|Name: autumn_leaves | Date: Oct 11th, 2007 4:00 PM
|This is something you both need to discuss together. Having a 3rd child will be more expensive and that gives you less money for the 2 boys u do have. U have to keep in mind that you may not have a daughter. I wanted one too, but I got two boys like you. I know you love them, and we all dream of a daughter, sometimes it just doesnt' happen. ↑
|Name: Joshua | Date: Oct 21st, 2007 6:54 PM
|Sorry Tara, my evenings aren't lonely. And I would never donate sperm, as there are overpopulation issues with the world today as it is.
I just marvel at the women saying they would divorce their man over not having another kid. They weren't looking for a partner till death, they were looking for a sperm donor, which doesn't say much about their virtues...
Also, don't pretend to know me. You just make yourself look like a dolt. ↑
|Name: I EMPATHIZE WITH YOU | Date: Oct 23rd, 2007 2:59 AM
|hI. I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION. yOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH. DON;T GIVE UP! ↑
|Name: Petite | Date: Oct 25th, 2007 3:40 PM
|Well, I know how you feel about wanting to have a daughter. I have a 5 yr old son and really want another baby, specifically, a daughter. My husband told me he wants to have more children, but not right now(even though I've waited long enough). The fact that he made that appt. behind your back was totally wrong. He should have talked to you first. Don't get angry w/ him. Maybe he feels he can manage 3 kids, being a boy or a girl. Maybe he felt you were on his case so much, that that's why he made that appt. And let's say, he agreed to have another baby, and it came out a boy. What then? Are you going to keep on having babies and more babies until you get a girl? I only have 1 child, and my hubby still wants to wait longer. How do you think I feel? But, I've learned to have patience w/ him. And I would like to have a daughter but if all I get is boys than so be it. Sometimes no matter what, you don't always get what you want and for the sake of your family and sons, try to be content w/ what you have. ↑
|Name: Petite | Date: Oct 25th, 2007 3:49 PM
|By the way, overwhelmed, you should really talk to him and tell him how you feel about wanting a daughter. Compromise w/ him. For ex. we could try for i more and if it's a boy, no more kids. 3 is more than enough. And if he doesn't want to try then I'm afraid you're just gonna have to accept it. It takes 2. He's already given you 2 beautiful sons. There are men who even give one child. Thank God for what you have and try to be happy cuz if not, you're gonna spend your whole life depressed about the fact that you never had a daughter. There are women who probably have girls and always wanted a boy, but never did. Believe it. You can't always have what you want. I'm sorry, but that's life. ↑
|Name: Analyzer | Date: Oct 28th, 2007 11:59 PM
|Your relationship with your husband should be your first priority, not your kids. Your kids will be miserable if your marriage is miserable. Maybe you think that the kids you want to have will meet the needs your marriage isn't meeting for you. Maybe they will...until they grow up. And you'll be left in a miserable marriage unless you stop to think about why you really need to have more kids. Focus of fixing your marriage problems, I say. ↑
|Name: Tina | Date: Oct 30th, 2007 4:16 AM
|Can u give the info about the specialist that's charging $3500
[email protected] ↑
|Name: Shannon | Date: Oct 31st, 2007 10:05 PM
No, nothing has changed. I am still wanting that 2nd baby and the husband still doesn't. I have tried to get over it and move forward but that is an incredibly hard thing to do. Some days are better than others and yes I still cry everyday. Sorry I can't help you or give you any hope.
To the people that say be thankful for what you have, I don't think anyone that has replied is not thankful for what they have. I know I am very thankful for my son and I do not want another child because he was not good enough. I to would love girl but I would love a boy just as much. When you and your future husband discussed how many kids you wanted before you get married and you both agreed to a number and then your husband decides later on his own with no regard to your feelings that he doesn't want anymore kids, you get an overwhelming feeling of rejection. Why am I not good enough to make another child with. Was I not a good enough mother to the first child. Does he not love me as much as he did when we both agreed to having two children. There are a lot of self doubt issues that need to be worked out. When my husband finally told me that he didn't want more children I felt as though I was grieving for a child I never had. Know I think a lot of the hurt comes from the fact that my husband doesn't care about my feelings at all.
What exactly is a dolt, or where you trying to spell idiot? I think you have some issues of your own or why else would you even be looking on a site like this. ↑
|Name: Alicia | Date: Nov 3rd, 2007 3:06 AM
|Men are pigs! He needs to respect your wishes and be happy with what you want. You gave him two sons, he should atleast be happy to try to give you a daughter! ↑
|Name: step-mom | Date: Nov 4th, 2007 2:39 AM
|I have a 12 year old boy that I had when I was only 18 years old. I met my husband who had 2 girls 12, 6 from a previous relationship. Once we married we had a child together who is now 3. From my husbands point of view he has 4 children. From my point of view, I have two children that are 9 years apart. I always dreamed of having a large family so I love the 4 kids when they are all together. But his girls are not my children, they have a great mom. I would just love to have 1 more that is ours. My husband does not want any more children. He has made an appointment for a vasectomy 3 times, that I have canceled 3 times. I don't want to have regrets for the rest of my life, and I am already becoming resentful. I love this man, and if he love me.. then why is another child such a big deal!?! ↑
|Name: Joshua | Date: Nov 4th, 2007 4:42 PM
|Shannon, a dolt is a moron, idiot, fool, a woman that wants to keep pumping out kids just because she is capable of doing so.
As to why I found this site, I was looking up ways to deal with a woman that thinks kids are the ultimate purpose in life.
Quite frankly, if we have them, it will be to shut her up..... ↑
|Name: mom of 3 | Date: Nov 6th, 2007 1:52 AM
|Kids are the ultimate purpose in life. The reason we are all here is to have kids so they can have kids. Reproduction. Evolution. Did you think you were put on this planet to watch TV? ↑
|Name: dana | Date: Nov 7th, 2007 9:42 AM
|Name: dana | Date: Nov 7th, 2007 9:45 AM
|Name: Petite | Date: Nov 7th, 2007 5:54 PM
If a woman thinks that kids are her ultimate purpose in life, who are you to tell her it's not. Everybody has their own goals in life. Someone might want to be a doctor, and go to school forever to become one. Someone might want to have more kids to enjoy life w/ family. If kids weren't being born, who would these doctors be examing. Kids become adults. I'm not saying that a woman should go on having and having kids just to have them.
Everyone knows if they're capable of taking care of so many kids, financially, emotionally, mentally. I love kids. I have a 5yr old son and I want only 1 or 2 more. I don't want to have a whole class. Have you seen the show called, 'Kids by the dozen'? The couple has 13 children, going on 14. I personally would not like to or be able to have that many kids, but they seem like such a happy family. Of course they have their problems, but their united. Plus, they can handle it. More props to them. So, if a woman's ultimate goal in life is to have kids so be it. ↑
|Name: Petite | Date: Nov 9th, 2007 4:32 PM
You did say 'THE' ultimate purpose, not 'HER' ultimate purpose, but you were DIRECTING it towards the women who do want that. Also, there's no need for profanity, bro. If that's the way you speak to your spouse/partner, then you need some growing up to do.
You're right, nobody is really gonna care (besides loved ones), that you're ashes/skeleton, but the POINT is not if it matters w/ time, but to live and enjoy the present. And the present means, wanting to have and raise children.
By the way, are you an only child? ↑
|Name: Petite | Date: Nov 14th, 2007 4:56 AM
|You're right, I don't know you. That's why I asked you those questions. Plus, I'm responding based on what you wrote, and it gives me somewhat of an idea as to how you think.
That's what I'M telling YOU. If your mother didn't want to have kids cuz she found them annoying, not appealing, you wouldn't be here.
And I'm not even going to get in the topic of abortions, cuz I am totally against them, unless, the mother's life is seriously in endangered.
About your comment on waiting to be born: if your mother had an abortion, the next baby wouldn't have been you, it would have been another, so you never would have been born at all.
What is the other perspective you've seen? ↑
|Name: Sarah-Jane | Date: Nov 15th, 2007 9:39 PM
|Hi, I think everyone here needs to put their marriages first and children second. You dont have a covenant with your children, but you do with your spouse. You get married first, then children come later. Children are the icing on the cake, not the cake.
My husband and i are not able to have children. I am 23 yrs old and have dreamed about having children all my life, i never ever dreamed we would not be able to but that is how it is with life.
I would be so grateful for just one child, no matter the sex and so should you be.
If I never have children, then my life will still be complete because I married my husband in order to have a life with HIM because i LOVE HIM.
Children grow up and leave, they may keep in contact, sure, but they grow up and have their own lives, get married and have their own familes. We do not own our children, we simply have the priveledge of raising them and releasing them into the world.
Children and our desire for children should never never never come before our husbands or wives. ↑
|Name: Joshua | Date: Nov 16th, 2007 2:05 AM
|No Sarah-Jane. That isn't how it works. If you have two kids already and your husband won't give you a third, a seventh or twelfth, you divorce him and find a "husband" who will.
Apparently thats what some of these women are implying. "I married this guy, who was my supposed soulmate, had two children with him and he won't give me a third, im gonna leave and look for another "husband".
I will leave how they look to the masses.
White trash. ↑
|Name: OnMyWayOut | Date: Nov 17th, 2007 4:04 AM
|What's with all the profanity? ↑
|Name: Petite | Date: Nov 17th, 2007 7:18 AM
|I personally would not leave my husband just cuz he didn't want to give me another child. I desire to have more, but hell no, I won't leave him. Wr already have a beautiful son.
Joshua: You better not be including be in your sarcastic response. Not all women are willing to leave their hubbys just cuz they won't give them kids.
You're ina different situation. You said you and your husband aren't able to have kids. That changes things.Cuz me and my husband have always said that if we can't physically have kids, we might consider adoption.
It's one thing when you truly can't have kids and it's another when you can, but your husband doesn't want to.
I'm already a mom to a 5 yr old and he comes before my husband. I love them w/ all my heart but in the end children come first (if you already have any). God forbid, I get divorced. Then my husband will no longer be my husband, but my son will always be my son.
I don't suggest you leave your hubby at all. But you can always adopt.
To Joshua: Who are you calling white trash? ↑
|Name: Joshua | Date: Nov 18th, 2007 9:08 AM
Im not calling you white trash. I am calling some of those women above who have a couple kids and want another and are thinking about divorce white trash. That's the kind of thing that belongs on the Jerry Springer show.
They have no credibility, and people take them about as seriously as they took their wedding vows........which means they are a joke.... ↑
|Name: WannaBePreggers | Date: Nov 21st, 2007 5:32 PM
|I have 2 girls and want another child, whether it is a boy or a girl.
I have been wanting another child for a year.
My youngest is now 2 1/2 and if I were to get pregnant right now, they would be over 3 years apart while the first two are only 2 years apart.
I used to want 4 kids but realized I didn't want that many after I realized how long a pregnancy can be and how hard the first few years can be with a baby.
My husband has decided for the both of us that we will not be having anymore.
I am rational enough to know how lucky we are to have the two that we have but I feel as though our family isn't complete.
Now, I can't get over the hurt I feel that my husband has made this decision for us and he has not even considered my feelings. I am resentful and feel that he is being selfish.
Why should I have to move on and forget it? If I were done and he wasn't, I would just point blank tell him no. I would at least hear him out and consider it.
My resentment is festering. ↑
|Name: michelle | Date: Dec 1st, 2007 1:03 PM
|I completely understand, I fell pregnant last year in May when this happened my husband said that the decision was all mines and whatever decision I made he would support, I now have an 9 month old baby who has not been 100% well since he was born, this has made life very difficult as he does not sleep well at all. My husband has now decided that I should never gone ahead with the pregnancy, a bit pointless now after all my little one is 9 months old!!!! I have two older children who listen to their dad having outbursts of rage at 3,4, 5 am because he cant get back to sleep!!! I have had enough and am looking for a place of my own, its his child too and if he dosent care for him then whats the point in going on with our marriage, I know it seems sad but he does not listen to me and has never really wanted children, he would rather have a very boring life sitting in front on the TV watching football, drinking beer & smoking, I've had enough he's an arse!!!!!!!! ↑
|Name: frank | Date: Dec 13th, 2007 5:38 PM
|What will you do if you gedt another boy, keep trying for that girl afcter 5 more boys ↑
|Name: Disappointed | Date: Dec 14th, 2007 7:19 PM
|I am floored to see so many posts of symptoms 180 degrees opposite of mine. I am a male in the late 30s married for the past 16 years. We have a beautiful child, 8 years old. My wife did not want to have any more children (we did not plan the first one either) and I have always wanted a sibling to my daughter. As our luck would have it, found out earlier this week that she is pregnant again, thanks to a wardrobe malfunction. What should have been a joyous occasion turned sour as soon as I heard her utter the words "It was an accident and let us treat it as such. I don't want to have another child." We will be carrying out the "treating the accident" tomorrow. Just because I am supportive of her doesn't mean that I agree with her decision. Is it common to have such a feeling? I wish a miracle happens between now and the next 24 hours, but highly doubt it will. She has gone through recent medical issues over the past 2 years which required surgeries and such, but for the most part she has had a clean bill of health for the past year. She feels otherwise that having this baby will probably cause her health to deteriorate further. I suggested going back the surgeon to find out if she is physically up to having a baby but she has flat out rejected the idea - It is my body, I know what I can and cannot go through. ↑
|Name: swallowed up | Date: Jan 15th, 2008 1:35 AM
|Wow, I am so glad to see that I am not alone out there. We have two great kids. When our youngest was about 4, I realized that if we wanted more kids, we better do it soon.
I brought it up, my husband's response was that he would consider it if things were different, money-wise, if he had a piece of land to raise them on, like he had growing up.
It becomes such an obsession, I think that is what men like Joshua are looking to understand. I don't understand it myself, but it just swallows you up.
Over the next few years, I think that he thought I forgot about the 3rd child thing, while I was looking for ways to increase my income and get him the "piece of land" that he wanted to raise our kids on.
This drove me so hard to meet his needs, that I now make a 6 figure income, and we own a 3300sq ft, 5 bedroom house on over 30 acres of land. Sometimes I laugh because if he told me that I would need to find a way to cure cancer to have more kids...I wonder if I could have found the cure! But when I brought up the subject of more kids again, he told me "why don't you just put a gun to my head." I was crushed. I worked so hard to get where we were, and now, he doesn't want anything to do with more kids. It gives you such a distraught (spelling?) feeling, it is unexplainable. I have never had depression or any negative feelings in my life. People always make fun of my optimizism. But his decision hurt me so bad. I was so hurt and so sad, I felt like someone was ripping my insides out.
I did find a way to subdue the feelings, I went back to college and took 17 credits in one semester, 15 in the next. I have a 4.0 GPA. I was so exhausted because I was still working full time and juggling the kids, and my classes. But it felt so good to get the relief of having those feelings of wanting more kids gone for a bit.
I did soon realize that I was doing too much, as soon as I stopped the classes, the feelings came right back. I remember I had to take down from around the house, all the photos of the kids from when they were little. To see those pictures just killed me inside. I know insane that this sounds, but it made me feel better for a little bit.
I am writing this for two reasons: One to try to help men like Joshua understand a little that we are not trying to be selfish, we are not trying to hurt the men we love. We get these feelings and there is nothing ,that I have found yet, to make them go away. If there was a pill that would stop these feelings, I would gladly take it for my husband in a second. I would love to be able to get on with my life and start planning more for my husband and my future with him. But he doesn't understand that these feelings swallow you up. Like someone said in a post, they felt like they were greiving for a lost child. It is the best way to describe it that I found yet. You feel like your entire world is being destroyed. I feel at times that I am possessed. I am a smart female that can find the solution to any problem, I am always optimistic. But when it comes to this one topic, I can't let it go. It just isn't possible.
The second reason I am writitng this, is to let the women out there know that it doesn't go away. It is know 8 years later, my youngest just turned 12. I brought it up again to my husband, this happens about once a year. He is almost 40, I am almost 35 now. I realize that to start over with a new little one is insane, but I think that I will still be bringing this up when I am 45. My husband got very upset, again. He said that he gives up, after 8 years, he finally gives up. He said that he would give me another one, if that is what I want, since I am apparently not ever going to let it go.
Now I don't know what to do. I want another one so bad, I think about it all the time, but I know that he really doesn't. In another 6 years our youngest will be off to college and we would be able to move on to a point in our lives to travel and enjoy each other again. I will be only 40, he will be 46. We are on track to be able to retire in our early 50s. By the way, I make 3 times what he does for income. Remember, that's what he wanted years ago to have more kids.
Every rational way of looking at this says that I am crazy. But I just have this huge hole and I am scared that it will always be there.
I can finally get what I want, but I am not sure that I can do it him. I don't know what to do, but perhaps I have helped someone to understand their own situation a bit more...Good luck to all of you. ↑
|Name: Rita Street | Date: Jan 15th, 2008 8:17 AM
|I want a baby so badly. I am 44 years old so I know I don't have much time. I am a successful and respected woman in animation. My new husband has two children from another marriage in their teens. He is only 47 and raised his children half the week by himself. He doesn't really work and is a super great dad.. But he said he doesnt want any more children and I told him I didn't but I do. And the more I am with him and his children the more I want a child of my own that is ours. How can I make him understand.. ↑
|Name: Kelley | Date: Jan 19th, 2008 11:39 PM
|I do not think that you are being selfish at all. I think you and your husband should have a real true heart-to-heart. If he really cares about you and your feelings and desires, he will postpone the "appointment". Ask him how he would feel afterward. He will have permanently dissappointed you in one foul swoop. There will always be the question, "what if" and "maybe one day", etc. I don't think he would like to carry that burden for the rest of your lives. My husband and I are the opposite. I was finished after our 2 boys, even though I wanted a girl so badly! My mom and I have a great relationship too. She's my best friend even though we went through a rocky adolescence. Anyway, my husband hounded me and hounded me, until I did get pregnant again. After the initial shock and dissappointment I ended up enjoying every minute of it. I ended up having another boy, but he has been such a blessing and I often think about how I didn't want another one. Now, I wonder how I went about life without him. My three sons are the greatest gifts ever! I did decide to have a tubal months after Noah's birth because of the difficult pregnancies I have. I also don't think I'm the patient type of person that could handle 4 boys!!! (My husbands side of the family seems to produce only boys!) Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, good communication and an open mind and heart will surely be key to getting your husband to at least entertain your thoughts and desires. He might rather bring a wonderful bundle of joy into the world, regardless of sex and quantity, again as opposed to upsetting and dissappointing his wife indefinitely. And after all, children are the glue that holds a marriage together. At least while they are young. I have boys ages 2, 4, and 6, so I cannot comment on anyone with older youngsters. Well, I hope this was helpful. Good luck to you and your family! Love, Kelley ↑
|Name: Maria | Date: Jan 25th, 2008 12:39 AM
|I don't think anyone should trivialise anyones feeling in these emotional matters. I have 3 children and want only one more. I just think it would balance our family better. My husband does not want anymore. I feel for both of us and don't feel that either of us should be forced to do something we don't want to do. Unfortunately I am the powerless one in the situation and I guess I will have to accept his wishes but don't know how to start doing this. I am so worried the resentment will be problemaatic in our marriage. Don't get me wrong I feel blessed that I have such a loving family, but what if this issue does not go away???? My children are 6, 3 and 12 months. Just to make matters worse I have seen many close friend talk their husbands into more children and it all turn out ok for the family. If anyone has worked through these issues successfully I would love to know. ↑
|Name: mahmoud | Date: Feb 5th, 2008 5:12 AM