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Name: Netty | Date: Sep 27th, 2007 5:44 PM
I knoew this had happened to others, but so many of you. We'd moved abroad for the dreamlife. before everything was wonderful, I was recovering from breast cancer and he truly loved me. 2.5 years on and after 23 years together, he says he no longer loves me and wants to separate. He said he's been feelin like this for several months, but has been masking his feelings by blaming it on the stress of building the house. As with another before me, it does coincide with our only neighnour separating from her husband. I truly don't think there is anything going on, but by separating from me it opens up the possibility. I'm just 40 and feel like my life is ending 

Name: Evelyn | Date: Sep 28th, 2007 2:52 AM
I have been married 17 years and we have 4 children, my husband and I have been separated for 6 1/2 weeks now. He just told me the other day that he wants a divorce and that he no longer loves me. What I don't understand is that 6 weeks ago we went to counseling together and the counslor asked if he still loved me and he said yes and she asked how did he know that and he said because he felt it and now he doesn't love me? It doesn't make any sense to me. I feel like my life is ending and I don't want to get a divorce, I feel like he is only thinking about himself and not our family. He claims that he has been unhappy for about 5 years but he never showed it and always was loving towards me, hugging me and kissing me. Nothing makes any sense to me and I hate how he has changed. I tell him he can fall in love with me again but he does not believe me. It is very hard and I am on an emotional rollercoaster, I just can't wait to be over him. 

Name: mike | Date: Oct 4th, 2007 10:23 AM
you need to make yourself happy.I been going through the same thing. 

Name: autumn_leaves | Date: Oct 11th, 2007 4:24 PM
Take pride in who you are, a human being deserving of love and respect. Dump the jerk and find someone who deserves you because he sure doesn't. I know that's hard to swallow, but continuing on with him in this situation will bring hell in your life (this happened to me). The hurt, resentment, distrust, the fighting in front of your daughters, the stress, physical and mental toll on your body will affect your daughters more than a divorce. Sometimes it's better when parents aren't together. If he says he hasn't loved you for 3 years, who does he think he is to use you as a crutch!!!!!! Take pride, believe in yourself and make your own way, you can do it, and you'll feel better about yourself when you demand more for yourself. God Bless and good luck to you. YOU CAN DO IT 

Name: jocobadger | Date: Oct 15th, 2007 2:48 AM
My situation is alittle different. My wife of 19 yrs told me 6 weeks ago that she hasn't loved me for years. Said she had been faking sex and figured if she had sex with me once a week for the next 12 yrs that would keep me happy. Our kids would be out of school by then. Our youngest started kindergaten at the end of Aug and she met a stay at home dad whom she began "talking" to. 12 days later she asks for a divorce. The first person she calls is this guy. She says he is just "a friend" - someone she can talk to. She has taken off her rings, thrown away my old love notes and cards and now is listening to hip hop music about telling your lover to take a hike. She is 44 and we have 3 beautiful boys. She says she is "done" but she hasn't even tried to repair our marriage. She also is broadcasting to everyone that we are getting a divorce. We are going to counseling but she calls it divorce counseling. Anyone with any advice? [email protected] 

Name: shashi | Date: Oct 15th, 2007 8:05 PM
I've read all these posts dating back to 2005 from women who are going (have gone) through what I'm experiencing now. How sad that this situation is more common that not. Why does this happen? I've been married for 7.5 years and have a 3 month old son. My husband wants to separate and says exactly what other husband's have told their wives...he loves me but is not in love with me. Did they get this from some handbook or something?
Sad, frustrated and coming to the conclusion that maybe it's time to move on. We have a counseling session coming up. Maybe it will help shed some light for us and come to the conclusion that we are not meant for each other. I really hope we can work things out as I love him. 

Name: patty | Date: Oct 16th, 2007 1:09 AM
I am sorry to say this especially with all the pain on this post, but normally when one suddenly decides they want out its because someone else is invovled. BUT! that does not mean that the relationship cannot be repaired. 

Name: shashi | Date: Oct 17th, 2007 1:45 AM
Is my husband seeing someone else?! Well, I think it's called emotional infidelity. He started talking to a co-worker about us and one thing lead to another. He hasn't gotten physical with her but I believe he has grown fond of her. Once I found out about this relationship, I confronted him and asked him to stop. He understood what I was saying and told me he would stop confiding in her and any other people outside our marriage.

Believe it or not, we have been talking quite a bit about everything. It's sad that it takes so much to have him open up but I believe the doors are now open. The question is whether or not we can mend what has been broken for a while.

My hope and wish is that we can rekindle the lost love. 

Name: Dina | Date: Oct 23rd, 2007 5:10 AM
Hi there , I am incredibly confused and depressed. My husband told me that he doesnt want to be married anymore 2 weeks before our 18th wedding anniversary. I am devasted! I have a very confused little boy he doesnt understand why "Mommy and Daddy are Broken". I have been a stay at home mom for 2 years, have no source of income other than his good graces and feel as the the world has litterally fallen out from under me. Its so hard being strong and telling my little boy that we are still a family , just a different kind of family, one with two houses instead of just one. It has been 3 weeks and I still feel as though I am walking in a nightmare. I have managed to get a part-time job that will hopefully work into more. I want to start school sometime in the future so that I can provide a good home for my son. I just dont understand how he could tell me he loves our family more than anything in the world and the next week rip it to shreds. He refuses counseling and has actually told me that he is much less stressed now and feels a vast sense of relief! Who is this person I have spent over half my life with??? Its as though some monster has come and taken his place! How can a man change from a sweet caring loving father and husband to an unemotional cold uncaring Creep over night??And how have all you wonderful people been dealing with this.. because I feel as though my world has ended. 

Name: Gail | Date: Oct 23rd, 2007 5:20 AM
Wow Dina; I just read your post ... my husband of 10 years walked out on me as well 3 weeks ago. He said he "wasn't happy" and he just walked out. There had been no fighting ... I had no idea that anything was going on ... it's been a shocker. He has called me practically every day to say that he is coming back home but always finds an excuse not to. I know exactly how you feel because I feel the rug has been pulled from under my feet. It is such a shock to have him just say anything (no matter how hurtful) to me and to just obviously not care about me anymore. I don't know how anyone can deal with this kind of betrayal. It is not something that I would wish on anyone. I have my good days and my bad days ... today was a bad day; but I have good friends who can talk me through the bad days. Fill your life with activities and other people ... soon the pain will go away and you will see these men as the total jerks that they truly are. I'm waiting for my day ... I'm sure some of the earlier posters can attest to the fact that now it's not so bad. Time does heal all wounds; God does not put more on you then you can bear; and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I know you have heard them all before ... but they are true. 

Name: Dina | Date: Oct 23rd, 2007 2:14 PM
Hi there Gail, I am so sorry to hear about your marriage. I guess there really are people out there who know exactly what I am going through. It helps to know that there are others who are making it day by day through the same thing. I am totally with you on the good days and bad days part. Today is a little bit of both, however I am trying my best to be on the positive side. Take care and Thanks so much for the wonderful words of encouragement! 

Name: Gail | Date: Oct 23rd, 2007 6:48 PM
Dina, I have heard about this sort of thing happening to "other" women but never in one million years would I have thought this would be my case. I think I'm a good person; I'm a hard worker; I take care of my home; so I have to keep asking myself over and over again what did I do to deserve this from someone who I thought cared something for me. I mean the way he has treated me since this has happened, I would not do to a enemy. He has said some of the most hurtful things to me that he can imagine. He acts like he hates me. Yesterday while he was berating me for the fool that I was for trying to convince him to come back to his family I started crying hysterically. And he just hung up the phone in the middle of the conversation. No "are you ok?" , no "can I comfort you?"; I swear it was the coldest move that anyone has ever done toward me and I AM IN SHOCK that he would treat me this way. Time heals all wounds ... COME ON TIME cause I need healing. For me I don't think it's the fact that I love him so much that I just have to have him back ... for me it's the fact that I lived and slept with someone for 10 years that CARED NOTHING about me. Wow ... unbelievable. I do believe however that healing comes in talking about it with someone. This is really humiliating for me to write here. But it also might help someone to understand the pain that they are feeling right now as well. If you or anyone else would like to talk to me about this I can be emailed at "[email protected]". Perhaps we can do a chat in yahoo or something. Anything to just get through these sleepless nights ... 3 weeks ... I thought I would be past this by now. 

Name: DINA | Date: Oct 24th, 2007 6:14 PM
Gail, I am so sorry ! I can totally relate it has been over 3 weeks for me also and I feel the same way. I just keep asking myself, how could I have missed this?? How could this person have been living with me for 18 years and hidden this cold uncaring part of himself from me. I hurt for you Gail and I know exactly what you are going through. I had to get nerve pills from the doctor for the first time in my life. I have also been put on antidepressants. I feel lost ... however you are right, it helps just to know you are out there and we can talk about it. My email address is [email protected] write me and we can message if you want too... these sleepless nights are wearing on me too.
Talk to you soon, and take care... D 

Name: Vsanders | Date: Oct 25th, 2007 10:48 PM
I am going thru the same thing my husband and I have been together for ten years, married for going on four and recently he told me that he wasnt happy in our marriage and he is seeking god. so now he is had been gone for 2 weeks. He says he hasn't benn happy in a year that is a bunch of bull though because we purchased our home a year ago this month. Why would someine who is not happy with someone else get in to such a big financial responsability? I think he is intrested in somebody at his church. and is using god as an excuse if you have to get right with god why move out 

Name: Dina | Date: Oct 26th, 2007 6:08 PM
Girls I know exactly where you are coming from. As for you Wendy , I have known alot of couple who go through the same thing after having a baby. My husband and I did too. SIZE 3??
Honey you could be a model. Tell him that he needs to exercise with you if he wants you to get toned up. that usually shuts them right up. Many Men feel like their wives pay more attention to the baby then to them soon after becoming parents. Hang in there. Things will get better!!! LOL 2 months after having my little boy, I came out with a low cut shirt on to entice my husband.... I walked out of the bedroom and said "What do you think about this?" He looked straight at my chest .. and in a bored droll voice said "Our Sons Lunch"! I swear to you I could have killed him! It really does get better ! Hang in there Ladies women go through this everyday! We can handle it!!

Name: Gail | Date: Oct 27th, 2007 9:11 PM
Here's a "twist" to the abandonment story. My hubby came back home 2 days ago. The same night he came home I received a call from the other woman that he had left me for. She told everything but u know what ... she wasn't talking when she had stole my hubby. We are trying to work through this ... wish me luck ... this is still so hard and I'm sure this is not the end of the story. 

Name: Amy | Date: Oct 28th, 2007 7:01 PM
My husband just left me too for the same reason. (Beginning of August) Our son just turned 1, and he left me saying our marriage has been dissolved for years but actually he was seeing someone else. He is seeing someone i sort of suspected for awhile i could never prove it because he was working for her parents building their log home. I think something happened between the two of them because he wants me back now (i think).when he left i lost my home, my car was repoed, moved in with my parents who are disabled, and i dont have any money unless he gives me some, and he wants me to call on some rentals he found in the paper so we have a place to live ...just reading what happened to you and i can relate and its hard for me to decide what i should do because i am so stuck. I love him but i have been lied to so much in the past mostly to do with him keeping in touch with his ex and this been going on our whole 6 year marriage. I want to go with another try but again I dont want the deception . 

Name: Dina | Date: Oct 28th, 2007 8:09 PM
Hi Amy! The ball is completely in your court. Can you trust him?? If you feel you can then so be it. If not perhaps you should put a hold on the relationship till you both work through the trust issues. Imagine having to go through what you went through the first time.. TWICE. Decide if you can handle it.. And then make a flying leap into the unknown!! It sucks .. however we all have to have faith in some shape or form. Question is do you have faith in yourself or him?? Or both??
My days are going by so slowly now... life is dragging and I am finding myself just really tired today. Tired of the lies of the estrangement.. of trying to be nice whenever I see him.
Gail you hang in there and do the best that you can do!

Name: Gail | Date: Oct 29th, 2007 1:09 AM
You guys are such a inspiration to me. Thank you so much for being there for me during a time when I thought I just was not going to make it to the next day. The sleepless nights ... the crying ... the wondering who he was with and where he was at ... it's torture. Thank u so much for being there and for understanding my pain. The rest of my story however is still to be told. 

Name: DINA | Date: Oct 29th, 2007 2:25 PM
Thank you Gail for helping the rest of us! This is so much better than therapy and Costs alot less too!! ( 8
Today my husband called and said he wants to talk to me about money. It worries me. Simply because I havent found a full time job yet, and I am trying to support my son! My husband is covering all the expenses right now but if he withdraws monetary support before I find a full time job I am in serious trouble. I am so stressed! How am I ever going to find the strength to raise our son alone and support him?? My head says "YOU CAN DO IT!".......... My heart says "How can you do it without him?" How do I manage the holidays??? How do I get through them?? I really hate this!!!
Okay time to buck up and go to work !! See you guys later! Hope your day starts better than mine!

Name: dina | Date: Oct 29th, 2007 7:13 PM

Name: Gail | Date: Oct 29th, 2007 10:24 PM
That was my biggest fear ... how am I going to make it financially. But again I have to say that God will make a way for you to have all your needs ... maybe not all your wants ... but you will have what you need to survive for you and your son. I am praying for you that he comes to his senses and you guys can get back together. It is so unfair for men to stay and get someone used to a certain way of living and then to have that pulled out from under you. What I have learned from this experience is to make sure that I am not overextended. To put myself in a position where I can still take care of myself even after he is gone. I am working on that now. It will be okay Dina .... you sound better already. 

Name: Dina | Date: Nov 6th, 2007 3:56 AM
Okay now I am seriously pissed! My husband told me a few days ago that he was sleeping around with a 19 YEAR OLD when he left my son and I... Okay major shock when he dropped that bomb... then HE tells me that 3 weeks later he is sleeping with NOT 1.......... NOT 2............... but 3 different people!!!! Now I ask you ladies???? HOW WRONG is that?? We have been married for 18 YEARS and he is sleeping with someone young enough to be our daughter!!! I am swinging back and forth between utter and complete RAGE and unbelievable heartbreak!! And he still wants to be friends!!! Its so hard to put your children first sometimes ... I cant kick his sorry ass out of my life ... because my son adores him!! And yet he comes over and acts as though nothing is wrong and everything is normal?? Its just feels like something out of a really bad Book! And the fricken book is my life!! Okay I am so angry and have no where to vent it!! Hope you guys are doing better than me!!! 

Name: Gail | Date: Nov 6th, 2007 3:32 PM
Dina, I know exactly what you are going through. AFTER I let my husband move back in I found out that he had left me in the 1st place for someone 10 years younger then him and 18 years younger then me!!! I mean I have heard of this happening ... don't get me wrong but what is this "out with the old; in with the new" bullcrap? What happened to the idea that marriage is for life and not until you find someone younger and better looking? My husband was able to just walk away from me after 10 years of marriage for someone that he knew only 3 weeks. And I am still reeling from the shock of all this. He did come back home but I can never trust him not to do the same thing again. The "little girl" called me the night he came back home and told me everything. But now she has reverted to sending me emails that say "he's with me but she's where he wants to be". I am not a bad looking woman for 45. I can hold my own to any woman I feel. But why should I have to? Why should I have to "be better, cook better, do anything better" then anyone else just to keep someone who promised they would be with me for life? This action has made me question whether or not I will even want another relationship again after this one ends (because let's face it ... it's going to end).

So sorry to always be on my story and my feelings Dina ... I just wanted you to know ... I understand EXACTLY what you are going through. And at this point I honestly do not have the answers for you. Just know that he will get his just desserts because you did not deserve this and he is going to wish he had stayed with you in the end. 

Name: Dina | Date: Nov 7th, 2007 5:07 AM
Oh Gail ! That is horrible!! To have to deal with the other woman! Its so unfair! The cheater screws up and you end up having to deal with his mistakes emotionally and verbally! Its so wrong!! You dont owe this girl any explanations and if anything he is the one that should provide closure NOT you!!! You are the Victim!!
Gail how can it seem like life is okay one moment and insane the next?? My husband came over tonight and visited for awhile. During the conversation he told me that he had basically been cheating on me for a VERY long time with numerous partners. He said that the times he was most laid back and happy at home were the times he was cheating!! I am trying so damn hard to keep this civil for my son and to try and remain on equal balanced terms so that we can all get through this with as little trauma as possible, However it seems like I am the one who is suffering from his mistakes and he is the one living the high life.
Its as though he really doesnt care. I am just in complete shock!
Do they stop caring when they get caught???
Well Gail I hope this all works out for you!! I know how you feel! If you ever need to vent drop me a line!
take care.

Name: Gail | Date: Nov 7th, 2007 11:33 AM
Again Dina you are correct when you said that they go and do the crime and we are the ones who suffer for it. My husband and your husband must be brothers because he has done this terrible thing and if I could close my eyes and blink away the 3 weeks he was gone I would never know any of this had happened because he has come back acting like he has done nothing wrong at all. And he even has the nerve to get mad and say he doesn't want to talk about it if I try to talk to him to get some kind of sense out of this situation.. I do not know what your husband's problem is. Why confess hurtful things now? It is just cruel but believe it or not it will be the healing balm you will need to truly get over him. If I had known that my husband was living with a woman before he came back I would not have let him come back. When he leaves the next time he might as well leave to stay with a woman because that is what I am going to go on. As I told you earlier, my plan is to pay as much as I can while he is here; that is my focus cause I have to plan for my future without his help.

Since your husband is being such a ass about "tormenting" you about his bad deeds during your marriage why don't you ask him to pick your son up and take him away for his visits? As long as he is able to come and go in your house as he pleases and sees that you aren't seeing anyone it gives him a sense of still having power over you. He truly thinks you are sitting there waiting for him to return.

Dina; start getting out; start doing things; make new friends; your husband (and mine) are kin to the devil. Let him travel on his merry way because believe me ... God will have the final word on their deeds. 

Name: Devestated | Date: Nov 7th, 2007 3:36 PM
My husband is demanding a divorce and also told me he has been having an affair with a women he cares for for about 2 months. He also told me he hasn't loved me for most of our 18 year marriage. I don't know how to process all this information. He has already made the journey through his decision, but I am left hanging with no clue what to do. Any advice? 

Name: DINA | Date: Nov 7th, 2007 3:54 PM
You are so right Gail!! I will tell him no more visiting here and no more walking in unannounced. I dont think I could make it through this without having had you to talk to.. there are just some things that cant be said to family or friends.. its so great to know that you are there and that I am not alone.. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Gail!!
Devastated..... You can do this!! Read through all the previous forums and it will help you to know that you are not alone in all this.. Gail and I went through very similar experiences a little over a month ago.. We know exactly how you feel.. Losing a marriage truly is like grieving a death.. it will take a long time to make sense of all of it...we are still trying... however day by day you will get better... and stronger and see that everything happens for a reason. If you need anything please dont hesitate to email me... Take care...

Name: Gail | Date: Nov 7th, 2007 5:32 PM
When this first happened to me I got on line and did a search and came up with this forum in regards to abandonment in marriage. There are not too many avenues to go for help regarding this subject and I agree Dina, sitting talking to a counselor wasn't going to do it for me. But it has helped having someone to talk to who has went through the same thing as I have. I felt at the time that I had to be the only woman in the world whose husband would treat her like this. I was wrong. It seems this is something that is happening everyday ... but it must be something that is not widely talked about. One of our little dark secrets that society knows about but does not want to discuss.

It is painful; there is a lot of grief and there should be help available for us but nothing is there but us in the middle of the night.

Dina, I am here for you to talk to you anytime you need me. Talking to you helped me a lot as well and I am very appreciative of that because as you said; you can only tell your family so much. In fact my family has no idea that he actually had left for another woman. I could not endure the shame of telling them that. Not at this time anyway. It's all been 2 much to bear.

Just hold on. If you need to talk anytime email me at my yahoo address and I will give you my number. You are not alone. I feel your pain because I've been through your pain. But every dog has his day. Just remember that. 

Name: DINA | Date: Nov 13th, 2007 1:22 PM
Thanks so much for your support Gail! I will take you up on the offer someday soon! Take care and if you ever need to vent just give me a yell.
I keep telling myself that I have to BELIEVE that all will be well.
I am starting back to school in the spring. Working out at the gym an hour every day-Mon-Fri....and using the word BELIEVE as my personal Motto! I Believe I can get through this! I Believe in myself and my God given Right to be happy! I Believe that one year from now things will not be so hard. I Believe in myself Gail! And I will make it through just like countless other broken hearted women in the world. I Believe that I will be stronger because of this!! I know I will!!
Thanks for everything Gail!

Name: my3kidsnhusband | Date: Nov 15th, 2007 1:39 AM
Girl I know it's a shocker, But always remember that God Loves you. All that I can tell you to do is pray to God and let him lead the way. You can email me @[email protected] 

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