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Name: Mskaitlynn(not logged in)
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Lory, first of all thank you soo much for the tips!
And the first suggestion you gave me was do I think it was more of the issues between my mom and him...NO! My dad basically has always been an a** to my mom and has never really been nice to her since she wouldn't take him back soo many times. Not only that but the second thing you said was if my dad treated ME badly when at his house? Not physically but mentally, I'm twelve and two years ago he started asking me when I was going to lose my extra weight. Yes, I do have a little extra weight (I think), but I thought it was disrespectful that he said that to his ten year old daughter. Another thing you said was do I honestly trust him after him denying me until I was five..NO!! I have never trusted him after he and my mother told me that...what makes it even worse was that he said my mom cheated on him when she was pregnant which is not true. I know this sounds like it's all between my parents, but it's not because I'm a HUGE MOMMY BABY! I'm really close with my mom and I feel that if he was stupid and harsh enough to cheat on my mom (which he did) and deny me until I was five then why should I give him my trust? Lory, he doesn't even pay in child support what he's supposed to. He's supposed to pay 800 and my mom only lowered it to 400 and he doesn't even pay that....not to mention the fact that he has a girlfriend and a baby with her....and he treats them like they hung the moon... Thankyou for all the advice and here are some answers to what you asked...thankyou if you write back...
-mskaitlynn ↓
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| Name: Lory | Date: Jul 12th, 2007 2:44 PM |
Hi mskaitlynn,
You imply that your Mom is someone your close to...talk to her. Tell her how your feeling. Does she know that you don't want to go to your dad's any longer? You seem like a very mature 12 yo to me. It's too bad you are feeling the way you are. I'm really sorry. And...he def shouldn't be harassing you about your weight....I'm sure you like fine. As far as child support...your Mom can go to Child Support Enforcement and have his wages attached so that it automatically comes out of his check. He should be helping your Mom out. But, it saddens me that you are stressing on those kinds of issues. Those issues should be between your parents. There's so much more I can say to you...but, you need to talk w/your Mom. Or...sit down and write your dad a letter about how you feel. Send it to him. He may not know that he offends you or disrespects you? And...if you just plain out don't want to go to his home any longer...tell them. Again..I'm sorry your having to go through these things...and I hope you come out of it soon. Best Wishes! ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Jul 12th, 2007 2:45 PM |
| is supposed to say...I'm sure you *look* fine... ↑ |
| Name: mskaitlynn | Date: Jul 13th, 2007 4:09 AM |
Lory
Umm..yea my mom knows because she basically said that she wasn't going to force me to go to his house. Well the only reason I'm kind of stressing over the money is because he spends more on his girlfriend and other child than he does me...and other than that, I have a little bro at my moms and she is now expecting my third sibling which kind of cuts our budget short. With the weight thing, I told my father the first time that it hurt and he still does it today. If you can offer any more advice that would be great. What saddens me as well is when you said it should be between my parents..my mom DOES try to keep me out of it, but my father keeps telling me all this crap about how I should me happy that I get the amount I do... He shouldn't start any crap by saying that because the last time he bought me an outfit was when I was six ↑ |
| Name: mskaitlynn | Date: Jul 13th, 2007 4:14 AM |
| oh and thankyou soo much for all the advice you had given me...ecspecially the part about writing a letter..I never thought of that before. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Jul 13th, 2007 2:48 PM |
Hi there again!
Hey, when I said it saddened me that you were stressing about the $ issues...I by no means meant to hurt you...I'm sorry. I just hate the thought of you stressing on those things b/c you should be hangin w/friends, your school work, etc. not worrying about those things before your time.
I know sometimes parents have a difficult time leaving the kids out of the middle. Sometimes they may not realize the position they put you in. If your dad brings it up again....just politely tell him to leave you out of it.
I'm sorry your Mom's having financial difficulties at this time. Can she get help from other places? There are alot of resources out there. Your Mom is doing the best I'm sure she can...sometimes the other parent doesn't realize or even care once they are divorced, or not together...which is soo sad. It takes 2 to make a family!! Hey, keep your chin up....life comes with ups & downs. Be strong for yourself and you'll make it through. It does get better. And...your welcome. And...even if you don't actually send the letter to your dad...write how your feeling down to him....it might make you feel a lil better to get the truth out. Have a good weekend. Lory
P.S. If your thinking he spends more on his other child...please don't look at it that way. It costs a heap to care for an infant...not to mention...that child didn't ask to be brought into the world. I know you may be thinking you got the short end of the stick....try not to look at it that way. Maybe you can look at the fact that your dad is NOW trying. Every little bit counts. ttyl ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Jul 13th, 2007 4:33 PM |
| Name: mskaitlynn | Date: Jul 13th, 2007 5:28 PM |
| Thankyou! What I mean when I say he spends more on the infant is she has stuff she doesn't even need for like two years. And when I was with my dad for the last two weeks whenever he got home for work he just said hi to me and then spent the rest of the night with my sister...don't you think that's a little screwed up? The thing is my dad is really cheap. He's never bought me school supplies and school clothes EVER! And with him spending more on the girlfriend. when my mom was with him, SHE was supposed to buy everything. Now his girlfriend doesn't have to lift a finger or buy ANYTHING! Not to mention she has said stuff about me. She said that when my mother had her baby that she is expecting now that her and my stepdad were going to push me to the side, which isn't true because they didn't do that with my lil bro. The screwed up part is that my dad did the same thing to me when they had my lil sis. When we're at the store and my dads girlfriend says she likes something, he'll tell her, oh ok throw it in the cart. If I say something like "Oh I really like that shirt", he says well, do you really need it? See what I mean? Thankyou for all the advice...but the truth is I NEVER want to see my dad again!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Jul 13th, 2007 11:30 PM |
Well mskaitlynn...obviously that is YOUR prerogotive. If I can be brutally honest here...not seeing him is not going to make you feel better. My bio dad did the same thing to me...and now he has done the same to his my dd (his grandaughter) kicked her right in the dirt!!! To which...I never want to see him again either and I'm 38 yrs. old. I can relate to you...that is why I was trying a little to encourage you to stick in there with it...b/c I'm stubborn and didn't! There's not a week that goes by that I don't think about or wish to see my bio dad. I'm sorry I could not help you more with this...perhaps you can find your answers elsewhere!
Good Luck to you...and Best Wishes! ↑ |
| Name: mskaitlynn | Date: Jul 14th, 2007 7:43 AM |
Thankyou Lory soo much...as I can see you have the same thing with you and when you were talking about having the child support coming out of his wages automatically, that's what we have but he recently went back and forth with three different jobs and did not continue to fix child support and tell them he had a new job, so my mother and I did not get a dime from him for like six months. And it gets under my skin that he tells me to call him but when I do, he's never there and NEVER replies to my voicemails. Before and still now I never call him and that's because (excuse my language) he always says that it's my damn responsibilty to call. Me and my mother both told him that it wasn't going to kill him to lift a finger, pick up the phone, and call me. I hate him for everything he has done to me. Like I have money at his house and there's like two hundred dollars that I have earned on my own and he doesn't even let me touch it. Although if I told my dad I didn't want to go to his house, he couldn't do anything because legally I am old enough to choose. I f***** hate him for EVERYTHING he thinks he's too good for to do something for me. My mother has told him that if he signs off his rights to me (sounds like a puppy or something...just signing them off) then he no longer has to pay child support..but my mother has also imformed him that if I decide to not go back then if he decides to go to court then his child support will go up..that's what it states in the court papers. Even though with our summer plan, it it now void and five years old. They say when the child is over the age of like ten or something like that then the plan goes void. So....he CANNOT do anything about it. I clearly do not want to go back so I guess if I seriously feel bad when I get older..maybe I'll just learn. Thankyou for all the tips though. Sorry if it seems I'm ignoring them though, because I am writing him a letter...thankyou..
Oh and what do you mean by saying MY DD? ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Jul 14th, 2007 2:47 PM |
DD=dearest daughter, darling daughter, etc.
My bio dad actually did sign over his rights when I was 2...to the man I call DAD! I'm sure it had to do with his "new" wifey. But...there's whole story there I don't really want to get into.
The bottom line here is...no. You should not have to go if you don't want to. But, I know once there is a court order...it stands until your the age of 18....here in my state it's 19. Unless someone goes to court to have it modified. I now understand why he's not paying on a regular basis...he's apparently not staying at his employment on a regular basis. That is these days how they get away with it...and it's very unfortunate to the physical custodial parent!! In fact it is bullsh**! There again..if he's a job hopper..not a whole lot anyone can do...I'm sorry!
I'm glad your writing him a letter....hopefully he gets the message and understands. Hang in there hun...things will be ok. ttyl ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Jul 18th, 2007 4:16 PM |
| I'm just wondering how your doing mskaitlynn?? ↑ |
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