|Name: does it matter | Date: Jan 29th, 2011 1:56 AM
|it amazes me that you meet a girl have some kids and all is well, but then a a spanner in the works shows anther spawn on its way and its hell on earth... show some responsibility if you dont want it put a condom on it...i have three children all young and i dont take to iit likely..all are loved and never turned away ..I was very young when I had my children and ?Ihave to say I miss them now they have grown...dont tAKE FOR GRANTED AS THE GROW FAST... ↑
|Name: what should i do | Date: Feb 6th, 2011 6:52 AM
|hi..i just wanna write what i feel and hopefully someone can read this and give me there opinion..i have 3 beautiful children..that i love dearly..but something happen to me that i never thought it would happen..i lost a baby when i was 3 1/2 months pregnant..due to no heart beet:( this makes me very sad and deppress..i cry at nights when my husbands and kids wont hear me..i rally wish and hope to god to get pregnant soon,but my husband dosent want too and that breaks my heart..he tells me no everytime i talk about it and i feel he dosent understand how i feel although hes a very good father and husband..it makes me feel really sad that i want one and he dosent..what should i do..sometimes i feel like aim gonna go crazy cause i wish i had my baby in my arms but i cant:(.he or she would of being born on 1/5/11..and it breaks my heart that i dont have it with me.. ↑
|Name: babyhungry | Date: Apr 9th, 2011 4:15 AM
|I am the same situation as yours, too. I want more kids, at least one more, but my husband doesn't want any more at all. We fight a lot about it. Our marriage life is going down hill. We are going to the marriage counselor next week. My husband is not a family man at all. He comes home at around 12am to 1am when he goes to play game with his friends, but he goes to bed at around 7pm to 9pm, leaving me alone with kids. He watches TV or does computer when kids are around. He gets headache when kids cry or fight. I feel so depressed and mad at him. I truly regret marrying him. He is not a family man at all, and I never notice that before I married. ↑
|Name: Cherry | Date: Apr 11th, 2011 9:53 AM
|I remember reading this thread 2 years ago when I was broody. I can't believe there are so many people in the same situation. Fortunately I talked and begged and pleaded with my husband and we got pregnant, I misacrried, got pregnant a few weeks later and we got our 2nd son! Happy ending right? Part of the deal myself and my husband made when discussing TTC was that I wouldn't want another child. I honestly didn't think I would ever want another, so it surprised me greatly when this broodiness popped up again.
I have 3 children (girl-boy-boy) aged 6, almost 5 and 9m.
And I'm crazy broody. Husband gets angry when it is ttc is mentioned, I know he's wanting a vasectomy but so far hasn't done anything more than talk about it.
He has Crohn's Disease and will shortly be starting new medication (methotrexate and adalimumab) which will mean a mandatory abortion if I were to get pregnant. =(
My thinking is to try and get pregnant before he starts the meds in a few months, but thats not a lot of time to talk to him, convince him and shag like rabbits to get pregnant. He's too careful for 'accidents', or I'd shamefully consider that. He wears a condom and pulls out.
He get's angry when I mention having another baby, or even if I tell him a friend is having/has had another.
Although my last 'situation' ended with a baby....I don't think this one will.
There can be no compromise, either way one of us will be miserable with the decision. It's heartbreaking.
OVERWHELMED - I hope you got your baby hun xx ↑
|Name: Gillian | Date: May 2nd, 2011 11:05 AM
|You are blessed to have two sons, some women can't even have children. You can have a mother daughter relationship with your daughter inlaws. Be happy with what you already have. Your life is not that bad. ↑
|Name: dutch | Date: May 5th, 2011 9:35 AM
|I really feel for you as i would love more children but my husband doesn't want anymore. He has 3 boys from his first marriage and we have a son together, I am sinking and need help. What can i do and where can i go? ↑
|Name: Unbelievable | Date: Jun 25th, 2011 10:40 PM
|Okay, I'm going to give a guys perspective here. My wife and I are in the same boat right now. We have one girl and while my wife wants another, I do not.
I am an active father and I help out with housework, laundry as well as with the baby. I put her down to sleep 6 out of 7 nights a week, feed her, change her and even take her out to friends places on my own.
That being said, I have a very busy work life, socializing is very important to me (I have a core group of friends that I keep in touch with) and I'm in a field where I need to study/train a lot to ensure my employability.
We have a fantastic relationship, amazing chemistry and are quite happy with what we have from a material sense (make good money, have 2 cars, an awesome house).
Okay so that is out of the way and now for my view.
When I met my wife, I married her because I loved and she is still the jewel of my life. I didn't marry her because of her ability to have kids. I know guys who have broken up with their wives because they could not conceive and I think that is a pretty lame excuse. They were obviously just looking for a breeder and mislead the woman into thinking they actually loved them.
As for the woman who have 1-2 kids on here, a happy marriage and a good home - what is it that is lacking so much in your life that you feel will be fulfilled by having a 2nd, 3rd or 4th? Is it worth having another child and losing your husband?
Listen to your husband and to the reasons why he does not want to have another child. I'm a very hands on father and having a second would add a lot of pressure to me. I believe that it will add enough pressure to affect our relationship is a negative way and I don't want to be one of those fathers who check out mentally when he is at home or sit there and think "This is not what I wanted but I'm stuck now".
For the ladies who married their men out of love, try to remember that. Communication is key. For those who think that having an "accident' is a good way to go about it, you better get a good divorce lawyer because once you break that trust, good luck getting it back.
We haven't decided on what we are going to do yet. We realize that there is no real compromise. Waiting 2-3 years is not option due to our ages either.
Someone said, that sometimes you make the best of a situation. If you really think you will resent your husband for the rest of your life because he does not want another child, then maybe you shouldn't have married him. Try to enjoy what you have right now because something tells me you are going to poison the well at some point because you can't be happy with what you have. ↑
|Name: Unbelievable | Date: Jun 25th, 2011 10:45 PM
|Oh just to follow up, I know some of you say that "if you loved your wife as much as you say you did, you would give her that other child".
Falling on the sword has never been a good idea for long term happiness. Sure she will be happy but you will resent her. We talked about having 2-3 kids going into marriage which makes it tough because I know that I'm in the "wrong" here but after having our first, we talked and thought about it for over a year. I'm pretty self-aware and have no problem admitting if I'm wrong. I know my faults and I work to fix them. That being said, I know my limitations and I know that having another child is a bad idea for me. I know it will affect my relationship with my wife in a bad way and I am scared because I feel that I'm in a "screwed if I do and screwed if I don't" situation. Not easy people.
To the OP, your husband scheduling a vasectomy without consulting you was a no-no. Communication from both sides is important. I'm pretty sure my wife and I are going to go get counseling on this as it has put our lives in limbo for the past 6 months and it's not doing us any good.
Good luck people... ↑
|Name: bblouie | Date: Sep 14th, 2011 9:09 PM
|still here,still waiting hopeing and hurting,theres always another reason another excuse some ppl never change they just find new ways to lie!...so unhappy and he knows how poorly its making me and he doesnt care whatever i say he doesnt listen and i dont belive a wird he says ive been waiting over 3 yrs hes got my happinessin hes hands what a hold he has over metheres nothing i can do i would never lie to him or do something behind hes back so i just have to put up but omg the pain is killing me ↑
|Name: bblouie | Date: Oct 7th, 2011 9:07 PM
|so unhappy so sad,dont know how he can do this to me,anti depressants dont work i wake up in the night cos of dreams,its making me sick.i try so hard to carry on as normal,feel so lonely and sad ↑
|Name: A Man | Date: Oct 31st, 2011 7:17 PM
|My wife and I have been married for 8 years. We have two sons, one who is 7 and the other is 17 months.
I was happy with our family of three, before we adopted our youngest son. My wife wasn't happy with our family, not at all. She would cry nearly every night, and we could never go out because she would see a prego woman or a baby and I knew that the next few days were going to be hell. It was the worst few years of my (and my wife's I bet) life.
It went on like this for years and I gave in and said OK, we can have another baby. Not because I wanted one but because I wanted to keep my family together and it wasn't going to happen if we didn't expand our family.
We talked before we went ahead (we adopted our youngest) and I said I'm doing this for you, for us, and I DO not want more kids. I told her that I would be VERY upset if she ever asked for something like this from me ever again.
At the time I really thought she would be okay with it. She always said she just wanted to be able to say 'my kids' or answer somebody when they said 'do you have kids' she could say YEP. I was so stupid.
Well surprise surprise, my youngest (that I love dearly btw) is not even two and here she is with baby fever again. I don't know what I'm going to do, we are not even 30 years old. If this keeps up she won't want to stop until she is well into her 40's or older!
After reading this forum it is clear to me that this need will never go away, and thus I will never be happy. I cannot live with her when she is like this, she desires kids so much it ruins our lives.
As of now it appears that I'm going to take my sons and leave my wife.
I don't want this, it will kill me to do it but at least she can be happy with all of the babies that she has always wanted.
I won't be happy without her, but I won't be happy with her either. I don't want my sons to be around her and think that this is normal or that they are not good enough to satisfy their mom. ↑
|Name: TX | Date: Nov 12th, 2011 2:43 PM
|I am a husband of 2 boys and 30 years old. Been married for almost 5 years. Typical situation: wife wants another baby (girl of course), while I don't.
Ever since my wife found out I don't want another child our sex life has stopped, we have had more drag-out fights than I can remember, and we've even spent a few nights apart. Very shakey. The way I see it is this: on the nights when she's left, she always takes the kids because they are "hers" and she believes that children are somehow owned by their mothers. So I ask you this, ladies: why would you expect a man to want more kids with you when you say they are "yours", when your husband would lose primary custody of them, when your husband is the one who is financially responsible for them, when he has to deal with knowing he's married to a woman who values kids more than him, when modern society basically forces men to not only be breadwinners but also take on at least 1/2 of all home responsibilities, when a man can't get a vasectomy without his wife's signature EVEN THOUGH a wife can abort a child without her husband's signature, and lastly...when husbands are blamed for all marital problems and are always the "bad guy"?
Maybe if men lived in a society where they were respected as head of household and had THEIR needs met, they would be eager and willing to have more children. ↑
|Name: ashu | Date: Jan 16th, 2012 7:58 AM
|hello i dnt want any more child plz sugest me ↑
|Name: Nat | Date: May 9th, 2012 12:34 AM
|The husband can do what he wants, if that doesn't work for the wife then leave her. In my case we never had kids ( what a drag). I just refused to have sex with my wife. Then I also had a vasectomy. We have been married 45 years and only had sex once on our wedding night. As soon as kids were mentioned I gave up sex. ↑
|Name: Marie | Date: Sep 11th, 2012 4:04 PM
|I'm in the same situation. But I'm engaged and stuck. My fiance already has two children and my dream is to have a child myself. We don't have his kids full time and I do love them dearly. But I want to experience being a parent first hand. But he refuses and says he will never have another child. So, now we are on the fense of even getting married at all. I need advice badly! I love him soo much but I'm scared that I am dreaming up a fairy tale that will never be possible. ↑
|Name: mahsa | Date: Oct 20th, 2012 5:04 AM
|you are lucky. now read mine. i'm 42 and i have 6 year boy. i wanted one more from 3 year ago but my husband didn't agree with me( he is 52) and i tallk with him several times but he alwaysemphsize on his age. having a brother or sister is a dream for my son and i know he is alone as he rqueste another one. Now, i'm disapointed because my age is over to pregnancy. I'm thinking about another baby and i can't control my tears. i don't think about boy or girl, i just one more untill my son have one talk when we get old. if you have 2 no difference boy or girl it is depend on how you train your child. ↑
|Name: Sarah | Date: Apr 10th, 2013 10:22 PM
|We have 2 boys 3yr and 8 months and no matter what people say on here the yearning and desperately wanting a 3rd baby whether it be a girl or boy is absolutely unbearable if your partner/husband doesn't feel the same especially in my case where he's made me believe that a 3rd baby is likely and that he too would have loved a daughter , I feel betrayed and hurt and awful to say this but I know I have to respect his decision but I have told him I would have to leave him as deep down I would resent him for the rest of my life and couldn't be in a relationship like that even if I was to stay on his terms. I live my babies more than anything and nothing will take that away but if I never was able to have another baby and he took that chance away from me I don't believe I'd forgive him :( feel like I can't talk to anyone about this and I would be happy whatever sex the baby was I'm just close to my mum and do worry my boys won't want to know me wen there older, I see my mum every other day.im soo upset at the thought of being a single mum alone but feel so strongly that there's no other option :(( ↑
|Name: Happy2bewith2 | Date: Apr 21st, 2013 4:23 PM
|I know this is an old thread but I see people keep writing to it. I just wonder what happened to the marriages I was reading about? What happened to the ladies who wanted more children? I am married now for almost 12 years and we agreed to 2 children right from the beginning. There was no change of our minds with this. I am perfectly happy with 2 kids and I am glad we agreed to that right from the start. If you and your husband made a decision years ago to only have one or two or three children, why change your mind later and expect him to be okay with it? If I had changed my mind, I would have totally understood if my husband didn't want to have more. If you make an agreement during a marriage, you should stick with it or be prepared to face the consequences. I think it's SO important to agree with these things. HOWEVER, if your husband told you that he wanted 1 or 2 kids and then told you he didn't want ANY KIDS at all then I would consider that a total betrayal! ↑
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|Name: Chylene | Date: Jan 27th, 2014 9:38 PM
|I have been bring up havering anothe baby with my husband for the past three and half years . Well up untill a few months ago he would just say I don't know or maybe, now it's just no. At that moment he said no I thought my heart had fallin out of my chest . We do have a perfect little girl together but I would love for her to have a sibling . Now before we had our daughter we were pregnant and had a miscarriage and that killed me . Also when our daughter was born he couldn't be there do to his job in the military . So should I just give up on having another baby or do I try and convince him. Maybe go off my birth control and not say anything. I don't know what to doI really want one more baby. I don't want to lie to him but I really want this but I don't like the idea of maybe have to decive him. What do I do? ↑