up to a better life for you and the children. I don't mean to sound harsh but I, too, was married at 21. As I look back, it was mistake on my part which I'm reminded of it every day. I stayed married to the jerk for 12 years and things never changed, even though I thought I could change him. Now, I'm sorry I've wasted so many years of my life trying hard to make my ex work and think like me. Perhaps I was asking too much but responsibility is very important. My ex wasn't showing it then and still isn't now. Also, I will tell ya, being divorced isn't an easy thing either. My ex isn't happy and tries his hardest to make my life miserable. The sad thing is he's using the kids to manipulate. The only way my ex would ever leave me alone if he was happy in his own life but I don't forsee that happening anytime soon. So, you have to do what you strongly feel is right in your heart. I'm sorry if my advice hasn't helped you. It's going to be a struggle in the beginning but you will get through it with lots of determination to not let him get the best of you. 

Name: Courtwinner | Date: Dec 15th, 2006 7:02 AM
I have a information for you on how you can get him to sign divorce papers, be happy about it then the courts will nail him to the wall financially. Keep in mind alimony only last so long and short term marraige you will have to get him to agree on papers to get any at all, If you are able bodied to work you wont get alimony unless you set it up like I did my ex. you can email me at [email protected] 


Name: chris m | Date: Dec 19th, 2006 1:32 PM
You can be seperated for two years then you get a free divorce or you could try for legal aid, you need a good enough reason to file for divorce though. the solicitor may suggest you go to mediation first. Why not get someone to have the kids for a night and go away and just talk to each other. There must have been love there once. 

Name: chris m | Date: Dec 19th, 2006 1:35 PM
I do think you should try working at it dont give up easily. At least then you can say you tried. You are both young and having kids is enough to put pressure on anyone. Is there anyone who can support you by having the kids once a week so you have time alone. 

Name: what to do | Date: Aug 24th, 2008 7:49 PM
been married for ten long, hard years to an alcoholic i really want out. I'm just really scared to be alone again. 

Name: Chad Wells | Date: Sep 5th, 2008 12:29 PM
Your not looking at your part in it and just blaming him. You can only take care of the person you are. If your telling him he can't have sex then why should he stay with you, and why should you be with him if you don't like his drinking. My wife told me that just said sorry no more sex for you deal with it that's sort of wrong. What if he said to you no more sex and you must stay married to me for 15 more years until the kids turn 18. You need marriage counsel you both have issues of being selfish and self centered. 

Name: ann | Date: Sep 5th, 2008 1:32 PM
I was married to a jerk that told me he would "get some too" so I handed him $50 bucks and told him to head to Laredo that should get him 10 down there and he can pick his choice!!!! We were divorced within a month. Part of the probem may also be that you just gave birth only a few short months ago, and his drinking. You do not have to tolerate it!!! I made it just fine raising two on my own, and now I am remarried to a wonderful man!!! Life does get better. 

Name: 4mom | Date: Sep 10th, 2008 8:16 AM
Meet and Date Beautiful Single Parents. See photos, blog and forum, watch video, send messages and chat with thousands of hot Single Parents. What are you waitting for ? www.singleparentloving.com Just join. It's easy and safe ! 

Name: mina | Date: Oct 25th, 2008 2:45 AM
hi everybody 

Name: Linkim Robert | Date: Apr 6th, 2009 12:19 PM
Hello my name is Linkim Robert! i just wanna say am looking for any beautiful angel that alone and ready to go into relationship with me ...here is my mail address [email protected] i will be greatful to see your mail ..
thanks .. 

Name: jimmy | Date: Apr 7th, 2009 1:43 AM
ya the assistance is called YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY,, maybe he is not a good husband ,,but hey he is probaly the same age as you 21,right,,well my guess is he has never been maried before ,,so give him a break, tell him staight up " LOOK BUDDY I KNOW YOU WANT TO GO PARTY BUT HEY WE GOT MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS" if he doesnt listen then go stay with you family or friends for awhile,,give hime the bachelor life he wants ,,if he is a good father like you say,,then he wwill miss the kids and you ,,it may be hard on you but ,,I bet when you got married the preacher didnt say to you " this is gonna be the easiest thing in life to make work " did he now. Im not taking his side ,,just so you know but I am against your idea of a divorce,, If you guys said you loved each other and you chose to get married then you owe it to yourself to work hard and make your marriage work. No sex you also say,,well explain to him you are just having a bad day or you are tired ,,2 kids will do that to a person,, Or whatever the reason is that you have ,,be open to him and he might listen,,tell him you really could use his help with the kids instead of him going out dinking,,or tell him it would be nice to spend some time with him,, if he is still out parting or threatning to sleep around on you,,then ask him to go see a therapist , cant afford it ,,there is always a way to affford that if you really value the commitment you made to get married, being young like you are and newlyweds ,,ya its is gona be tough ,but really think about it ,,2 children that need there dad plus dont kid yourself are you really gonna be happy with out him in the long run, I m nnnot a therapist myself ,but I have gone through all this before ,,And everyother scenario out there. Dont jump the gun that is all iam saying 

Name: salman | Date: Oct 25th, 2009 10:31 AM
hi 

Name: maia | Date: Nov 28th, 2009 3:19 AM
I know how you feel. I think what most advice forgot to point out is that you dont know if you love him anymore. I have been feeling like this for the last year. But a big part of me thinks that I love my son soooooo much that Im willing to be with the dad even if I feel less love for him. I think if you were ready to leave you would be more prepared to go out into the world as a single parent. Sometime I feel sad to think if I left my husband that I would have to go on seeing my soon only 75% of the time. Good luck 

Name: Dr SHYNE | Date: Dec 4th, 2009 8:33 AM
write me on [email protected] i will tell you what and all you need to know 

Name: lavon | Date: May 10th, 2010 1:18 AM
Im married wife and i have divorce papers filled out for a uncontest or no fault divorce i dont have a job right now we have been sep for 2 1/2 3yrs neither of us can afford to pay court filing fee to file divorce papers is there any help or legal services in south carolina that would be able to help get this over ASAP we have NO kids bills property etc..together 

Name: janet | Date: May 25th, 2010 10:56 PM
Im trying to get divorced but i have a teenage son and daughter and i work part time, I left my house that i own because of emotional verbal abuse and husband has a alcohol and drug use and this has been going on for over 12 years, I need advise of how to handle this legal matter, in an inexpensive way..
Sincerely
Janet Gonzalez 

Name: river | Date: Jul 3rd, 2010 1:42 AM
hi 

Name: jennifer | Date: Sep 22nd, 2010 3:47 AM
i want a divorce help me 

Name: Tonya | Date: Nov 28th, 2010 2:41 AM
In was married for twelve years. I ask my ex husband to pay me weekly for our eleven year old daughter. Was I suppose to get more than child support? 

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