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Name: Tammie | Date: Apr 21st, 2010 11:27 AM
First let me say that I hope God is in all of these decisions , before they were made and I also feel like most of the men in the picture, i feel we dont need another baby , because I have a 9 yrs old son, not by him , we have 6yrs and 3yrs daugthers. My husband and i agreed not to have anymore. My son's father is in the picture again and i feel my husband like he's takin his son away, now he wants a son of his own.I feel its not fair to me after we made that agreement together. I read all of the statements and neither on of us are fix, but its been 3 yrs and i on my way back to school finish up my degree in nursing and he feels that i should give him a son. I feel like i am been cheatted outof my dreams and what i need to do to help better our marriage. We just time for ourselves and put the little in school. she is out of diapers and such a big girl now, maybe i am being selfish a little , but i like the freedom of not having a baby .i like to be alone with him in the morning , because we both work at night and i get to go when i pleased . then i find a sitter for three big kids then a small baby . Not to menton my son has ADHD and our middle child has heart problems , got to be tested twice a year , i just can relate with the men. 

Name: Mandsy | Date: May 6th, 2010 5:49 PM
When I met my husband, I told him that I wanted to have 5 children; he wanted to have 1 or 2. In 2002, we had our first, a beautiful baby girl after a difficult pregnancy for me (hormone shots to stay pregnant). 3 1/2 years later, after a perfect, eventless pregnancy, we welcomed our perfect little man into the world. What should have been a time of joy quickly turned to sadness when my husbands father died of lung cancer 16 days after our sons birth. I still do not know the resoning behind the spontinaeity of the decision, but my husband had a vasectomy done exactly 14 days after his fathers death, and one month after the birth of our son. I asked him not to as I wanted more children but he had it done anyways. Well, after years of crying and begging, my husband agreed to have a vasectomy reversal performed, (4 years post vasectomy) and in September of 2009, we had the vas reversal done. It is now 7 months post vas reversal, and I am still not pregnant. I know the statistics and averages, but the biggest issue I am having is my depression and grief every month, while everyone, my husband included tells me that I need to just relax and it will happen. When I am in the deepest hole of my sadness, I ask my husband, what now, and his response is always, what do you mean, I said I would have it done and if it doesn't work then you'll just have to get over it. I can't accept that I will not have another child. I do not want to live in a world where I can't have more children. I hate my husband and resent him because he is the one who has taken away my ability to be a woman and have children in this relationship. And I hate it when people say, think of the two that you already have, and be grateful for them. This has nothing to do with them, it has to do with me being told that I have get over it and live in a world that I don't want to live in, in a reality that I did not choose for myself. I do not want to leave my husband and break up our family because I do love him, but the resentment and feelings of hate creep in and I just want to run away! I can't function, I am always crying, and it is made worse by the fact that I swear to God the Universe is constantly flipping me the bird and laughing at me!! I cannot leave my house without being reminded of my own inability to concieve...people walking babies, pregnant women, baby carriers. I wish somebody would just tell me something good, because I don't even see the point any more..... 

Name: dafs | Date: May 19th, 2010 11:02 PM
dafs 

Name: LB | Date: May 20th, 2010 11:16 PM
Hi,
I am in a similar situation, Mandsy. My husband had a vasectomy - but it was my idea at the time. I've regretted asking him to do it ever since. I was exhausted during my 3rd pregnancy - with a 2 little kids running around I thought that was going to be it for us and babies. However, when my youngest was around 3 I really started regretting the decision of the vasectomy cause I really wanted another baby. Fast forward 5 years - I am now 45 with 3 great kids who are 14, 12 & 8. I am desperate to have another baby. My husband has been stringing me along for the last 5 years saying we would either adopt or have the vasectomy reversed but it was never the right time. Business was bad, there wasn't any money. Now business is great and financially we are in great shape - but he is adamantly AGAINST having a reversal now (he says I'm too old) and will only adopt if the child is older (between 5-10 years old). I'm really upset with him - I've supported him in all of his endeavours but he won't accept my dream of another child. 

Name: GR 1220 | Date: May 31st, 2010 2:15 AM
I am overwhelmed by these posts. I have a 6 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. My daughter,Olivia, had an identical twin and because of twin to twin tranfusion syndrome were born early, 27 weeks and 1 pound each. Tavanna didnt make it. She lived for 1 month. Since this horrific experience I despeatly pray for another baby. My husband is not intrested at all!! I hear you say you feel selfish, but what about him?? Should life always be about what makes on person happy? I say this Marriage is like a box you can't take something out until you put something in. I am constantly putting in and not taking out. My husband is the opposite, so why should my life be soley based on HIS wants, needs and desires. I am begining to think that marriage is a hoax for women. we are always catering to our men only for them to dictate our future and if things happen to not go their way then they want a divorce]] BS! 

Name: Emmy222 | Date: Jun 1st, 2010 4:32 PM
My boyfriend and I were good friends before we started dating. He has four kids (three with his ex and one that he found out about last year when she was six). His fifth is a boy that his ex wife got pregnant with while he was deployed but he raises him like his own. When we were just friends I told him I wanted more children and he said that he had a vasectomy but regretted it and wanted atleast one more. Well needless to say our relationship grew into more than a friendship but right after that I was diagnosed with cancer. The cancer was easily treated but it scared me and made me realise things about myself and what I wanted out of life. So I discussed my concerns about kids with him and he agreed the entire time about getting a reversal if we could afford it. So I did all the leg work asking doctors and checking with the military and when those became dead ends he was really quick to give up and just so oh well. That didn't sit with me so I started listing off some options. I thought about invitro but he says that he wont stick around if there is more than one, adoption is def a no go and he no longer wants to save up for the reversal. So I finally ask him if he even wants one and he comes clean and says no. I'm crushed to say the least. His ex wife is not a prize but he gave her three beatiful babies and is raising the one that isn't his. His other daughter he thought was his brothers for six years but stepped right up when he found out she was his but he takes every option away from me. He is great with my son who I have from a past mariage. I even offered to go and to the invitro on my own so he wont have any blood ties to the baby and be like a stepfather to it but that was a no. He says he wont raise another mans baby.....again. We've only been together a year and no I don't want one right now but I don't want to waste time. I don't want to waste time on a relationship that's not going to go anywhere. But I feel that if I end this relationship I wont love another the way I love him. I'm in a lose lose situation. I love his kids but they're not mine and the oldest likes reminding me of it. I love our family but it just feels divided. There's his kids, my son and his exe's son. It hurts to know he is raising another mans baby but doesn't one with me. I feel tricked. Why lie to me from the get go. If he was honest I could of spent the last year fixing myself and finding a man that wanted the things that I do and not tending to a relationship that was started on a lie... If I'm wrong please tell me. 


Name: Stephy | Date: Jul 17th, 2010 10:01 AM
This is such a great site!!! It is kind of comforting to see so many other women struggle with the same issue. I am like many of you....I want another baby. I have 2 daughters (5 and 7) who are perfect. I could not love them anymore. They are the best....and yet I just feel like i need more or have more to give. I always knew that I wanted to be a mom...and when my husband and I got married our magic number was 4. After the first one my husband was happy to be done and just have the one....babies are a lot of work. But I knew that I could not have an only child. So we had another one....they are the best of friends...I envey that, as I never had a sister and the bond is just so strong. Last summer I was pregnant again.....unplanned....and lost the baby at 3 months. Both my husband and I were crushed. Lately I am just feeling that urge again.....must just be biological. My husband askes why I need another and can't just be happy with what I have. I have not awesome answer to give......
Like I said.....it is just nice to know I am not alone. 

Name: Babyblues | Date: Jul 21st, 2010 8:36 PM
I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5. We grew up together and I was always under the assumption that we both wanted the same things in life. We tried for about a year to get pregnant with no luck. I finally made an appointment with a fertility doc. and was told right away that my ovaries didn't function right. I had to undergo multiple tests and eventually started taking clomid. Within within 4 months of taking the medication I ended up pregnant. Our son will be 3 in October!!!! After our sons first birthday we decided to try again. The doctors told me that it would be in my best interest to have children as soon as possible because I would eventually stop responding to the medications. I started on the Clomid again and didn't have any luck, my body had stopped responding. I just recently went to the doctor about 6 months ago and was diagnosed with PCOS. From that point it was recommended that I see another fertility doc. in regards to fertility injections. The morning of my appointment my husband very calmly on the way over informed me that he didn't want to go and didn't really want to have anymore kids. I was crushed. I am only 26 and am not sure what to do. I want my son to grow up with his dad in his life, but don't feel it is fair to me to give up my dreams. 

Name: Kristen | Date: Aug 3rd, 2010 3:51 AM
My husband keeps telling me we can have another baby when our bills are paid off and a bunch of other excuses. I feel he is being really selfish last year I had a miscarriage at 19 weeks along and as I was going in for a dnc he told me when your ready we can try again and now its back to the same ol bs. I feel so much pain in my heart that sometimes I think if hes that selfish maybe I should just move on. But its hard cause I do love him. Any suggestions?? 

Name: catsy101 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2010 6:01 PM
My husband wants a vasectomy as well. And we have three sons. I want a little girl as well. I don't know if our marriage can survive it. And he didn't go and have it done without my permission, and still I think this will end in divorce. Not to mention, the way I feel, if he has it done I don't think I would ever have sex with him again. To me it makes him not even a man. We get our DOGS fixed, and I don't think our HUMANS should be. It sickens me. Last night I had a really bad dream. I dreamt that he had this done, and it was a week later and he wanted sex and I said no. My dream flashed a few weeks ahead and he wanted to sex and I was like no. Flash forward about six months and he was in the process of getting divorce papers because I refused to have sex with him for six months. Yeah, I honestly think that is how I would feel. Like he wasn't even a man anymore. I don't know what to do about it but I guess I will have to talk to him about my feelings on this before it comes to that and see what he says. 

Name: akhil | Date: Aug 21st, 2010 9:21 AM
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 

Name: LeMewLeMew | Date: Sep 7th, 2010 3:04 PM
Did you ever resolve this situation?

I am 30. I have been married to my husband for 3.5 years and we have a beautiful 2 year old little boy. When we married we had agreed that we wanted AT LEAST two children, and possibly three. Just a couple days ago he told me he doesn't want ANY more. He doesn't want the responsibility..he wants to be able to go do things without having to tote a baby around. Let me say this, I HAVE BEEN the one to get up in the middle of the nights with our son, and I have done 80% of the hard work with our son and I am ok with that. My husband has been able to be the "fun parent" who just has to play with him.


I am devastated by this because I had a plan for at least one more. It is causing a strain in our marriage, and I just don't see him as the man I married now because he has changed his whole outlook. I can;t decide what to do. 

Name: Mary | Date: Sep 14th, 2010 3:28 AM
This response is to Shannon. I thought I was reading my own journal when I read your posts! Before my husband & I got married, we've discussed that we would have 2 kids together. Our son is now 7. He would give me the same reasons like your husband - it's not a good time to have another child; we don't have the money; etc. We both work full-time; we can make it work. I don't know how to get over it - that he doesn't want a 2nd child with me when we've discussed it prior to the marriage. It's almost like he gave me false hopes over the years. Its not fair and I do resent him as each day passes. This is something that cannot be negotiated over; although, I am trying. 

Name: bblouie | Date: Sep 19th, 2010 7:49 PM
I have been with my husband for 11yrs and i love him dearly we have 2 wonderful children a girl and a boy so it would seem we are the perfect family but for the past 2 yrs i have wanted another child.i am 30 and hubby is 39.ive tryed to talk to him but hes always just shut me up,this week it has all come out and ive told him just how much i want a baby,its killing me i feel like im in mourning its hurting so much i feel like its stoping me living a day to day life,hes adiment he doesnt want anymore children he has no real reason has to why not other than hes happy with the 2 we have,i wont compramise at all its killing he and he wont even talk to me,im deverstated ive not loved and hated someone so much at the same time,its getting to the point of spliting up i cant help the resent i feel against him like my future happiness is in hes hands and hes so nausty and doesnt care about it,i cant even forget to take the pill cos i have a coil fitted so if i have a mistake he will no theres no way it was a accident,what do i do i feel like this is killing me im not sleeping,hes breaking my heart i want him to leave cos the pain hes causing and i want him to stay cos i love him,i really dont see us lasting which is so very sad for us and our 2 wonderful children please tell me what to do because the pain is so bad i cant win whatever i do ? 

Name: Trina | Date: Sep 22nd, 2010 4:54 AM
I am having a hard time like you. Except iam 36 in Oct and my husband and I have been together for almost 15 years. We have a 7 yr old daughter. After my daughter was born I was diagnosed with diabetes. It took me some time to get to the point where I was healthy enough to try for another child. I have always wanted one. During the time that I was trying to get control over my health. My husband and I started drifting apart we had some issues and sought councelling and are now doing alot better. I found out I was pregnant a year ago but lost the baby shortly after. My husband said he was sad and had been excited to have another child. I really want another baby and recently got up the courage to tell my husband. First he said he wasn't against having one and suggested that we go and see my doctor. She told us I was healthy and should have no problems having a baby. He barely said two words the whole appointment. He says that he is not against it but doesn't want to try right now but wants to think about it. He says that he is turning 40 this year and thinks he is too old for more kids. He keeps on talking about his retirement (He says he wants to retire at 50) He says he is worried about me not being able to work and about babysitters since we don't live near family. I keep trying to reassure him that I would work out whatever issues there seem to be. It is not like I haven't thought about all of those things but I want another baby to love and complete our family. I also told him with regards to babysitters and working that we have 9months and 1 year of maternity leave to find a babysitter and solution to that problem. Really there is no way we can finalize a babysitter at such an early point in this whole thing, Situations change and closer to the time when that would need to be figured out I would take care of it. I feel like I have perservered through all these obstacles and deserve the chance to try for another child. My daughter is always talking about wanting a sibbling. She has only one cousin that she rarely sees as we don't live nearby and his parents are divorced. I want her to have someone in her life when my husband and I are gone. Seeing the trouble we faced a couple years ago and knowing that we could easily have ended up divorced makes me want a baby for her even more. I would hate for her to be all alone when we are gone. I know that having another baby is not going to guarantee that they will be friends forever but I feel better knowing that she would have someone out there in the world. I know that she may very well find a wonderful husband and have kids of her own and not be left alone but that is not guaranteed either. I want her to have a sibbling. I feel like he is hiding something from me like he has another reason for not wanting a baby but won't say. I have tried to talk to him. I don't feel like I have time left to waste waiting for him to contemplate his decision for months and even years. I need an answer from him so that I can move on and decide what to do. Help what would you do? 

Name: jessica | Date: Sep 23rd, 2010 8:22 AM
what should i do if i dnt wanana a babi 

Name: Darian Harris | Date: Sep 27th, 2010 3:45 PM
I feel you should talk the whole situation out and speak at an low calm voice and if he gets loud and ignorant just get up and say well thats that and walk away because there is no reason too get upset about the whole thing!! 

Name: Reality Checks | Date: Sep 29th, 2010 5:35 PM
But...what makes you sure you'll even get a daughter should you have another child? I know a woman who had 2 kids, wanted a daughter, but ended up getting a son. So she's got 3 sons now. I guess the only way to ensure you'll get a daughter the 3rd time out is to have the gender specified in planted fertilization? 

Name: lakshmi | Date: Oct 1st, 2010 12:38 PM
hefjewfkjl 

Name: notseeingeyetoeye | Date: Oct 8th, 2010 6:57 PM
I'm facing much the same issue although I feel somewhat selfish because I have 3 wonderful children but have alway planned on having 4. I have always made that clear never a hidden fact. My husband and I have been together going on 9 years, 5 years married and now that the physical part of our relationship has returned after the birth of our last daughter the question of what to do for birthcontrol in the longrun has come up which brought forward the question of "will we have the 4th" I've still very much want that last baby, last pregnancy and I know I would feel full and complete and ready to be done. To have him spring on me now that he doesn't want anymore or wants to wait a considerable amount of time is very hard to take. If one day he were to "ALLOW" (that is a slap in the face to say) me to have the 4th I so badly want I don't think he understands as a women for me it's much easier and resonable to have all of our kids generally the same distance and be done for good no more baby stuff no more diapers I don't want to start over again after all of our kids are in school and go through the sleepless nights, loss of relationship/sex lif and destruction of my body all over again and I fear when the time comes that we agree upon it will have been so long that he's become comfortable the way things are and will change his mind and say no. I'm not crazy i have a 9 month old I don't want one right now but I just want full upfront honesty from my husband on yes or no to another baby ever and if it's yes than that has to be a promise not a maybe. It hurts a small place in my heart to alway have the does he or doesn't want anymore question in the back of my mind when he won't come out and just spell it out. If were done for sure then the way I move forward from here will be much different career wise and so on if there is hope of another it changes things still I don't think he see and there isn't really a way to show him the women's side. bottom line is for any women ready for children right now or not it is a slap in the face to hear they don't want them with you esspecially if they already knew you expected a certain size family from the day you said I do. I can see why not agreeing on children causes divorce. 

Name: notseeingeyetoeye | Date: Oct 8th, 2010 7:15 PM
I will also add that if he were to say yes to another sometime in the future there would have to be serious discussion on how long I don't think it is fare to me or to that 4th child or my others to have 3 all 2 years aparat who are good friends and play so well and throw in a small baby who will be the outcast or bother not the close buddy and share the same bond the others do I just always saw myself having 4 close and being done. then when they are all grown and gone we are done and can resume our life together while we are still young and able to fully enjoy a new level of freedom. Part of my concern is about the health of my marriage and get through the crazy toddler/babies stuff now and when they are all in school and more able to do things on their own our worlds might come back together too and we can remember that we are a married couple not just two exhausted people working opposite shift to get by who have spent the last 4 years changing diapers. I love my husband I want him back, but I want my children too.I dont want to loose him over my inability to understand his views in children he does have a right but he needed to think about and be honest before we got married not let me go always thinking we would have them the way i imagined. 

Name: @animpasse | Date: Oct 25th, 2010 1:36 PM
I am heartbroken to know that my husband does not want any more children. We have a great son together who is the greatest blessing in my life. We were told we would have to go through fertility treatments in order to get pregnant and got pregnant completely by surprise. hen we found out we were pregnant with my son, we were elated. We talked for the first year about having another baby and we started trying after his first birthday. I went through SOOO many tests to see what direction to go in in order to get pregnant and we even did one cycle of treatment which didn't work. We were upset that it hadn't worked and decided since it was so emotional that we would wait to try again. Now here we are almost a year later and he tells me that he doesn't want any more children. I am CRUSHED!!!! I am so disappointed and hurt. He says that he loves me and our son, but that the little bit of time that he spends with our son when he gets home from work is mentally taxing; another would just be too much for him. I just don't know how to take that. I spend all day with him and yet I do not feel the same way. I didn't say a word to him after his comments yesterday and still haven't. Just too disappointed and so let down by him. Will we ever get passed this, I don't know. We've been married for almost 11 years and our son will be 3 in 5 months. Was my problem that we waited to long to try? Should we have started earlier to have kids? I wish I knew. 

Name: rajib malhotra | Date: Oct 31st, 2010 5:38 PM
how i chat a girl who does not have a demand 

Name: Kelly | Date: Nov 9th, 2010 12:07 AM
Hello

I need a wife to be with. all my contact is in the last page............

Now, I know we have not gotten to really know each other all that long and there is a little bit of an age difference between us, but I do really like you. You are a very special man.

There is so much about you I see that I know most girls don't see. They are all looking at you for your body. But Honey, I am telling you, that is not what I am doing. There is so much more to you than that.

I have liked you for a very long time now but just never had the guts to say it to you. Well, that has all changed now. I am going all out and I am going to say it all. I really care a lot about you, and I would like to be a lot more then just friends. You mean so much to me.

I mean, just seeing your cute little smile when I am having a bad day just makes the day seem not too dim. Or just to have you give me a hug makes me all warm and tingly inside.

Just to see your smiling face brightens my darkest day. So, Kelvin, what do you say, would you like to give it a go??????????????


Love Always,

Kelly +2348052866322
[email protected],
[email protected] 

Name: Mary | Date: Nov 9th, 2010 4:15 PM
I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks on May. I talked to my husband about trying for another one but all he does is get mad at me and ignore me. Other times when i bring up the subject he'll say that I just want to keep him stuck by having a child, which isnt true. Sometimes I just sit and think is he the right man for me? will we be together for long with a nice family? so far we've been having a lot of differences and I just think i cant keep on going with him any longer. 

Name: Rita | Date: Nov 12th, 2010 4:15 PM
I would be happy if I had 2 of any sex, I only have a daughter, and I supported my husband to have a good career for 4 years, and now that he is there, eventhough he had told me and we had agreed on having 2 kids before the marriage, he says he doesnt want to have any more no matter what, I dont want my daughter to be the only child, how could I come over this feeling that I have, (If I couldnt have any more kids that was a different story) but now that I can and I have done so much for my husband and he wont let me have another one that kills me 

Name: Heather | Date: Dec 18th, 2010 6:07 AM
My definition of true love is when someone else's happiness is just as important as your own. Obviously, your husband's happiness is important to you but is the reverse true? This is not something you can take a survey about. No one can tell you how much you either do or don't want a child. I can tell you this with absolute certainty: If you are starting to think about having a baby, that feeling is not going to go away. It will get stronger and stronger as more time goes by. The question you will have to ask yourself is, "If I give up having a child, will I resent my husband for the rest of my life?" If the answer is "Yes," then eventually your marriage will end. On the other hand, if your husband agrees to have a baby, will he resent you for the rest of his life?" Now, you can see why I feel that having or not having children is usually a deal breaker for long term fulfillment in a marriage. This is something that has to be discussed by every couple before marriage. In your case it has to be discussed after the fact. Sometimes two wonderful people are simply not a match for each other. I have seen many men change their minds once they lose the best thing that ever happened to them. This is a decision you and only you can make. - Dr. Ellen

http://www.lightyourfire.com/ma
rriage-counseling-blog/weekly-advic
e/my-husband-doesnt-want-children.h
tm
 

Name: natalie | Date: Dec 26th, 2010 9:47 PM
I have two lovely girls and would really like another baby, not really for a boy, although this would be nice, but i would love to have a big family as i really enjoy meeting with all my cousins etc as i'm from a big family.

My husband is saying defo not as thinks we can't afford for me to be off work as we wouldn't be able to keep the big house we have. It's so hard and am really struggling to see where the compromise is. You either have another or don't, so someone is upset.

I feel you confusion, it's upsetting and realistically we both want different things, but i'm sure i love him and my girls more than the desire to have another baby or split the family up. Although i can't deny i would and prob will always want another! Good luck xx
I guess i need to go with his opinion as i can't bear the thought of bringing a child into this world that he didn't really want. Although I am only 29 and i worry i may look back and regret not having another one day. 

Name: Ashley | Date: Jan 11th, 2011 1:03 AM
How about a husband who promised to have a reversal before you were married since he had a vasectomy after having his 2 children with his first wife (hence the marriage). Then once we are married he says he couldn't handle more kids. I have never been married and don't have any of my own children. I go back and forth about it. I don't want to stay in a relationship if I'm going to feel resentment. What should I do? I even figured out a way for him to have the reversal and he wanted nothing to do with it. I moved from out of state and moved into the house he and his family lived in and live in his life, his world. I don't feel that I have a say in life decisions and what he says goes, pretty much. What I want doesn't matter, at least I feel that way about this situation. 

Name: Lyndsie | Date: Jan 18th, 2011 7:46 PM
So my husband and I are 28 we have been married for 7 years and have 2 beautiful healthy babies one is 7 and one is 4. I want one more but he is unsure and keeps telling me he is happy with the 2 we have. I agree, but I want one more. 

Name: does it matter | Date: Jan 29th, 2011 1:56 AM
it amazes me that you meet a girl have some kids and all is well, but then a a spanner in the works shows anther spawn on its way and its hell on earth... show some responsibility if you dont want it put a condom on it...i have three children all young and i dont take to iit likely..all are loved and never turned away ..I was very young when I had my children and ?Ihave to say I miss them now they have grown...dont tAKE FOR GRANTED AS THE GROW FAST... 

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