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Name: girli_bird
[ Original Post ]
My husband and I have been married 4 years and together 5. All but the first year we have fought so much. When I met him he was perfect I mean everything I wanted. Things moved so fast for us and we were moved in together within a few months and married within a year. We have had big problems with his ex in the beginning. She was always trying to get him in trouble or keeping the kids from us. (He has primary care giver of 2 of the kids and nothing of one because it isnít his bio kid) We have moved 4 times in the 5 years the first time was because we moved to a bigger house shortly after we got together, the second time we had to move because the owners sold the house, the third time was because there was black mold growing in our basement and we couldnít control it and the owners didnít want to do anything about it, the third was the owners wanted to sell it we had first choice but they wanted too much for it. So last year we finally bought a house (which is a relief) so we shouldnít have to keep moving. We pretty much get along with his ex and have for quite some time now. She does many things that upset me but it isnít big things. She comes over to use the internet a lot, sometimes even when I am not home she keeps the kids too late on school nights. But her and her family buys somethingís for my kid when the other kids come home with things. Money is always tight. So we fight about that all the time. I just graduated so we have been looking forward to that. Hoping that some relief on money issues will help with our relationship. I just donít know if itís too late. The relationship has gotten more physically abusive, along with the already verbal abusiveness. We tell each other all the time that we hate each other and want a divorce. There are so many things that he does that I hate. Such as talking to me like I am dumb or calling me lazy. He doesnít like me to go out and that is a big problem because I have started going out with some of my friends again. I go out later then he dose when he goes out but I behave much better. Not only according to him but to others. He just canít believe that I could go out and not act the way he does. I donít think there is anything wrong with me going out sometimes. I want so bad to believe that we donít get along because of things that we have been threw but I donít know if things can ever be the same again or anywhere close. I donít know how I could make it own my own I donít have any money saved up. We are well like in the community mostly because every one loves my husband, he is very out going and I am very very shy. I donít want to lose that because I donít want my daughter to be treated differently at school. I think the only way he is going to want to stay in this relationship is if I never go out and he gets to chose who I talk to( mostly just no guys but some girls to) However I donít think that will change the way he treats me . He always says this is the way I am if you donít like it there is the door. I gave up a lot to be with him, a job, nice clothes, and independence. I just donít feel like I am getting anything if return. Should I stop going out? Is it wrong? Should I stay in this relationship, and deal with the fact that things arenít ever perfect. Sorry this is so long I don't know what is usefull and what isn't. But I would like some help
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Name: patty | Date: Jul 1st, 2007 7:46 PM
A relationship that is physically abusive and verbally abusiveness is not going to last. Its one thing for a guy or a gal to go out infrequently with their friends and leave their spouse at home, but if it happens all the time you are already living the single life you just havn't signed the papers yet. 

Name: girli_bird | Date: Jul 1st, 2007 8:07 PM
I don't go out all the time about every other month at most once a month but that isn't all the time. before I didn't go out at all because I knew it would make him mad. 

Name: sophie | Date: Jul 3rd, 2007 1:12 AM
talk 2 him and his ex seperatley then have a meeting i meen talk 2 him about work and try figure out why he's so angry but most of all u want 2 figure out why the ex is so angry and try to show her that u r trying for her to like u but she gets bitchy tell her that and my advice is to TALK!!! 

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