| Name: Julia | Date: Feb 9th, 2009 1:34 AM |
| I wish I had some advice, but I am in the same situation. I have a husband who is a great father and I really do care for him as a friend. But, I know that I am not in love with him like I once was and if I leave I feel like I will be the one who ruined our family. I feel trapped!! ↑ |
| Name: Amber | Date: Feb 11th, 2009 4:50 AM |
| Stephanie, I don't think you should give up on pursing a life that is fullfilling. through my entire 20's I've been with my husband. I'm now turning 30 and wonder if I've thrown my life away. Why have I let so many years go by thinking that I wanted to break up with him and never have. Now I'm 30 and the dating pool is poopy. ↑ |
| Name: Toni | Date: Feb 12th, 2009 3:26 AM |
No one can tell you if you should leave or stay..... You don't mention children. I can speak from experience, once you don't share a bed or bedroom, you disconnect in a way that may never come back. As a women, I understand about wanting passion in your life. The decision is this..... do you really think it will ever change.... if you're honest with yourself and the answer is no.... then the decision is when are you ready to end the marriage and start living your life again. Do you really want to get to the end of your life and wish you would have lived more? I know I don't. I understand things more than you may know because of my situation and I find myself searching for those that can offer me some comfort until I feel strong enough to actually divorce and move on with my life.
Good Luck to you. Remember you do have a choice in the matter! ↑ |
| Name: Mr L | Date: Feb 20th, 2009 2:51 AM |
| You should end it. I am going the same thing and this is my 2nd marriage. My 1st marraige lasted 23 years but we only hung in until the kids were grown. I believe both times I got married for the wrong reason. You only have one life. When I was a boy, I remember telling my Dad, "Dad I only want to get married once and be happy forever" He replied. "I'd marry a hundred times, rather than be stuck with someone I don't like". I believe you have to like each other before you can love someone. If you aren't even friends hten move on. ↑ |
| It's ok to leave you're not happy why stay leave. ↑ |
| Name: iris | Date: Mar 30th, 2009 2:51 AM |
| It's ok to leave you're not happy why stay leave. ↑ |
| Name: Iris (again) | Date: Mar 30th, 2009 3:05 AM |
| Better yet don't listen to anyone, just listen to what your heart is saying. To leave an unhappy marraige does't make you a bad person at all. You don't want to grow old and look back and say I should have left along time ago. Why live you life unhappy. I would talk to your husband tell him how you feel, then take it from there you'll know what to do then. Again listen to your heart. ↑ |
| Name: sick and tired | Date: Apr 6th, 2009 1:52 AM |
| I have been married for 13 years. my husband and i did not have children together but we came into the relationship with children. i had 4 and he had 2. his two lived there mother in another state. two years into our marraige my husbands kidneys failed hea has been on dyalisis for 9 yrs. i am 40 he is 47 and sickness stole our sex life years ago. I have been faithful though it has been hard. i feel neglected and distant. he falls asleep all the time and it is like being in the house alone most of the time. ↑ |
| Name: jimmy | Date: Apr 9th, 2009 6:23 AM |
Shut up and work it out,, you say in your third sentance "i still love my husband" what is the problem,, talk it out,,,go see a therapist,,or whatever ,,,throw awy 10 years of history, because you have to ask to be hugged, come on really,, take it from ,, GUYS DO THINGS THE HARD WAY,, give him a good kick in the ass,,, rude awakening,, he will snap out of it,, just keep pushing the marriage ,,Why does everybody think marriage is not worth working hard for.
ANSWER ME THIS,, just try to understand this,, you sound smart you should have no problem sorting it out ,,,,, out of highschool you go to colledge to learn how to do you future job=( you date you boyfriend for however many years) you finally get that dream job that you have been studying for =(your boyfriend asks you to marry him) you work for ever going through all kinds of hell at work ,no promotion, bad pay, no coffe breaks ,no holidays ,what ever you dislike about your job after awhile of doing it=( you have disaggreements with your spouse or a fight ) you continue your job and work at it in hopes that you will get that promotion=( you fight because you love your spouse and hope things will change) well you get a smll raise after 10 years=(you and the spouse have a good week or 2 ) You get shafted at work for the next 30 years but you stick it out because you went to school and made a commitment ,so you deal with work and finally retire a angry pissed of old person with a crummy pension and no thanks from them at all,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, just think if you worked hard at your marriage for that long and were that dedicated ,,i bet the rewards would be much greater,,,, plus i am sure at your job interveiw thay boss didnt say " do you take this job for better or for worse, through sickness and health" you know what i am saying ,,,I hope you make the right choice here its pretty easy. ↑ |
| Name: jimmy | Date: Apr 9th, 2009 6:25 AM |
| i apologize fo my grammer and spelling,,,,,, i am typing in the dark here,, ↑ |
| Name: so what | Date: Apr 9th, 2009 7:23 PM |
| Yea this is freaky for me now,cos im going thru the exact same thing here,in fact my story has progressed further,I am divorced not bt my own doing ,but my husbands doing,and what is strange abt this page is that so many woman are saying the exact thing that i feel on a day to day basis.and the thing is,i find it really difficult to put everything into words.I am a muslim woman,became muslim at the age of 24 when i got married, we have 2 beautiful daughters together, one is 6 the other is 11, we are both teaching abroad and this is where all the drama happened. firstly i started losing weight,and my ex was happy abt it, prior to this i had been ver bery overweight(still am)lol, but in any case,my ex had always said, we dont suit each other,we dont look rite together,so i have always been doing the shopping ,entertaining the kids all alone ,every weekend , sometime not alone, cos even though i have always been fat ,i also have many good close friends who see through he fat to the real me . in any case, as the weight melted off, my ex became more and more possesive, to the point that he wanted to go shopping with me even, after 12 years of doing it on my own. I could not deal with the restrictions ,started going out weekend evenings with school friends and one morning when i cam ehome late again,he siad he divorces me 3 times .in our religion islam, this is allowed and you are subsequently divorced . For all the yhears we were married , I have always been the butt of fat jokes etc, i never thought anything of it honestly, until i saw for myself that i was capable of losing weight. people look at a person differently when you look *normal*lol and this raises your self esteem, that when i got the guts to cross swords with my ex, he never deserved me, and on top of that, he was always dissing me,never appreciated me. it is because of me that he is now able top travel the world, we have a weeks holiday, and he is off to a neighbouring country, ihav no problem with that at all, but just the way things are being dealt with irks me. of course i have an enormous amount of guilt swirling around in me, he loves his children, and they love him, and he an I get along and laugh still at times and then i wonder if i have made the right decision, especially for the children, but still he has a demanding nature, i have always been the one paying bills and buying food, he keeps his money for whatever he wants. We are still living in the same flat because of out situation as we still have to go finalise the divorec officially in our home country during the summer break , i could move out but i dont want to cause extra hassles. now he is threatening to keep the kids with him in our home country as i have signed to come back here. i could not live without my girls, they are ypoung and they need their mother. he does not understand this or will not admit to it and it makes the whole situation much more tense around the house. the fact that he has disrespected me for so long has killed any feeling i may have had fro him and now i feel as if there is nothing left for him inside my heart. i want to be free from him forever, and live my life like i want to my children. i realised just after he had divorced me that i hadnt vene bought new underwear for 3 to 4 years, how pathetic is that, all the money i earned went into paying household bills. one month i spent loads of money on my kids for clothes cos it was eid, he had money in his bank account, and he refused to give me money for food later in the month, i was forced to go and borrow money from 2 friends to get me through the month, that is not acceptable as far as im concerned and it will never be, he has always been like that and i had just reached the point of no return. many people say, oh u leaving an attractive man, he didnt cheat on u, he doesnt abuse you, why are you doing such a dumb thing, the truth is yeah he doesnt do that stuff, but just cos he doesnt do it and he does other also harmful stuff, doesnt make it right. i have gone through 12 years of my life thinking im a fat useless blob, and im not really, even though yeah fat is horrible i agree, but thats no reason to amke the person feel even more downtrodden. as my husband , i want a man who will support me and a\help me get through difficult situations instead of hurting me even more. i know now i deserve better and im leaving this marriage to get better nad even if i dont get anyone else in my life again, it will still be better than being quietly abused (albeit emotionally ) no person deserves that kind of treatment.i hope i dont sound lam eand like im looking for a reason to get out of this marriage, the bottom line is i dont love him anymore, and if i dont should i be expected to stay for the sake of the children?or am i being a selfish cow? ↑ |
| Name: danielle | Date: Apr 18th, 2009 1:47 AM |
| I don't want to be married and i have only been married for little over a year! I thought that he was the one but , I was wrong. I am not sure how i made such a huge mistake? I do love him but. I am no longer in love with him. He is 9 years older than me and we seemed to have lost interest in the same things......at first it seemed like we were meant for each other and know it's a jumbled mess! ↑ |
| Name: HipStar | Date: Apr 21st, 2009 12:57 AM |
Hi I wasn't quite sure where to post this but everyone seems so helpful here so hopefully it'll be ok... :)
I'm not actually married, but I have been with my partner for 5 years now. He is 44 and I am 27.
He is the most thoughtful, caring, supportive man on the planet, but after a decade of one relationship after the other since high school (obviously half that decade being spent with him), I have reached a point where I want to be alone. I can't stop thinking about it and I feel I cannot give him (or anyone) that further level of committment (marriage etc) without first having this time to myself.
I want to look after myself for once and not have someone doing it for me, I want to make decisions just for me, without having to consider how it will affect anyone else. Sounds selfish, but it's how I feel. I have never had that my entire adult life.
My feelings towards him are I love being with him more than anyone, I could kiss and cuddle him all day, but nothing more. I have no further sexual desire for him. Please help me, I am very scared :( ↑ |
| Name: cassandra | Date: Apr 22nd, 2009 8:55 PM |
| I can relate 100 % . Ive been good for 10 years .Taken for granted , emotionally and mentally attacked , raised two chldren Im finishing up on my masters, and have been pushed in another mans arms that adores me NOW the hubby is acting perfect because I'm over him . My hubby was just arrogant, selfish and thought I would always be there. My advise it active and do something other than mooping over his ass ! ↑ |
| Name: sleepy | Date: May 3rd, 2009 10:36 PM |
| i am sick of being my husband toy mate ↑ |
| Name: SETH | Date: May 16th, 2009 3:20 AM |
| Leave! Now before it's to late. I'm almost 30 and I should have left before we had kids, I keep hoping to wake up one morning to find it was all a bad dream. You're only going to get older and day by day the window is closing. If hes is not sleeping with you or doesn't want any sex then he is either gay or resents you, and finds you unattractive. I don't sleep with my wife, and if I do its with my clothing on. The few times we've had "middle of the night, sleepy sex", I felt bad the next day like I let myself down. Promised my self I would never do fat chicks (she used to be 118lb's, now she's at or above 200lb's). My advise is for you to to move on........for the both of you. Don't be so naive to think that wile on these fishing tournaments he's not banging other women. Trust me the urge to reproduce does not fade with time, my tired right hand and growing collection of porn can prove it. I know, I sound like an @$$hole, but in truth I am a realist that doesn't care any more. Good luck, and please wake me when it's over. ↑ |
| Name: Maria | Date: May 20th, 2009 4:16 AM |
| I have been sleeping in my own bed for the last three years and my husband and I don't have any sexual relationship. There is nothing between us, only arguments. I feel that the only thing that keeps us together is convenience. I make a good living as a teacher and my husband is self-employed that is another word he gives himself for doing absolutely nothing. The kids still live with us and we have this big home that we are always renovating. The whole thing is a trap but I don't know how to end it. I understand how you feel and my advise is: "Go when you still have yourself because the bitterness of a loveless marriage destroys you completely and pretty soon you don't even know who you are anymore. Go and save yourself! ↑ |
| Name: Maya | Date: May 31st, 2009 2:02 AM |
| I can totally relate to you. I have been married for two years and my marriage is a nightmare. I cannot stand my in-laws they have caused much trouble in my marriage. My husband is abusive and I have called the cops on him. He blames this on my brother since my brother told him next time he hits me I will call the cops on him. He has sent me to the hospital by throwing things at me. When we fight mostly over our parents he tells me really hurtful things like I am anti-social and that I cannot get along with anyone. I feel like I am getting a lot of emotional abuse from him. He has not hit me since I called the cops but he has anger problems and continues to throw things at me. I am afraid to leave my parents do not support me and think the world of him. My brother is far away so I feel like I don't have anyone. I feel like just disappearing for a while taking a trip to sort my feelings out. We have not kids. I cannot decide what to do. ↑ |
| Name: Joan | Date: Jun 3rd, 2009 6:29 AM |
| I too feel stuck with my hubby. I also was never on my own ever. Now, I'm really feeling it. We have 3 beautiful kids and yet, I'm not attractive to my husband and he is constantly smashing his own self esteem into the ground, you know a major turn on. I hate weak men. Now, he's trying to bring my self-esteem down by making snide comments. It would be one thing is he physically abused me, I would leave in a heartbeat, but we both tend to talk down to each other. I have recently touched base with an old hs flame and he too has 3 kids, but is also not in love with his wife. We both made mistakes by not calling each other back and we had hurt feelings for many years. We're both over it now and I told him I would never get married again, because it is just too hard. He also agreed and he is wanting to leave his wife. I have not cheated on my husband, nor do I plan to, but we're having our 10 year anniversary this year and i just feel nothing for him at all. I show no affection at all. I just wish that I hadn't allowed myself to jump into a relationship when I was younger and stay there for so long. I have started my own business and it's going great, so I do have my own thing that makes me happy and of course, my children make me extremely happy. I just wished I had a chance to be on my own and I never had that chance. ↑ |
| Name: monika | Date: Jun 5th, 2009 3:42 AM |
| Personally, I think that the feeling is either there or not. I'm kind of in the same boat, I love my husband, but we have nothing in common. And you sit there and wonder is this thing worth riding out or should I move on before I loose all my wits. Truthfully, who knows what the right thing to do is. Although, at least the bottom line for me is to make me happy. I know it sounds silly, but what else can you do. Ride the ride...really for how long? and how many people will have to suffer through that.....is it worth it? ↑ |
| Name: jake | Date: Jun 18th, 2009 10:23 PM |
| ive only been married less then a year and i already feel that way. its not that i dont love her, she is, as a person, amazing. it's more me just in general not wanting to be tied down. so, i can probably speak for your husband maybe since i can be the same way as him with my daily life(except sleeping in a different bed). If you brought it up to him he would probably act like he doesnt even though in his heart he knows its the best thing for the both of you ↑ |
| Name: Vernisha | Date: Jun 19th, 2009 2:30 AM |
| I know how you feel, I am actually going through the same exact thing right now, just everyday wondering how to make it through another year. I can't give much, I will give this; in everything you do there is a purpose, and you must follow your wisdom and heart. ↑ |
| Name: Mike | Date: Jun 23rd, 2009 10:05 PM |
| I have the same problem ↑ |
| Name: Vicki | Date: Jun 24th, 2009 10:04 PM |
| If he isn't sleeping in your bed ...that should tell you something! Emotionally disconnected. ↑ |
| Name: Marg | Date: Jun 28th, 2009 12:56 AM |
| I have read through all of your posts and can see that you really are sharing your feelings and giving your true responses so I guess that makes me comfortable sharing my dilemna. I dont think I want to be married anymore, we have 4 children the last three all under the age of 4. I met him as I was rebounding through a devastating divorce, we had a whirlwind lust, love, dramatic relationship on and off throughout the years then married. I knew when we got married it was a mistake and now I am in an unhealthy marriage. I feel like I walk on eggshells all the time. In my head I know it isnt healthy but I feel like I am stuck in the mud and cant make any moves - what is that really all about - why - cant I make a decision or move? ↑ |
| Name: sadhusband | Date: Jul 5th, 2009 3:26 AM |
| Name: jodi | Date: Jul 7th, 2009 1:42 AM |
i am in the same boat
my husband doesn't even notice me. it has been 20 years, i have no advice for you. i don't even know why i am commenting, i wish i could just walk out and into a new life or go have an afair. but i can't cheat, i don't have it in me. if you have no kids and can support yourself i say get out. ↑ |
| Name: Jake | Date: Aug 11th, 2009 8:57 PM |
I stumbled across this forum by accident but it is the EXACT thing i am facing. I have only been married for 2 yrs and dated my other for about 7yrs. Of the 2yrs 1 of the years has been decent. The other has been rocky. I have not been happy in over a year. My wife is set in her ways. Ways that I did not see while we were dating. AT ALL! I point them out and she points out a few of mine. I change and she does not. Well we have been arguing for the past week because I wont come out and tell her EXACTLY what is on my mind. I did last night. I told her i think we needed to separate and she just FLIPPED OUT! She is not 100% happy, im not, my parents see it so what is the purpose? Separation may be better than the D word so fast.
We first got engaged, I was RUSHED. Rushed bad and was given an ultimatum seems like. She agreed last night. We broke up and tried it again then it just seemed like it was the right thing to do. It is like i accepted it over all these years just to pacify her and not ME. Is that being selfish? I feel bad but then again I feel a little relieved that I finally came out and was being 100% honest with her in the long run. ↑ |
| Name: Vivian | Date: Aug 15th, 2009 2:30 AM |
| Satan, comes to kill, steal and destory, It's a spirit in the air, my husband is holding back on funds this week, he always would give me 200.00 per week toward the bills, know this week he held back the money, and didn't said anything to me, he also have been laid off for three months, the vow in marriages say for richer or poorer too death do us apart? it seem like out of all the men i have had they don't want to work, what's up with that, i just want to put him out, but on last week he gave my daughter's 200.00 dollar to go school shopping, so i am feeling bad if i asked him where is his share, what would you say or what whould you do? divorce is not always the answer accoding to the Bible. We married these men so we have to deal with there behavior. ↑ |
| Name: Tiffany | Date: Aug 26th, 2009 11:59 PM |
| Your not alone... I feel the same way about my husband. However, I have a little twist... My husband is a Momma's boy and only child. His mother tries to compete with me. She asks what I did to receive the gifts I do from my husband... I find that weird. Well maybe because she's been married 3 different times. But quite frankly, i'm tired of it. ↑ |
| Name: shining star | Date: Aug 29th, 2009 5:30 PM |
| I stumbled across this forum, looking for something else. I am relieved to find that I am not the only one fighting this battle. I cry a lot because of the unhappy state that I am in. My husband is not emotionally supportive at all, in fact he emotionally breaks down. Its like my very presence makes his life misereable. I sit and watch him laugh and joke with his friends, wishing that him and I could have the same type of converstions. I feel like am scrutinized for everything. I get yelled at for going out a night out of the week with my friends, I get yelled at because am up late and not in the bed, I get yelled at because I drive one car more than the other. I went with my husband this morning to our son's first football practice, and I am told that our son didnt do good because I was there. Whenver I'm around, then our son acts like "girl". So I told him I won't come to anymore practies then. My husband sat there laughed and joked with another mom, didn't say one word to me, and then when we get in the car all laughter and smiles are gone. I offered to cook breakfast once we got home, but was responded with, I'll make my own breakfast. We are always bickering . I feel trapped, I know if I leave, he will make life miserable, so I feel like I can't win! ↑ |
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