| Name: SweetT | Date: Jan 13th, 2011 5:06 PM |
| The blind leads the blind ↑ |
| Name: Andrew Hawkins Jr. | Date: Jan 16th, 2011 5:39 AM |
| I'm not going to stir you wrong .I my wife sleeps around .Not because of me .She never comes home ore lets me touch her . and we don't sleep in the same bed .When I ask her to come to bed she falls out with me.I want you to undertstand I SEEN my WIFE SUCKING ANOTHER MANS DICKON CELLPHONE TO HER AND FAMILY AND I DID NOTHING WRONG CALL [email protected]. It is very hard to forgeive but God has the last say. ↑ |
| Name: Katie | Date: Feb 1st, 2011 5:30 AM |
| I have the same problem only I told him that I want a divorce. He doesn't understand that I just don't want to be married. We are complete opposites. He's likes modern, I like victorian. He loves social activities, I would rather have a book and hot chocolate. He drinks, me not so much. He wants counseling so we are going to go and I feel like it's just throwing good, hard earned money away. I hope through counseling it will help him understand why. And no, you are not a horrible person. People change and noone should live a lie. ↑ |
| Name: todd | Date: Feb 3rd, 2011 8:21 PM |
| I think you have to be really sure before you do make a decision like that. Do you think you could see a professional about it. You need to prepare yourself for your decision to make sure you are ready, not him. Good luck ↑ |
| Name: Tamara | Date: Feb 9th, 2011 2:02 PM |
Stephanie-
I don't think any of this is "in your head" nor are you crazy. But, I tend to have a very strong intuition which is almost 95-98% accurate. I am of course wrong at times, however.
Upon reading your post, my intuition says that you're totally in your right mind wanting to leave this man. I sense that this man is being very passive aggressive towards you and your relationship and is subtly sabotaging it in a underhanded way. I believe that he's trying to make you feel guilty and responsible for the way the marriage is souring, when in fact it is he who is the one who is in fact growing ambivalent towards your relationship.
I have come to believe over the years that men are creatures of ACTIONS, not words, and the fact that he tells you he loves you, but then it's you who has to ASK him for any affection, tends to make me think that he's unconsciously (or perhaps even consciously) trying to placate you or hold you at bay, instead of truly being present and committing himself to a healthy relationship with you. It is not my intention to sound harsh or cruel, but if a man is really into a woman, he wants to physically share a bed with her, not make up some silly excuse about her tiny frame taking up too much space in bed.
Yelling at you for absurd things- just yelling at you in the first place IS abuse. It's mental and emotional. And, that kind of abuse can be just as damaging as punching you.
Psychically, I feel that he's too cowardly to leave you but he's trying to make you feel like something's wrong with you. Your not wanting to be in this marriage any more seems completely logical to me. And deep down I sense that this is the conclusion he's either secretly or unconsciously hoping you'll eventually come to.
Believe me: a man who wants to keep a marriage alive will do ANYTHING in his power to make that happen. Ever read the book, HE's JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU,? Or the movie ,even. When a man's into you, he'll do anything to be with you. And, if this man isn't then-- FINE good f-ing riddance. Because, you, beautiful and awesome lady: YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND ADORED AND TREATED WITH RESPECT. There are a thousand me out there who will do that for you. You should never settle for someone who doesn't.
I know we all want to honor the "Till death do us part…" vow. But, sometimes things change. Why should you suffer ten more years of misery when just around the corner will one day be a man that when you are together you are happy and so is he. You have a right to be happy. You have every right in the world -- and for that matter-- a DUTY to yourself to be in a relationship with someone that helps you be the best person you can be, not the most unhappy.
You don't have children. Phew! That's a plus, because they complicate a matter such as this. Stephanie: It's time to pack your bags and let go. One day you'll realize it's the best thing you ever did. Just wait and see. I promise you.
Tamara
check out my music: www.katzenmusic.com ↑ |
| Name: susan | Date: Feb 12th, 2011 3:52 AM |
| at 115 lbs. he is an ass, i am a 2 time survivior and hate that he will see my body, so i avoid him. i want to set him free, but don't know how. you can still love him but not be with him. set yourself free, and let him find Olive Oil ↑ |
| Name: Dianne | Date: Feb 24th, 2011 7:54 AM |
Dear Stephanie:
I stayed in a 'legal' 'marriage' for 32 years. We are both in our middle 60's now. Hindsite is 20/20 but I know now I was never inn love with him. I've known that for many years now but kept being in denial believing we could have companionship and have a good life without the 'oneness' that should be there in a true marriage. We in a sense used one another and NOW....we are stuck together - both miserable . It took the last 15 years of using many things to avoid looking at the real problem. We weren't suppose to be together in a marriage relationship. The guilt we both have is incredible. I don't know......I questioned for years what 'marriage' truly was. For years I stayed because I believed scripture stated we were suppose too.. - then for years I stayed telling myself at our age we could have companionship - .THEN A REVELATION...where in scripture did it tell us what constituted a 'marriage' in the eyes of the LORD. Certainly marriage as defined by the State, so to speak, doesn't necessarily mean a marriage in the LORDs estimation? We are living a lie and that lie has affected adversely every other area of our lives. Every time I'm out and someone brings up 'my husband' I cringe because it sickens me to even have anyone think of me as his wife. It's all such a LIE. Even I can't believe we stayed together all these years. We both used one another terribly and didn't truly realize it. I do now.
You and your husband need to talk completely openly and honestly..THEN both of you together speak with a Christian Therepist. Truly now...before making any decision I hope you will do this. THEN before you spend any more time TRYING....pray about it and after being completely honest with yourselves and one another if you both truly can't say you are in love with one another...DON'T STAY IN THE RELATIONSHIP AS A MARRIED COUPLE. It will destroy both of your lives to remain in something you may not be meant to be in? Truly. ↑ |
| Name: creek | Date: Feb 24th, 2011 10:58 AM |
| I have been married 29 years and am very unhappy. My husband cheated on me 16 years ago and I cant get over it. My life fell apart, everyone in town knew and I had a bit of a breakdown when it happened. Lost 20 lbs in 2 weeks. My son was 12 and it hurt him so bad. I stayed with him for some reason thinking it would get better but it has not. After all these years there are some things that time just cant fix. I want out. Have not worked in 29 years. Tried to find jobs but no luck. He makes good money. I know some women do stay married forever but I am not good at hiding how I feel and tell you what I think in a heartbeat. I think this marriage is going to end. See once you have hurt someone so much it just kills something in them that can not be fixed no matter how long or how hard you try. ↑ |
| Name: hopeless romantic | Date: Mar 6th, 2011 5:27 AM |
| I can understand how u feel. Have u spoken to ur husband about it? Ur not a horrible person sometimes it happens I have been married for 25 years and my husband and I have grown apart but I stay for 2 reasons.... money ( I was at home for 15 years) and my kids. ↑ |
| Name: just a guy | Date: Apr 3rd, 2011 7:00 AM |
| try a married mans perspective; if your husband REALLY loved you, you would be included in his life activities. most men do enjoy doing things with thier guy friends away from thier wives from time to time. BUT, a man that not only loves his wife, BUT is IN love with his wife, will do what he needs to do to be around his wife both physically and emotionally enough to keep thier relationship strong. i have been married 20 yrs. i love my wife, but im not in love with her anymore. she did nothing wrong. its just that we have grown apart, we have nothing in common anymore. there is plenty of guilt because i feel as though i have let her down, but you no what, i at least realize that if we stay together, the only thing that will be accomplished is that we will grow to really hate and/or resent one another. i would be happy for her if she eventually met someone who could give her the love,affection,connection she deserves. i want her to be happy the rest of her life. i know i dont feel good about not having a connection with my wife anymore, i feel lonely too. i deserve to be happy , loved, give love. do what YOU know in your heart is right. i hope this helps. ↑ |
| Name: Donna | Date: Apr 6th, 2011 5:44 PM |
| Hi my name is Donna and i am christian women i love my husband but i do not want to be with him anymore. i do not trust him thats why. and he shows me no love and when he dose then i fine out something that he shouldnt be doing. i told him that you dont love me if you loved me you would'nt do the things you do. so this is hard for me becuse God dose not like divorce, but you do have a right to divorce if your husband committs Adultrey, lust, or plesas himself instead of pleasing you. ↑ |
| Name: ma | Date: Apr 26th, 2011 11:05 AM |
| he's still your husband, no matter what, sometimes u need to experience that feelings, all u wanna do is to pray harder, i understand your feelings cz the same thing happened to me, but we never been married. me and my bf has been 3 years relationship, we really love each other and i thought we really are meant to be, but sometimes realtionship is going to be up and down, i felt that i dont love him anymore and we decide to have some space, after 3 months i got a bf again. when he knew about it he was so jealous and angry, he tried to court me again but i stop him knowing that i found new love. after 4 months i feel the same thing again with my second bf, cz i found out many differences with my ex. i decide to end up with bf, after 1 months im starting to miss my first bf, i open again my old number and send a message with him, my heart start to beat again deeply when he reply, then we met, after one week he invited me to come over to his home. i though everything will be ok again between us but i surprised when i told him that i stil love him and he said im sorry cz i might not be able to be with u again, that whole night i was just crying, i love him so much more than before. the next day i made a plan to talk again to him,, cz i promise my self not to give up i will take him to anyone, i was crying when i speak with him and he too,, and he said yes i still love u but i cant leave her. cz shes the one who helped me when u left. i planned to kill myself that nigth. i sent message to him that i will do suicide if he will not come, that night he came and we stay together. i know and i feel that he's just trying to make me happy though he dont want to have sex me me that night. i fell complete till the next day.cz i told him just stay with me short time then i will let him go, after a week, he told me to move on, i have my mom at kuwait and i told her that im ready to come with her. after 2 weeks i fly to kuwait. when i saw my mom for about 3 years my pain lessen. i still love him and i realized now that u really not feel the importance of one person till they are gone, ↑ |
| Name: Jc | Date: May 8th, 2011 1:04 PM |
| I'm in same situation just don't feel it I'm married 24 years fell tee to text me 6465786560 joey ↑ |
| Name: Tania | Date: May 15th, 2011 2:08 AM |
| I think you should leave him. Why bother with all this mind f**king. Just do it. ↑ |
| Name: mtgirl | Date: May 17th, 2011 4:39 AM |
| From experience with my marriage, I think he's cheating. He was always doing "other" things that he knew I wasn't interested in, and we slept in separate rooms, "because he felt bad that he snored" I found out he was cheating and guess what... stupidly, I stayed and have been stuck here for ten years after the fact. I still feel like it was yesterday. I have tried to make it work, but I can't anymore. I'm done with being unhappy. My advice is to just leave while you can because the deeper you get into it, the harder it is to leave. Good luck and kep us posted! ↑ |
| Name: Cathy | Date: Jun 2nd, 2011 3:29 AM |
If you don't love him anymore than It's o.k. to leave. Why waste your life with someone you're not campatible with? Another thing you could do is tell him exactly what you want and don't want. Tell him that you don't want to have to ask for affection and that you want to do things that you both like to do instead of him always going off and doing what he wants to do. Let him know that if it doesn't change than you will leave.
Good luck ↑ |
| Name: tv | Date: Jun 3rd, 2011 12:26 AM |
| To be honest, just get out of that and go have fun with your life instead of being forced to stay in the same house with someone who says they love you but can't even sleep in the same bed. How shameful of him to do that, guys are losers ;) you don't need a guy by your side, you just need a good companion. Go to spain, they serve beer there at burger king, even if you don't like beer who cares! lol have fun :) ↑ |
| Name: Herman Goodman | Date: Jun 3rd, 2011 2:34 PM |
| I know your feelings I'm in the same boat. ↑ |
| Name: Mithun George | Date: Jun 13th, 2011 5:16 PM |
Hey steph,
1) Never ever reveal your personal matters to any body.
2) Be on your own.
3) Think independently
4) All human beings in this world are not unique, all are different from each other so obviously the personality too.
5) To be precise no ones face matches others even though there is a saying of seven similar faces in this world.
6) Last but not in the least have patience.
Try to work it out or leave it without anybody's opinion.
[email protected]
my prayers for you ↑ |
| Name: Madison | Date: Jul 3rd, 2011 2:56 AM |
| Name: I understand | Date: Jul 17th, 2011 7:17 PM |
| N0 it dose'nt make you a horrible person, aleast you're being honest with your feelings. Maybe you husband feel the same way he just does'nt want to say it. There's a big difference in loving a person and being in love with a person. I would talk to him again and if nothing changes move on because life is way to short to seattle less then what you need and desire from any one ↑ |
| Name: sharon | Date: Jul 24th, 2011 5:51 AM |
I want out of my marriage also.We rarely have sex. 2 times this year and I'm just not attracted to him anymore. Talking to him is difficult. He just jumps in and changes the conversation to himself.
I have 4 young kids, I just don't want to damage them, and how do I financially leave? ↑ |
| Name: All-Done | Date: Jul 27th, 2011 6:41 PM |
I have been married for 24 years. Up until last year, I prided my marriage on having survived this long because we were both commited to making it work. We both grew together and never stopped growing together until just recently.
My husband is 12 years older than me and for the past 5 years, our sex life has gone completely downhill. He has erectile dysfunction. He compensated with toys, etc but after awhile, all I really want is human interaction - not some piece of plastic.
He went to see a specialist and the specialist put him on pills. They didn't work. They suggested a pump or surgery. He has done neither and we have not been intimate in many, many months. He wants to - but I don't want to because it isn't 'real'. I have lost my attraction for him. I look at him and I look at myself and I see that I am not the person that I thought I would be. I have always been active but with him and raising kids, I have lost my active lifestyle. I no longer kept in touch with friends. I feel secluded - just the way he wants me to feel.
I found out a few years back he was checking out women on the internet (porn). I was devastated. He promised it wouldn't happen again but it did and now I always see his eyes roaming whenever we are out in public. It irks the hell out of me. I have confronted him and he gets upset and an argument ensues.
I am still a very attractive woman and have maintained my weight & figure. My husband tells me I am beautiful, pretty but it falls on deaf ears. I don't think I am in love with him anymore. I am bored with him. I am bored with this marriage. We are self employed and all I feel we do is work, work, work. There is no fun. There is no extra cash to do anything with. I have asked him to join a gym with me, take dancing lessons, go for walks...anything - and he won't do it. I am alone. Depressed. And sometimes, I feel my only escape would be to kill myself. I don't know what to do. I love to hate him. I don't think I hate my husband, but I hate the life he has 'provided' me with. He relies on me for everything..to keep the business running, etc. I hate the business. I hate working with him. I want to be alone. He is no longer strict with the kids (teenagers). He lets them do what they want. I am the one to put my foot down and keep them in line, so I look like the bad guy. I just hate my life. I hate my marriage. And, I'm sure, I hate myself. ↑ |
| Name: k | Date: Jul 27th, 2011 9:55 PM |
| I am lonely even when my husband is here, he sleeps in a differant room, he dosen't talk, except when I have made dinner or he wants something; he is on the computer most of the time, and when he's not doing that he's watching tv, or goes out on his boat or motorcycle. Help! ↑ |
| Name: All-Done | Date: Jul 28th, 2011 4:51 AM |
| So why do we bother then? If we're not sharing our lives and only sharing the same house. What is the point in it all? What is the point in staying married. ↑ |
| Name: svetlana | Date: Jul 29th, 2011 2:35 AM |
| I understand completely. I think that if you aren't happy, then don't force yourself to be miserable. My husband and I have only been married a year but I am in the same situation. He rarely sleeps in the same bed as me and I can't even remember the last time we made love. Let's both get on with our lives and find some happiness! ↑ |
| Name: Tina | Date: Jul 31st, 2011 9:49 PM |
I totally understand! I have been married for 12 years and my husband works on the road, so is hardly home. Sometimes it is like we are room mates rather than husband and wife. He is always tired and I know what it feels like to beg for affection. I too am a very affectionate person and need that from a man. I also love giving affection, so when you have to initiate it or beg to be loved it is a very sad thing. I makes you feel like why? "Don't I deserve to be loved?" We all deserve to be loved and enjoy life to it's fullest. My parents were married for 44 years but were unhappy. My dad used us girls as his excuse to stay. Since my dads passing I realize life is way too short not to be happy!
My husband tells me he loves me too but I have dated quite a bit before marrying him and I know and can tell when a man is IN to you and when they are not. It hurts for my husband is more passive than aggressive, but you yearn for him to be aggressive and grab you and show you how much he loves you.
I feel men get too comfortable with us and feel they don't have to impress us anymore. It's also funny that they can tell us how to be and try and rationalize why they do things they do. But deep in our hearts we know the truth.
I am so sorry he told you you take up too much room in bed. That is very painful especially since you are a tiny gal. You deserve to be loved and have it all. It does exist we just need to either stay and accept it or change and choose a different path of life so we are happy. ↑ |
| Name: Dee Dee | Date: Aug 6th, 2011 1:39 AM |
Hi Stephanie,
Don't feel bad because I am so there with you although my circumstances are a little different. Children involved, although two are grown and one teenager but all kids are still home. Married 20 plus years but no longer attracted to him. He's not unattractive but we've just grown apart. He cheated on me over 10 years ago and at the time the kids were small so I made the decision to stay. He has tried over the years to make it up to me and I've tried to get over it but I could never forget. I think I could have gotten over the affair but at the time his attitude toward me was so repulsive (he acted like he could not stand me and probably couldn't) and my mind always flashes back that. At this point I have absolutely no interest in him. We have not slept in the same room for over two years now. He seems to be okay with that so long as I stay. Anyway, I just don't want to be married anymore and I'm not sure what direction to take. I'm tired of my mother telling me how crazy I am because I have a good husband. Last time I looked I was/am a good wife and a damn good mother. I'm not one of those women who have to be married or have a man in my life. At this point of my life (I'm in my 40's) I'm ready to live for me and enjoy me. Does that make me a bad person? ↑ |
| Name: Heather | Date: Aug 8th, 2011 2:07 AM |
| Hi, my name is Heather. I'm 15 and my parents are divorced. honestly, if you have kids i would highly suggest not getting divorced. parents think its easier on kids but it really just makes them miserable. ↑ |
| Name: Joliene | Date: Aug 9th, 2011 7:52 PM |
| Well, that post was from 2006 or so, but hopefully you aren't still married. Do not feel bad...your husband has left the marriage already emotionally (as evidenced by the fact that he doesn't show affection by hugging or sleeping with you and is trying to make YOU feel bad by telling you that you take up so much space he can't sleep with you---that is ridiculous!!!!), he just hasn't left physically. Please be the better person and end the marriage, you will both be much better off. I know you can't see it now, but there is something better waiting for you down the road. ↑ |
| Name: chell | Date: Aug 13th, 2011 5:30 AM |
| My opinion is to follow your gut.Always remember that the grass is not greener onj on on the other side and it will be hard if you do do decide to leave. Remeber this will be a man that you are putting out in the worlkd for other women to try and love and he will have a chip on his shoulder.He will be bitter and think that all women are out to hurt him and that will be all your fault for leaving a good man because you want more than what he has to give.He will be fine sooner or later and so will you. You have to make yourself happy for others to be happy. Misery loves company so quit making yourself and him miserable. Best of luck ↑ |
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