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Name: Stephanie
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Name: Kathy | Date: Jun 16th, 2008 3:17 AM
Stephanie,
I understand where you are coming from. However, I am much older than you and have been married over 20 years. My husband and I have successfully raised a family, but now we have nothing in common. I was a stay at home mom for many years. Now I am trying to reenter the workforce.

I am currently seeing a marriage counselor, alone, to work on my issues first before bringing my husband in. He doesn't see anything wrong with our relationship. Sometimes men view things differently.
Since most women are emotion driven, we take things personally, where as men are more analytical. Do you know anything about your husband's childhood? Was there affection between his parents? Did he receive any affection from his parents? These are issues we all bring into relationships that must be acknowledged.

I am in no position to tell you to leave your husband. And, no, you are not a bad person. We ALL feel the need to be loved and cherished. What you are desiring is what everyone needs. It is part of being human.

My husband and I have very little in common, too. He plays golf and loves football games. I hate golf and only go to football games to appease him. I would much rather be working with horses, which he detests.

If I had my life to do over, I would have done things differently. I married straight out of college and never lived on my own. I went from my father's house to a house with a husband. Not living on my own is my biggest regret. I would NEVER advise anyone to marry right out of school. Everyone needs the time to discover who they are and what they want before taking on the responsibility of a spouse. Once you have invested over 20 years in a relationship like I have, it is hard to walk away. My life is about 1/2 over. It is difficult for me to change things now. Loving and being loved is not something you have to struggle to achieve. It is a mutual commitment and will take both of you; if you are willing to continue. Don't quit until you have tried everything. Do you attend a church? My faith has been the one factor that has helped me keep it together. Life is hard, but God is good. We are all looking for acceptance for who we are.

Keep looking within yourself, you will find your answer.

Hey, at least your husband tells you he loves you. We just celebrated our anniversary and my husband never said he loved me. How's that for an anniversary celebration. 

Name: Michelle | Date: Jun 16th, 2008 9:19 PM
I found this discussion board in search for the same answers!! I'm only 22 years old and I have 2 children already, I had my first child very young, 15 yrs old and my second at 19. My husband is not a bad person but I feel like I dont really know him and I feel trapped. I dont believe to get divorced but I feel like I mad the decision too young and it's to much responsibility for me!! I dont know what to do, I feel horrible and I'm always upset, no matter what I do. Can anyone help?? 

Name: Duff | Date: Jun 17th, 2008 4:23 AM
The magic is gone. I've been married for 20 years and I totally understand how you feel. It seems that you are no longer seen by him as my wife doesn't see me. It's sad but I think as we get older, many marriages split in where each person wants to go. I would die to have a wife that loves to sit down with me for a half hour or so an evening and just spend some time together. I suppose it's taking each other for granted. I'm not sure. All I know is that if you are young, and you have the chance to find that someone that you can love you as much as they love being with you, then you should go for it. That is so hard to find though. Sounds like your husband has totally taken you for granted. He needs to wake up or loze you. You should follow your heart. If your husband isn't giving you what you need, then find someone that will while you have a chance. 

Name: Kathy | Date: Jun 19th, 2008 1:36 AM
This is for Duff.

It is comforting to know there are men in this world who would like to have a wife that would just sit and spend time with them. My husband very rarely ever sits down to talk to me, unless I have done something wrong; for instance, forget to write down an ATM withdrawal, or spend too much money on something I enjoy.

I have never asked for much from him, but he sees me as demanding and a complainer. It is viewed as complaining if I ask him
to help me to feel cherished and important. It is enough for him that I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I guess it is the intimacy issue of putting everything out on the table.

I am currently seeing a marriage counselor. She advised me to sit down and write out all of my thoughts, resentments, hurts, desires and wants from the relationship. My husband can either agree to help work on the marriage or not. If he chooses not to, then I am free to leave. I have done everything I can do to salvage our marriage. He is more concerned with financial matters than a solid marriage. I would trade all the material things I have just to be loved. To know someone is at home waiting for you, anxious to hear about your day and just desires to be near you is priceless.

The saying "money can buy you happiness" is bogus. Money can buy things, but a true loving relationship that is deep and meaningful cannot be bought. It is far more valuable than anything money can buy.

At this point in my life I am so afraid. I gave up a career to raise my family and now after 18 years I am trying to get a good job. It is so difficult and scary, but I have the confidence in my abilities to find what I want. The thought of being alone doesn't frighten me; I have been married over 20 years and felt alone most of the time then. It is finding a job which pays enough to keep me off the streets that is scary. Times are tough and there are so many people looking for work.

I hope that younger readers of this chat will take heed. Even if the marriage they are in is bad, they still have the time to work it out or get out. I cannot speak for someone with small children, that makes the decisions much tougher. I know that I stuck it out for 23 years because of my family. Now I have to figure out my next step.

I don't think my husband would miss me if I did leave. I have always felt like a financial burden since I quit work to stay home. To him, my leaving would probably be the best thing to happen to him. Then he wouldn't have to worry about me spending too much money. It is really sad when one feels they are only a burden. It makes life hard.

Duff, my best to you. Hopefully your wife will realize what she is missing. There are so many women out there dying to have their husband sit down and just be with them. She is very lucky. 

Name: lisasing | Date: Jun 19th, 2008 9:51 AM
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Name: JJ | Date: Aug 12th, 2008 12:55 AM
I feel youe pain ladies. I have three children and cannot leave my situation either. 


Name: mary | Date: Sep 11th, 2008 8:13 AM
if u are unhappy end it.i think it is wrong to have to ask 4 a hug!and here is a question.. when is the last time ye had sex or is it only special occasions or do u have 2 ask YOUR husband 4 sex. 2 me u r not a horrible person i have been married for 26 years and we have sex 2 or 3 times a week 

Name: samsonbetawi | Date: Sep 12th, 2008 4:39 PM
samsonbetawi 

Name: confused | Date: Sep 18th, 2008 2:18 AM
Hey - i am new to this chatting thing. i have been married only for 2 years and I am not happy in my marriage. if i were to be very honest, i have never been happy. i got married because i felt it was the "right" thing to do. i never wanted to get married! and now my husband (who has the maturity of a 10 year old) and i are pretty much living separate lives. we don't talk - i try to ask him about his work, but it is never reciprocated. i feel so alone right now, i think maybe i should just be alone. but then we've only been married for 2 years and i feel like i haven't given it enough time. any suggestions? i have never admitted my feelings to anyone because i am so afraid of failure. i couldn't imagine offering counseling - i feel like it would be admitting failure already. 

Name: Sarah | Date: Sep 20th, 2008 11:40 PM
I feel the same exact way. I want to be happy, and I just feel that my husband doesnt make me happy anymore. We have two kids though, and have been married for 8 years. I feel like I either have to sacrafice my happiness or divorce him. I am not in love with him anymore and I dont "feel it" either. 

Name: Isabel | Date: Sep 24th, 2008 11:24 AM
No you are not horrible. I am in the exact situation. DO you have children? I ask because I do, and it is the main reason I do not leave...they love him and I could never hurt my children by taking them away from their father. Also I fear that joint custody would just mess them up more (living in one home part of the time and then another) and it would kill me. If you do not have kids or it is not an issue...and financially you would be ok...my god, get out of the realtionship and start a new life. It is ok to be happy and to leave. 

Name: rene | Date: Sep 25th, 2008 7:27 AM
men 57 6 feets 180 pounds.horny man looking forhorny ladies 

Name: beths mom | Date: Oct 19th, 2008 2:12 PM
I hear ya. I don't want to be married, more for his sake than mine. I'm not attracted to him (though he is attractive and could find someone else). He thinks it's because "I'm going through something" and is waiting for me to get over it. Haven't had sex in 7 months because I DON'T WANT TO. My daughter (11) has some emotional problems and that is both of our biggest concern, how she would react to a separation. If it came down to it, I would stay for her, but as she gets older and into her "teen stuff" i think she would be less affected. 

Name: jen | Date: Oct 20th, 2008 7:52 AM
I m going through the same exact situation. But no one can make up your mind for you. If you are unhappy, you need to think about staying in the sit... that is making you unhappy or doing something about it. In my case I feel like a dog. I have been married for 20 years and my hubby isnt doing anything wrong as far as cheating and running around. But, he also tells me he loves me and I dont feel it anymore either. I dont want to have sex with him cuz it is not the same. I dont want him touching me. Dont want him looking at me. When I am at home we usually dont have any conversation besides watching wresling together,(how exciting). But anyway my decision was to leave and I left him everything. I paid my portion of the bills and left with the clothes on my back and MY vehicle. Whatever you decide it will work out, If you leave it is going to hurt like hell no matter what. 

Name: Marie | Date: Oct 24th, 2008 3:52 AM
Stephanie, you seem exteremely unhappy, that's the biggest clue. If you feel ready to get on with your life in a new and different direction you should definitely get out of this marriage. There is absolutely no sense staying in a situation where you feel sad alot. Maybe choosing to stay in the marriage is adding that extra stress that you certainly don't need. There is nothing that ties you two together is it should be easier to do. If you feel like you don't love him anymore ask yourself if you are still in love deep down. If your answer is "NO" get out and get you fast. If you are not sure about what you should do why don't you move out for a little while and see how it feels being separated.
I myself is in a very unhappy relationship but I have a daughter. I do want to leave but is still figuring things out.... 

Name: wilfred | Date: Oct 28th, 2008 3:30 AM
I'm getting ready to bail on this debt ridden miserable life of mine. I do have the great fortune of being loved by even those I have left. I wish to leave you with this thought stephanie; If the hugging is missing, so is the Love. Soon to be departed. Wilfred 

Name: voivod | Date: Oct 30th, 2008 7:15 PM
oh my god, i had to skip pages 2-3 of this pity party. you ladies decide you don't wanna be married, you just wanna toss your husband in the recycle bin??? your best reason/excuse: i'm just not happy anymore? you'll be unhappy the rest of your life unless you figure out why you're not happy. you'll just be unhappy WITHOUT this man, who, at worst, does not enjoy the things you enjoy. oh, by the way, what are those things? what are those thing you want to have in common with your dream man. if it ain't fishing tournaments, toys (boats, house, vars motorcycles, etc) what is it that YOU like. bet ya a buck the ol' man would find a way to be interested if you just COMMUNICATED that with him. but the best you can do to date is say "i'm just not happy anymore. we're more like friends than spouses." and you've apparently found validatiuon here, but not from me. i call bs. 

Name: elizabeth | Date: Nov 15th, 2008 5:00 PM
i have no reply bcause i can feel her pain. i need someone i can talk with before i go crazy 

Name: flfrank | Date: Nov 19th, 2008 9:57 PM
Stephanie,

Are you still out there?

I think you're the same Stephanie that I'm thinking of.

Hint: Imron Taxi

Call or email me 

Name: Michelle | Date: Nov 24th, 2008 11:32 PM
Stephanie, I know what you're saying, I feel this way too as I'm sure many of us do. Are there children in the relationship? If so, I'd try and see a counselor with or w/o him. If not, I'd probably see a counselor by myself to talk to an objective party. At least this way, you can have a plan and help work it out. Honestly, if I didn't have kids, I'd be gone. I love my husband but we are so different that I really believe we'd be happier with other partners that would suit us each better than we are together. Some things just don't work no matter how much we try! 

Name: Reality | Date: Nov 25th, 2008 8:35 AM

Name: Judy | Date: Dec 8th, 2008 12:15 AM
Stephanie, I beleive that if you are not happy then you should leave. Why stay in a marriage that you are not happy with? You have to do what is best for you to make yourself happy. If that means that you leave and start a new life then so be it. In the end, if you need more from life than you are getting from your husband then you should go for it. 

Name: Diane | Date: Dec 15th, 2008 12:40 PM
Diane, I felt like I was reading my story. In my humble opinion no one can tell you what choice to make. You are the only one who has to live with it. Believe it or not, the easy thing to do is stay. I'm recently separated from my husband having gone through exactly what you described. The more complicated part for me is that I have 2 amazing children who did not ask to be brought here. Therefore, I feel selfish every day for the decision to interrupt their lives so I can find happiness. I guess in the long run, I think we can all achieve it and that I don't necessarily have to sacrifice mine for a life time so they can have 2 parents in the same house.

Love is an important word here and so is prayer. Talk to God. Although I believe he does not like divorce, I'm also not positive that his ultimate answer is always to stay. I fasted for 21 days on nothing but water, prayed, cried and asked for some flicker of hope that things would get better. I guess on the one hand, you could say that I didn't truly have enough faith as I gave up on the "substance of things hoped for"; however, on the other, maybe this marriage wasn't ordained by God or maybe he has something to teach me and my husband through this process. I don't know. But I know he knows my heart. I will pray for you. I am you. 

Name: Angie B | Date: Dec 31st, 2008 2:48 AM
Life is too short and you have felt this way for five years already. I have recently come to the conclusion that I may not want to stay in my marriage . It is obvious that the warm feelings between you are gone. I think it is better to be lonely and alone than to be lonely in a relationship. That is more painful in the long run. Those anxious feelings are not to be ignored. They are telling what you need to do. Good luck and hang in there. Set some short and long term goals. Hold out for the guy who wants to cuddle in bed with you and shares some interests with you. Not to mention the attraction thing is important. We all need love and affection. Don't settle! 

Name: angieadeshina | Date: Jan 2nd, 2009 7:15 PM
SHUT UP AND WORK IT OUT.at some point feeling go away but remember why u married. plus God honors marriage. he never said it would'T BE HARD. stay and keep praying dont ever,ever give up because of the small stuff. 

Name: Torn | Date: Jan 8th, 2009 6:51 PM
I'm considering leaving my marriage after 18 years of practically no sex. Seriously - I don't think we've had sex 50 times. And we talk and talk and have always said we were going to work on it and it would get better, and it never did.

Telling people to shut up and work it out isn't always that easy. 

Name: candy | Date: Jan 9th, 2009 12:25 PM
Why say if your not happy your wasting your time and his 

Name: Maria | Date: Jan 19th, 2009 3:42 PM
I can understand how you feel. I'm 13 weeks pregnant with identical twins which is his first. I already have a 8 year old son whom he spends no time with let alone hardly speaks to. My husband will leave the house on a Sunday and stay gone until night fall, which is fine with me, but he doesn't even call to check on me to see how I'm doing. He told me once that I'm in good hands (meaning my son). I'm carring his babies not my sons babies. He's been getting smart with me lately and Saturday he moved away from me when I was trying to kiss him. There's plenty more, but I won't go into all of it. All I have to say is, you need to figure out if you truly love him or not and if you decide to leave him that you're not going to want him back. 

Name: Darcie | Date: Jan 30th, 2009 4:29 AM
Stephanie,
I am inspired by everything that you wrote. I was also married at 23 and am struggling with the issue of divorce. I have asked him for a spearation and to move out, and when I talked to my sister about it she said that I should accept him for who he is. Your words were so true to me because I also feel that I am wasting my life. I am only 32 and I sometimes feel like I am just getting through the day. I think that there will be some day that I will not feel an elephant sitting on my chest when I am driving home from work . I think that day will come when we are not together.
I appreciate your honesty and relate to your feelings and it wasn't until I read them that I finally felt like I wasn't alone.
I hope that you do not listen to Sonja, she sounds like a person who is looking for misery and company. Please do what you inspired me to do and celebrate your life and be good to yourself. 

Name: Jula | Date: Feb 9th, 2009 1:31 AM
I wish I had some advice, but I am in the same situation. I have a husband who is a great father and I really do care for him as a friend. But, I know that I am not in love with him like I once was and if I leave I feel like I will be the one who ruined our family. I feel trapped!! 

Name: Julia | Date: Feb 9th, 2009 1:34 AM
I wish I had some advice, but I am in the same situation. I have a husband who is a great father and I really do care for him as a friend. But, I know that I am not in love with him like I once was and if I leave I feel like I will be the one who ruined our family. I feel trapped!! 

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